Parenting
Sleeping Problems
When visiting friends who also have young children, I am often moved beyond words when 7pm rolls around and it’s time for their toddlers to march off to bed – their little eyelids are so heavy that they practically fall asleep before even nuzzling up to their pillows. Such peaceful angels. Such deep sleep. Such quiet evenings for the parents. It’s enough to make me punch my friends.
Not that it’s their fault. While playing with their kid’s toys, my little Reina waves and bids them goodnight, secure in the knowledge that she has all of her cognitive faculties about her. She is ready for a full evening of games, activities and fun that need not stop for hours. Reina does not subscribe to the belief that parents require or somehow deserve quiet evenings. She’s a night owl.
Normally, this does not bother me much. When my wife, Savvy, gets home from work, she enjoys spending time with Reina and getting her ready for bed. It is their ritual bonding time of sacred acts, such as the brushing of teeth and the reading of books.
Brave Acts
In my teens I was very shy. Standing on the threshold of the “grown- up world,” many things seemed to present insuperable barriers to entry. Getting on a plane by myself, going to the doctor alone (never mind the dentist), cooking a roast dinner for friends - I couldn’t conceive of a time when I would feel comfortable accomplishing even such minor tasks.
I dubbed these terrifying activities “Brave Acts” and strove diligently - if slowly and painfully - to master them. Such was their number that over the years the phrase Brave Acts (always spoken capitalized) became embedded into our family’s vocabulary.
It wasn’t just me who suffered in this way. My brother Chris, sandwiched between two sisters and suffering from classic middle child syndrome, spray-painted his bedroom wallpaper with reinforcing, shiny silver messages: “The Amazing C Cooper,” “DON’T PANIC!” and other wise extracts from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Baby Number Two
When Toni Ma reached the age of 33, she knew it was time to start planning for her second child. Already a mother to Eloise (2), Ma would have had another child sooner if not for the pressure of her full-time job. “For me, having a second kid was always the plan,” she said. Her first pregnancy had been relatively easy – Ma conceived in a month, didn’t worry about her health, and worked all the way up to her due date. This time around, Ma is taking control of her health. She claims that if she knew then what she knows now, she would have never been so casual about her first pregnancy. With some help from her physician at Beijing United Family Hospitals (BJU), Ma got a comprehensive health check and the low-down about the second time around. Everyone Has an Opinion
According to Dr. Warren Brooks, an obstetrician and gynecologist at BJU, the most common mistake potential second-time moms make is listening to untrained people who have little knowledge about the subject but share big opinions.
Beijing Bad Moms
Usually when moms gather together, most of the chatter revolves around their children, and rightfully so – other parents are a great source of sympathy, advice and camaraderie. But Varvara Shavrova, a full-time studio artist and the mother of two sons (ages 12 and 8), isn’t interested in this sort of socializing. “I want to talk about life – what have you done, what film have you seen, what book are you reading,” says the Russian native who has lived in Beijing for almost five years.
Shavrova is the force behind a new sort of socializing group for mothers in the capital, the cheekily named Beijing Bad Moms, an idea that has been in the making for the past three years but only came to fruition last March.
The idea struck her when she and her children attended the birthday party of one of her friend’s daughters at The Vineyard Café.
Ms. Nutrition
There is no denying that candy makes kids happy. Just about every parent, me included, knows that we can use this to get our kids to do what we want, or not do what we don’t want. That power makes it very tempting to use sweets as a reward for good behavior. Love of sweet tastes has even been noted in studies involving unborn babies. The reason is based on evolution; to help ensure their survival, infants are born with a strong preference for the sweetness of breast milk.
How many times have you been tempted to say: “If you just finish the [insert healthy, unpalatable vegetable here], you can eat the [insert treat here]”? If you have managed to avoid using sweets as a reward, congratulations! The rest of us need to remind ourselves just what is at stake when we consider using that handful of candy as a bribe.
You already know that using sweets to get a child to finish a healthy dinner is quite a nutritional irony. When used too frequently, this tactic can backfire in other ways. Here are a few of the possible consequences:
Yummy Mummy
Rock & roll is my blood,” says Australian Danijela Pavic, the mother of Dane (12), Mila (10), and Maksim (7) who has lived in Beijing for two years. Although she was initially hesitant to undergo a makeover due to the “cheesiness factor,” she just celebrated a milestone birthday and decided to embrace the offer. Danijela usually dons jeans, Converses and Ramones T-shirts that she shares with her son, Dane, and although she was a cosmetic consultant at David Jones in 1991, her daily regimen now is only undereye concealer and mascara. “Mornings are crazy. I prepare lunches for the kids and they also want a three-star breakfast, like omelets or pancakes,” she laughs, “and then I have to get them out the door in time for the bus.” The Sydneysider with Serbian heritage stays in shape with classes at Alona Pilates Studio three times a week: “I want to defy gravity as much as possible,” she jokes. She wanted a glamorous evening look, so hairstylists at Private I Salon and a makeup artist accentuated her olive skin and dark hair to help her achieve her goal. A gift certificate for an aromatherapy massage at the The Spa at Hilton Wangfujing completed the day of a luxury. Danijela’s list of things to do includes learning to surf and traveling more – but now she can cross off “Be a starlet.”
Parents Around Town
Marion Belliard
Where are you from?
France.
How old is your daughter?
Taissa is 11 months old.
What are you doing for Christmas?
We’re staying in Beijing. Our family will be coming over, and we’ve invited our friends.
Where do you shop for Christmas presents?
I haven’t gone Christmas shopping yet, but I plan on going to Hongqiao and buying a tree from the [Liangma] Flower Market.
What was your best Christmas present?
My baby! She was born on the 24th of December.
Favorite place to take little ones during winter?
The playground at The Place.
Juggling, Holiday-Style
The holiday season is upon us, which seems as good a time as any to tell you about my son’s P.E. teacher.
Mr. Callahan has a voice that can be heard from the top of the bleachers, and an air of confidence that is a requirement of P.E. teachers across the globe. And speaking of the globe, he pretty much spins it on its axis, according to my son, who will do anything Mr. Callahan tells him to do. He tells my son to jump – the boy jumps. He tells my son to run – the boy sprints. I tell my son to wash his hands before dinner, and he grumbles as he slouches toward the bathroom, looking like a kid who hasn’t run or jumped a day in his life. I’ll bet he’d wash his hands if Mr. Callahan told him to.
And here’s something else you didn’t know about Mr. Callahan: He can juggle.
The Funny Man Talks
Have a five-minute conversation with American, Richard Robinson,an entrepreneur who has lived in Beijing for nine years, and you won’t be surprised to discover that his labor of love is Chopschticks, a comedy company that hosts stand-up comedians in Beijing. Robinson, who performs stand-up himself, lightens the mood often, whether with self-deprecating comments or traditional “So a guy walks into a bar…” jokes. The father of two, Declan (5) and Aidan (3), sat down with beijingkids (moments before he was due to speak at an entrepreneur conference) to discuss the latest label to add to his profile: children’s book author. Robinson penned Beijing ABC’s, a fun, rhyming book. Money from the book will go to the charity Magic Hospital, a foundation that strives to improve the quality of life for sick, hospitalized, handicapped, orphaned, abused and at-risk children.
Like Father, Like Son
As my columns have stacked up over nearly three years, I’ve wondered how long I can get away with obsessing about myself in print. Admittedly, the column is called “Beijing Baba,” so I have a fair amount of license to do so, and describe the pleasures (and the pains) of being a learner parent. Still, I’ve felt lingering guilt that the real central character has been left loitering offstage. After all, what is a baba without his erzi?
