Artist dad Johannes Nielsen is originally from Sweden and has lived in Beijing for over ten years. He spends his days creating art and playing games with his five-year-old daughter Shiloh along with their dog Luna and cat T-Rex.

Does art play a large part in your life?

Yes, I was born into an artistic home and grew up with paint and clay in the living room. As a teenager I hated art but now it’s my passion, my language, my joy… and now it’s me bringing clay and paint to the living room and probably sometimes traumatizing my daughter with an overwhelming passion for art.

Were you encouraged to explore the arts as a child?

Yes, in fact, it was the only thing I was really encouraged to do. Looking back I sometimes wished they had encouraged me to also take other things more seriously, like school. I learned to be a great dreamer but the journey to make my dreams real and pay tax has been a long and crooked journey. It was also that journey that took me to China.

Do you (or will you) encourage your children to explore the arts in or outside of school?

Yes, but I will also be careful not to overwhelm her or put any expectations on her.  Also, in some way, I don’t think I know more about art than my daughter. She has shown me how playful it can be. She has in that way helped me to reconnect with something I had lost on the way as an artist, and maybe take it a little too seriously and to focus on the result. This lead me to create a drawing workshop for adults titled Rediscover Drawing.

Do you think it’s important for schools to offer kids a wide variety of arts programs? Why or why not?

I think for some kids it’s more important, almost essential. I was a kid like that myself, I did not feel like I fit into the school system, and had difficulties in following directions. But I remember in the art class how I got to shine and find my strength and way of expressing myself in the class. However, for other kids, it seems to be less important. I think art should never be something that one is forced to do. I believe creativity is a very delicate and intimate space. A space that needs to be seen and acknowledged within each of us both by ourselves but also by the people around us. Therefore it needs to be guided and explored within a space without right and wrong, good or bad… and that’s very hard to create and facilitate, therefore we should do it. Especially in times like this, I believe as technology gets more advanced, creativity will be more and more valued within all fields. Not only in art but also in business and science.

Is there a form of art that your child(ren) really enjoys?

Recently acting, dancing, and singing. Often to Disney’s “Frozen” where I get the role of a prince or monster and I love it, It’s an opportunity for me to play and reconnect with the child within me. I see it as my daughter does.

Do you think it’s important for your child to at least experience every form of art?

Yes, but I also know from my own experience it’s not a straight path. You need to go back and forth, up and down a lot… never throw the baby out with the baby water just because there was no magic the first time.

Would you encourage your child to pursue a career in the arts?

Definitely, but also if she chooses to be a banker, I would encourage that too. I think it all can be creative and an expression of our inner voice.

Do you think art contributes to a child’s mental development?

I know it does, not only because I have seen it in children, I have seen it in my parents, and I have experienced it within myself. Recently I made an exhibition titled “The Quarantine Collection.” It’s the artwork I created during the time of isolation in my home/studio. These artworks I have created during this time are very special to me because they have helped me find purpose and joy in this strange time. Instead of using words to explain how we feel I believe in the power of manifesting it to a picture, form, or object. We get distance, we can see it, we can touch it, and more importantly, share it with others.

Sometimes when my daughter finds it hard to explain something, I ask if she can draw it for me instead. And I’m always surprised by what comes out.

Dad Fango Huang is an avid photographer and designer, and Mom Grass Chen is an owner of specialty homestays, who strives to bring beauty into life. She lives by the mantra “You can be slow, but you can’t stop.” Together, they have two daughters: 14-year-old Martina and nine-year-old Phoena. Martina is gentle and quiet, has tenacity, and strives for perfection. She likes to listen to music and immerse herself in a world of paintings and artwork where she can create stories one stroke at a time. Phoena is lively, energetic, and imaginative. She loves doing handiwork and collecting gemstones.

Does art play a large part in your life?

Art is all things “beautiful” for us. As a family, yes, we have an innate pursuit of “beauty.” Art is not just present in lavish palaces and buildings but rather exists all throughout our daily lives. Beauty is all around us, and as long as we are willing and able, we can explore, discover, experience, and enjoy.

Were you encouraged to explore the arts as a child?

I was born in the 1970s. When I was a child, art materials were often very scarce and hard to purchase. I vividly remember the words my mother often used to say: “Be fortunate that you can at least stay warm in the winter and have enough food to eat. Don’t even think about anything else!” so, art was a luxury when I was young, and I wasn’t really encouraged to explore the arts.

Do you (or will you) encourage your children to explore the arts in or outside of school?

Most definitely. Whether it be in or out of school, we encourage the children to explore. I remember once in their music class at school, the teachers had asked the children to try to make musical instruments from different arts and crafts objects. They tied a rubber band to a paper box to make a harp. Another one of their assignments was to design and make a dress, so they cut, glued, and sewed out a set of dresses from old curtains. Once also, the two girls had a whim and wanted to paint on one of the walls in our house. After much deliberation, I cleared a wall and let them play freely. I guess you could say I got an abstract art wall for free.

Do you think it’s important for schools to offer kids a wide variety of arts programs? Why or why not?

Our school provides Western and Eastern art courses for the children, and there are also various art clubs after class, such as theater, orchestras, choirs, oil paintings, and calligraphy. We put great importance on the art courses provided by the school because they not only improve the children’s artistic abilities and their understanding of aesthetics, but they also cultivate the children’s teamwork abilities.

Is there a form of art that your child(ren) really enjoys?

Phoena can talk for hours on end, and I found that once you give her writing utensils and a drawing book, she will immediately quiet down. When she was five and a half years old, she made a decision to draw at least one picture every day. Over 500 days later, she’s still sticking to her promise and continuing to draw. Many parents are dumbfounded when they find out, and they ask us how we kept Phoena to continue drawing. But it’s not us, it’s a matter of persistence from Phoena.

Martina likes music, and when we watch the opera, she can be moved to tears. She likes doing choir music and playing the piano. She started learning when she was less than five years old. While she found it boring at times and almost gave up on a few occasions, Martina has truly fallen in love with the piano and enjoys it. She’s been through ups and downs, but as long as you persist, you will eventually experience its beauty.

Do you think it’s important for your child to at least experience every form of art?

Absolutely. I think it’s important to let the children dabble in various art experiences. On one hand, I hope that the children can find their artistic interests. On the other, I hope they can broaden their artistic perspectives and integrate different forms of art together.

Would you encourage your child to pursue a career in the arts?

If they can turn their artistic interests into a career, I will definitely support it. Of course, if the professional pathways they choose have nothing to do with the arts, I will wholeheartedly support that as well. I believe that the experiences you have in life are never in vain, so their interactions with the arts will definitely stay with them wherever they go.

Do you think art contributes to a child’s mental development?

Learning art is not just about developing children’s drawing skills, nor is it just about being proficient in making and creating music. Art is a means of spiritual fulfillment for children and is a lens through which we can view the world and understand the dynamics of life. I feel that art is an effective means of encouraging children to understand the world.    

KEEP READING: West Meets East: Two Students From Different Cultures Share Their Views on Cultural Diversity

Images: Courtesy of Grass Chen and Johannes Nielsen

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 October issue

Mom Cindy Marie Jenkins is the Deputy Managing Editor of beijingkids and corporate consultant, and her husband Dan is a theme park designer. The couple moved to Beijing from the US in June of 2019 with their two sons Malcolm (age 6) and Bashy (age 4).

When was your first date?

I consider my first date to be the first time I invited a guy to my house specifically because I wanted to be more than friends. I was fourteen. We played some basketball games and then watched “The Little Mermaid” on VHS. By the time Sebastian the crab sang “Kiss the Girl,” I guess I’d made my intentions clear because he did.

What age should kids start dating?

It really depends on the kid, but I thought I was ready by 13 or 14. I was at least ready to make the mistakes I needed to make in order to learn and mature. By 15, I moved from dating to some longer relationships. As idiotic as I acted sometimes, I learned so much about myself – what I want and what I deserve – that later relationships were much better – or at least over faster!

Do you think children should have romantic relationships before college?

I will absolutely support my children having romantic relationships before college. If they want to pursue dating, my husband and I will be there for them, however they need us. And if our kids don’t want to talk to us, I hope they have someone else they can trust.

Have you talked to your children about sex?

Not yet. Malcolm has a great book called “It’s Not the Stork” that we read whenever he has questions. It talks about bodies and fertilization of eggs pretty plainly, without saying how the sperm gets to the egg. We taught them the real terms for their body parts; we don’t use nicknames. Once his understanding of biology catches up with his questions, we still plan to answer plainly and honestly. Kids understand so much more than we give them credit for, and if we don’t tell them the truth, they’ll seek it somewhere else.

We do, however, discuss consent. “If you are playing and your friend isn’t having fun and says no, you stop and see if they’re okay. You need their consent, or permission to tickle them,” that kind of thing. Both kids know they have the right to say “No, stop. I don’t like that” anytime, whether it’s tickling or playing or getting their picture taken. We are adamant that they can and should tell us when they want to stop doing something, even if they don’t know why.

When they start dating, do you want to know the details? Why?

I doubt I will want to know the details. However, my parents always made it clear that if they needed me, I could talk to them, and sometimes I did. Knowing that I could talk to them went a long way towards trusting them. I don’t remember giving them details but I did ask for help when I needed to buy birth control, and I was more uncomfortable than they were about it.

More important than knowing details, I want my kids to know they can always talk to us without judgment. I don’t want them to ever feel shame about their bodies or their feelings. Whether they talk to me or their Dad or whoever, I want our kids to know they can ask any question, any time.

Do you think PDAs (public displays of affection) are acceptable in front of kids?

Absolutely. We are their models for relationships. My husband and I don’t have make-out sessions in front of them, but we show affection. Since they are little mimics, we are careful not to do anything that we don’t want them to play-act with their friends. But we’ve never considered not showing affection to a certain degree.

What are your biggest concerns regarding your children’s emotional development?

I want them to feel free to be themselves, to explore who that is and how they interact with the world. Some of our favorite authors and creators encourage their audience to consider the world complexly, and that is the core of what we want for our kids. There are few easy answers in the world, especially in relationships. They see us work out conflicts or disagreements together. There aren’t always good guys and bad guys in a story; the world is more complicated than that.

After sheltering in place and being in quarantine for so long, we are now re-learning some social and emotional development. It can be slow going, but their friendships in Beijing help.

What is the number one piece of relationship advice you will pass on to your children?

Trust your gut. Embrace your feelings and express them, even or especially if they are scary. Surround yourself with people who challenge you, support you, and will always look out for your best interests. Treat everyone who you date with respect, and expect that same respect in return. That’s more than one piece of advice! It all comes down to respect and consent.

Dad, Xing Tao graduated from Peking University and went on to co-found Beijing Chuangshi Excellence Culture Co., Ltd with his wife Gong Xun, a company that publishes and distributes children’s’ books. Mom, Gong Xun, graduated from Renmin University of China. They have two children, Leslie (7) and Ivy (5) who both go to Harrow Beijing.

When was your first date?

Gong Xun: My first date was during my third year of high school, with one of my classmates. Even though I was very studious and academic at the time, I still made room for emotional growth and feelings. After finishing my homework at midnight, I would often listen to Zero Point Music radio show hosted by Wu Zhoutong. Whenever I liked someone, listening to love songs and stories felt different. The first time I went out on a date was to watch a movie, “Love Mala Tang.” We had reached the theatre late and the movie had already started. When we entered the pitch dark theatre hall, Karen Mok’s hit song “I Want a Boy” was playing. The rhythm and lyrics of the music really matched my mood at that time [laughs.] That was how my first love began.

What age should kids start dating?

The mental maturity of each child is different, so I think it’s difficult to judge when it’s acceptable to them to start dating just by age. I think if the child is relatively mature, then they are ready to go on dates. The person should have a good understanding of themselves, have independent opinions, and be able to solve problems through communication with others. Above all, the most important thing is to have a sense of responsibility and to know how to respect others’ feelings.

Do you think children should have romantic relationships before college?

I will support the choices that my children make when they reach an age where they are mentally mature enough to make those choices. So, whether they are in college or not is not really important.

Have you talked to your children about sex?

I will definitely talk to my children about sex, and gradually deepen the topic as they grow older. Currently, one of my two children is seven years old and the other is five. For the time being, we have discussed how a baby is born, and the physical differences between boys and girls. For this, I bought an awesome book called “Our Body,” which contains very good content and is well-written. In terms of sex education, I am more of an academic buff. So I will basically shortlist books and resources that I think are suitable for the kids, content-wise. Then I will either read and narrate the key points to the children, or I’ll let them read by themselves.

When they start dating, do you want to know the details? Why?

I wouldn’t want to know the details of their relationship, because I am not the type of mother who frets about everything regarding their children. For example, at their current age and stage of life, my children mainly play with children of the same age. Of course, while playing, conflicts do come up. However, I generally do not focus on the minute details of these conflicts. I just figure out which side is right and wrong, whether I should apologize, and how the reconciliation should take place.  As parents, you should respect your children and care for them. So, in the process of educating your children, you should give them full trust and understanding.

Do you think PDAs (public displays of affection) are acceptable in front of kids?

This is hard to say. When the children are very young, I don’t think there is any problem with it. But once the children are older, I am afraid that excessive displays of intimacy could bring about negative feelings of awkwardness and embarrassment.

What are your biggest concerns regarding your children’s emotional development?

My two children have very different personalities. My son is a very emotional person, enthusiastic, and impulsive at times. I just worry about him making bad choices when in that impulsive mood. But if he can stay in control and think deeply about himself and his actions, he will be able to deal with problems calmly. My daughter, on the outside, is lovely and well-behaved, but inside she is strong and has her own opinions. In terms of her future, what I worry about most is that she can be herself in a relationship.

What is the number one piece of relationship advice you will pass on to your children?

To learn how to respect others. If they are in a relationship, they should be able to balance that between their individuality and their outlook with friends, family, and other groups of people. When in a relationship, one must establish a sense of responsibility and form a positive outlook on life and values. I think that by finding a person who encompasses these three pieces of advice, happiness is just around the corner.

KEEP READING: West Meets East: Parents From Different Cultures Dish on Parenting

Photos: Courtesy of parents

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 September issue

Ila B.

Ila B. is a Year 11 student at Dulwich College Beijing. Originally from the UK, she has lived in multiple countries across the world and has been in Beijing since 2017. She is a keen writer and an Arsenal fan.

What does cultural diversity mean to you?

Cultural diversity is quite important to me because I know from experience that it is very alienating to be the odd one out. It’s also especially important in order to achieve an all-inclusive environment.

How much importance does your school give to diversity? Is it enough?

In my opinion, my school does not give much importance to diversity. It is not something that is discussed a lot or given a platform, it is mostly taken as a given that everyone feels comfortable with the diversity at the school, which is often not the case.

Have you personally witnessed or experienced cultural insensitivity during your time in Beijing?

I have a close friend and we are the only two Indians in our year; we are regularly mistaken for each other and asked by teachers and students if we are sisters. However, we do not even look similar at all, the only likeness being our ethnicity.

Do you think Beijing’s international school curricula put enough emphasis on cultural diversity? Why or why not?

I don’t think that Beijing’s international school curricula puts any emphasis on cultural diversity as it is not something that is talked about often enough by teachers or students. This is part of the problem, and I definitely think the topic of diversity needs to be taught to us, especially at a younger age.

Beijing is increasingly diverse. Do you think locals are appreciative of that?

I can’t say for sure if they’re appreciative, but from my experience, I think that Beijing locals are pretty unfazed by the increasingly diverse state of Beijing. Some people look strangely at me, but I don’t think I have faced any outright racism or even alienation.

Is being culturally diverse the new normal in contemporary society? Why or why not?

Of course, it depends on which part of the world you’re in, but having said that, I think it is, because due to globalization and increased travel and immigration from different countries, you would be hard-pressed to find a city that is completely homogenous.

What are your thoughts on tokenism in cultural diversity?

I think that token cultural diversity can be very harmful, particularly because it creates the illusion that change is being made regarding diversity when it isn’t. When you are just including diversity in your school, TV show, movie, or community, to tick boxes rather than making those spaces more inclusive, this does not help you or minorities.

Audrey W.

Audrey W. is a Year 11 student at Dulwich College Beijing. She was born in Hong Kong, but has lived in Beijing for her whole life. She likes to spend her free time practicing her guzheng and playing sports.

What does cultural diversity mean to you?

To me, cultural diversity is the existence of a variety of cultural or ethnic groups within a society. I think that it is important because we can learn from one another and understand different perspectives within our world. It also may help to dispel negative stereotypes and personal biases people may have about different groups.

How much importance does your school give to diversity? Is it enough?

I have been at my school for 13 years now and I think that they do give a lot of importance to diversity. During our time at Junior School, we had many lessons about different religions, and I think that it was very important that we learned about it from a young age because it taught us to accept people of different cultures.

Have you personally witnessed or experienced cultural insensitivity during your time in Beijing?

I haven’t experienced any cultural insensitivity in Beijing, and it may be because most of the population has the same ethnicity and culture as I do. On the other hand, when I visit the US, some people make racist assumptions about Chinese people.

Do you think Beijing’s international school curricula put enough emphasis on cultural diversity? Why or why not?

I think that international schools in Beijing teach students how to be more accepting of everyone. However, I think that their curriculums could introduce the history of different races and cultures to help students understand why it is important to not make race-based comments. Even though international school curricula are becoming increasingly diverse, there is definitely more work to be done.

Beijing is increasingly diverse. Do you think locals are appreciative of that?

I think they are because it means that they can learn different languages and cultures which wouldn’t have been easy if the state wasn’t diverse. Many Beijing locals want to learn English and it is easier for them to learn it when they are around other people that are speaking English. I’m not sure if they prefer the state that Beijing is currently in, but I don’t see outright dislike.

Is being culturally diverse the new normal in contemporary society? Why or why not?

This may differ depending on the city. For example, Beijing and Shanghai may be more used to a culturally diverse population than rural cities. This is because bigger cities may have more foreign people living there. However, I do think that now, compared to the past, society is starting to embrace multiculturalism.

What are your thoughts on tokenism in cultural diversity?

I don’t know much about this topic, and I feel like that’s part of the problem. When organizations, companies, or even schools use tokenism as performative measures, this adds to the problem of a lack of inclusivity, and I don’t think many people realize that.

KEEP READING: West Meets East: “Do You Think It’s Important for Children to Travel?”

Photos: Courtesy of Ila B and Audrey W

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue

In our regular magazine piece ‘West Meets East’, we interview two Beijing families from two different cultural backgrounds about the same topic. This month, we talked to the Monte-Wen family from Italy and China and the Yong-Xing family from China about their approach to family travel.

Stefano Monte is originally from Venice, Italy and has been a prominent figure in the Beijing F&B scene since 2012. The former restaurant GM is currently taking time off from work to be a full-time dad. His wife Linn Wen is originally from Hunan Province and moved to Beijing to pursue her career as a journalist. She’s now working as an Executive Assistant in a tech company and enjoys reading, studying Japanese, and drinking Chinese tea in her spare time. Their seven-year-old daughter Melissa was born and raised in Beijing, is a student at the Italian Embassy School of Beijing, and loves Muay Tai and Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Let’s just jump to the big question. What’s your family’s plan for this summer?

To stay in Beijing. If you compare it with other countries China is safer in terms of COVID-19 prevention. Plus, there are no international flight available at the moment.

Growing up, did your parents plan big family trips? If so, what did you like or hate about them?

No, we didn’t take big family trips because my parents didn’t like to move too much.

Do you think it’s important for children to travel at a young age and explore other cultures?

For children it’s very important travel and discover new cultures. Opening their minds helps kids to grow faster. My daughter lives in China but spends the summer holidays in Italy, so she is learning two different cultures and I’m sure she will get the best from both.

Do you think traveling contributes to a child’s personal and emotional development?

For sure. At first children might feel lost but I’m sure that seeing different people and different environments can help their personal development.

Do you think it’s better to travel as a family or to send children on summer camp group trips?

Both are good options. It’s safer with family because you always have support, but if you go to summer camp alone, you will become stronger because you’ll need to be more independent.

Are you concerned about the safety of your children when traveling?

It depends on which country we travel to. Beijing is very safe. But in some other countries you need to have four pairs of eyes on your kids.

Do you think traveling frequently while growing up helps prepare children for their independent life after high school?

Yes, I think so.

Dad Yao Yong graduated from Tsinghua University and was one of the founding members of Shuimu Nianhua (水木年华), a folk singing group. He later created his own internet gaming company, QQ Xuanwu, a music and dance game that has left a lasting legacy for a whole generation of Chinese gamers. Mom, Fang Xing also graduated from Tsinghua University and worked as a senior executive in a foreign enterprise and later went on to study at MIT. After being a stay-at-home mom for a few years, she opened a cake studio that is now very popular amongst celebrities. They have two sons, Owen (age 9) and Oliver (age 4).

Let’s just jump to the big question. What’s your family’s plan for this summer?

At the end of July, we and the families of a few of Owen’s friends are taking an RV and heading down to Qinghai Lake. We’re all really excited about this trip. We are looking forward to seeing Qinghai Lake and the Chaka Salt Lake as well as experiencing the beauty of nature and the endless prairies there.

Growing up, did your parents plan big family trips? If so, what did you like or hate about them?

I grew up in Nanjing and when I was a kid I went with my mother to Shanghai for a business trip. Then when I graduated middle school early, in the fifth grade, my mother took me on a long vacation to celebrate. We traveled down south from Nanjing, to Guilin, Wuhan, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen. This kind of travel would not have been easy from an adult’s perspective, with all the expenses and time arrangements. But as a young kid, I was very happy and excited to go to all kinds of scenic spots, learn about the local customs and traditions, and taste all sorts of delicacies. Now when I think about it, the memories are still vivid.

Do you think it’s important for children to travel at a young age and explore other cultures?

I’ve been traveling with my kids ever since they were young. It’s not so much that I want to broaden their horizons, as much as I want to travel and explore, and in doing so and I just happen to have to bring my kids with me. But there are a lot of interesting anecdotes we have of our travels, and now we often go back to those times. They may not remember certain events, but they can still recall those stories.

I’m grateful because I have had the opportunity to see many different lifestyles and regional cultures, and experience the tolerance and empathy the local people.

Do you think traveling contributes to a child’s personal and emotional development?

I think it does. Oliver, for example, was very introverted when he was a kid. In the past few years, the children have accompanied me in some of the most thrilling situations. For example, we went skiing in the US when we were hit by a snowstorm and trapped in our cabin in the woods, without food and water. We couldn’t go out. At that time, Oliver was just one and Owen was six. Owen braved the storm and helped me shovel snow, until eventually, we found paved roads. In that 24-hour period, the children did not eat or drink yet they were quite calm and cooperative.

Do you think it’s better to travel as a family or to send children on summer camp group trips?

Both are good options. Every year, we take a family trip together. My dad also insists on the boys and men traveling together. My brother has participated in solo summer and winter camps for the past two years. Different travel experiences will invoke a variety of emotions and provide various different advantages.

Are you concerned about the safety of your children when traveling?

Concerns are always going to be there. So choose the camps and event organizers you know well. In the last few years, we have participated in Qixing’s winter and summer camps, which take professionalism and safety very seriously.

Do you think traveling frequently while growing up helps prepare children for their independent life after high school?

I haven’t thought about that aspect much, to be honest. But now it seems that my two children have no problem adapting. Then again, I certainly didn’t lead an independent life before coming to Beijing to Nanjing for university.

KEEP READING: Parents From Different Cultural Backgrounds Share Their Thoughts on Summer Activities

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue

In our regular magazine piece ‘West Meets East’, we interview two Beijing families from two different cultural backgrounds about the same topic. This month, we talked to the Zhao family from China and Trivedi-Bajpai family from India about their parenting philosophies.

China: The Zhao family

Collin Zhao and wife, Tina, hail from two very distinct cities in China, with Collin coming from Shanghai and Tina from Beijing. Together, they have a 12-year-old daughter named Annie. Mr. Zhao is the photographer in the family, who loves taking photos, but is always a reluctant model. Tina loves making jokes to help brighten people’s mood in the family. 

*in the photo are Grandma, Tina, and Annie. Photographer dad Collin is (once again) behind the camera.

When you were a kid, were your parents more like “helicopter parents” or “free-range parents”?

My parents were more like “free-range parents.” I don’t remember my parents ever making me stay up late to study, or punishing me when I didn’t finish my homework. My mom was always the one who took care of my daily-basis like clothes, food, and transportation. My dad was the one who inspired and encouraged me to explore the world.

How would you react to your parents whenever they tried to make decisions for you when you were young?

I don’t think my parents had ever tried to make decisions for my life. At that time, my parents worked hard for the whole family. Sometimes we had to move to another city due to their work, so I had to change my school, but I just got used to the life, to saying goodbye to old friends and making new friends.

Have you ever wanted to control your child’s life or make decisions for your child? What did you do in this situation?

When our daughter was still a baby we had to make decisions for her, like when to feed her, when to change her diaper, when to give her a bath, and when to give her a baby massage. As time passes by, she gradually grows her own awareness and hobbies, and we respect that. For example, she likes dancing when she hears the music, and then we keep it in mind.

Are you satisfied with your child’s academic performance? Would you ever compare your child’s academic achievements with other kids?

We all think studying is more like a journey to get to know the world and make friends, instead of comparing academic performance. Even though it’s inevitable to focus on the grade in public schools, we still encourage Annie to choose the field she likes, and manage her own time to take a break or keep studying further. We expect her to gain more interest in study.

What would you do if your child has a crush or is in a relationship while in middle school?

We think in any relationship, the most important thing is to remember to love ourselves. Instead of trying to figure out how to avoid it, we want our daughter to feel comfortable enough to communicate with us.

Has your child done anything particularly rebellious so far?

Actually, with an open-minded attitude to educate and communicate with our daughter, we treat her as independent. Therefore, being particularly rebellious is probably a false proposition here.

Do you know anything about your child’s current stress or problems?

Some things I can see with my kid is her generation’s lack of close communication with her friends. I feel like in our generation, there were closer friendships, but our child’s generation seems like it has a difficult time being able to bond on a more personal level. In addition to that, our kid has a difficult time saying no to requests or favors because she wants to be nice.

India: The Trivedi-Bajpai family

Shruti Bajpai and her husband, Mayank Trivedi, are originally from India. They have lived in different countries and cities in Asia before moving to Beijing, which has made them fans of Chinese culture and traditions. Over the past few years, together with their children, Sharanya and Suvarn, both happy students at Dulwich College Beijing (DCB), they have traveled extensively within mainland China, from the heights of Tibet to the inviting landscape of Xinjiang and the varied culture of Gansu Province. As a family, they love watching Chinese movies in theaters and have thoroughly enjoyed recent hits like Wandering Earth, Dying to Survive, and The Farewell.

When you were a kid, were your parents more like “helicopter parents” or “free-range parents”?

Both my husband and I grew up in India in a typical middle-class Indian household with traditional Indian values. Our parents were neither helicopter nor free-range, but a balanced mix of the two. We were pushed to excel in academics (that came with the territory), but also in our areas of interest, even if they were non-academic. In hindsight, I think that the one value our parents instilled in us was to give our 100% to whatever we did, whether it would be our own interests or school work. This has indeed held us in good stead, and this is something that we encourage our children to do.

How would you react to your parents whenever they tried to make decisions for you when you were young?

Most of the time, we went along with them deciding for us, as that was the social norm at the time. We didn’t question them, obedience to parents is a very strong trait in all of Asia. But I do remember that there were times where I resented this control and would argue vehemently, mostly unsuccessfully, but I had small wins too.

Have you ever wanted to control your child’s life or make decisions for your child? What did you do in this situation?

I would like to say no, but the honest truth is yes. And now, as freshly minted teenagers who know to speak their minds, our children push back. But thankfully, our frequent discussions about decision-making or control are healthy and we reach a mid-point at times, and at other times, they give in. Increasingly, there are times that we, as parents, have to give in too.

Are you satisfied with your child’s academic performance? Would you ever compare your child’s academic achievements with other kids?

Yes, we are happy that our children are both academically inclined and do give their best to everything they do in school. And while we do try to avoid comparison, it does slip in, more often than not. And the children are quick to call us out on this.

What would you do if your child has a crush or is in a relationship while in middle school?

I think crushes are common, middle school onwards, and I would consider this normal for my kids. But being in a relationship in middle school, to me, is a bit too early because the teenage brain is still developing and may not fully grasp the nuances and complexities of a relationship at a relatively young age.

Has your child done anything particularly rebellious so far?

Knock on wood, no. While we do have a lot of runins with our kids, (they think that we belong to the stone age), it’s all in good humor. We are able to talk about issues that bother them.

Do you know anything about your child’s current stress or problems? How do you help him, and if not, how would you?

Yes, we do know a lot of our children’s stress problems. Do we know everything? No. There is so much that we need to learn too. I personally try to read up on practices to build empathy and often seek advice on how to be a better listener. My husband, on the other hand, tends to engage directly with our children and talk it out with them. But this is a work in progress for both of us — sometimes we are successful, at other times we are hopeless resolving a difficult situation. For us, frequent family holidays prove to be a great stress-buster and give us a chance to build better communication. Over the past three years, we have traveled extensively within China. These holidays have helped us understand each other better.

KEEP READING: Parents “Trash Talk” About Involving Kids in Sustainable Living

Photos: courtesy of Colin Zhao, Shruti Bajpai

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 May issue

In our regular magazine piece ‘West Meets East’, we interview two Beijing families from two different cultural backgrounds about the same topic. This month, we talked to the Jiang-Yan family from China and Sumita-Geevarghese family from India about family summer activites.

China: the Jiang-Yan family

Justin Jiang works in the engineering department of a state-owned enterprise, while Hao Yan is a freelance cultural planner who organizes shows and events, writes books, and runs her own WeChat account. Their daughter Ella is currently in Grade 9 and dreams of becoming an art student. Yan talked us through their family approach to the summer holidays.

Did you attend summer camps as a child? Was it common?

When I was a kid, students were specifically selected to attend summer camps and they were not very common, so the opportunity to go was precious. The first time I went to summer camp was in the third grade, and I was impressed by the fact that the city kids all left home to live together.

Life was rustic back then, and we slept in the local school with desks put together and straw mats laid out on the floor. Waking up early in the morning, the female teachers and girls helped to braid each other’s hair. For me, the smell of summer is the smell of cold drinking water in big thermos bottles.

How did you usually spend your summer holidays?

In addition to summer camps, we also spent time at my parents’ factory, where children of all different ages stayed together. Sometimes I’d stay with my grandparents.

Do you think it’s important for children to take a break from academics during the summer or is summer the best time for them to prepare for the coming school year?

Of course it’s important to take a break from academics during the summer. Cultivating knowledge is essential, but it cannot be all-encompassing, and life would be too narrow if it totally revolved around the school year.

Does your child partake in any year-round after school programs or extracurricular activities?

Our daughter attends art classes once a week.

Did you study abroad or do any exchange programs when you were a student? Will you encourage your child to do them?

No, I didn’t. My daughter lived in London from age four to seven and has since been involved in various European and American courses, summer camps, and summer schools. But for now, it doesn’t look like longer exchange programs will become a regular thing in our family. Our daughter tried to live with a host family for three weeks during the winter break in the sixth grade but she did not like the experience very much. Even though exchange students get the opportunity to immerse themselves into the local culture, in this case, we felt there was a loss in terms of personalized education, and specialty development.

Do you believe it’s important for children to be exposed to different cultures? Why or why not?

Yes. There is no doubt that they will need it to understand the world better. Independent thinking, and critical thinking, is based on observation, seeing first, then thinking.

When we go to a new place, we always go to the local markets, museums, and take public transportation, in order to better experience the local culture. Last summer, I was at the annual group exhibitions at the Whitney Museum of Art in New York City with our daughter, and I was surprised at how sensitive she was to the politics of the artworks we saw. She has been to different schools in Texas, Seattle, and Boston in the United States and is sensitive to the very different social and teaching styles in these areas, each with different pros and cons.

Do you think it’s important for children to attend college immediately after graduating from high school or is it better for them to take a gap year?

I would personally prefer her to go straight to college and try to find a direction that is worth investing her energy in as soon as possible. Aiming a little higher, and working a little harder is what will unlock one’s potential.

Besides, what are gap years really for? Personally, I believe that vacation doesn’t give one a purpose, and that it’s only possible to find one through study or a job. Having said that, this year is so unusual that if our daughter can graduate high school this year, I might actually encourage her to take a gap year or even find a part-time job for a year.

India: the Sumita-Geevarghese family

Meet the Sumita-Geevarghese family. Originally from India, they have been in
Beijing since 2011. Dad Danny Geevarghese is a former journalist at CGTN and now a stay-at-home parent. Mom Benita Sumita, is a high school social studies teacher at Tsinghua International School (THIS) affiliated to the Tsinghua High School. Their son Yohan Geevarghese was born in Beijing in 2012 and also attends THIS. We talked to Sumita about how their family enjoy the summer vacation.

Did you attend summer camps as a child? Was it common?

My husband and I spent our early school years in Kuwait, which was sheer coincidence. We did not know each other during our years there. Danny left Kuwait during middle school, but I went on to finish high school in Kuwait. Summer camps weren’t common during our formative years. Most expats left Kuwait to go home for the summer, and others traveled. Our schools packed us with so much homework and so many projects for the holidays that we probably did not have time to think of summer camps.

How did you usually spend your summer holidays?

Growing up, we usually traveled back to our home country India, to spend time with our grandparents, get pampered rotten, eat bowls and bowls of mango, and get bitten by monsoon mosquitoes. In retrospect, I now understand, as a working parent, why my parents got only 20-25 days off of work, whereas I had close to three months. It was a lot of downtime for the piles of holiday homework.

Do you think it’s important for children to take a break from academics during the summer or is summer the best time for them to prepare for the coming school year?

The summer vacation is definitely a short sabbatical for students. However, learning is not only about academics, and we believe that kids, especially in lower and upper primary schools, should be engaged in learning in more ways than one, be it developing skills or nurturing a hobby. Short courses and/or summer camps are also great opportunities for young minds to continue honing their social skills. In fact, Yohan started school with a two-week summer program when he was two and a half years old. Those two weeks were a great initiation into his school life. There were a lot of tears to start with, but we incentivized Yohan with small, medium, and large-sized toys! So he not only got a taste of kindergarten, learning, and being social, but also figured out how to manipulate his parents [laughs.]

Does your child partake in any year-round after school programs or extracurricular activities?

Before the current global health crisis, Yohan played soccer with the China Football Club and learned the ukulele with a private teacher on the weekends. This year, Yohan has already asked to learn martial arts, and we are looking into online courses.

Aside from your time in Kuwait, did you study abroad or do any exchange programs when you were a student? Will you encourage your child to do them?

Both my husband and I have studied abroad for full and short-term courses. We both read for our Masters in the UK. My husband completed a short course on radio journalism in The Netherlands. I have completed short courses in various forms of conflict in Denmark. We have been fortunate that we have had such great opportunities to learn, and experience the world. There is such a constantly growing variety of courses, programs, and interests across that world, and we hope Yohan finds what he is interested in, wherever that might be.

Do you believe it’s important for children to be exposed to different cultures? Why or why not?

There is nothing more powerful for young minds (any mind really) than cultural exposure. It makes a person adaptive, accepting, and open-minded. Yohan was born in Beijing, and he is fortunate to have friends from around the world. Geographical acculturation is just one of the many things he experiences. Other forms of cultural exposure are also important, such as food, music, fashion, art, and more. There is a flip side to this though – except in Kuwait, where I grew up, I have not stayed in a country for more than seven-eight years. That sort of cultural exposure may also mean loosening of home ties, not with people that matter, but perhaps with the place, space, and different cultural norms.

Do you think it’s important for children to attend college immediately after graduating from high school or is it better for them to take a gap year?

This is a tough question because each child is different, and life plans keep changing. When we look back to when we graduated from high school, we feel we could have used a gap year but circumstances were so different back then.

KEEP READING: Parents “Trash Talk” About Involving Kids in Sustainable Living

Photos: Courtesy of Hao Yan, Benita Sumita

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue