Upon deciding we would relocate to Beijing, my first thought was not where we would live or what school our child would go to but rather, what will she eat in China? My child has multiple food allergies which we have lived with since she was a baby. After a reaction to kiwifruit at 9 months old, she then tested positive for peanuts and tree nuts a little while later.

Around age 2 we discovered she was allergic to eggs – the reaction occurred at a birthday party which subsequently landed us in the Accident and Emergency ward to stop her profuse vomiting. Another reaction at age 4 while we were visiting relatives in Florida resulted in a trip to the hospital with an unconscious child who had to be given an IV – this time we experienced a very real kind of fear that only occurs when you realize your child is in serious danger. After each episode, your nerves are shot for a few weeks and you just want to wrap your child in cotton wool and never let them leave the house again.

How many people suffer from food allergies?

According to www.foodallergy.org, around 32 million Americans suffer from food allergies including 5.6 million children under age 18. This translates to one in 13 children or roughly two kids in every classroom. Across Australia, New Zealand, and the UK around 10 to 15 percent of the population – and in some cases 20 percent – are affected by food allergies.

According to the World Allergy Organisation, “Food allergies are increasing in both developed and developing countries, especially in children, and the severity and complexity of food allergies are also increasing. Food allergy can be fatal, and appropriate diagnosis is essential as is the need for food labeling worldwide.”

Across Asia, food allergies are less common, representing some 3.5 percent to 11 percent of the population, but still considered comparable to Western countries.

What are the common food allergies?

Common food allergies include peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, dairy, wheat, and fish. In Asia, allergy to shellfish is most common.

My daughter is currently a Year 4 student at Yew Chung International School of Beijing (YCIS Beijing), and for obvious reasons, I’m exceptionally concerned when it comes to what food is provided in schools.

How do international schools in Beijing measure up when dealing with food allergies? Are they allergy-aware?

As international schools continue to welcome foreign students into their communities, teachers and staff can expect to have children with food allergies in their classrooms, some of which may be severe and/or result in anaphylaxis. Being able to provide a safe environment and a high standard of care for these students is imperative.

Western Academy of Beijing (WAB) for example, has a food allergy policy in place and its canteen provides options for people with allergens.

At YCIS Beijing, the canteen food is nut-free and the chef is very accommodating. However, given the complexity of our child’s allergies, the safe option will always be to bring a lunch from home. Upon special request, class birthday cakes were banned last year.

Beyond the physical and sometimes life-threatening effects of allergies are the less recognized psychological effects of living with allergies. Imagine being 6-years-old and having to sit in a corner of the classroom by yourself while your peers devour a cake for someone’s birthday. Not once, but repeatedly. In fact, every single time someone has a birthday, which could potentially be 25 times a year! Add to that the other special occasions people gather for food – whether it be Halloween, Christmas, or Chinese New Year. As my child so simply put it, “Mummy, I’m tired of missing out.” So tired in fact that I recently kept my child home from school on a day that I knew Santa would be visiting to hand out candy. I wanted to spare her the small heartache that comes from being left out yet again.

Importance of inclusion

When my child was very young, bringing her own food on outings and to restaurants was pretty straightforward. However, once she started kindergarten she began noticing that the other kids were able to eat food that she couldn’t. Don’t underestimate the desire all children have to belong and to be included. Watching my child cope with exclusion on a regular basis not only in educational settings but also at any social occasion was incredibly hard but also awe-inspiring as I watched her take it in her stride. Over time, I have become deeply grateful to the friends of mine who, in going out of their way to make a dish my child can also eat or who delay giving their own child an ice cream until after mine has left, display their incredible empathy for us.

Advice for parents of children with allergies when choosing a school

Choosing a school in a foreign country is fraught with anxiety. Add into the mix a child with allergies in a country where allergies are not well known and if you didn’t already have anxiety you certainly will now.

• When visiting schools let them know about your child’s allergy and ask how they keep the children with allergies safe.

• When your child starts school, set up meetings with the subject teachers to ensure they are all aware. Read up on the local culture where teachers may still try and hand out candy randomly to students.

• Vocalize your needs to give yourself peace of mind and ensure your child’s safety. For example, I asked for birthday cakes and food to be banned in my child’s year level. To have my child feeling excluded and upset every time there was a birthday was too much to handle.

• Send a packed lunch! While our school’s cafeteria is nut-free and has tried to be very accommodating to our situation, the fact that my child also has other allergies made it unrealistic to expect them to cater. And knowing what my child is eating when I am not around helps me relax also!

• Be prepared to advocate for your child’s safety on an ongoing basis. Even if an agreement was reached with the school in a previous semester, don’t assume that this will be continued in the next semester or with a change of teacher and staff.

• Encourage the school to see the value in giving non-food rewards to the children such as stickers, small toys, erasers, or house points. It is not only safer but also better for their health – candy and cookies are full of sugar!

Bringing a child to Beijing with allergies is doable! It is hard but doable. I went so far as to introduce an allergy education program into my daughter’s school – thankfully they were receptive to it! While there may still be a certain level of ambivalence towards allergies, awareness is definitely increasing.

If you’d like to get in touch with Nicola, email her at nicola.brebner@hotmail.com

Images: Pexels, Nicola Brebner

This article appeared in the jingkids 2022 School Choice Guide issue

I think all parents, regardless of where in the world we are, can wholeheartedly agree on the challenges of parenting in the 21^st century! With the advent of the internet and social media, there are now more voices, more information, more pressures, and more awareness of how we are raising our children.

Listening to my mother, who raised three kids in the 80’s, it was definitely a simpler time back then. However, that doesn’t mean it was a better time. It was a time when girls were meant to be quiet, submissive, and well-behaved, oh — and pretty, don’t forget pretty! I was the stereotypical little quiet girl who wore dresses when I was supposed to, did what I was told, and endured many years of listening to strangers, friends, and family comment on what I looked like or what I was wearing — like every single other girl I know. True to form, I became an exercise fanatic in my teens to ensure I could be as thin as what society expected me to be and as beautiful as teen magazines told me to be. After all, most of my self-worth was tied up in what I looked like – just like society wants it. Now I look back and think wow, this is the very definition of indoctrination and it is not what I want for my own daughter.

As I worked on how I’d like my daughter and her friends to feel growing up, a few very simple resolutions are clear.

Girls – What NOT to say

You’re so pretty! – Or in fact anything about what they look like. Do not comment on their beautiful eyes, their long legs, their hair, etc. Ask yourself: would I say the same thing to a little boy of the same age? All these unsolicited comments do is objectify the girl and make her (and probably her parents) feel very uncomfortable. Little girls are really not very different from little boys – and their sole value in life does not lie in what they look like.

Say instead – Ask her what her favourite subject is at school, what she likes to do on the weekends, what hobbies and sports does she play? Does she have a great sense of humor? Is she a fast runner? Focus on what she can do rather than be.

“Don’t be bossy” – I outlawed this word from our house as soon as I found out I was having a girl. With this one word, you send the message that girls cannot be leaders, and if they try nobody will like them. When was the last time you heard a boy being called bossy?

Say instead – “You’re showing some great leadership skills.” Maybe they need to work on improving their collaboration skills or teamwork but do not shame them by throwing out the word ‘bossy’.

“Be careful” – This statement casts doubt on a girl’s ability to achieve something and discourages risk-taking. All children need to take risks in order to develop properly.

Say instead – Keep going. I trust that you can do it.

Boys – What NOT to say

“Don’t cry” – Please don’t say this to boys (or girls). I often see parents looking embarrassed if their boys are crying – why? This is a normal human emotion that everyone should be allowed to express. Psychologists say this suppressing of emotions is what has lead to generations of violent, angry, and insecure men who are too afraid to express their vulnerability for fear of being ridiculed. This can easily lead to depression, anxiety, and domestic violence later in life.

Say instead – I see you’re having some big feelings. Do you want me to help/hold you or do you want to talk about it? Parents of boys and girls have told me they’ll sometimes ask if the child wants to be comforted or if he needs a minute alone. Let them decide how to handle the crying.

“Don’t be such a girl” or describing an action as ‘girly’ – This is interpreted as anything feminine or related to girls is somehow ‘bad’, ‘less than’ or second best. If you want to raise a son who respects women as his equal and is more likely to have happy and fulfilled friendships, it doesn’t pay to start de-valuing the opposite sex in childhood.

Say instead — Nothing. Let them play how they want to play.

While the 80’s was a great time to be a kid, it was also a pretty narrow world to grow up where prejudice was the norm and anyone who was different had a difficult time. Now, 40 years later, we have a lot more information and knowledge than we did back then. Let’s use it for the better and allow our kids to grow up in a world where they can truly be who they want to be, not who someone else wants them to be.

KEEP READING: Pink for Boys, Blue for Girls – You Are (Not) What You Wear

Photos: Unsplash, Women of Color in Tech