Living as an expat in China is difficult some days. There are many challenging situations to face, and sometimes help seems very much out of reach. Unfortunately, help is even harder for some people in our community than others. That is why licensed therapist Kindall Tyson wants to make mental health care more available for Beijing’s black community. Tyson believes it’s crucial to have access to mental health care that is culturally competent, which is why she has put together a six-week small group therapy session for black women.

Every Saturday for six weeks, up to 12 women will meet to address issues that are important to women in the black community. Topics explored during this group include the importance of a support system while living abroad, how to empower yourself and others, and effective ways to implement self-care practices. Perhaps the two most important topics covered are how to building a coalition to help destigmatize mental illness in the black community and how to thrive as a black woman in Beijing.

Kindall Tyson is a licensed counselor from Texas who has been involved in the mental health care field for five years, with an additional 11 years working in education. Tyson has served in Beijing for two years as the Secondary Counselor at an international school. While in China she has worked with various mental health advocacy groups to provide mental health workshops.

Tyson ardently believes that when clients and other stakeholders embark on the personal mission for self-awareness, self-love, and self-actualization, challenges they face can become the catalysts for positive change. Which is why she hosts many workshops and advocates to end destigmatization of mental health care in communities of color, across the globe. 

This event is available for black women of the diaspora who are over 18. The first session is on October 26, and will meet every Saturday for six weeks. Because consistency and confidentiality are important to any small group meeting it is encouraged that you commit to all six weeks. The location will be given to women once they have signed up. Contact Information: wechat: therapist_abroad, kindalltysonTX, Instagram at @aspire_counselingwell her website is www.aspirecounselingwell.net.

Adults. RMB 220 per session or 1200 for all 6 weeks upfront. Registration needed. 11am – 12.30pm. Location will be given after signing up. 

Photos: courtesy of Kindall Tyson 

Staying at home with the kids, working full time, or working like I do from home with an occasional visit to the office are easily the biggest and toughest decisions that a couple has to take on. Being a working couple means juggling a number of stress-inducing issues. My husband and I are a typical working couple but to add to the mix we are also both completing masters degrees while caring for our 9-month-old son. It gets busy.

The reality is all kinds of work-life-parenting options are challenging but below are some insights into the financial and emotional factors that need to be considered when choosing whether to stay at home and work or stay at home and look after the kids.

You will need to plan for medical care

Perks associated with corporate full-time employment in our home countries concerning medical insurance and the like may not be accessible at the best of times while working in Beijing, never mind when starting a family and choosing to stay at home. Quitting your job will reflect directly on your medical insurance, particularly if your current job offers insurance for the entire family. So, if you choose to give up your job and stay home, carefully study the impact of medical insurance on the family.

This is as equally as important when working from home. Medical insurance varies from job to job and the type of insurance you have access to may be affected by the number of your contractual hours when working part-time and or whether or not you’re working from the privacy of your home.

Your savings will be impacted

Suddenly turning into a single-income family can affect your savings in a major way. Even with adjustments in lifestyle, savings will take a hit. As a freelancer and business owner, this was ever more true for my family and me. While a lot of it will depend on how big the second income that you are foregoing is, anything earned between RMB 16,000 and RMB 20,000 could impact savings by 40 -50 percent. Consider cutting down on certain amenities to save money.

You will need to cut down your entertainment and holiday budget

Apart from savings, travel, and vacations make a huge dent in any budget. These are luxuries that unfortunately may need to be shifted to the back burner of your priority list. However, a single-income doesn’t mean hibernating at home, doing nothing; there are a number of adjustments that can be made.

– Pay more attention to the fine print on your plastic and take advantage of travel deals and freebies that you and the family can cop from your credit cards.
– Change your travel destinations and/or activities. We, for instance, have chosen cheaper destinations, staycations, and day trips.

Your future plans will see an impact

There may be a shift in your future family decisions if transitioning from a double to single income household or working part-time or full-time at home on a reduced salary. The decisions that may be impacted may include, buying a house to having another baby. Many future goals are dependent on your savings, which usually decrease when starting a family and replenishing your savings may take time.

Evaluate the cost of daycare or nanny versus keeping a second income

When I first contemplated returning to work while being pregnant, it was difficult to quantify being away from my newborn. Fortunately for many expats in Beijing, the prohibitive day costs in many of our home countries, as well as the cost of a nanny, are factors that are not typically problems for families, because of the affordable child-care options here.

An ayi (nanny) typically costs less than half the amount it would to hire someone full-time for care for your child in your home country and can provide flexibility for you to slowly return back to part-time or full-time employment, when the dust has settled and you’ve found the ideal ayi for you and your family.

However, depending on the amount of the second income you may be trying to maintain, it may not be worth hiring a full-time stay-in-helper for your child. These are very personal decisions and dependent on family structures. Think about the incurring expenses once you get pregnant and alternative options such as smaller side jobs that can provide extra income while taking a hiatus from a full-time job.

Photo: Pixabay

Just after giving birth to my first child, I reconnected with an old primary school friend who had just found out that she too was pregnant. This serendipitous moment sparked a deeper connection between us as we began to share our expectations, anxieties, and memories over Facebook Messenger in a style reminiscent of the back and forth correspondence in You Got Mail.

I find myself carving out time to sit down with tea or finding a quiet moment while in transit to read through detailed anecdotal, humorous, and nostalgic narratives about the personal journey my friend was and is on during what is one of the most momentous times of a woman’s life: growing a life.

One of the many prominent and poignant matters of life and love we ponder over is, of course, our own childhoods, our upbringing, and what we hope and plan our approach will be to parenthood. With each digital mail received, my distant friend who is separated from me by thousands of miles of land and ocean leaves with me deep impressions about a plethora of issues I never knew would be at the forefront of my mind.

All parents, at one point or another, speak about the notion of doing right in the areas where perhaps our parents went wrong; to provide in ways we were not provided for, not necessarily materially but emotionally, physically, and by way of offering an environment that fulfills, educates, and nurtures. One of my major concerns is the ability to allow my son to exercise autonomy. But can our marked efforts to do better in what we believe are key areas in our child’s lives create deficits in others?

Autonomy

I have always felt that I wasn’t given enough autonomy over situations and personal decisions; to have a voice that determined some of the direction I wished to go in, and that was listened to. The somewhat traditional views of my family meant that there was an innate authoritative position that belonged to the parent, and the child should and would be directed rather than allowed to self-determine in areas where it would have been safe enough for them make their own decisions– or at least be given options one could have free rein to select from.

This in turn has already manifested in me an intentional and purposeful stance on giving my son choice, a voice, and much more freedom than I was ever given. However, what deficit might I be creating in areas where a ‘no’ will protect him, as well as providing security and emotional stability in the fact that I as a parent care enough to confront, intervene, and put into place the boundaries that all kids need? When and where is the right time to take away choice? When and where is your voice the final one? Balance is everything.

I have spoken to a number of adults who in their childhood were given more freedom than a child is usually permitted to exercise in their lives, and have heard time and again that their perceived freedom of choice actually translated into abandonment or a feeling that their parents did not care. The burden of choice, and what it is to make decisions for yourself when you don’t necessarily have the tools to do so meant that for some, their autonomy was not a gift but a weight.

The “hands-off” approach to parenting in some scenarios can instill a sense of responsibility, accountability, and freedom, but can also leave a child pining for attention and seeking out destructive ways to be seen and cared for in a more intentional way. This made me think about old tropes regarding parenting, about embracing the idea that sometimes our voice needs to be the overriding factor in our children’s lives and that this, in fact, can be the purest way of showing love and affection.

Autonomy, I guess, can be given in small but significant ways that help our kids develop their characters and voices. Small decisions: food options, what to wear on a Saturday morning, what activity to participate in after school (or whether to have an extra-curricular activity at all), are all ways a parent can create balance and avoid emotional deficits in a child’s life.

Photo: Pixabay