“I suppose I am technically a trailing spouse, because my husband and I moved here because he had a great job opportunity,” my friend Anna explains. I’ve known her for a few months through work. We share the commonality of tending to scratch our partners’ full beards in public, often with hilarious results.

“But I’m not a fan of the term. Trail, as a verb, implies reluctance, weariness, a lack of agency and control. Children trail after their parents. Spouses walk side by side,” protests Anna.

She is not the only one to take umbrage with this term. After its coining by Mary Bralove for The Wall Street Journal, many a spouse in the position meant to be described by the term have sought to redefine it. Under certain circumstances, this can easily be done depending on the status of the expat family and where they are stationed. For instance, in many countries, spouses on diplomatic passes are barred from working or directly engaging in activities that might result in remuneration. Some in the private sector such as the hospitality industry are able to find ways to regain some financial independence by working part-time, as per the allowances granted under law. But that doesn’t solve a major rift between keeping busy and being fulfilled. Most of these so-called trailing spouses have often left promising careers of their own and are unable to re-enter said careers in countries in which their partners are posted.

Dalida Turkovic

Strict Chinese laws regarding migration and work further complicate this matter for many such spouses as while on a spouse/ family visa they are entirely barred from pursuing work opportunities, be they full-time or part-time, unless they are willing to go about the laborious visa conversion process. This leaves the “trailing spouse” unfulfilled, and open to a series of often negative emotions. In a city like Beijing, spouses not only have to contend with the sprawling newness but also a daunting language and cultural barrier which encourages them to become isolated or overly rely on limited WeChat-based expat networks to compensate for the loss of the support networks they relied on in their home countries.

Dalida Turkovic, founder of Beijing Mindfulness Center, is acutely aware of this vacuum as she continues to offer emotional support in weekly meetings at her center to Beijing mothers, who are often trailing spouses. According to a 2015 survey by Internations, 84 percent of all trailing spouses are women, with 72 percent having left a career in favor of moving abroad. And even though this is the same demographic that is most active in the expat community in Beijing, it is not to say that they are satisfied or fulfilled.

“In the past two years I have been running the mindful mother’s group and recently started a ‘Mindful self-compassion’ program, and through that work, I have learned that in mixed groups, participants find it difficult to open up,” Turkovic explains. “There’s an awareness that ‘I might not be able to share my topic of interest and so I shall just keep quiet’. That and research done shows that the biggest ‘healing is done from the peer.’”

This signified the birth of the mothers’ mindfulness group moderated by Turkovic herself where participants are able to deal with the frustrations of careers thwarted or put on hold. Such spaces are especially important to maintain the “trailing spouse’s” mental health, in a space especially in a judgmental society where it is increasingly believed that financial stability should equate to peace of mind.

“I prefer ‘leapfrog spouse’. I’ve leapfrogged off of the opportunity that was my husband’s job, and landed in a great spot! Thanks Charles!” Anna and I chuckle about how our partners’ opportunities in Beijing have more or less allowed us the opportunities that we currently enjoy. And as we, along with others, work to dismantle the negative associations attached to the idea of “the trailing spouse”, it is also good to know that Dalida Turkovic has created a safe space for those of us with such worries.

Photos: Courtesy of Beijing Mindfulness Center, finglobal.com

Do you have an upcoming family-friendly event that you want to be included in our listings? Maximize the reach of your event and promote it on beijingkids!

Let us know by leaving your message in the comments section below or by emailing us at webeditor@beijing-kids.com. Follow us on WeChat (ID: beijing-kids) or join our family events WeChat group by sending us your WeChat QR code. Please note that readers should confirm with each organizer if events are canceled or scheduled as planned. For more events that may not be included in this list, please check our Events page.

Dragon Boat Festival

Dragon Boat Festival at InterContinental Beijing Sanlitun, Jun 18
The Dragon Boat Festival happens near the summer solstice, and it’s a tradition to eat zongzi, a traditional bamboo leaf rounded rice dumpling. InterContinental Beijing Sanlitun brings a set of modern zongzi with different flavors, to give an insight into the annual celebration. RMB 238 per set of 12 pieces of zongzi. Available from 9am-5pm. Ying Restaurant, InterContinental Beijing Sanlitun Level 3. (6530 8888-6519)

Dragon Boat Festival @ O’Steak, Jun 18
All ages. Celebrate the Dragon Boat Festival at O’Steak with free zongzi with a French twist, as well as their new summer menu. Order one dish and get a free summer cocktail. 11.30am-11pm. O’Steak.

Rice Dumpling Hamper @The Westin Beijing Chaoyang, Jun 18
Celebrate the Dragon Boat Festival with The Westin Beijing Chaoyang’s rice dumpling hamper. Choose from two types of rice dumpling hampers with salty or sweet stuffing. From RMB 168 per box. Available until 5.55pm. The Westin Beijing Chaoyang. (5922 8702)

Midsummer Fairs and Parties

Canada’s 151st Birthday Fair, Jun 23
All ages. Join the Canadian International School of Beijing at Canada’s 151st National Birthday Fair! There will be great food and wine, live music, luxury fashion, entertainment, games and more! Performers will include indie artist Ember Swift, Tupelo Honey’s Dan Davidson and country and soul singer-songwriter Tami Neilson. RMB 100, RMB 20 (kids). Visit this page to buy tickets. 11am-5pm. Canadian International School of Beijing (CISB).

Madagascar Day, Jun 23
All ages. The Association of Natives of Madagascar in China (ANMC) presents Madagascar Day for the first time in China to promote and let everyone know more about the beautiful island country. The event is part of the celebration of the 58th anniversary of the independence of Madagascar, and is an opportunity for all visitors to indulge in Malagasy culture and cuisine. The ANMC will also collect donations to help and support the homeless in the country. Free to attend. 10am. Embassy of Madagascar. No. 3 Sanlitun Dongjie, Chaoyang District.

Rotaract Casino Royale Gala 2018, Jun 23
Adults. This year, Rotaract Beijing and Rotaract Beijing West are joining forces once again for the third Annual Rotaract Gala of Casino Royale! Free flow food, drink, great company, music, dance and more all in the guise of the Casino Royale at East Hotel’s beautiful terrace function space! Don your finest evening wear, and party the night away with the best crowd in Beijing. There are loads of prizes to be won along with themed games and special after-party rates at Xian Bar. RMB 500 (buy tickets here). 7-11.45pm. EAST Beijing.

Samajam Kids Show -You Are the Show! In Beijing, Fri-Sun until Jul 1
All ages. Samajam Kids Show is a new concept, a participatory musical show, in which all participants receive several musical instruments during the performance. RMB 180-350 (visit this page to buy tickets). 10.30am. Tianqiao Arts Center. (400 610 3721, 1010 3721, ponypiao@aliyun.cn)

Vegan Outreach Dinner at Pebbles, Jun 20
All ages. Vegans of Beijing presents another Vegan Outreach Dinner at Pebbles. They have just launched their new Baja-themed menu, making it the most vegan-friendly Mexican restaurant in Beijing. RMB 128 (visit this page to register). 7.30-9.30pm. Pebbles Courtyard.

Good Day Beijing Brunch with the Soul Band, Jun 24
All ages. Blue Note Beijing dishes up hot food and cool jazz with the Good Day Beijing Brunch featuring the Soul Band. Featuring great local musicians, Soul Band will touch on everything from Gershwin, to tango, to pop, all with a jazz flavor, while you enjoy the flavors of their delicious brunch. RMB 288 (visit this page for more info). 12.30-3.30pm. Blue Note Beijing.

Work Your Body Out

Yoga with Cats, Jun 19
All ages. Love cats & yoga? Try Ms. Uptown’s yoga class with our guest cat, Yuan Bao (lit. “Treasure”). Yuan Bao will keep you company while you challenge yourself on the mat. He loves people, and aspires to also become a yogi one day and teach Ashtanga yoga to his cat community. When Yuan Bao isn’t hanging out at Ms. Uptown’s yoga with cats class, you can always visit him at his home (MAOO Cat Cafe). RMB 168 (visit this page to register). Noon-1pm. Miss Uptown.

Adult Gymnastics, every Tue and Thu until Jul 19
Adults. Sports Beijing is launching a program of adult gymnastics, which can help us stretch our body, shape our muscles and enhance physical coordination. This project will combine the gymnastics and yoga, and participants will learn some gymnastics movements like rolls, handstands, and cartwheels. RMB 160 per week (visit this page to register). 1.30-2.30pm. Sports Beijing.

Feed Your Mind

Chinese Breakfast Seminar: Cash Flow Management, Jun 22
Adults. This Chinese-language seminar teaches you the essentials of cash flow management. Learn why cash flow management is critical to business management, how it looks at the different stages of development, how to tie it into funding and business planning and what factors affect it. RMB 100. Visit this page for more info. 9.30-11.30am. German Industry and Commerce (GIC) Beijing.

Caterpillar Chinese Reading Club, every Tue until Jun 26
All ages. The Caterpillar Chinese Reading Club is a book club for those who are English-speaking and trying to learn Chinese, and need some friends! The club invites Chinese learners of all levels and everyone to bring their own learning goals. The session will start with a fluent Chinese community member sharing about a book they recently read and help others practice listening and communication. In the next portion, the group members will share personal goals, and then try and converse about what everyone read and learned in Chinese. Free to attend. From 8pm. Bookworm. Scan the QR code on the poster for more details.

Mindful Mothers, every Wed until Jun 27
Adults. Join the Beijing Mindfulness Center for the Mindful Mother meditation series; three maternal meditations which focus on rejuvenating the woman’s body, mind, and spirit. If you are a first-time expecting mother or a mother of many years, it is essential to maintain your energy and life balance. Join a community of mothers who desire to renew their life source from within. RMB 150 per session. 10-11.30am. Beijing Mindfulness Center, No.44, Qian Yong Kang Hutong, Dongcheng. 北京市东城区前永康胡同44号 (6403 4923, hello@beijingmindfulness.com)

Exhibitions and Concerts

London Symphony Orchestra with Gianandrea Noseda and Yefim Bronfman, Jun 21
All ages. The London Symphony Orchestra appears at the NCPA under the direction of Gianandrea Noseda, widely recognized as one of the leading conductors of his generation. Pianist Yefim Bronfman appears as the soloist, playing a programme that includes works by Dvorak, Liszt, and Shostakovich. RMB 280-1,680 (visit this page to buy tickets). The event starts at 7.30pm. National Centre For The Performing Arts (NCPA).

Stage: Notre Dame de Paris, Jun 21-23
Adults. Adapted from Victor Hugo’s novel Notre Dame de Paris, this production brings the classic novel to the stage in French with Chinese subtitles. Produced in partnership with Britain’s TNT Theatre, the production focuses on the novel’s themes of religion and morality, sex, and love. RMB 148-370 (visit this page this page to buy tickets). From 7.30pm. Nine Theater.

Art Exhibition: Bazaar Bizarre by Mary A. Johnson, Jun 23-Jul 7
All ages. Bazaar Bizarre is an exhibition of Mary Johnson’s multimedia works, including a site-specific installation – a large-scale, hyper-fantastic, phantasmagorical compound of unknown origin. A multilayered spectrum of organic dyes, wet-market finds, and synthetic-sensational Taobao treasures, it investigates and reappraises the ontology in Franz Roh’s magic realism for the 21st century. It is an exercise in alchemy, an exhibitionist exhibition to expose the intricate, often grotesque beauty of an increasingly artificial world. Visit this page for more information. Free to attend. The opening reception is on June 23 at 4pm. aotuspace – 67, Beixinqiao Toutiao, Dongcheng District 凹凸空间 – 北京市东城区北新桥头条67号

Photos: Burst via Pexels, courtesy of event organizers

Join Eva Zhao, Secretary General of K2VC Charity Foundation, this Saturday, August 20th, at Beijing Mindfulness Centre (BMC) at her free reading program.

The reading program will teach children how to make reading a habit and improve their overall reading abilities. Eva will also teach parents how to read together with children and improve their logical thinking, communication, and writing abilities.

Free (donations welcome). 2-5:30 pm.  Beijing Mindfulness Centre, No.44, Qian Yong Kang Hutong, Dongcheng District. 东城区前永康胡同44号. (6403 4923)

Photo: LifeMBA, Beijing Mindful Centre