Recently I had the opportunity to interview Rachel George on the topic of body image, and it inspired me to sharet my own struggles.

Ever since I was in kindergarten, I was known as the “fat girl.” When you’re very young it’s not a huge deal, as people tend to think that chubby babies are cute. However, as I grew up it increasingly became a line of attack that people – especially annoying boys – would use on me. I still remember a girl I considered to be a friend writing in my yearbook, “Come on Kathy, you’re always the fattest pig.” I hated it so much, but as long as I was chasing my dreams, surrounded by authentic friendships and loving family, I was able to look the other way. Plus, I hate sports and love food.

As school closed and online learning began during the pandemic, so too did outdoor activities and hangouts with friends come to a grinding halt. At the same time, it presented plenty of newfound free time, which I started to fill with sports. I started with running on the treadmill, then following HIIT workout videos on YouTube, then increasing the frequency and intensity of my tennis lessons (the only sport I can enjoy). Impressively, I dropped 10kg during that half-year, and I was super proud of it. When I finally got together with my friends again, the sheer surprise in their eyes made me happy.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go so well afterwards. My original plan was to become healthier and take myself from being clinically “obese” to “normal.” However, I was no longer satisfied with the results, even though I had lost quite a lot of weight already. Simply put, I was still much heavier than most girls my age – especially when compared to the beautiful, almost surreal K-pop girl group idols. I felt ashamed of how my body looked and figured it was because I wasn’t disciplined enough. Therefore, I started dieting. Controlling – or more precisely, restricting – the diet was successful, but once again, the attendant happiness and satisfaction didn’t last long. I developed eating disorders.

From drinking excessive amounts of water to only eating celery, my diet was becoming ever more extreme. When I saw a pastry, I no longer imagined how delicious it would be, but instead focused on its number of calories and gaining fat. As someone who always slept like a pig (in a good way), I suffered from insomnia which, at its worst, led to me taking a whole week off school. Worse still, I lost a lot of hair and my period stopped for three months. My mom was understandably horrified when I told her this, and I convinced myself to start eating more regularly. The sad truth though was that I cared more about other people’s comments on my appearance, and it was quite literally risking my health.

Throughout my journey, I became more and more conscious of body shaming, body issues, and beauty standards, which I wanted but never fit into. I miss the old me who didn’t care about other people’s comments.

I tried to save myself from thinking about all this. I tried to return to normal eating, regular workouts, and things have gone fairly well. I still can’t control my appetite and sometimes overeat. I still don’t fit modern beauty standards perfectly. I am still extremely conscious about myself and feel guilty if the number on the weight balance goes up, though I know that everything will become better. One day, my mind will fully embrace the fact that we are all and always beautiful, worthy, and valuable just the way we are. All I should do is accept my glorious self.

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Photos: Kathy Shi, Unsplash

Upon arriving in China, there was probably a restaurant’s worth of dishes that you thought originated in your new hometown, and chances are, you might still think that. However, I’m here to tell you that more than a few of them aren’t actually Chinese at all! In fact, numerous cultures have created their own versions of “Chinese food.” So, without further ado, I bring you, six Chinese food imposters.

#1: Crab rangoons

Who doesn’t love freshly-fried wantons with crunchy skin and creamy crab filling? They’re excellent appetizers on many a Chinese restaurant dinner table. However, it’s a far cry from authentic Chinese cuisine, since rangoons were invented by Victor Bergeron, founder of US-based Chinese food restaurant and tiki bar chain, Trader Vic’s in the late-19^th century.

#2: Orange chicken

This dish may be a favorite amongst many foreign communities but you won’t find it in any authentic Chinese restaurant! Although there are similar Chinese dishes with that signature blend of sweet and sour flavors (see every foreigners’ other favorite dish, kung pao chicken), this combination of fried chicken and orange is still something unfamiliar to most Chinese people.

#3: General Tsao’s chicken

This dish is very similar to orange chicken in terms of preparation and worldwide popularity. It consists of fried chicken tossed in a tangy, sweetly spicy sauce, and named after Zuo Zongtang, a Chinese military leader and statesman from the late Qing dynasty. Admittedly, the chicken itself doesn’t have much to do with him other than the name.

#4: Jjajangmyeon

Ask a Korean to name a Chinese dish and there’s a 99.9 percent chance that the answer is jjajangmyeo. Its name is similar to Beijing’s zhajiangmian, as is the dish itself! Honestly, just looking at the two side by side reveals very little difference. But when you tuck into the noodles, hmmm…zhajiangmian tends to be quite salty, whereas jjajangmyeon isn’t savory at all, but sweet! The funny thing is that if you try to find jjajangmyeon in Beijing, it’s only available in Korean restaurants.

#5: Fortune cookies

A fortune cookie itself is a simple, crispy cookie made out of ingredients such as flour, sugar, vanilla, and oil. What makes it so special, however, is the little piece of paper inside: the fortune, which usually bears some sort of aphorism or prediction.

#6: Beef and broccoli

Yet another dish that’s found on the menu of just about every Western Chinese restaurant! It originated from a Chinese dish called gai lan, a type of vegetable and beef stir fry. However, when early immigrants failed to find gai lan in the US, broccoli became the substitute and thus this dish was born.

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Photos: Unsplash

“I’m too fat.” “I need to lose some weight.” “Just a salad please.” “I have to fit into that Brandy Melville skirt.” Such phrases only begin to scratch the surface of the issues facing women – and to some extent, men – nowadays, as body shaming, toxic beauty standards, dieting methods, and eating disorders become increasingly common; a phenomenon largely exacerbated by social media. Bottom line, such struggles cause many of us to forget about the most important skill we can possibly cultivate: loving ourselves.

That’s why this Sunday, Jul 18, local women empowerment group She’Strong will host “Body Shaming and Eating Disorders”, an event featuring nutritionist and health coach Paola Godinez Rocha alongside therapist and life coach Rachel George, who will remind us in no uncertain terms that we are all beautiful just the way we are. I sat down with George to discuss the prevalence of body issues and how to combat them.

In your opinion, what are the root causes of body shaming in society?
Here’s the truth, we are all born knowing how to eat. Think back to when you were a child, you ate what felt good to you. You didn’t choose blueberries over a popsicle! We didn’t think about not eating that cookie because of the sugar and carbs associated with it. To put it simply, we ate what looked yummy! Somewhere along the way, diet culture crept into our minds, and we began not listening to our bodies, but instead followed the “rules” placed on us by others. So, in the case of body shaming, it is totally from outside sources. We live in a society where beauty and thinness are equated with happiness and success. If we don’t live up to this ideal, then we feel inadequate, ashamed, and embarrassed. We silently hate the body we are in because it doesn’t meet the expectation that others have given us. We forget to listen to ourselves, and most importantly – we forget that we are beautiful, worthy, and valuable in this moment and every moment.

What is the difference between eating disorders and disordered eating?
Disordered eating is the extent to which you stop listening to your body, giving her what she needs to feel nourished and complete. Remember, our bodies are magical, they know how to eat. When we eat in a disordered way, we ignore our instincts and eat according to external food and exercise rules, oftentimes in a way where what we eat, or don’t eat, interferes with our life. We turn outward instead of inward. In truth, the majority of us eat in a disordered way. If you count your carbs, eliminate entire food groups, intermittently fasted, detoxed for a week, all in the name of achieving a body ideal, then you are eating in a disordered manner. I give more signs you may be eating in a disordered way during the talk.

An eating disorder involves disordered eating. However, the difference is the intensity of the disordered eating patterns. Eating disorders are clinically diagnosed and are characterized by severe and persistent eating disturbances along with associated distressing thoughts and emotions.

There is also the common perception that these conditions only develop with extremely skinny people. So does my condition, as a teenage girl who is slightly overweight, still count if I experience the same thing?
Yes!!! We believe that only white, thin women struggle with eating disorders. This could not be further from the truth. Women and men of all sizes, shapes, and nationalities can experience an eating disorder, it does not discriminate.

What’s your advice for girls like me on how to deal with it?
It all begins and ends in your mind. Begin not only believing, but remembering every single day that you are complete, valuable, and worthy just as you are. The way we experience the world, in turn, affects how we feel about ourselves. Here’s a tip when it comes to the media: Start becoming aware of your own reactions to how the media and society portray beauty. What does your gorgeous mind say when you see a celebrity on social media, or a model, or the “hot” girl on reality TV. Do you think, “Oh, if I looked like this, my life would be perfect?” Or, “I need to lose weight?” Become diligent about your awareness of what the media gives us. Then, stop and ask yourself, where are these thoughts coming from? Question your reaction. Why are you thinking this way? Does thinking this way influence your behaviors? Make the choice to not believe faulty thoughts and ways of being. Believe in yourself. You are the expert in your own life.

Do you have any personal experiences to share?
From a personal standpoint, I have eaten in a disordered way and experienced negative body image, which turned into an obsession in my younger years. I told myself it was because I wanted to be healthy, but the truth was, I hated the way I looked. I judged my body based on someone else’s, leading me to exercise to the point of exhaustion and obsessively weighing myself three times a day. I was unable to love who I saw in the mirror, even when I reached my “goal” weight. I thought, if I could only be this size, or have this shape, I would be happy. It was never enough. It took me taking a step back, and evaluating how I felt about myself, outside of any distractions, to show me that the work that needed to be done was inward. Body image is something we are ashamed to talk about. Admitting we struggle in this area means that we are failures. However, the power comes through the conversation. I am ready to not only share my struggle but encourage others to do the same.

Any words that you want to say to the people who are reading this?
Who you are in this exact moment, is enough. More than enough actually. You are worthy of love and acceptance – just as you are. Every. Single. Day. You are more than what you see in the mirror. You are a beautiful soul rocking it out in a glorious body!

She’Strong presentation on “Body Shaming and Eating Disorders” takes place this Sunday from 4:30-6:30pm at Encuentro, Workers’ Stadium North. Tickets cost RMB 120. Scan the QR code below for more details!

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Images: Unsplash, Pexels, She’Strong

Are you an “army” of BTS? A “blink” of Blackpink? Or perhaps an “NCTzen” of NCT? For the uninitiated, these are the names of some of the world’s biggest K-pop – or Korean pop music – idol groups. Names that flow through the cafeterias, classrooms, and hallways of just about every school. And their influence on teenagers’ lives, from daily routines to behaviors and even financial decisions, cannot be overstated.

BTS, currently the most celebrated K-pop idol boy group, has taken home an astounding ten Billboard awards over the past four years. Meanwhile, BLACKPINK – also from South Korea – has garnered more than 1.6 billion YouTube views since releasing their music video, “DDU-DUDDU-DU,” three years ago. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, as the genre is saturated with innumerable acts, and a constant stream of programming continuously pumps out new groups and new fans that, in turn, create new “fandoms.”

But what does it mean to be part of a fandom? And just how deep can a teen fall into it?

Fandoms can be fun!

The primary reason many teenagers begin their journey in K-pop culture is simply for fun. Oftentimes, joining a fandom is the result of innocuously clicking on a YouTube video or following the recommendation of a friend, and then developing a crush on the idol. Ideally, an innocent bond forms and the fan gets to attend events where they have the opportunity to meet new, like-minded teens.

Fandom as an entrepreneurial endeavor

An often-overlooked advantage of joining a fandom is that participants actually stand to develop some pretty incredible organizing skills on their fan journey! One of my friends, 15-year-old Dora H. – who’s currently studying in the US – is a fan of a popular Chinese boy band. To celebrate one member’s birthday, she contacted two other fans online and put together a three-day event, hosted at a café in Sanlitun. While some might balk at the idea of throwing a birthday party for a celebrity, the process allowed Dora to develop some important life skills such as making agreements with the café, promoting the event, and creating unique merchandise to be given out to attendees.

The event was a huge success, attracting numerous fans whom the girls had never met before. By contributing to the fan community, then seeing her efforts appreciated by others, it gave Dora – and countless other youths who organize similar events for their fandom – a unique sense of belonging, the kind that makes you feel like you’re contributing to a greater community; something larger than yourself. Similarly, another friend of mine who attends Harrow International School Beijing (HISB) made more than RMB 800 by selling merchandise she designed for her favorite idol group.

Likewise, because the idols are “decorated” by their companies, i.e. creating a persona that’s all but flawless, teenage fans are thus motivated to be better people in their own right.

And yet, while there are a ton of benefits, we can’t overlook the flip side, for there are some darker corners lurking in any fandom…

Fandoms require a lot of dedication, sometimes at the expense of other priorities

For students, myself included, time is scarce. And unfortunately, it requires a lot of time and effort to follow all the news about an idol, watch all of their performances, recognize all the members in a group – which sometimes get into the double-digits –  and remember everyone’s “character.” This is time that could have been spent studying or doing other, perhaps arguably more meaningful things.

Fandoms aren’t cheap

Another overlooked downside is the cost involved. Given that serious competition can develop between different fandoms, both eager to prove their idol group is the greatest, fans will sometimes spend insane amounts of money to buy multiple copies of their albums to drive up sales numbers, not to mention other merchandise and products that are endorsed by their idols.

When fandoms enter the public sphere

There’s a litany of other minor, but annoying issues that impact the public as well. For instance, fans will commonly wait at airports for their idol’s arrival, resulting in astonishingly massive crowds. As a fan myself, I totally understand this behavior as I too have been motivated by the desire to see my idol. However, there’s no denying that it poses a serious inconvenience for airport staff and travelers.

When big business exploits fandoms

Lastly, one of this year’s hottest idol producing programs, Youth With You (青春有你), was sponsored by a beverage company. While it’s not uncommon for companies to sponsor such programming, what launched this particular sponsorship into controversy was the fact that one way to vote for a participant was to buy the sponsor’s products. One can of their drink equaled one vote. As a result, many fans bought enormous quantities of the drink, only to dump it all out and use the vote. The insidious product advertising that slipped into this fandom truly belies the positive image that pop idol culture tries to sell.

As teenagers, we are both consciously and unconsciously looking for role models to emulate. We need these fandoms, but what we don’t need are the obsessive behaviors that burn through our wallets, and create problems for others. So let’s try to keep that fan fever in check.

Are you a pop idol fan? Tell us about your favorite in the comments below!

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Images: Dora H, BLACKPINK，BTS&GOT7 via Instagram