We’re about to offer our readers a whole slew of updated information on relocating to and from Beijing, so thought we could start with an area of our lives that always causes stress: preparing to pack.

My family is moving soon, and even though we’re in the fortunate position of the company handling our relocation, the idea of packing is still stressful. What to take with us on the plane and what can we wait 4-10 weeks to receive — understanding that Covid-19 is still delaying nearly all shipments? What have the kids outgrown since we’ve moved here? Should I keep my winter clothes on the off chance we ever need them again or just start over?

Here are just a few of my tricks, having now moved cross country twice in my adult life and internationally twice.

 Start Clutter Clearing at least 3 months in advance of the move.

This is actually an emotional process, to review all your belongings and evaluate their usefulness or meaning in your life. It’s much better to do it one area of your space at a time, rather than think you can just do a full haul clearance while you’re also trying to pack. Start with the areas of less emotional attachment, like cables, cords, and electronics. Use the Rule of Five explained below, and just start.

Rule of Five

My sister needs this reminder a lot. Can’t determine how many stuffies to keep? How many spare charging cords, or empty notebooks? Use the rule of five. Only keep five of everything. If you have more than five, and it’s useful, that’s different. Or if it’s your kids’ collection of LEGO bricks and you have seven bins, well, Godspeed if you’re able to cut these down. But for most things in life, you do not need more than five of any one item.

Move the Cleared Items Out as Soon as Possible

Once you decide to get rid of something, get rid of it completely. I will sometimes call Roundabout to make a collection date before I clear things so that I have a deadline. The worst thing that can happen is you remove a toy they barely touched and put it into a closet, only to find your children dug it out one day when they were bored and now are playing with it again. Arggggggh!

Eat Your Way Through Your Pantry

At least three months before the move, you should also start eating your way through your pantry and freezer. Toss anything that’s expired. Remove items you are never going to use or open take a photo and see who wants those spices you just knew you’d start baking with but never touched. Stack pantry items all together so you understand that you actually have three unopened salsas and don’t need to buy anymore but should probably eat these first. Don’t leave this until the last minute or you’ll waste a lot of food.

Keep a “Don’t Care Bin”

Especially when travelling with children, you need a “don’t care” bin. These are Happy Meal toys, party favor crap, plastic shite you bribed them to stay quiet with one day but would rather not actually keep, etc. These are great for airplane and relocation trips when you don’t care if they break, don’t care if they get lost, you and your kids just don’t care.

Remove the Clothes That Don’t Fit

This one obviously assumes you have the money to replace them, but after two years in Beijing, a lot of my clothes shrunk in the wash. I can handle that tight waistline if I’m just standing at an event all day, but not on a regular basis. Be deliberate and ruthless: remove all items from your closet that simply don’t fit you anything. Take a photo and post it in your “buy nothing” sustainable group, then ship it off to the first person who says “yay”. This process includes the shoes that literally pain you to wear.

Gift Some Artwork

I adore all my kids’ artwork, I really do, but do I love it enough to unpack it in a few months? For some of their less sentimental pieces, I have them write a note on the back to give to their friends as a goodbye gift, along with a photo of them together. I always run these decisions by the kids themselves, of course, because I also don’t want them to ask me months later “Hey, where is that snowman I made at art class?”

Don’t Be Andy’s Mom

You know the mom from the first three Toy Story movies? She picks up the wrong bag for donation and sets into motion the entire escapade of saving all our favorite talking toys from the evil mafia at Sunnydale Day Care?

Don’t be Andy’s Mom. Sure, it was a mistake, but she and Andy could have had a reasonable discussion on which toys to keep and which toys to donate and saved everyone a whole lot of trouble and two hours of escapades. Of course, then we wouldn’t have a movie, but….

I know it feels like it would easier to just remove some items while they’re not looking, and I do totally do that sometimes. But when it comes to choosing their LEGO sets or favorite blankets or Funko toys, it’s best to discuss it with each child in advance. Because here’s the thing. I’d lightly discussed donating some toys with them last summer but they weren’t really interested. Then out of the blue, my son woke up one day after learning about children who didn’t have a lot of LEGO bricks and said he wanted to choose some to donate. We jumped on it and removed a whole bin from our home.

Remove all items from their shelves, containers, etc, then sort them in a neutral spot.

I find this very helpful with books especially. Take everything out of their spot and sort them into three piles: donate/trash, keep, and not sure. Keep the “not sure” items out and available, and if you don’t reach for them in the next month, out they go!

Everyone is going through such emotions during a move, don’t exacerbate them by trying to both get rid of items and also pack everything at once. Start as soon as you can, take it nice and slowly, and involve the whole family!

KEEP READING: Summer Camp Previews: Survival Camp and UK University Prep

Images: Canva

For foreigners who have lived in Beijing for a long time, returning “home” often highlights the main differences between cultures, resulting in what’s known as reverse culture shock. With so many members of our community stuck outside of China, and often in their home countries, we thought we’d take a closer look at this interesting phenomenon.

What is Reverse Culture Shock?

Reverse culture shock affects those who return to their home country after spending a long period of time abroad and like regular culture sock, refers to the emotional and psychological distress caused by re-adjusting to a different value system and culture. What sets reverse culture shock apart is that most people do not anticipate experiencing it. When traveling to a foreign country, most people prepare for and expect cultural shocks however when they return home, they generally expect to have a smooth and easy transition back into their culture and their old lives. Most expect things to be comfortable and familiar, however, this is not always the case. Previously familiar things now become foreign, causing people to feel shy, intimidated, and out of place in their own country.

When living abroad, you discover new things and gain a wider perspective on issues you were previously unaware of. You adapt and soon become accustomed to new habits, for example, no longer tipping a waiter. Adapting and creating new habits causes you to scrutinize your native traditions and make slight changes. Therefore, once you return home it becomes difficult to revert to your previous lifestyle. Additionally, you begin to notice the main differences in cultures such as restaurant service and street-life.

What are some effects of Reverse Culture Shock?

John and Jeanne Gullahorn have developed a reverse culture shock W-Curve

The impact of reverse culture shock generally relates to the length of time spent abroad: as a rule of thumb, the more time you spend overseas, the greater the reverse culture shock will be when returning home.

Researchers John and Jeanne Gullahorn developed a model for reverse-culture shock known as the W-Curve, which traces the typical cycles that people experience when adjusting to a foreign culture, then re-entering their own. According to their model, once you return home, you will likely experience a “honeymoon” period, during which everything seems to be going great, you’re excited to be home and you’re relishing being able to see family and old friends. However, this only lasts for a short time and afterward, you’ll begin to notice the challenges of adjusting to a change in environment and cultures. The stress typically begins to weigh you down and you start running into various complications. For instance, in Beijing, you may have become accustomed to biking or walking to your end destination and may struggle to adjust to a car-dependent country like the US.

Asking Beijing-Based Families about their Reverse Culture Shock

We interviewed Kenneth Asiedu, who has been living in Beijing since 2010 but is currently stuck in the US. He stated that the main cultural difference he readjusts to when traveling between the US and China is bargaining for lower prices and treatment of elders.

“When it comes to shopping in Beijing, I am often able to bargain for lower prices. However, bargaining is practically non-existent in the US. Once the price is set, it is generally accepted. For example, purchasing produce at a farmer’s market could be more expensive compared to grocery store prices. Additionally, children’s respect for parents and elders is alarmingly different. In the US, children have more individuality and can speak freely with little fear of being rude towards parents and elders.  Yet, in China children speak to parents with much more respect and tend to follow their parents’ wishes.”

How should you deal with Reverse Culture Shock?

Once you return home, it is recommended that you establish a routine to distract you and make the days pass by faster. Getting exercise, catching up with friends, and enjoying activities that make you happy are also recommended. Most importantly: accept that the transition back home can be difficult and it will take time to settle in. Take each day one at a time and address the problems you encounter, adjust your expectations, and stop comparing life at home to your life overseas.

KEEP READING: “That’s Not Bing! It’s Roti!”: When Indian and Chinese Food Unite 

Images: JESHOOTS.COM (via Unsplash), John and Jeanne Gullahorn

Information from state.gov

You are new to Beijing and it takes you a moment to take in all the grey buildings looming over you. But you know behind every grey facade is a possibly tasteful, even elegant apartment decked out to your liking. Agents upon agents are in hot pursuit as they smell an opportunity, sending you tons of pictures along with price listings, insisting you must see this property or that before it’s snatched up. But you are undecided. Do you settle for a cozy hutong loft or a modern high-rise apartment? Who do you even speak to about the apartment after you view it? Who is truly running the show; the agent or the landlord who you never meet? And what if issues should arise? Who do you speak to? The agent? The landlord? And that is how you come close to your first nervous breakdown.

Welcome to Beijing’s renters market, where up is down, down is up, housing agents are kings, and if you don’t know any better, your landlord might take you for a wild ride. I exaggerate of course. But let us delve into the murky waters of renters’ rights in Beijing.

I Am Landlord, Hear Me Roar

Up until very recently, I believed landlords had absolute power. This is also the prevailing sentiment amongst friends living in the city, who try to keep their landlords as happy as possible to avoid a possible surprise eviction. Not so, says Matthias Schroeder LL.M, a lawyer based in Beijing.

According to Schroeder, the landlord’s rights and powers are far more limited under the law than you might realize. Landlords only have the right to collect rent, review and approve renovation plans to the house, and recover the house after the termination of a lease. But what about getting your deposit back at the end of a lease? First of all, don’t leave the country too fast. Renters in a hurry to leave the city or the country generally have no recourse should an unscrupulous landlord withhold their deposit. “We have seen cases where the landlord did not bother paying back the deposit. The cost of such a claim might be higher than the deposit itself. This becomes an issue, because, even in case the claimant wins the case, in most cases, the losing party will not have to pay all the attorney fees of the winning party. Therefore it is cheaper to not even bother.”

This is admittedly an extreme case, and a reasonable landlord should not only reimburse your deposit but may also calculate and reimburse all paid for but unused utilities such as water, electricity, and gas. They should also reimburse any repairs you may have carried out on the property that are not aesthetic, and provided that you have kept all receipts and fapiaos. This means that you can’t charge your landlord for the cute little bookshelf you decided to install yourself, as that will be considered a personal expense, however, if the apartment came with a broken shelf that you decide to fix, you can ask for a reimbursement.

What’s the Contract Got to Do With It?

You have come to the end of your lease, but you love the place. You haven’t had much of an issue with the landlord and you wish to extend your contract. But you are met with a flat ‘no’. Is it another tenant? Does he want to increase the rent? Don’t be surprised if this happens. The landlord is well within his rights not to renew a lease, provided that he gives you ample notice to vacate the premises. “In the last six years in Beijing, I had to move three times with my family,” says Schroeder, “It is just a question of luck, how long you may stay in your flat. The landlord is not obliged by law to renew the contract in most cases.”

And don’t be surprised to receive a notice to vacate your apartment shortly after moving in because the landlord has either decided to move in himself or has sold the apartment. If you are lucky, your lease might be transferred, but in most cases, you will have to vacate. All is not lost though. According to Schroder, “As a penalty for breaching the contract and terminating it prematurely, most standard contracts foresee the payment of two months of rent.”

Biting the Bullet

It might be surprising for foreigners to learn that in cases where our rental rights have been contravened, we can actually represent ourselves in court. “If the landlord breached the contract by not giving notice in time or by prematurely terminating the contract without having the right thereto, you may file for damages. A lawyer is not necessary for doing so as you are allowed to represent yourself, and the court clerks will help you with the filing,” elaborates Schroder.

However, and this is very important to note, if a contract is written in both English and Chinese, and there is no clause stipulating otherwise, then the prevailing version is always the Chinese version. This could be a problem if the terms in the two contracts do not match, which is not unheard of.

Whatever the situation, it is a relief to know the renter’s market in Beijing isn’t as much of the wild, wild East the urban legends suggest. Be it using your landlord’s desire to increase your rent to renegotiate your lease, or even taking the plunge and representing yourself should things go south, there is always a solution. You just have to know where to start, and where to go should things end badly.

Here Are a Few Things to Keep in Mind Before, During, and After You Sign on the Dotted Line:

1. Check the landlord’s house property certificate and his ID card to confirm that the house belongs to him and that there is no overdue mortgage on the apartment. Foreclosure would terminate your lease agreement without compensation.
2. Document the status of the apartment with pictures and witnesses. Note any damage, even minor, on the ‘handing over’ list, which must be attached to the rental contract.
3. Only sign a lease contract with the house owner or an authorized person, not with the current tenant or the relatives or friends of the house owner.
4. Make sure the landlord issues a proper rental fapiao and clarifies who has to pay the respective taxes.
5. After signing the lease contract, register at the police station in a timely fashion.
6. If you do repairs, document them; and collect all the bills and fapiaos.
7. If you can afford it, or your living expenses are covered by your employer, insist in an arbitration clause. Although expensive, in the event of a dispute, arbitration is faster than the court system, and the parties can influence the proceedings better.

KEEP READING: Beijing Landlords Now Prohibited From Changing Housing Contract Terms During Lease

Photos: Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue

For most families, the addition of a furry friend makes the family feel complete. For kids, owning a pet is like a rite of passage. It teaches them about responsibilities and compassion, and there is growing evidence that having a pet in the house can help babies grow up with a stronger immune system.

While some expats bring their fur-babies to Beijing from their home countries, there are plenty of us who made the decision to expand our families after we’ve moved. But before you get caught up looking at cute puppy videos online as research on your new furry family member, be sure to get acquainted with the details on pet ownership laws in Beijing.

Buy or Adopt?

This one’s easy: always adopt if you can! Give a pup or kitten a second chance and a fur-ever home that they deserve. International Center for Veterinary Services (ICVS) has many animals who are in need of a loving home. These pets have already received their shots and ICVS will continue to provide financial help during checkups for pet owners of adopted pets. If you’re specifically looking to adopt a puppy, you can also contact Lost Puppies of Beijing (WeChat ID: lostpuppies), an association that rescues and fosters stray puppies before finding new loving homes for them.

Registration

Not all pets need to be registered in Beijing, only dogs, so if you have a cat, you’re in the clear. Beijing law states that all dog owners in the capital are required to register their pets annually with the Public Security Bureau (PSB), or have their pets automatically be considered stray and subject to confiscation. Under normal circumstances, the registration period runs May 1 and Jun 30, regardless of when the dog was initially registered. Registration costs RMB 500. This year, due to disruptions caused by the COVID-19 the city has extended dog registration period to Dec 31.

A Question of Breeding

Beijing has a long and complicated history with dogs, probably due to historically high rates of rabies. Therefore, ‘large’ and ‘aggressive’ dogs may not be kept within many city districts. Such dogs are defined as those whose height exceeds 35cm, measured from the shoulder. The PSB website offers a helpful list of larger and banned breeds, such as Tibetan mastiff, Dobermann, greyhound, chow chow, and akita, among others.

Exotic Tastes

If you’ve watched the Netflix blockbuster series Tiger King recently you may be disappointed to learn that there are definitely no pet tigers in Beijing. The most common pets in Beijing are dogs and cats, although you’ll see the occasional bunny, bird, ferret, hamster, or tropical fish. The main barrier to owning any animal other than a cat or dog in Beijing is that due to Chinese law, you won’t be able to take them out of the country when you decide to move. Many exotic animals have surprisingly long lifespans, which can easily exceed the standard work contract in Beijing. Be responsible when you’re considering expanding your family, and think about your long term relocation plan… are you sure you’ll still want that cute chinchilla in twenty years’ time?

Lifestyle and Habits

Before falling head over heels with one particular pet, think about your lifestyle in Beijing. Are you a homebody, or do you like to go out and explore? How old are your children? Do you or your partner frequently work overtime? Do you like to spend your weekends out with friends, and do overnight stays? Different types of pets require different levels of commitment and if you’re going to make them a member of your family, think about what needs they have and if you can realistically provide that for them.

Bye-Bye Beijing

It’s worth saying again: according to Chinese law, the only animals that can be legally taken out of the country are cats and dogs. Even for these two animals, sending a pet abroad is a lengthy process that should be begun as many as up eight months prior to the move depending on which country you’re moving to. The process can be a headache for many people but thankfully places like ICVS, Doctors Beck and Stone, and Globy Pet Relocation offers regular classes on how to relocate with your pets as well as relocation services. But whatever you do, don’t wait until the last minute to start inquiring. Vaccinations and health certificates take time and you don’t want have to choose between delaying your departure or leaving Fido behind.

Useful Services

International Center for Veterinary Services (ICVS) 

北京新天地国际动物医院

3-16 Rongke Ganlan Chengshang Jie, Futongxi Dajie, Wangjing, Chaoyang 朝阳区望京阜通西大街 融科橄榄城商街13-16号

Tel: 8456 1939

Doctors Beck and Stone Health Care Center 

思威（北京）国际动物医院

Unit 104, Tower B, Bldg 3, Hou Xiandai Cheng, Baiziwan Lu, Chaoyang 朝阳区百子湾路后现代城3栋B座104底商

Tel: 8774 8653

Globy Pet Relocation

Rm 26B, Block 2, Bauhinia Court, 30 Dongsanhuan Beilu,

Chaoyang 朝阳区东三环北路30号紫荆豪庭2座26B

Tel: 8762 5020

A third culture kid (TCK) is someone who spends a significant part of their formative years being raised in a culture that is different from that of their parents. Among TCKs there is often a sense of not really belonging to the culture of the country that their parents originated from or the culture in which the family currently resides; hence, the development of a third culture.

I was raised as a third culture kid and it was amazing: it makes you adaptive, cultivates creative problem solving, and helps you develop a worldwide network of friends that will last a lifetime. But like everything else, it has its downsides too.

By the time I hit 4th grade, my family had relocated seven times across two continents. Every 6-12 months I had to pack my life into a few boxes, move to a new house (that usually smelled funny), make new friends at a new school (that also usually smelled funny), and get used to new food (that always smelled funny).

It also created a lot of guilt for my parents. Each new journey meant uprooting my siblings and me at the most vulnerable stage in our development. Luckily for me, my mom was creative, and my dad was organized; a combination which meant I escaped relatively unscathed and learned to view change as an opportunity for adventure.

As an educator, I have lived in Washington D.C., New York, and now Beijing, all places with a high number of diplomatic, military, and international parents. My early experiences have helped me assist my students and their families as they adjust to new cities they now have to call home. And over the years I’ve collected some helpful tips (or third culture kid hacks) that have been helpful to my students.

Before the Move

Break the News Gently: Let your child know what is happening several weeks before the move. Young children think in pictures and stories, so to help them understand the upcoming move and change to their daily life, I suggest creating two picture books. The first one should be filled with photos of the country to which you are going. Choose things that will capture and inspire their imagination! For example, telling your kids that you’re moving to China might include The Great Wall, the Terra Cotta Warriors, and dragon dancers. Then explain that your family is going to get to see all of these wonderful things soon. Look at and talk about these pictures for several days. Find the country on the map each night before bed, ending each day with “see you soon China!”

The second book should be introduced about a week after that. This should have more specific photos, such as the airplane and suitcases you will use and photos of your new home if possible. Reach out to your child’s new school and ask for photos of the classroom and their teachers. Talk to colleagues who are already there and see if there is a nearby children’s park and try to get a photo of that as well.

Answer Questions: Your little one is probably going to have lots of questions, some that you expect and some you really, really don’t see coming. It’s important to acknowledge their concerns but answer their questions simply, honestly, and with a positive outlook.

For example, questions like “will my friends come with us?” can be answered with “no they will stay here but we can still video chat with them and you will get to make lots of new friends!”

Build Excitement: Having your own fears and doubts is normal but remember that kids take their cues from you. So, let them hear you talk excitedly about all the fun things you will get to see and do.

I also suggest letting them pick something special that will be waiting for them at the new house, like Superman sheets for their bed or the doll they have been asking for. Let them know that the item lives at their new home and will be waiting for them when they arrive. Do not let them see it or play with it ahead of time. Pro tip: Pack it in your carry-on luggage so it definitely arrives and doesn’t get lost in checked bags.

Two weeks before your move date set up a countdown calendar. Each night they get to cross off a day and count how many days are left until the adventure begins! Explain out exactly what will happen: “In 5 days the movers will come, then we will all get on an airplane and land in our new home! See you soon China!”

When You Arrive

Create Familiar Spaces: Set up the kitchen first. It’s easy as an adult to want to jump right into the local cuisine, that’s part of what’s exciting about a new city after all. But remember that your little one has just been through some huge changes and comfort food is probably in order. Simple, familiar dishes go a long way to soothing an anxious two-year old’s soul.

Second, set up your child’s bedroom. Get out as many comforting, familiar items from their old room as possible. Toys, blankets, books, and of course, the new item they have been waiting for. Having a space that feels familiar to them will ease a lot of tension and provide them with a safe haven when things start to feel overwhelming.

Get on a Schedule: I cannot stress enough how important this is. Try to find a few “anchor” activities around which you can build your schedule as soon as possible. For older kids, this is usually school but for younger children see if you can find a toddler music class once or twice a week, set up playdates in the park at standard times, and, if possible, have the family eat one meal a day together at a fixed time. Your child needs consistency right now in order to feel safe.

Plan an Adventure: After the dust has settled, plan a small daytime adventure for the family. Try a local restaurant or go to a park with street performers like the dragon dancers from their book. Just keep it simple and use it as a way to remind your child (and you) why traveling to a new place is so amazing!

Be Gentle With Your Child: Every little one is different and will have a different tolerance to and timeline for adjusting to change. Despite your best efforts, there will be bad days filled with melt-downs. Remember this is a situation where your child has very little control so be patient as they adjust to their new normal.

Be Gentle With Yourself: Expat life looks very glamorous from the outside. Our Instagram feeds are filled with images most people have only dreamed about and friends and family can sometimes think that we are on one long vacation. They don’t see the frustration of relearning simple daily tasks, the exhaustion of trying (and often failing) to communicate, or the inability to find a western-style bathroom you – not to mention your potty training three-year-old – can actually use.

The life of an international family is rewarding but hard. So, make sure you take a little time each day to recharge. Read a book, go for a massage, or take some time to enjoy a glass of wine. Trust me, you are doing better than you think you are, in fact, you make it look easy!

Julie Wolf is the Director of First Five Early Education Centers in New York and Director of International Education for Newhattan Early Education Centers in China. She has been working with children and parents for over 18 years as a teacher, arts integration specialist, curriculum designer, and staff development expert.

KEEP READING: Helpful Tips for When It’s Time to Leave Beijing

Photos: Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue