Dinah Chong Watkins
The Accidental Single Parent
Are you or your spouse an elite member of an airline loyalty program? Got there due to the thousands of miles spent aboard a plane? If so, the person left at home probably inhabits the role of the Accidental Single Parent (ASP).
As a working expat, frequent and extended travel is a necessity rather than an option. With cookie-cutter hotel rooms, the necessity of living out of a suitcase, and choppy Skype calls to the family, it’s a relief to just get back and relax. But often, re-entry means a turbulent landing.
So Close, Yet So Far Apart
Janice and Tao Kai moved to Beijing when Tao Kai’s father fell ill. At first, they would share in the nursing duties, but once Tao Kai was promoted to deputy manager, he spent more and more time at the office or traveling overseas, leaving Janice to care for her father-in-law alone. On the weekends when Tao Kai was home, he would take his father out to the park to give Janice a much needed break. He never invited her to come along, but she was happy to use the time unconstrained to do chores or see friends. Although they were physically together, they were virtually independent of each other, pursuing separate interests and activities. After Tao Kai’s father passed away, the couple had even less of a common bond and conversations became stilted and superficial. Janice wanted to return to the US, but Tao Kai was given another promotion. Although she didn’t want to give her husband an ultimatum, Janice decided to return to the US and see if he would go back with her. He didn’t.
Your Cheating Heart
It usually happens when I’m traveling alone – on the plane, in the hotel elevator, waiting on my eggs at the breakfast buffet. It’s flattering, but inside, I feel like clocking them on the back of the head. They smile, strike up quick conversations, ever ready to laugh at my mediocre comebacks. I can tell they’re married; the ring, the pressed shirt, the look in their eyes – reckless, and on a timetable.
The Third Wheel: Mother-in-Law versus Wife
There are few things more insidious to a relationship than a third wheel. That doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic party (although that tops the relationship killer category). A third person in a relationship triangle can be a child, sibling or even a best friend.
Relationship triangles are not only an on-going test of loyalty and allegiance but also serve to cover up and distract the primary partners from the underlying problems between them.
Take for example, Dan and Mei Li. When they were shopping for homes, Dan's mother suggested a new apartment complex near her place. Even though it was smaller and more expensive than what she wanted, Mei Li, being a newly-wed, didn't want to make waves and went along with it. Soon her mother-in-law was dropping by daily, giving advice on how to take care of the home and even staying late to cook meals.
When Good Husbands Go Bad
It was not until dessert that I noticed. That distinctive gray crew cut, the broad cut of his shoulders - our friend Bill was sitting at the opposite side of the restaurant. But the second my husband and I turned our heads towards him, I regretted not going to our usual haunt.
With a smile, Bill reached across the table, took his dining partner's hand and kissed it. Unfortunately that hand didn't belong to his wife (and my good friend) Elaine. I looked down at my crème brulee, fury rising up from my gut, but before I could stomp over to Bill's table and make a scene, my husband stopped me. His advice? Confrontation wasn't the best or most constructive course of action. We quickly finished our desserts and slipped out unseen. On the way home, my anger turned to worry (and later guilt) over how to tell my friend about her husband's infidelity.
Sanlitun Teens
It's Friday evening, and your 14-year-old daughter knocks on your door. She cautiously walks in and looks up at you with soft, doleful eyes. With a quiet reserve she asks for your permission to see a late film screening at Sanlitun Village. A few suspicions dance in your head, but wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt you tell her to come straight home when the movie ends. She gives you a big hug, all the while inwardly screaming in delight with the anticipation of a wild night out on the bar street.
And Baby Makes Three (Or Four...)
Fifteen years ago, having a baby in Beijing wasn't an option for most expat moms. Now, with a range of world-class facilities and professionals, moms-to-be can expect family-friendly private rooms, longer stays and midwife support. But navigating the system still involves some trial and error, which is why beijingkids is here to walk you through one of the most important times in your life.
In the Beginning: Conception
As a general rule, couples should start planning for a baby long before they actually conceive. First things first: Does your insurance provider cover you and at which hospitals? Once you're up to speed with your health insurance coverage, you can move on to the fun stuff.
