Why does my kid always forget their lunchbox? (Or PE kit. Or homework. Or … everything.)

Spoiler: It’s not laziness. It’s executive function.

You hand your child their bag, remind them twice, and even walk them to the door. Five minutes later, the lunchbox is still sitting on the counter next to a half-eaten piece of toast. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Parents tell me this story every week. It’s one of the most frustrating parts of parenting a child with ADHD and one of the easiest to misunderstand.

We tend to think, “They just don’t care.” But most kids do care. Their brains are simply wired differently for remembering, organizing and following through.

The Real Culprit: Executive Function Gaps

ADHD isn’t about trying harder. It’s about how the brain manages information, time and actions.

The same brain systems that control focus and motivation also handle planning, organization and remembering multi-step routines – like getting out the door with shoes, water bottle and homework. Research from the Child Mind Institute and Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child shows that executive function skills such as working memory, organization, and task initiation develop more slowly in ADHD brains. Children with ADHD can lag 1-3 years behind their peers in these areas.

So when your child forgets their PE kit, they aren’t ignoring you. Their brain simply drops information somewhere between “I hear you say it” and “I do it.”

This isn’t disobedience. It’s a developmental gap and, like all gaps, it can be bridged.

Three ADHD-Friendly Scaffolds That Actually Work

Here are simple, science-backed tools to reduce stress and build your child’s memory and independence.

1. Make the Invisible Visible
   

Verbal reminders vanish fast. Visual cues stick. Try a small checklist by the door with pictures or words: lunch, water bottle, homework and shoes. Let your child tick them off themselves, as this creates ownership and frees you from the reminder loop.

Why it works: Visual prompts engage the part of the brain that stores spatial and visual memory, which is often a strength in ADHD learners.

2. Connect Before You Cue
   

Before giving an instruction, connect first. Get eye contact. Touch their shoulder. Use their name. Smile. ADHD brains filter out background noise, including your voice, when they’re hyperfocused elsewhere.

A quick connection moment helps your words land where they can be remembered.

Why it works: You’re activating emotional regulation before executive control, which is a key step in how the ADHD brain prioritizes attention.

3. Build Predictable Anchors
   

Routine strengthens memory. Pair everyday actions with specific triggers:

“When socks go on → shoes go on.”
“When the light goes off → grab your bag.”

These anchors reduce cognitive load. You’re helping their brain automate daily tasks, one small routine at a time.

Why it works: Predictability lowers anxiety and creates consistency without relying on willpower, something ADHD brains struggle to maintain.The Reframe That Changes Everything

Forgetfulness isn’t a moral failure. It’s a skill gap. When you switch from “Why can’t you remember?” to “What might help you remember?” you move from frustration to teaching.

Involving your child, young or older, in problem-solving builds their confidence and insight into their own brain.
Each small success strengthens the neural pathways for independence. You’re not just helping them today. You’re building the mental architecture that their adult self will rely on.

Why It Matters

Children with ADHD hear 20,000 corrections or criticisms by the time they turn 18. They’re told to “focus,” “try harder,” and “stop being careless.” Over time, that shapes their self-worth. Many teens internalize those messages as “I’m not capable.”  When adults replace criticism with curiosity, “What support does this brain need right now?” we build resilience, not shame. Because shame doesn’t fade with age. It lingers, often showing up later as avoidance, anxiety and burnout in adulthood.

The Takeaway 

Next time the lunchbox sits on the counter, pause. That moment isn’t defiance. It’s the gap before a skill develops. With small, consistent scaffolds, your child can build systems that make life smoother.

Parenting ADHD kids isn’t chaos. It’s brain science you haven’t been taught yet.

Images: Freepik

Parenthood is a journey filled with unique challenges, and when raising a child with ADHD, those challenges can feel even more complex. Every child with ADHD is different, requiring tailored strategies to help them thrive. Educators, too, act as dedicated guides, working to unlock each student’s potential through patience, creativity, and expertise.

Today, we explore the insights of professionals who specialize in special needs education. One of our readers shared a pressing question, and we turned to Dr. Gerald Anthony, Chairman of SENIA Beijing and a seasoned special needs educator, for his expert perspective.

Dear Dr. Anthony,

I have a friend whose young son has ADHD. I know that kids with ADHD are more active, but I don’t have much experience with kids like this. He’s a great, smart kid, but he tends to act aggressively towards my child at times.

Let me give you an example: A week ago, they were playing and getting along, but suddenly he tried to push my child into doing something dangerous and that he was not ready for. I broke it up. Nothing happened. His mom is a friend, so we had a chat about it after. She explained that because he has ADHD, in his mind, he was fixated on showing his friend something he thought was cool, and it’s difficult for him to take into account his friend’s feelings while his mind is fixated on a task.

So for me, this isn’t an easy situation where I can prevent them from hanging out, nor do I want to. At the end of the day, they’re friends. Do you have any tips on how I can prepare my child for when they do spend time together and how his parents can help prepare him for future playdates?

Sincerely,
Let’s All Get Along

Dear Let’s All Get Along,

First of all, thank you for writing with such honesty and empathy. You’re clearly trying to balance protecting your child with honoring your friendship and understanding the nuances of a child with ADHD. That’s no small feat!

Here are some suggestions that should be helpful to both families in this situation.

ADHD Is Not a Character Flaw.

Kids with ADHD often operate with Ferrari brains and bicycle brakes. They’re impulsive, enthusiastic, deeply creative – and yes, sometimes struggle with self-regulation. What looks like “aggression” might not be intended as such. It could be excitement, poor impulse control, or a mismatch between thought and action. This doesn’t make it okay, but it does help us approach it with curiosity instead of just correction.

Pre-Play Date Is Everything.

Before the next playdate, consider doing a bit of a “huddle” with your child. Use clear, simple language to prep him. For example:

• “Sometimes your friend gets really excited and might not notice if you’re not ready for something.”
• “It’s okay to say, ‘Stop,’ or ‘That makes me uncomfortable.’”
• Role-play these moments. This gives your child both language and confidence.

Also, give your child permission to take a break during the playdate. Even something like “If it gets too wild, just come tell me or grab your book.”

Structure Is Your Superpower.

Spontaneous, unstructured play is where things can go sideways fast. Instead, try:

• Shorter playdates at first (think 45 minutes instead of 2 hours).
• Activities with clear goals – building LEGO sets, puzzles and scavenger hunts.
• Avoid highly competitive or chaotic games (like dodgeball).

Structure helps ADHD brains thrive. It also helps prevent impulsivity from hijacking the fun.

 Team Up With His Parents (Not Against Them).

From what you described, his mom sounds open and communicative.  This is a very strong win for both sides! You can gently collaborate. Maybe you ask:

• “Do you think we could talk to both kids together before the playdate about safe choices?”
• “Are there things that tend to trigger his impulsivity that I should be aware of?”

If he’s in therapy or working with a counselor, his parents might already have strategies they’d be happy to share.

 Affirm the Good Moments.

When something goes right, point it out like a disco spotlight:

• “Wow, that was really thoughtful of you to let her go first!”
• “Thanks for being patient when she said no!”

Kids with ADHD often hear what they’re doing wrong. Catching them doing right is transformative magic.

 Final Thought

Friendships between kids with differences can be messy, beautiful, and rich with growth. Your approach – curious, kind, and proactive – sets the tone for something wonderful to emerge. You’re teaching both kids that differences aren’t a dealbreaker. They’re an invitation to learn.

Regards,
Dr. Gerald Anthony
On Behalf of the SENIA Beijing Board

Dr. Gerald Anthony serves as the chairman of SENIA Beijing and the director of awards and scholarships for SENIA International, where he is deeply committed to advancing inclusive education across international communities. In his roles, Gerald champions SENIA International’s vision: “To live in an inclusive world where every individual is supported, resources are accessible, potential is maximized, and strengths are celebrated.” He upholds SENIA’s core values of collaboration, advocacy, and empowerment, working to ensure that individuals with learning differences are recognized and included within all educational and societal settings.

As Chair of SENIA Beijing, Gerald leads a dedicated board including Suzanne Robare, Kelsie Fitzgerald, Juliane Karlsson, Janice Bareng-Pineda, Stephenie Lee, James Rupasinha, Ruth Ren, and Meera Raghu – educators and specialists who collectively promote awareness, provide professional development, and build networks for inclusive practices throughout Beijing.

If you have a specific question you’d like us to find an expert to address, send a private message or email to minayan@beijing-kids.com. #DearReader

Images: Dr. Gerald Anthony

There is no one way for a school to remain inclusive to students that exhibit behavioral disorders, but we wanted to talk to Olive International School (OIS), whom we felt is making a noticeable effort in this area. Not only are they doing their utmost to be proactive in helping students overcome these challenges through structured academics focused on the individual student, but they are also implementing many creative strategies with these students in mind. We talked to Gabrielle Westbrook from OIS to learn more.

I’m sure the most common response for many parents learning that their child might be exhibiting some of the symptoms associated with ADHD is “Don’t most children experience these ‘symptoms’ at one point or another during childhood?” When does it stop being a possibility and start becoming a concern?

Westbrook: When a child shows behavioral or academic learning challenges for an extended period of time, then it should be a red flag to parents. Yes, most children have days where they are extremely hyper and curious, but when reprimanded, they usually respond with improved behavior. When a child continues to display abnormal behaviors regularly, then the parents and teachers need to be concerned. Specifically, when a child seemingly cannot control his or her behavior, becomes frustrated when reprimanded, and has a hard time focusing during direct instruction or completing assignments during independent practice, that child needs to be evaluated.
Children, especially young children, do not have stigmas about learning challenges and support services. Those stigmas are embedded in them by society and mass media. If we can get children diagnosed before society inundates them with shameful stigmas associated with learning disorders like ADHD, they can dispel the lies about behavioral and learning challenges with their own truths. There is no harm in seeking help, but not seeking help could cause irreparable damage to children in need of support services.

ADHD is a relatively well-known behavioral disorder and is subsequently stigmatized sometimes as being a “fake” condition with the mainstream media. How do you normally respond to parents that may take a similar stance?

Coming to terms with the fact that a child has a mental, behavioral, emotional, or learning disorder can be quite difficult for parents, especially in China. But, parents have to realize that failure to seek services and get proper diagnoses only prevents their children from overcoming these challenges. If a parent chooses not to take the recommendations from the school and other service providers, they are ultimately choosing to disservice their children. When children have physical disabilities, most parents readily seek aid. Learning disabilities are no different; they also deserve aid from support services and the school.

How can parents be more proactive in helping to develop and encourage positive behavior at home for students with ADHD?

It has been said that the home is the first school. Home is the first place that students learn social norms and expected behaviors. When parents create systems and routines at home, it makes it easier for students with ADHD to adapt to the systems and routines in place at school. When students are allowed to have free rein at home, school seems restrictive and unenjoyable.

In order for students with ADHD to be successful in learning environments, they must have systems in place at home that reinforce the guidelines that they must follow at school. Using timers to increase attention spans and having incentive-based task completion and behavior management trackers help students to build the stamina and self-control needed for inclusive learning environments.

How does Olive International School’s behavior management program accommodate students with ADHD to ensure that they can thrive in mainstream classrooms? How are your classrooms equipped to better suit the needs of these students?

First, every student at Olive International School who has been diagnosed with ADHD or who has displayed significant learning and behavioral challenges receives an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). This IEP document helps teachers, parents, and the student understand the difficulties that the child needs to overcome, the interventions that will help that child reach the goals, and a time of reflection over the child’s progress towards previous goals. Teachers and administrators meet at least once a month to review a student’s IEP.

In addition, parents can opt to have a shadow teacher for students who need additional support and supervision. The shadow teacher’s role is to attend to the learning and behavioral needs of the student being shadowed, and is a vital resource in the classroom because he or she spends the most time with the student one-on-one. Through the viewpoint of the shadow teacher, we learn the student’s triggers, motivations, and preferences.

Last, because ADHD manifests itself so differently in each student, we provide a special behavior support chart that is unique to each child’s various challenges. We have found that the charts avoid embarrassment and do not distract from class instruction. The teacher is made aware of the child’s needs, and the student feels that his or her needs have been addressed.

What ideology has been the most transformative when teaching students with ADHD?

Incentive-based behavior plans have a far greater impact on the overall growth of a child with ADHD than punitive-based systems. While punitive consequences need to be in place, children tend to perform better when they are working towards a goal or reward rather than behaving appropriately to keep from being punished.
Secondly, educational professionals must realize that best practices for students with ADHD are best practices for all students. Students with ADHD need certain coping mechanisms and learning tools to help them stay focused, be productive, and demonstrate self-control. The strategies that teachers utilize for students with ADHD actually make the overall learning environment more engaging for all students. Students with ADHD should never feel different or isolated in a classroom; although the strategies are designed for students coping with ADHD, they should be utilized in the classroom with the understanding that all students will benefit from employing such strategies.

Where do instructors fail students with ADHD?

I think instructors fail students in two significant ways. First, every teacher wants a perfect classroom where students learn without causing any trouble, but students are not robots. Children have different personalities, interests, and as evidenced by the need for this interview, challenges. When teachers fail to understand who their students are and force their students to fit into a cookie-cutter model of how students should behave, we stifle children’s growth and ostracize them in learning environments that should foster their development. Secondly, teachers fail students when they do not build relationships with students. When they see that teachers are paying attention to them, spending time learning their interests and hobbies, and finding ways to engage them inside and outside of class, then they become invested in both the teacher and their overall learning.

What are some simple things schools in China could be doing to help facilitate the development of these students?

Schools in China have to honor the individuality of students. No two students, whether they have ADHD or not, are going to be the same. And thus, how teachers approach each child is critical to their overall growth in school. While there are standards that all children must meet behaviorally and academically, teachers must consider the disabilities and challenges as well as the gifts and talents of their students.

Do you have any last pieces of advice?

I really want society to understand that ADHD presents learning and behavioral challenges, but it does not dictate the academic achievement or social aptitude of children. With the proper diagnoses and support services, students with ADHD can thrive in learning environments and various social settings. Teachers and parents must respectfully collaborate with one another to find appropriate solutions to help their children. Last, the intervention strategies that teachers use to help children cope with ADHD are best strategies for all children. Making classroom accommodations for children with ADHD will actually benefit all students in the learning environment. Many of the accommodations make instruction more engaging, behavior management more feasible, and expected learning outcomes more achievable.

Gabrielle Westbrook is a native of Memphis, Tennessee in the US. She came to China in 2014, and she currently works at Olive International School as the Dean of Students where she handles student affairs and behavior management. She is also a Secondary English teacher at the same school and her classes focus on critical thinking skills, in-depth literary analysis, and articulate written expression.

This article appeared on p38-39 of beijingkids March 2018 issue.

Every parent hopes reading will happen with no more difficulty than the “average” student, but the reality is that there really is no such thing as “average.” Every child is unique, with their own gifts and difficulties. We decided to investigate possible reading difficulties for students who have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD) or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). We asked Serrina Smith, a certified Special Education teacher at Springboard International Bilingual School, a few questions to help us navigate the issue. 

 1. What are some difficulties in reading that ADD or ADHD could potentially cause?

Students with ADHD may struggle with inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. Students who have ADHD may be easily distracted, have difficulty sitting in place, and maintaining focus for the duration of a task. These struggles can then contribute to reading difficulties, such as reading comprehension.

In order to effectively read, a student must be able to grasp a level of understanding from the text, retain, and recall that information. While reading, students with ADHD may miss phrases in the text, skip words, forget where they are in the passage, and find they are unable to recall details. When students aren’t able to focus throughout reading, they encounter difficulties in their ability to organize, analyze, and construct meaning.

2. Are these obvious to spot or are students able to cover or hide these difficulties?

It all depends on the individual student. Fidgeting and the inability to attend to the text being read due to hyperactivity is obvious. However, other students may appear to be on task and focused, but are unable to answer comprehension or sequencing questions. Some students are able to read out loud fluently, but struggle to make connections to the text and retain information. These deficits are discovered during Q and A, character webs, and other formative assessments.

 3. Are these difficulties always a sign that ADD and ADHD might be a cause?

These difficulties are not necessarily a sign that ADHD is the cause. If a student’s English level is below the level of the text she is reading, she may not be able to gain understanding due to her lack of vocabulary. A student who is fidgeting may have not had enough opportunities to release some of his energy that day and appear to be hyperactive.
Students who are inattentive may not be engaged in the text because they are uninterested in the material and feel bored. Or, changes at home, such as a divorce or a death may be on the forefront of their minds and the text they are reading is then put on the backburner.

As an educator or parent it is vital to look at the overall performance and behaviors a student displays in multiple settings over a period of time before assuming that ADHD is the cause. 

 4. How can parents and teachers make accommodations in reading to help their ADD or ADHD child overcome these hurdles?

First, engage! Students need a blend of conceptual, procedural,

kinesthetic, and social elements. Your student may be a visual, tactile, or an auditory learner. Most students need a combination of the three learning styles in order to absorb information. Group work, interactive activities, and demonstrations can be used in addition to direct instruction. The skill of reading can be daunting and it is important to try to make it intriguing so students will enjoy it. Acting out a story, creating plot twists, reading out loud with emphasized inflections, using props, playing comprehension games, and making predictions are fun ways to get students engaged.

Teachers can change the classroom layout to limit the amount of distractions, promoting an environment more conducive for that student. Seating a student away from doors and windows, utilizing fidget seats or other alternative seating, alternating seated activities to incorporate physical movement, and helping to organize and structure larger tasks into smaller steps can be beneficial.

Patience, consistency, and collaboration are all absolutely necessary. Students with ADHD are struggling to sit well, focus, and control their impulses. They might need help to find out how to buy CPH4 in real life and finally get productive. They want to do their best and have their teachers and parents proud of them. Teachers and parents need to openly communicate the difficulties and successes they are seeing with one another to make goals and track progress. The strategies will need to change as the student changes. Providing positive feedback for small successes and behaviors can boost confidence and be a motivator for the child.

Biography Information: 

Originally from the US, Serrina Smith has spent the last two years teaching in Beijing. It was her experience as program specialist for children with developmental disabilities that sparked her interest to go back to school to pursue teaching. Smith believes that each child is unique, with different interests and skills; therefore she takes a holistic approach to teaching, with focus on the development of the child.

If Smith weren’t in the classroom she would be jet-setting. She has a strong curiosity for learning about new cultures and travels any chance she gets.

Photo courtesy of SIBS

This article originally appeared on p 38 of beijingkids June 2017 issue.
Download the digital copy here.

Fidget spinners are making their way around the globe in popularity, and now they’re ready to shine in China’s market with endless sellers on Taobao. Though fidget spinners were meant to be a therapeutic toy to cope with stress and a wandering attention, they’ve started a craze in the Chinese market with kids and adults who can focus just fine.

Caution Concerning Classroom Use
A pause for thought is that these spinners are highly controversial. “In general, fidgets should be silent and unobtrusive,” said Nina Krafft, special education teacher at Beijing International Bilingual Academy (BIBA). When talking to an occupational therapist on the matter, she advised Krafft that the spinners sometimes cause students anxiety and become a distraction.

Krafft gave beijingkids several articles beneficial for staying informed about the topic and how the issue goes beyond tools and toys into discrimination:

Fidget Spinners: Is It Really What Your Child Needs?
Whirring, Purring Fidget Spinners Provide Entertainment, Not ADHD Help
Teacher Tip: The Dos and Don’ts of Fidgets for Kids
What the Fidget Spinners Fad Reveals About Disability Discrimination

Holly Poppell, school counselor at Daystar Academy, said “Any item that becomes a toy should not be used in the classroom.” She added though, that the fidget spinners might not be a complete waste, as she has seen them used to control impulses by ADHD students outside of the classroom.

“Most teachers that I know banned them in the classroom because they can be such fun toys. There are videos all over YouTube on how to do different tricks with them,” Poppell added.

Toys are Toys
That doesn’t take the fun out of them at home though. If you’re always in search of a new gadget that sparks curiosity and cures boredom, we’ve rounded up what we think are some of the coolest fidget spinner shops on Taobao just for you.

Captain America or Iron Man
We’re not here to argue which superhero is more awesome, but you can put your money where your vote is with this spinner.

Batty About You
What’s that Batman? You’re tired of corny jokes? Maybe you and your child can bond over cheesy lines and this Gothic-honoring spinner.

Dark Lord of Mordor
Promise your voracious reader this fidget spinner if they’ll tackle the Lord of the Rings series. Hopefully they won’t start saying “my precious” as they spin this.

Wood or Wild
We like this seller’s attitude going from two extremes: calm and collected with wood and absolutely out there with the wacky spinner. We couldn’t pick between the two.

Ninja Spinners
We’re not sure what game these spinners were made to emulate. We do know there’s a ninja master out there somewhere who’s missing his home décor.

Multi-hued Steel-like Spinners
These cool spinners all come in the same strange hue reminiscent of weathered steel, but we’re impressed with the many different shapes.

Absolutely Golden
We like the style of this spinner because it’s a bit more refined and would be a good choice for that teen who’s just too cool.

Game Controller Shape
This fidget spinner reminds us of our favorite game controllers as kids, but we doubt that’s what the maker had in mind.

Glow, Glow, Glow
If you’re not getting enough of fidget spinners during the day, add some glow power and keep spinning through the night.

Colorful LED Spinner
Alternatively, go for a rainbow-lava-lamp style spinner.

Photos: Taobao.com

Photo by origami_potato via Flickr

So your child is young? He can’t sit still? Do adults call him immature? Your child might have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Or not.

 Last week, a Los Angeles Times article expressed doubt over the accuracy of diagnosed ADHD cases in young children. Research conducted by Michigan State University suggests that 1 million children in the United States could be misdiagnosed with ADHD. The study shows that a main cause for this is simply because of age. Younger children in the classroom tended to be more frequently labeled with ADHD.