I recently went on a pretty deep dive into unsung women in Chinese history (keep watching for those articles!). I’m a nerd so this was actually incredibly fun and interesting, but I noticed a pattern. Without fail every notable female historical figure I researched was almost immediately tied to her spouse, son, or father. Literally within the first three sentences, sometimes the first three words, her accomplishments were tied to a male who either directly or indirectly is given credit for her ability to succeed. I got curious and reverse searched the men these women were tied to. In all but one instance, the woman’s name doesn’t even appear in the body of the man’s bio. Instead, it’s usually a footnote under a separate tab labeled family or personal life, if she is mentioned at all. I thought maybe this was cultural. All of my research had been focused on China. So, I went looking for she-roes from other corners of the world and repeated the process. Same results from America, Brittan, Germany, South Africa, Argentina, and India.

It got me thinking. This push to tell minority and woman’s stories is amazing and necessary. But how we tell them is just as important. What message are we sending to our children of both genders about a woman’s place? What does it say to our girls if they are most lauded for being the supporting character in someone else’s story? What does it say to our boys if we tell them that achievement should outweigh relationships? Neither of those existences feels whole and happy to me.

I’ll admit I have had a hard time writing this next portion. How do we start to undo thousands of years of ingrained bias when we ourselves are products of that bias? If there was a tried and true solution for removing social blinders and raising consciousness we would all be doing it already. If I knew how to fix my own blind spots it would be easy to teach the next generation to avoid them all together. But in many ways, we are all in the dark and groping for a flashlight. So please bear with the glow sticks below. I am fully aware that none of this is enough, but we need to start somewhere!

Identify It: I’m 38 years old and I just noticed this! Seriously, what is wrong with me? I’m a teacher, a woman, a self-proclaimed humanist. I should have seen it sooner. I am embarrassed to think of how many books, movies, games etc. I have suggested over the years that subtly reaffirmed this storyline. But noticing is step one. Once you notice, help your children identify it too. Most kids have an innate sense of fairness and once they realize the balance of something is off they will actively seek to make it right. They will also insist on pointing it out to everyone else they come in contact with, what’s more grassroots than that?

Delineate Between a Status and an Achievement. Don’t get me wrong, I think the title of wife, mother, daughter, and friend are all incredibly important, valuable parts of a person’s life and identity but they are relationships not accomplishments. Those relationships are often vital to sustaining you while you achieve, and they certainly make the journey and the victory that much better. But they are not substitutes for the hard work and sacrifices that go into getting a degree, building a company, or creating a movement. So, applaud your children for the things they worked for. Let them claim the credit (or share it if it is appropriate) instead of insisting someone else made it possible. Their efforts should make them feel worthy and proud!

Find the Balance: So often girls are unconsciously taught to put the wants of a relationship in front of their need to achieve. The long-lasting implication is “If I win my friends might not like me as much”. Boys on the other hand are taught that to lose makes them less as a person. They are tasked with the responsibility of always winning no matter the cost. Their subconscious training “If I don’t win I won’t be worthy of love.” I’m not ok with either of those outcomes for our kids.

Let’s start by not framing accomplishments as a zero-sum game. My winning isn’t taking anything from you. Remind your kids that by being the best version of themselves they give others inspiration and permission to shine their brightest. They can cheer on their friends and push themselves to their highest heights at the same time, in fact, it will probably benefit us all in million different ways if they do.

I Am Not My Status… or My Achievements: The title of husband/wife does not define you. Neither does your degree. Human beings are a wonderfully complicated, evolving series of choices, thoughts, and feelings. Letting your child (and yourself) know that they are worthy of being noticed, acknowledged, and loved at every stage of that evolution is the first step of a more well-rounded, balanced society because it gives them permission to notice, acknowledge and love everyone else too. That doesn’t mean we excuse bad behavior or accept less than their best efforts. It just means we don’t tie our affection and support to their resume.

Let’s Change the Stories We Read: And the movies we watch and the games we play. There is so much great content available that we can afford to be picky. If the only objective of the heroine is to get married and the hero only wants to slay a dragon it’s probably not the most enticing storyline anyway.

Let’s start telling stories (and histories) that show people as whole, complete and balanced. Let’s put a woman’s achievements at the top of her resume and make sure to mention the familial support that made a man’s possible in his biography. Let’s start telling stories that tell our kids “your place is anywhere you want it to be and it’s up to you who stands in that place with you.”

KEEP READING: Women’s Month-Let’s Empower One Another

Photo Credit: Pixel

There has been a ban on corporal punishment here in China since 1986 and recently the Ministry of Education has expanded that ban to include the use of any punishment that causes mental trauma, including humiliation tactics. Obviously, I am in favor of any measure that safeguards a child’s mental and physical well-being. But there are still some old-school teachers and parents who believe in the spare the rod and spoil the child methodology and plenty of adults I know consider discipline of any kind to be an outmoded and ineffective practice. Personally, I fall somewhere in between. I think it’s time to reopen the conversation on discipline. The following are all my personal opinions as an educator so please take them as such. Hopefully, they spark some conversations between you, your friends, your partner, and your child’s teacher.

What’s the point? The first question I think we need to ask ourselves is, what is the point of disciplining a child? If the idea is to break their spirit and mold them into mini versions of ourselves, then I am firmly opposed. But if the point of discipline is to inform and guide their behavior and eventually give them the skills to self-discipline as a healthy, contributing member of society then I’m all for it.  So how do we do that?

Never discipline while angry: Any teacher who tells you they never lose their cool in class is either lying or it’s their first day on the job! Teaching is tough and kids can push your buttons. But if you try to manage your classroom while angry or are disciplining a child because they pissed you off then it’s really about you and your emotional state and not the child. Discipline can never be about power or punishment. To be effective it must be dispatched with kindness and love. So if your blood pressure is rising tag another adult in. Cool off and then come back and deal with the issue.

Consequences, not punishments: If the desired result is a child who can self-discipline then in my opinion the most effective classroom management tactics involve direct natural consequences to a child’s actions. For example: If a five-year-old hits their friend and I take away their snack there is no direct cause and effect. The two things are not related at all in the child’s mind, I’m just being mean and that is what they will focus on and remember. But, if the child hits their friend and I remove them from the room explaining “when we hit our friends they don’t want to play with us anymore” there is a direct link to the behavior the child exhibited and the reaction they got.

The same principle applies as they get older. If the effect of failing an exam because they didn’t study is that the teacher tells the class that there too stupid to succeed then all the child hears is that now they have an excuse for failing…”I’m just stupid”. But if the effect is You can’t be in the choir this semester because rehearsals are several hours a week and you obviously need more time to study, they might just start applying themselves, so they can get back to doing what they love.  Every student and situation are different but focusing on the behavior and its effects instead of punishing the child have always yielded far better results in my classroom.

Positive reinforcement: Not all consequences are negative. So often as teachers we get focused on the things kids are doing wrong and end up ignoring where they are excelling. But if I have an out-of-control room the first thing I do is start loudly praising the students who are behaving well. “I love how Ziah is sitting in his chair and showing me, he is ready to learn. Samantha has her listening ears and watching eyes on and is ready to use that brilliant mind of hers!” 9 times out of 10 the other kids will redirect themselves if they see the positive attention their friends are getting.

That’s a little heavy-handed for high school but a genuine well-deserved compliment like “Samantha, I really enjoyed reading your paper. The idea you had about xyz was incredibly creative and well researched. Keep this up!” Is going to be much more effective and inspiring than pointing out the one missed comma.

Stop it before it starts: Children don’t mean to be disobedient or disruptive (most of the time.) The frontal lobe which controls decision-making and impulse control won’t develop until after puberty. They literally need more time than we do to consider what will happen in the moments after they take an action. So good teachers know that the best way to deal with disappointing behavior is to stop it before it starts. If you see a child about to snatch a toy away or throw food or inappropriately touch a classmate call a pause and ask them what they think will happen if they do that. For older children; If you play video games instead of doing your homework or post that negative WeChat comment what are the results?

Most kids will have an ah-ha moment. And enough ah-ha’s will equal a permanent change in their behavior.

It’s evolving: We are constantly learning more about human development and that guides us in the best practices for our kids. I’m sure that in a few years I will look back on this article and facepalm. I’ll be a better educator because the art and science of education will have evolved and hopefully I will have evolved too. But for the moment I’m not convinced that a lack of discipline in the classroom (or anywhere else for that matter) is better than full-on intimidation tactics and beatings to help children grow and develop. Discipline is not a dirty word, it just needs to be redefined and used effectively for each individual child and situation.

KEEP READING: Is It Ever OK To Discipline Someone Else’s Child?

Images: Unsplash

In the aftermath of the May 2020 exam cancellations, I was left “chronically unemployed” and out of things to do. While excited at the prospect of a long summer, I was unsure of how I would occupy myself. Lazying around at home binge-watching TV shows and cricket matches was not an option my parents would accept, with COVID-19 and the winter cold subsiding in the city. Summer is the time to get out of the house and participate in meaningful activities that enrich yourself physically, professionally, and spiritually. For students like me who have recently graduated high school, it’s also the time to prepare yourself for university by attending orientation activities, making student visa applications, and doing house chores so as not to end up with a horrible living situation later on. Looking back at the summer I had, I’d say it was time well spent. Instead of being perturbed by global current events, I had a blast interning with beijingkids, attending events around the city, routinely gymming and playing cricket, catching up with friends, and preparing for university.

Being an Editorial Intern at True Run Media (TRM) this year was a truly amazing experience. While I had applied to originally write for theBeijinger, writing for the equally reputable beijingkids was an absolute honor. If you had told me back at the beginning of the year that I would soon be contributing to the media company that was my go-to source for all things Beijing, I wouldn’t have believed you. Heck, I couldn’t even believe myself when I finally landed the job. With a casual and friendly work environment, I was able to easily adjust and build a rapport with everyone at the office. I would like to thank Mina, Mark, Anna, and all the editors for bestowing me with a platform to write about this beloved city that I’ve called home all my life and to express myself and my cultural heritage. Memories of us at the editorial cracking jokes, evaluating food options when we were hours away from lunch, making piñatas for the Hot and Spicy Festival, and sharing our cultural backgrounds will always stay with me wherever I go. In addition, I would also like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my articles on the blog, magazine, and the WeChat subscription account. Your praise as well as your criticisms have kept me going in this internship, and have continuously encouraged me to write better articles.

Pranav worked diligently on all of his articles for TRM!

I concur with my good friend Jack when he signed off; this summer has just come and gone like a flash of light. It seems like it was only yesterday that I entered the TRM editorial room for the first time and wrote my first blog article, an Events Roundup. I vividly remember how nervous I was in making sure it had no spelling or grammatical mistakes, fit the style guide, and was submitted in time for copy-editing. Seven weeks and 29 blog articles later, I now have a thorough, renewed understanding of the writing and editorial process. I have become familiar with using a style guide, and I’ve learned how to write good headlines and captions. Thanks to this experience, I am considering a job in the editorial later in the future. Maybe even back here at TRM!

For now, though, I officially embark on the next chapter of my life: university. Tonight, I begin attending online courses at my university since due to COVID-19 travel restrictions, I cannot travel to my university and be on-campus. I say “tonight” because the country where my university is in is located on the other side of the world. I will be going nocturnal and take most of my classes deep into the night here. While this change in routine may take some time for me to adjust, I already have had a taste of what to expect. Concurrently with my beijingkids internship, I have been attending orientation activities at my university online through Zoom. These activities have been taking place at midnight, 1am, 3am, and other such odd timings. However, it is through these weirdly-timed online sessions that I have started to build a network of friends, academic advisors, professors, and other contacts with whom I can remain regularly in contact. While it seems that I will be spending most day times sleeping in after staying up all night attending Zoom classes, I hope to still be able to catch up with friends, play cricket with the Beijing Ducks, and attend city-wide events like the upcoming Burger Fest and the 2020 Beijing International Automotive Exhibition.

With so much uncertainty in the world right now, I believe that those who can embrace challenges, quickly adapt to situations, and grab meaningful opportunities are the ones who will stand out. At the same time, being open-minded to meeting new people and participating in activities outside of your comfort zone will allow one to make friends and explore new ways of going about things. While trials and tribulations may await, always keep in mind that it’s not the results that matter, but rather the efforts and processes. These are some character traits that I have picked up from my time in school, and extended further during my beijingkids internship. Even though I am far away from my fellow classmates, professors, and advisors in university, I will definitely be giving it my best in my academic coursework, and strive to make a good impression on those I will be (virtually) interacting with.

Wish me luck!

KEEP READING: Travel Diaries: Living It Up in Luoyang

Image: Unsplash and Pexels

I set a few unrealistic goals for myself at the beginning of summer, as so many of us do. I’d heard that the summer following 10th grade is supposed to be meaningful, but don’t “meaningful” and “summer” kind of have opposite meanings? I think my summer was pretty meaningful, but my bar for what is meaningful is probably pretty low because of the wasted summers I’ve enjoyed my entire life.

This year, interning at beijingkids has been fun and educational. Having a platform to learn and write about the city I live in as well as personal stories has been lovely. The work environment was also more casual and inviting than I expected. An added perk is that the beijingkids office is located near some of the biggest shopping areas in Beijing, so I’ve had a blast tasting all of the many restaurants saved in my DianPing. You might have heard of water scarcity, but in Shunyi, where I live, there’s a scarcity of amazing restaurants. As a foodie, that’s a tough place to live in. I’m positive that if one conducts a study of the concentration of foodies in the districts of Beijing, Shunyi’s numbers would be towards the bottom of the list.

I swear time goes faster during summer vacation. 7 weeks, ‘poof’, and it’s gone. Is it just me, or do the first one or two weeks of summer seem meaningful and long, but the rest of the summer just flies by within the blink of an eye? It’s like some type of mind trickery.

Well, now begins the annual countdown until the start of school, which for us Keystone Academy students, is the Aug 17. I’m both dreading but eager to begin school.

In previous years, my excitement for school came from a mix of wanting to get away from my family and guilt for being irresponsible and unproductive over the summer. (I’ve just described a stereotypical teenager who is rebellious and has no direction in life, I know). However, this year I’m excited for different reasons.

First, this year is bound to be different. Our first two weeks of school will be conducted online, again. My personal views on online learning are mixed. COVID-19 has affected education in unexpected ways, some positive and others not. I like being in charge of my own time and staying at home, but face-to-face learning is much more interactive and productive. I’ve also learned about several useful online educational resources like Education Perfect and NoRedInk which make learning fun and interactive despite being on a screen.

On the other hand, disappointing and lower-than-expected 2020 IB results have raised questions about what constitutes “fairness” in testing during a time when different students are affected differently by a global pandemic. Going into 11th grade, college is no more a distant myth, it’s the next major step of my life. Everyone wants to maximize their last two years of high school, and it’s a bit worrying because of this fluctuating and unpredictable pandemic.

Aside from academics, extracurriculars are essential to almost every student’s school experience. If the basketball season gets cancelled, that will not only be a blow for me, but also to every passionate student who is involved in school athletics. Basketball means a lot to me, and many don’t understand why, but I think that basketball can be compared to a good friend. The more you invest in it, the better your relationship with it.

That’s the thing. There’s so much uncertainty in everything we do right now. However, with this uncertainty comes anticipation for adventure. That’s what I’m hoping this school year’s going to be like: adventurous with ups and downs. Nobody wishes to live in a predictable utopia, that’s merely a moral construct. We need adversity, we need challenges, and we need adventure. That’s my mentality towards the upcoming school year. It will be full of challenges and surprises, but what really matters is embracing it by taking risks and coming out as a better and wiser person. Instead of being vulnerable to chaos, find yourself within it. Don’t be yourself, be better than yourself. Well, that’s gonna be my motto for this year. I hope I don’t mess it up…

“Jack, thank you for all of your amazing work during your summer internship. We have loved having you in the office and will miss your unique and thoughtful perspective. We wish you the best of luck for the academic year, we know you’ll thrive” – the beijingkids editorial team

 Click here to read more of Jack’s work (including this moving piece about his grandfather’s Tsampa)

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Fifteen years, five countries. It’s been difficult, but I don’t often think about it, because to me it feels so natural to constantly move around. I’ve gone to international schools my entire life and the majority of my peers have had the same experiences. I don’t think twice when people tell me that they’ve just moved from somewhere halfway across the world, and then when I hear from them next, they’re living somewhere even farther away than that. This way of life feels so conventional that it never occurred to me what my life could have been like if it wasn’t this way.

It’s true that change is a good thing, and that it’s constant, but when you incessantly remind yourself of it, it limits you. I’ve always felt a sense of uncertainty no matter how settled I become in a new country. I would be leaving it soon enough anyway, and then I would have to start all over again somewhere utterly different. In particular, this mindset always prevented me from investing in the friendships that I knew I wanted to keep. I didn’t really see a point in putting effort into building these relationships when I knew they would be over soon enough. However hopeful one may be, life goes on. You move away and your best friend promises that they’ll call and text, that they’ll come to visit, and that there’s no reason for you to worry because how could they ever forget you? While this is innocent enough, and it does offer some comfort, it almost never works out like that; at least in my experience. People tend to drift apart no matter how hard they try not to.

It might sound trivial to say that it’s been hard for me to make friends, and more importantly, to keep them. Shallow teenage friendships seem like a minor concern, but more than worrying about losing out on friendships, I worry about losing out on bonds. This is something I’ve talked about with many of my friends who move around as much as I do.  We feel that we’re more familiar with loneliness compared to most other people. It takes time to build strong relationships, and that, unfortunately, is exactly what we lack.  When you have to repeatedly start afresh every few years, it does become quite lonely. You have to be the best version of yourself almost all the time in order to fit in wherever you are because first impressions matter the most.

Most people tell me how lucky I am, how much they wish they could experience living in different countries at such a young age. Whenever I mention how hard it is and how much I wish I could stay in one place for once, they always tell me that I’ll be grateful when I’m older. I’m sure I will, and there are things constantly moving teaches you that nothing else does. But sometimes, just sometimes, I let myself think about what it would have been like if I’d lived in one city all my childhood. Maybe I’d have had lifelong friends that would have known me better than anyone else. But then again, maybe not.

The truth is, you never really know what could have happened if things were different. You can keep wishing, and at times, keep hating the way things are now, but life doesn’t work that way. Situations don’t change, people do. And while that is cliché, I admit, I often find that the most clichéd statements turn out to be the most useful. I may not have a place I can confidently call home, and I may not have the kind of friendships I wish I did. But along the way, I have built some everlasting memories, enjoyed some unforgettable moments, and if everything I’ve been to has led to where I am today, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sharanya Trivedi is a year 10 student. Originally from India, she has lived in several countries across the world and has been in Beijing since 2017. An avid reader and debater, she is a devoted fan of the k-pop band BTS.

KEEP READING:  Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Body Image and the Modern Teenager

Photo: Sharanya Trivedi, unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue