The day after she gave birth, Gemmicah Argonza got the call.

“Did you go to the 7-11 in the basement China World on April 28?” The voice on the line said, “A positive COVID case was found there.”

Her mind raced: Was she there on the 28th? Would she have to go to central quarantine? What about her husband? What would happen to her daughter? Would they take her too?

It’s the call no one wants to get, much less if they’ve literally just had a baby.

In a way, they were prepared for the worst.

A Philippine native, Argonza ran the only Filipino restaurant in the city, Mesa Madre, located in Jianwai Soho. Her husband, Clifford Weiner, was General Manager of Hotel Jen. Both of them were smack in the middle of the Central Business District – an area that would soon be swept up in the citywide COVID lockdown.

Before lockdown: Argonza enjoying Mesa Madre’s Halo-Halo, a Filipino desert

From mid-April, both Argonza and Weiner watched with trepidation as the cases in Beijing grew at a worrying pace, and communities in Panjiayuan, Shuangjing, and Jinsong – just a mile south of them – were closed off one after another.

“We had seen what happened in Shanghai, and we worried it would happen here,” Argonza recalls. News of quarantine shelter conditions, parents being separated from children, and lack of access to supplies were everywhere.

As she was due on April 28, they stocked up on a month’s worth of supplies. “I kept saying, ‘C’mon baby, come out already,’” Argonza recounts. “The last thing I wanted was to give birth in the middle of a lockdown.”

Argonza’s stock of baby supplies

The couple also decided to pack up and move into Hotel Jen. “Communities get locked down in the middle of the night without any warning, but as Hotel Jen’s General Manager, Cliff knew he would have some notice if the hotel was going to lockdown,” Argonza says. “So there could be a chance for us to make a decision to go to the hospital if that happened.”

Fortunately for the couple, it never came to that. On May 5, seven days after she was due, the contractions started. Argonza and Weiner rushed to the hospital, and, in the early hours of May 6, Allegra Weiner was born.

The day after giving birth, Argonza was discharged from the hospital. Things had gone smoothly, and Argonza felt good.

But as soon as the couple arrived home, the call from the CDC came.

“In the first phone call, it was almost as if they weren’t sure if I was at the 7-11,” she recalls. Six phone conversations later, the CDC finally confirmed that there was a payment linked to her at 2:45pm on April 28. The positive case was estimated to have visited the same 7-11 between 1-2pm that day. The timeframe was too close. This made Argonza a close contact – she and Weiner had to quarantine.

“I tried explaining that I’d taken COVID tests every day since the 28th, and that they were all negative” she says. “But it didn’t matter.”

At some point in the back and forth calls, Weiner told the CDC that Argonza had just given birth. “It seemed they didn’t expect this,” she recalls. A few hours later, a bit of good news came: they would only be required to do home quarantine.

Did her recent childbirth affect her quarantine requirements? “I don’t know, honestly,” Argonza says. “I was just really relieved to hear that.”

A CDC team came to install the alarm on their door, and set up a WeChat group that included the couple, a colleague who served as translator, and multiple people from what Argonza assumed was the CDC’s team. They were given instructions for deliveries, trash disposal, and doing both the CDC administered COVID tests as well as the COVID home-testing kits.

One of the challenges the couple faced was getting Allegra to her first two check-ups, which were within the first two weeks after birth.

Because Argonza’s health code was yellow, she had to navigate getting permission from both the hospital and their CDC handlers to make it happen.

“BJU knew what to do,” she says. “They would receive me not in pediatrics but in their fever clinic, and the doctor would be sent based on their internal protocols,” With the CDC, on the other hand, they had to negotiate the terms for traveling. “They finally agreed to have me take Allegra alone in a car, with a driver dressed in full PPE.”

“While it’s frustrating to be locked down, at least my husband is able to spend more time with our daughter,” Argonza muses. “It’s a good that’s come out of this whole situation, and I’m happy for it.”

Looking forward, the couple are most pained at how travel restrictions will prevent them from having Allegra meet their families. “I’m the eldest, so seeing my daughter would mean a lot to my parents,” Argonza says. “But we can’t do that for now.”

Asked if this might be an impetus for them to leave for good, as many expats have done, she responds, “When I’m frustrated in the moment, sometimes I do want to pack up and leave.”

“But at the same time, I love Beijing,” she says. “And my life, my business and my community are here. And I think Beijing is a good place for a child to grow up, especially in her early years. It’s a good place for our family to be.”

KEEP READING: What If I Go Into Labor During Lockdown?

Images: Courtesy of Gemmicah Argonza

With the lockdowns in Shanghai, quite a number of people here in Beijing have started stocking up on food and daily supplies, in case we go into lockdown here. But for expecting mothers and their families, there’s a much more pressing concern than how much toilet paper and instant noodles to store at home.

“What if I go into labor and my compound is locked down?”

According to Oasis International Hospital, there are procedures in place specifically for this. However, they’d like to stress that these procedures might be specific to Oasis International Hospital. If you’re delivering at another hospital, it’s best to contact them immediately and have a backup plan in place just in case.

Oasis has the following plan in place for their patients:
1. Call the Oasis maternity ward at 13810688466 or speak to your Account Representative.
2. Pregnant moms will need to confirm that they don’t have any of these 11 symptoms: fever, dry cough, fatigue, loss of smell or taste, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat, conjunctivitis, myalgia, and diarrhea.
3. If a mother doesn’t have any of the 11 symptoms, she will ask her 社区居委会 (shè qū jū wěi huì) to call 120 (the number for an ambulance) and take her to Oasis.
4. If she does have fever or any of the 11 symptoms, she will also need to talk with the 社区居委会 to call 120 and go to Civil Aviation General Hospital (航空总院 háng kōng zong yuàn) for medical assistance.

Currently, one person is allowed to accompany the mother during delivery, but it’s best to check with the specific hospital where you’ll be delivering for that hospital’s rules and regulations, as they might be different than those of Oasis.

Images: Pexels

Amber Catherine He

British/Belarusian
Born Nov 4
to Anya Saniukevich and Tianran He
at Beijing Wuzhou Women and Children’s Hospital

Amelie Mao Janssen

German
Born Jun 24
to Ines Janssen and Mao Chucheng
at Oasis International Hospital

Michael Hu

Chinese
Born Jun 16
to Maria Ma and Naitao Hu
at Beijing Maternity Hospital

Quentin Feng

Chinese/Korean
Born Jul 15
to Jessie Zhao and Steven Feng
at Peking Union Medical College Hospital

Rohan Dhamelia Mitchell

British Born Sep 4
to Donica Dhamelia and James Mitchell
at Oasis International Hospital

Images: Courtesy of parents

This article appeared in the jingkids 2021 November-December issue

Going through a pregnancy is stressful under the best circumstances. Going through it as an expat in China, during a pandemic no less, can feel impossible. But many couples do, and make it look easy. I reached out to two local women who are navigating their pregnancies as expats, and they shared their experiences with candor and positivity.

Annie Markway and her husband are from the US and have been in China since 2019. They are expecting their first child in February. Educator Rebekah Lorraine has been in China since 2016 and she and her husband welcomed their first child on Nov 11 this year.

When asked about their biggest fears and concerns during pregnancy in a foreign land both women talked about language barriers and missing family support. “It was hard to not have my family to support me and it was also difficult not understanding the language when the doctors were trying to communicate medical information to me,” says Lorraine. “My mother is a nurse, and it would have been helpful to have her with me to help me make medical decisions. It’s also sad that my family has not been able to meet her.” Markway seconded the family concerns for both her and her spouse, explaining “The biggest challenge about being away from family during this process is that this child will be the first grandchild for both families. I fear I am robbing my mom and other family members of the experiences that accompany becoming a grandparent, aunt, and uncle…[My husband] grew up in a family with four kids and with a lot of extended family nearby. Not having that support and guidance on hand creates a level of anxiety that would probably be less if we were at home.”

Overcoming the lack of immediate family support is no small feat, especially when it comes to actually caring for a newborn. Lorraine and her spouse made the decision to not hire an ayi and instead have Lorraine’s husband act as a primary caretaker. “It’s good because my husband has gotten to spend a lot of time with her…In my opinion, raising children is not just a woman’s job, and I want to set that kind of example for our daughter to see. So, I think one good thing from our current situation is how much time my husband has been spending with our daughter.”

The Markways have not decided if they will get an ayi yet but they do have some creative plans for insuring family back home gets as much face time as possible with the new addition. “To overcome the distance, we will be gifting our parents iPads for Christmas so that they have an even bigger screen to video chat with the family’s newest member. Additionally, we are considering using a baby monitor with wifi access so the family can log in and see the baby while (hopefully) sleeping. I’ll be honest, though, this is a little bit of a selfish tactic as I am anticipating family will want to video with the baby often, and I know that at least in the beginning we will be a little too sleep-deprived to answer every call!”

When it comes to resources both women say an enthusiastic thank you to WeChat. The groups Having a baby in China and Bumps2babes both got a special mention. But it’s the community itself that seems to have had the biggest impact. Markway talks eloquently about the people who have helped her on her journey. “We have been blessed to have friends who gave birth to their beautiful son here in China over two years ago. From sharing their experience to gifting us baby and maternity items (thank you Target jeans), the wisdom they have imparted to us is immeasurable. Additionally, they have connected us to a variety of WeChat groups. It takes getting added to just one group for a snowball effect to take place. The kindness of all group members to connect you with other groups is amazing.”

Despite all the support, there have been plenty of surprises, both welcome and difficult, in the process. As Lorraine puts it, “In the US, they will usually let the husband in the room (for a C-section) but over here they did not and I was told at the hospital that I needed a Chinese ID to register on this app to see someone about (postpartum) depression…However, if we had been in the US, our medical bills would have been much more expensive, so there’s pros and cons to both situations.”

Markway was surprised by the way living in Beijing has helped her shift away from defining herself through her job and she believes learning to adapt and be more flexible will make her a better parent in the long run. “Over time, being a trailing spouse has allowed me to appreciate myself just for me, and with that, some of my Type A, anxious tendencies have subsided. I have embraced domestic travel, tried new hobbies, and cultivated friendships all while developing a more laid-back personality. I think this new foundation will help me in parenthood to remember to prioritize myself and to not sweat the small stuff. Probably easier said than done, but I’m trusting my awesome Beijing community will help me along the way!”

And that community is the thing that is helping so many families with small children here in Beijing. Markway said it best: “Just as our US-based family will be longing to meet our baby in person, many expats in our Beijing community have also had to put meeting their grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and other new family members on hold due to the pandemic. With that in mind, I think our baby will always have loving arms in which to be held, and that gives us great comfort in staying in Beijing during this big life event.”

KEEP READING: Love Letter To a Beijing Baby

Images: Unsplash

Preparing for a new baby is one of the most wonderful times in a family’s life. It can also be scary, confusing, and disorienting. For many expat couples, this is compounded by being away from their families and experiencing different standards of care in local hospitals.

While the medical treatment for expectant mothers is exceptional in Beijing it is not standard to receive a sonogram photo or video and in some allegorical instances, the father is not even allowed into the exam room for the sonogram itself.

This has given rise to a new niche market industry. Private 3-D and 4-D ultrasound clinics. A 3-D ultrasound is an incredibly clear and much more detailed photo of your baby while a 4-D ultrasound is an actual video of your little one in utero. Many parents report being able to make out facial expressions and even see their little one wave or touch their face.

Rebecca Fezekas is a local mom of a happy active 2 ½-year-old who was born here in China. While visiting family back home in the states they opted to get a sneak peek at their little one. “We wanted my parents to have a chance to see the baby. Since we live abroad there were not many opportunities for my parents to be part of our pregnancy experience.”

It’s not just the grandparents that need help feeling connected. Many dads-to-be find the pregnancy period can feel unreal. Cerebrally they understand what is happening but physically they are having a very different experience than mom is. Many couples find that the ultrasound helps bridge that gap and creates a bonding moment and a chance to connect as a new family. “Seeing the baby in 3D made the whole pregnancy more real. We could see facial features, hands, fingers. We could see the baby moving around and touching his face … If you compare the scan to our baby when he was first born the similarities are pretty uncanny. It’s amazing the technology that makes this possible these days!” Fezekas said.

Local expectant mom Nita Steenkamp is expecting her 2^nd son at the end of November. She and her husband opted to get the scan done here in Beijing and brought their 4 year old along. “we wanted to take our son with us to see the pictures and videos, we are including him as much as we can in the entire process.

They went to a local franchise called The Initial Life and were thrilled with the experience. “It was lovely when we went for the scan, the baby was not moving much so they gave me some snacks and told us to go for a short walk. They were very patient. We tried three times and only got good pictures on the third try.” But it was worth the effort. Steenkamp says the newest edition looks just like his big brother. “The scan is sooooo close to what my son looked like as a newborn. It’s so freaky!”

3-D ultrasounds generally get the best results after 24 weeks but some people are able to get clear images as early as 22 weeks. There are multiple packages at The Initial Life facility and the cost ranges from RMB 299- RMB 600. You can scan the below QR code for more information, locations, and contact information.

KEEP READING: Packing School Lunches Made Easy With a Simple System!

Images: Nita Steenkamp, Rebecca Fezekas , Unsplash

Everyone talks about how marriages change once a child enters the picture. And this is observably true. You literally created a new human and now you and your partner have the daily struggle of keeping them alive and happy. That’s battlefield bonding. But there is another relationship that shifts dramatically, yet receives significantly less attention. Your friendships.

For women especially, our friendships are a vital part of who we are. They help us stay balanced, process our feelings, and connect to our broader community. In many cases, our friends have seen us through university exams, new jobs, moves, parental health scares, breakups, marriages, and hangovers. Each friendship is a compilation of a million little tragedies and celebrations. They add up to make some of the deepest relationships of our lives. And we are often unprepared for how radically motherhood will change the dynamics of that relationship, both for the new mommy and the still childless friend.

I have personally been in many friendships that had the opportunity to evolve when a new baby arrived. It’s an exciting, exhausting, wonderful time and it can actually help strengthen your friend bond. But first, you have to acknowledge the frustrations on both sides. The new mom is exhausted on a level we singles can’t even begin to understand. Her life is an endless cycle of feedings, diapers, and doctors’ appointments. Add to that a cocktail of post-partum hormones that make PMS feel like a spa day, and you can maybe begin to get an inkling of what she’s going through.

Expat teacher and new Beijing mommy Upashna Rai Simandan put it this way. “I do find it hard to relate to friends who haven’t been able to conceive and mostly with single friends…The first few months postpartum is really challenging for a new mother, it can be exhausting and lonely.”

So, the first thing I tell my fellow single friends when one of our squad is navigating new motherhood is, give them space but let them know you are still there. Simandan agrees. “The best my friends have done for me is simple things [like]sending me text messages and calling once a week and asking, ‘How are you doing?’’’

But it’s not all about what mom is feeling. Your single/childless friends miss you too. Gone are the days when you can just grab a drink or go for a walk. Half the time, when we call, you can’t even talk because you are up to your elbows in bodily fluids and the focus is understandably on the baby. We are thrilled and happy for you but can also feel like we have lost our support system too. Friends are our sounding boards and our life coaches. Suddenly, that is gone…at least temporarily.

Simandan noted, “I think I may have deserted them (my friends), though not intentionally. Since this was my first and long-awaited pregnancy, I was extra careful about where I went and what I ate during social gatherings. Also, the pandemic got me a little paranoid about going out and meeting my friends. After giving birth, I got busier.”

The friendships that have lasted in my life found a balance between the needs of both people. Singles need to listen, empathize, and offer to visit mom at home instead of going out. In fact, while you are there, make mom go take a shower…she probably hasn’t had one yet today… or this week.

Mommies, we get that you need to talk about jaundice and sore nipples and all of the feelings and we got you ‘cause that’s what friends do! But remember to ask us about work, dating, and life outside of your apartment. And once you’re ready, please try and go out with us now and again. You may be a mom, but that’s not your entire identity, and a night at the movies or a cup of coffee with your bestie while hubby or ayi watches baby will actually make you a better caregiver!

Both of you need to watch out for the jealousy trap too. Simandan recalls of one postpartum friendship, “She didn’t want to call me since I was unavailable most of the time. She may have felt abandoned by me, but at the same time, I also felt very lonely…I made new mommy friends. I have joined many mommy groups where I share my concerns and also offer suggestions or just words of affirmation to other mommies. I see them as my support system.”

Singles, she is going to make new mommy friends. That is normal, natural, and will doubtlessly help her keep her sanity! No matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to understand everything she is going through. However, that doesn’t mean she loves you any less or can do without you in her life, so keep calling and messaging.

On the flip side moms, your squad’s life doesn’t stop because of your new little one. I had a friend in New York who was furious with me when she heard I went to a bubbles and raw bar happy hour. Her reaction was, “But that is our place, how could you go there without me?” I hadn’t invited her because it was alcohol and raw fish and I knew she couldn’t partake, but I didn’t think that meant I couldn’t still enjoy it. So moms, try not to take it personally if we continue doing things you need to take a break from.

Overall remember this: It’s a new phase of life and a difficult transition, but you were friends before the baby arrived, and if you can be kind, understanding, and supportive of everything you are both experiencing then this can be a wonderful period of growth in your friendship. Baby will get older and girls’ trips, happy hours, and spa days will return eventually. In the meantime, try to find ways to bond over this amazing new little person who is now a part of your community.

KEEP READING: Intriguing Pre-Marriage Rituals From Around The World

Images: Unsplash

Being pregnant isn’t an easy journey. The physical and emotional roller coaster can throw any woman off her game, but being pregnant abroad, sometimes without your family by your side, is downright scary at times, and finding a group that gives you the mental support and advice you need is priceless.

Fortunately for us, there are women like Sarah Lam. Lam is a passionate doula from London with a heart of gold and years of experience that she has freely shared with women in Beijing. Each week Lam opened up her home for small, intimate gatherings, where she creates a safe space for women to say anything that’s on their minds. Her WeChat group, Bump, Birth & Beyond, has given expat women from all parts of the world a place to belong and find advice.

After years of living in Beijing, Lam and her family will be moving away in a few short days. And the women she’s helped will not be letting her leave without a proper good-bye. We love you Sarah. Thank you for all you’ve done for us!

“Sarah created a community where you feel welcomed – where you can freely open up about any topic to clear your doubts, share experiences, or just vent! It’s been great to have this little “safe haven” to share the ups and downs of pregnancy and motherhood, especially since many of us haven’t been home in a long time. We’re going to miss Sarah lots! We wish her the best on this new adventure, where I’m sure she will find a way to continue helping moms around the world!” – Evelyn & Andy

“She’s a wonderful woman who has provided a way for us to connect, share knowledge, and find support, kindness, and community. She’s full of love and will be greatly missed,” – Rebecca M.

“I was a first-time pregnant mom, in a very different country, far from my family. Sarah’s group was of great support for me! Our meetings made me more confident and gave me the amazing experience of sharing my fears and concerns with other mothers. And the group is a perfect reflection of Sarah’s personality: full of kindness, affection, and smiles! ‘My house is always open to you,’ she told me. But, dear Sarah, you did for us so much more than that: you’ve opened your heart and your arms to us! I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that!” – Natalia Ferraz Granja

“Our baby group has given me much more confidence. I have a support group of people from different cultures and backgrounds but we all have one goal: being great mums. I am very grateful to be a member of this special community.” – Samantha Liu

”It was winter time in Beijing when I first stepped into Sarah’s home for the meeting. The warmth of her home eased the harshness of the Beijing winter, welcoming me and my third bump with her lovely smile and her open arms. She made healthy cinnamon rolls that calmed my busy self. It was perfectly paired with refreshing cherry tomatoes and cups of coffee and tea which she gladly offered.

My first meeting was definitely not the last! I have looked forward to Tuesdays [ever since]. Thanks a lot to the lovely German mom who added me to the group (You know who you are!). The space to be myself as a mother drew me to build a community and journey together with other moms and their babies without any judgments. That’s what I think was so special in the meetings.

Another precious reason was Sarah herself. Her gentleness and kindness along with her cozy home, paired with learnings and happy conversations, made me reserve my coffee time to be spent this way. What else could be better?

[From] knowing Sarah, I can say she is a beautiful person inside and out. She is also an artist and fascinated with “bodies.” You can see that from the works of art on the walls of her living room. It’s worth mentioning this because she embodies the acceptance of one’s self, and appreciation of the uniqueness of each one. Her personality speaks the message “It doesn’t matter what you look like, you are special. There’s no one like you and you are welcome here!

Thank you, Sarah, for welcoming me and Baby Ezekiah to your home and being part of this wonderful Bump, Birth and Beyond group! Truly unforgettable experience in my motherhood journey!” – Rocyl

“Sarah is one of the most warm-hearted persons I know. She always finds a way to help or to cheer you up – even if it is ‘only’ with a smile or a hug. She’s an amazing hugger! Not to mention her huge wealth of experience and useful tips as a mother and doula. Everything around her is filled with love. That’s why our meetups were so important to me – in our talks before we decided to get a second baby, in the pregnancy time, and after childbirth. You come to her house with all the fears and concerns you have in this vulnerable time, and leave with a smile, plus some tears and cake-crumbs there… I am lucky to know her and very happy for people at the place she will go next.” – Juliana Schartner

“It was so nice to have a safe place and even the opportunity to interact with other moms. It is nice to know you are not alone in what you are going through as a parent, and groups like this, without judgement (which is what Sarah fostered) are invaluable.” – Tiffany Harwick

Images: Juliana Schartner, Rocyl, Samantha Liu, Juliana, Natalia Ferraz Granja

The sheer joy of finding out you are pregnant. The utter delight when you are able to scream it to the world, usually after your 12-week ultrasound. Everything is going swimmingly. 16, 17, 20: each week is proudly ticked off while the bump (and butt and boobs, but who cares right?) gets rounder and bigger. 

But then, for a million and one different reasons – and sometimes without warning – this baby is coming out… way before the 40-week gestational period. 

This nightmare scenario happened to one of my best friends living in the Netherlands over four weeks ago. She was pregnant and ecstatic. Everything was going so well for her and the baby. Then suddenly, whoosh, her water broke at 25 weeks gestation, with absolutely no warning. In total panic, she was first rushed to a local hospital and thereafter transferred to a bigger one in Rotterdam. After four days in the hospital, she went into labor and gave birth to a perfectly formed but oh-so-tiny baby boy. 

There are few things worse than your child being unwell or unhealthy. For a new mum, holding your baby for the first time is a moment dreams are made of. Doing this while the baby is attached to all manner of machines, tubes with monitors, and beepers going off every single minute can be a nightmare, to say the least.

Who is a premature baby?

A baby is considered premature or pre-term when born alive before 37 weeks of pregnancy. There are stages of prematurity in births: Late preterm is when your baby is born between weeks 34 and 36 of pregnancy. Moderately preterm is when the baby is born between 32 and 34 weeks of pregnancy. Very preterm babies are born at less than 32 weeks of pregnancy, and Extremely preterm babies are born at or before 25 weeks of pregnancy. 

In most countries, babies born at less than 19 weeks are considered unviable, unlikely to survive, and doctors will generally discourage any form of resuscitation. 

An estimated 15 million babies are born too early every year, according to The World Health Organization. That is more than one in every ten babies. Thanks to advances in medical care though, babies born very prematurely are now more likely to survive than ever before. Of the estimated 15 million, approximately 1 million die due to complications of pre-term births but, even if this is still a dire number, it is a testament of hope for parents going through NICU with their little bundles. 

NICU in China

We asked Dr. Wennie Balawis, MD, a pediatrician from Oasis Hospital to tell us more about NICU procedures and guidelines in China. 

• “When it comes to newborn resuscitation, China follows the standard international guidelines; the same as those from the American Heart Association (AHA) Neonatal Resuscitation. The two vital characteristics that determine the need for initial steps of resuscitation among newborns (both preterm and term babies) are: Breathing Problems and Heart Rate < 100 beats per minute.

• It is important to note that in local hospitals in China, parents are normally not allowed inside the NICU due to a different physical setup of the care units.

• In private hospitals like Oasis, parents are allowed to visit their babies in NICU 24/7. Visitation is only withheld for a certain period if there is a special procedure that has to be done in the NICU. There are also full parental support services like lactation nurses, on hand 24/7. Parents are also part of the medical team and are kept abreast of their child’s treatments and development through progress reports done at least twice a day (morning and evening). The treatment process and treatment options are also discussed with the parents and they participate in the decision making.

• Just like in most hospitals in Europe and America, bonding techniques like kangaroo care are allowed in private settings like Oasis Hospital’s NICU. Kangaroo care helps in establishing bonding to the parents, contributes to the success of breastfeeding, helps in thermoregulation, and helps the parents gain more confidence in caring for their baby, among other benefits. In certain circumstances when the baby’s condition is very unstable and kangaroo care is not possible, parents are still encouraged to visit the baby, touch, talk, or sing to them.

The NICU lingo

On most days, doctors and nurses speak a language that you and I won’t really grasp (a bit like Chinese – unless you are Chinese or a doctor, of course). 

One of the most overwhelming things my friend has had to contend with while her baby is in NICU has been the sheer amount of information and the medical lingo she and her partner hear every single day, especially during their first week in the hospital. While it is of course important to keep parents abreast of every single development, it can be quite staggering for any new parent with a baby in potential danger. 

She had to quickly learn what “bradycardia” (slower than normal heart rate), “intubation” (inserting a tube in the throat to aid breathing) and “Apnea” (temporary suspension of breathing) mean, among other medical terms. Currently, she knows what each machine is doing and what the colors, codes, and beeps mean. 

Decisions in NICU

In Africa where I am from – and probably many other cultures – death is not something we talk about too openly. If someone has a terminal illness or is really sick, there will be no “straightforward” discussions about how many months or days one has left and what decisions have to be made. In Europe and other Western cultures, they will tell you straight up about all the possible outcomes and scenarios of an illness or a medical situation – the good, the bad, and the ugly. With my friend, all the best and worst-case scenarios were laid out, right up to the, “In case the baby doesn’t make it, do you still want to hold him or not?” There were also decisions over which medication they could consent to, medical trials they could participate in, and so forth. Most of the medical decisions are of course handled by capable medical professionals.

Finally Going Home

Premature babies are generally expected to stay in the NICU until their organs develop enough to stay alive without medical support, weigh at least 1,800 grams, can breathe on their own, breastfeed or bottle-feed by mouth, and maintain their body temperature and body weight, usually all in tandem. If, for example, a baby’s weight criteria is met but still require oxygen, discharge planning will change. Readiness and ability of the caregivers to take care of the baby after NICU discharge is also considered before discharge. 

As expected, the first weeks were overwhelming for my friend, what with Covid-19 restrictions and the fear of infections in the hospital. Although still in NICU, the baby is with one of the best medical teams in the Netherlands and has made incredible steps in his growth and development, and we are all very hopeful he will be home in no time.

And hopefully, many in the same situation will continue to make progress.

KEEP READING: Pregnancy Diary: Unpacking Your Beijing Hospital Go Bag

 Images: Unsplash, Rebecca Nassali, Pexels

Congratulations! You’re pregnant, and not just that, you are having your baby in Beijing. A lot of international hospitals and support networks are around to help guide your journey to motherhood for the first time, or once again. A few things will be different in this issue of beijingkids though; we made a small guide to help the family make the transition easier. Look out for our special maternity issue coming out in July for a more in-depth explanation of what to expect when you’re expecting in Beijing.

International hospitals have all the modern technology you would need to give birth. Some of the more popular hospitals with maternity departments include Amcare, Beijing United Family Hospital, and Oasis International Hospital. Also available are postpartum doulas to help a new family in those first days and weeks after bringing home a newborn. Home birth is not permitted in China, and we would advise giving birth at a hospital.

Finding a good obstetrician and hospital, as well as that somebody with whom you feel compatible with while feeling secure is very important. Follow your gut instinct and find out the English speaking levels at the hospital. Also, get your insurance settled and inquire about self-pay and package deals at hospitals.

Resume your post-birth customs the same way as you would at home, but this time add a strange Chinese traditional practice. Elderly local ladies advise pregnant women complete zuò yuè zi 麟墩綾 or “sitting the month,” which  is, staying warm in bed and resting up for a month after birth. Together with other rituals and dietary restrictions (mainly bland food), these Chinese elements will bring you quickly back to health. Don’t be surprised if locals frown upon you leaving home with a newborn before this period is over.

We can’t emphasize enough how important it is to find friends who can be your family while you’re away from home during these exciting moments of your life. The good thing in Beijing is that there are a lot of expat parents who are willing to help and give advice to newcomers. Online groups are a great way to start looking for potential friends. Make use of your newly set up WeChat to look for your mommy tribes and groups like Bumps2Babes (a playgroup organization), Beijing Parenting and Beyond (a WeChat  group where parenting resources are being shared by parents), and Beijing Mommy Yahoo Group. Feel free to contact us directly (editor@beijing-kids.com) to get connected to these or other helpful parenting groups (see p 52 for more community groups).

Documents for Your New Baby

Registering your baby for passports and residence permits is such a complicated and tiring process but needs to be completed before the baby is 30 days old days to avoid fines. If the baby is from two non-Chinese parents, the hospital will give them a birth certificate. Make sure the hospital staff writes down the English names of both parents. Bring that to your or your partner’s embassy or consulate to apply for your baby’s passport. The process is usually straightforward and will require you to bring along some passport photos and the necessary paperwork that you can find on the embassy website.

The baby will need a visa or residence permit as well, and you should apply for this within 30 days. You don’t have to wait for the passport to be issued by the embassy or consulate. Go to the local Exit-Entry Office of the Public Security Bureau and bring the following:

• Birth certificate

• Parents’ passports

• Proof from the embassy or consulate that you are applying for your baby’s passport

Babies born to one Chinese parent and one non-Chinese parent will be considered a Chinese national. China does not recognize dual nationality. However, you can renounce your child’s Chinese citizenship, but this is not easy and the protocol is not always clear

Chinese rules and regulations change on a regular basis. Finding information and parents who recently finished the process are wildly available. Having a baby in Beijing does not have to be daunting, and with the support of your newfound pengyou, you’ll be amazed by how child-friendly your new home can be!