Being a parent is already a challenge. But being an expat parent in Beijing? Well, that is its own unique brand of interesting. These are the situations and problems that only a fellow Beijing mom or dad would truly understand.

1. You get a birthday invite and just assume it’s at Latitude.
2. Last time we were home for a visit my dad tried to explain to his grandkids what all the paper in his wallet was for. “You use it to buy things at the store.”
   My confused second-grader responded, “Just scan the QR code!”
3. Me: “What should we make for dinner?”
   My Kids: “JSS!”
4. Their favorite game is “How far away is our Didi?”
5.  The school nurse calls me again. I pick up the phone and before she can say anything, I tell her “Is he bleeding? Did he hit his head? If not, he’s fine, send him back to class.”
6. I gave my kid his birthday card. He gave me the card back and said “It’s not red.”

7. I had an intense debate with my Western mother-in-law where I defended open crotch pants for my toddler.
8. When your kid absolutely has no choice but to use a public bathroom, you give them a hug and a kiss and send them off with “Hold your breath and don’t touch anything.”

Your turn. Drop a comment below and tell me you’re a Beijing parent without telling me you’re a Beijing parent.

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Photo: Unsplash

Let’s start the weekend by pondering the more serious questions in life like, would you rather have your child’s teacher tell you what they really think of your child or be forced to sit through a six-hour tuba recital from your friend’s five year old “prodigy”?

Scan the QR code below to play this round of Would You Rather… Beijing Parent’s Edition, and see how fellow Beijing parents voted.

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Images: Pexels

I’m a new mom and while I’ve read books and watched a ton of YouTube tutorials on infants, there are things that are just not covered until you actually have the baby. More specifically, there are Beijing specific things that just aren’t covered in any reading materials to help those of us raising little ones here.

I came face to face with my latest challenge in the from of a full, stinky diaper in the middle of a restaurant.

I took my new daughter to meet my best friend for lunch with the help of our ayi. Halfway through the meal, she starts crying and needs a diaper change. Without a moment’s hesitation, my ayi took out a fresh one and changed her right there at the table in the middle of the restaurant for all to see. Before I could say “wait”, ayi had already finished and handed me a warm bundled up dirty diaper to dispose of.

I wasn’t going to hand it off to some poor waiter so while I walked outside to find a public trash bin, I couldn’t help but wonder if this is how it’s done here. Is it normal to change diapers at the table? Honestly, before I had my own baby, I’ve never paid attention to these things and definitely never notice just how rare a big bathroom with a changing station in Beijing actually is.

I shared the experience of my great poop debacle with my fellow expat new moms and asked whether it’s how they do it too. The answer was a resounding no.

Some suggested going to the bathroom to change the baby. That’s great if we’re out somewhere with nice big bathrooms. Malls like Indigo and Solana are thoughtful enough to build in changing stalls but as one dad pointed out, after spending his baby’s first year strolling around the same stores in Solana, he’s had enough. But even Beijing’s mega family-friendly malls and their changing stations aren’t always an option. This doesn’t quite work if we’re out in the hutongs and toilets are those public squatters with no doors in front of the stalls.

I asked some Beijing restaurant owners their views on the subject. While some are more understanding of the matter, the majority are definitely against doing it at the table. Restaurant owners, especially those whose establishments have no changing table, are fully aware that babies need to poop. But instead of ripping open a dirty diaper at the table, they’d prefer parents throw down a towel on a couch and give themselves a bit of privacy. One local restaurant owner has suggested that if a restaurant doesn’t have the necessary facilities (or even a bathroom), then maybe it’s not a place to go with a baby because it’s not fair to punish other patrons with a nostril full of fresh poop while they’re eating.

Others suggested changing the babies over the stroller while your partner shields them from view (or covering the stroller with a blanket if you’re out alone with the baby). Currently, I’m still working on figuring out how to actually pull this off since it’s our first baby, and my husband and I are still in the “holy crap, be careful not to break the baby” phase. We’re not ready for the art of stroller changing just yet…

So when strollers and bathroom changes are not possible, others have suggested pulling two chairs together in a corner, out of view from other diners, and doing it there.

While every parent has their own method for changing diapers while out dining, there’s one thing they can all agree on. It’s not cool to do it at the table, no matter how cute your kid is. It’s unsanitary and disrespectful to the restaurant as well as other diners. Because while in your eyes your child might poop glitter and rainbows, to others, it’s a smelly diaper and an instant appetite killer.

And while we’re on the topic, it should go without saying that handing a bundled up dirty diaper for your waiter to dispose of is an absolute no no! As a friend puts it, “if you don’t poop at the table yourself, your kid shouldn’t either.” Looks like it’s time to have a serious talk with my ayi about the etiquette of changing dirty diapers in public…

Share your thoughts and tips on the subject of diaper changing in public in Beijing. Us newbie parents will really appreciate all the tips and life hacks!

KEEP READING: Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner! Tips on Family Dining in Beijing

Images: Unsplash

Every parenting book says that a child’s first teachers are their parents. As babies, we learn social cues from our parents and their behaviors are the first social interactions that we pick up on and will keep for the rest of our lives. Everything that our parents do on a daily basis is observed and learned.

Meet Marianne Daquet

American author Ursula Le Guin once said, “The creative adult is the child who survived.” So what’s it like to grow up in a family where creativity and art remain a part of adult life? We sat down with two families where art plays a major part in the parents’ lives.

Meet Marianne Daquet, former director of Atelier Art School, who originally came to Beijing on holiday and fell in love with the city that she and her daughters now call home. “In my family, creativity was encouraged, and it naturally guided me to an art school where I studied for five years. I wanted my voice to be heard. I was educated with free speech encouraged, a strong cultural background, and openness on every kind of art, literature, cinema,” Daquet tells beijingkids.

Marianne Daquet and her girls

Now a mom of three, Daquet’s kids explore their creative side at Atelier. With a mom who shares a similar passion for art and creativity, the Daquet household is never short of art supplies and the girls take full advantage of that! “At home, they have full access to art supplies and even cooking, sewing or whatever supplies,” says Daquet. “They have everything that kids need to make their own creations.”

Like in every parenting book ever written, Daquet says that her kids mimic her behavior. This artistic mom has never tried to cultivate a love for art in her children but “it’s part of our lives. They see me drawing, so they draw, they write, one of them is a great chef! The idea is giving them all the possibilities of making and guiding them if they need it.”

Guiding — not teaching. That seems to be the key here. “Art education leads to self-confidence, autonomy, and creativity. Creativity is not an explosion of abstraction — it is an ability to react differently to things. It is powerful not just for artists but for anyone: lawyers, doctors, parents! Art must be taught with guidance and space for experimentation,” Daquet explains.

Artwork by Ma Ke

According to Daquet, kids as young as four or five can be given the chance to start art classes. Before that, they can play with materials, colors, shapes, or any other supplies they can get their hands on to nurture their creativity. While a career in art is still up in the air, Daquet says “I wish for them to do what they want, whatever they desire, whatever makes them happy every day. This is the only thing. Art or not.”

Meet Ma Ke, a professional artist originally from Shandong and a dad to two boys aged six and eight. Ma fell in love with art at a young age. ”When I was around seven or eight years old, I remember watching the neighbor’s kid draw. I raced home to find a pencil and paper. I had a single thought in my mind: ‘I bet I could draw better than he can!’ It seems like this was just yesterday. From then on, art has always been part of my life,” Ma tells us. And true to thought, his passion for art and creativity never stopped, and he was accepted into the Central Academy of Fine Arts in 2000.

Art by Ma Ke

Ma draws on inspiration from all around him to create his works. “I think the root of all growth is love. First, it’s your parents’ love. Then it’s your curiosity for the world. Every time I see something I like, I’m always inspired to make something just as good.”

Meet Ma Ke

So with a professional artist for a dad, does that mean Ma’s boys will follow suit? Not necessarily. “I don’t make my children take art classes outside. If they really want to go, I won’t stop them. If they want to learn about art history, I can teach them all I know. But I think the best teacher is a great work of art,” Ma tells beijingkids. “Sometimes I bring them to my studio to play and draw. The older son sometimes likes to copy my paintings. They both hate going to museums. Maybe it’s not time yet.”

Similar to Daquet’s parenting beliefs, cultivating an artistic interest in children lies in supporting them rather than teaching them. “You can teach yourself how to make art. What other people teach you can sometimes get in the way of your own creativity. Art needs freedom. Free spirits need to grow naturally. Therefore, there is no ‘proper way’,” says Ma.

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Images: Courtesy of Marianne Daquet and Ma Ke, Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 October issue

The teepee tents, endless movies, popcorn, mini spa treatments, pillow fights…  remember all the fun you had on sleepovers when you were kids? Now it’s time for your children to enjoy this rite of passage, and if your kids are like mine, they are probably very excited about the prospect of sleeping at their friends’ homes, away from the prying eyes of the parents and all their rules.

However, figuring out the right age to allow your child to go on a sleepover is up there with other tricky topics like figuring out when to allow a mobile phone or when they can start dating, and not as simple as it may seem. 

When I was growing up, sleepovers were never a topic of discussion. I suspect this was for two reasons; firstly I come from a large family with six sisters and two brothers, so every night in our house felt like the entire village and its mum had come for a sleepover anyway. Secondly, we grew up in a neighborhood bursting with kids. After school, we would easily crisscross between each other’s homes, only going back to our respective homes at a set time, for baths, dinner, and bed so this is probably why we never really had a need for sleepovers.

Last year, our oldest daughter – then seven years old – had her first sleepover with a non-family member, her best friend. It was a big step, as before that we’d only done ‘half sleepovers’, where she’d stay at a friend’s house and play, have a bath, eat dinner, put her pajamas on, even watch a movie, and then at around 9pm we’d drive back home for bed. We just felt like we weren’t ready for real sleepovers.

But when is the right time to allow sleepovers? Let’s take a look at the pros and cons:

There are many reasons why sleepovers can be fun:

• Kids spending time outside their own house with friends can foster independence and grow meaningful friendships even deeper in the more intimate home environment.
• At sleepovers, kids may get to experience new things like a new culture or trying out new things like a meal that wouldn’t normally be cooked at home.
• Kids learn new boundaries (every household has different rules and expectations) and understand how to behave in different situations.
• In adolescent children, sleepovers can be essential in helping them prepare for wider society and for college years where they’re more likely to be living away from home.
• Sleepovers can give parents a much-needed break from the kids. Of course, it’s a different story for the parents on the receiving end but this creates an opportunity for a switch where the kid hosting could be invited for a sleepover the next time. A win-win for both sides.

There are, however, a few disadvantages:

• Children might wake up in the middle of the night, crying after a bad dream, or wanting the mama, papa, or a toy left at their house. Host parents may feel helpless in trying to soothe a crying child that is not their own.
• The chances of kids doing things that would be normally forbidden at home are high. This is because they may think they have free reign for the night to eat, stay on the internet or phone for hours, watch movies, or content that would normally not be approved at home. It takes a parent with the same parenting style as you to make sure these are all kept in check.
• Teens and adolescents are more likely to misuse social media when they are sleeping over at friends’ houses.

If you are ready to let your children have sleepovers, here are some points that should be considered beforehand.

• Communication is vital. Making clear arrangements of when kids should be expected to arrive and when they should be picked up the next day will help everyone plan better. Some parents will take advantage of the free time and may decide to leave the child at the host for a bit longer than the host may want.
• Get to know your child’s friends and friends’ parents. You don’t have to become best friends, but knowing them in a way that’s more personal than just a simple “hello” every time you meet, helps give you a better feel of how they are as parents what kind of people they are.
• Your child has to know that they have the right to leave whenever they feel uncomfortable. While driving miles in the middle of the night to pick up a nervous or uncomfortable child isn’t on the ideal sleepover list,  your child should know that you can be there when they really, really need you.
• Find out about any medication, special diet, or allergies the kids you are hosting may need or have.
• Try to agree on a shut-off point for the TV and mobile phones to get them ready for bed (preferably not in the wee hours of the morning).

It can be a bit frightening to let your child sleepover in a strange house, but children should not be too mollycoddled to the point that they are not allowed to grow friendships outside their home and with the right attitude and planning, they can be a great experience and learning opportunity for all.

Pearl Kasujja-Van de Velde  is a dual Ugandan/Belgian national, a mother to two amazing girls, a wife, and a storyteller.

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Photos: Unsplash, mom.com,