The size 50 shoes of Martin Adams, the previous occupant of this column, are ample ones to fill. Indeed, as I looked under my desk at my stubby little 42s, I feared they may struggle in their quest to tread the same track.
Inspiration arose however, when noticing the gnawed edges of these leather shoes. Their assailant goes by the name of Zoudi, Xiaobai (LittleWhite) or simply Rabbit, depending on whom in the Jones/Wong household you talk to. I hope that by presenting the plight of this four legged, diminutive destroyer and latest addition to my clan, that I might be able to introduce to you four of Sanyuan Qiao’s slightly more upright residents.
My wife, Xiao Qing and I had had the conversation, and decided getting a pet was a bad idea for all of the obvious reasons. Who knows when we might go back home for good and what about when we make the annual pilgrimage to the UK to see my parents? We agreed that while leaving a fuzzy creature alone with just a can opener, while sporting, was ultimately inhumane. And thus the pet debate was put to bed.
I awoke late the following Saturday. Upon opening the bedroom door and pawing at my eyes still half filled with sleep, I immediately saw that, as is almost always the case, I had been ignored.
A seemingly lovable ball of snowy fluff with added antennae was cowering in a corner under a chair, just out of the reach of 3-year-old Elin (aka Hua Yang). Six-year-old Ariana (aka Hua Rong) rushed to inform me that while this wasn’t the dog that she’d actually wanted, this was "good practice for a proper pet in case Elin kills it." Ariana then explained that she’d christened the rabbit "Zoudi." I inquired whether this was due to the fact that rabbits walk on the ground (走地) before being quickly chastised for a) getting my tones wrong and b) forgetting that since most Western names don’t have meaning, "It’s not fair to make all Chinese names have one too, silly."
And so, Xiao Qing and her daughters spent the morning idyllically, stroking and chasing Zoudi, impervious to the pellets she offered up at a rate more regular than an M&M production line. Ariana swore (and then quickly forgot) that she would "take responsibility," a buzz phrase in school at present. Equally cute was Zoudi’s tendency to nibble at socks, chair legs and school bags. As I lumbered to the kitchen to make myself a coffee, I heard the crescendo of giggling from my three girls followed by the familiar collective sigh, "Silly Baba."
It is often the case that I find Ayi to be my closet ally and as I poured the hot water upon my instant granules. Noticing my distress, she nudged me, adding in all seriousness, that in three months time Rabbit would make a lovely meal.
While tempting as it is to eat one’s adversaries, I find myself now secretlywishing that my Cantonese wife will fulfill the stereotype of southernerseating anything with four legs except the table, and take care of this problem for me. Relations hit a temporary low last week when Little White adorably urinated all over the sockets connected to our desktop computer, rendering it unusable, and until now, irreparable. Somehow Zoudi managed to get the girls back on side, leaving me to accept that the creature that seems hell bent on eating its way through all of the fixtures in our home, is now a permanent fixture within it.
Gareth Jones has lived in China for five years and teaches English, Theory of Knowledge and Thinking Skills at YCIS Beijing. When he’s not teaching, he spends his time trying to keep up with his two daughters. Gareth also runs a small health and development charity, find out more at www.hand.org.cn