From a plaque on her wall in her tastefully decorated office on the Yew Chung International School of Beijing (YCIS Beijjing) campus, Ms. Rachel George reads to me the key reason why she is here doing what she does. “‘We believe that each child is unique with innate talents and with gifts which should be nurtured to their fullest potential.’ As soon as I saw that this was a part of the school guiding ethos, I knew that this was where I needed to be. And I have never looked back.”

Ms. George with some of her students

George, a Texas native, has been in China for the last two years and as she puts it, her spirit is at absolute peace in this massive city, in no small part due to how she found her current position and eventually moved here. Hearing her story, it is easy to say that someone or something beyond her had a plan for her to be in Beijing. “It’s small things, like for instance, my best friend adopted a child from China of whom I am the godmother. I also had a weird problem with my car where it would display commands in Chinese. Just small things that were linked to China in one way or another made me realize that this was the place I was meant to be.”

“Everyone is so free here”, she muses at the general atmosphere she has come to enjoy in China. “Walking down the street, you hear people singing. They all have a sense of joie de vivre. Old people are active, they are out walking, and playing with their birds and no one has time to be ‘old’ here.”

Her overwhelmingly positive experiences living here in Beijing are a long way from her upbringing in South West Louisiana, where she was born and raised before eventually relocating to Texas. “I remember getting on the bus and the girls at the back of the bus wearing KKK hoods. I believe I was in fifth grade at the time.” It is harsh realities like these that went into the makings of what would be an international counselor to children from all walks of life at YCIS Beijing.

Ms Rachel George

George is not new to the world of teaching, having over 16 years of experience teaching and working as a guidance counselor back in the States, working with children from disadvantaged backgrounds, whose parents had passed away or were missing in their lives for one reason or the other. However, this is markedly different from the students who she works with at present, who one might say are from more affluent or well-to-do families.

It is undeniable that the pressures to succeed have been amped up particularly for the current generation of parents and children. Academic excellence, especially in Mainland China, is of particular importance to families who work hard to afford their children the best education and extracurricular activities that money can buy. Unfortunately this sometimes comes at the cost of social, psychological and emotional development. ‘We push these kids towards success and perhaps they go to very good colleges, maybe even in the States. But do they have the social skills to navigate the world? Can they be on their own?’

As an American stepping in to a mostly Chinese setting, George also had to come to grips with the emotional dynamics of Chinese, and the larger East Asian, society. Silence and stoicism are virtues, and a legacy of this part of the world, something that children also pick up from their parents, meaning they are either unable or unwilling to verbalize personal problems as and when they arise. “Most kids don’t want to disappoint, so the idea of sharing their concerns with their parents is unthinkable.” George strives to find techniques with which to have these sensitive conversations with parents, while making the link between academic success and emotional health. “Younger parents are more progressive. They will take research I present to them and read it at home.”

This is not to say that the opposite is true of Western students and their parents. As George points out, there is no such thing as a collective Western way of thinking. All of her students from different countries are different, and she has had to learn to speak their language and understand them with their cultural backgrounds in mind.

George notes that well-meaning parents might tend to not only push their children towards academic excellence but also often shelter them from any real struggle. Their opportunities to learn from their mistakes are taken away. “I encourage parents to let their kids struggle, because it builds character.” It might be as a result of their own struggles while growing up, but the innate response it would seem, for most parents, is to clear as smooth a path for their children as they possibly can. But this, rather than giving their children an edge, detracts from their development and self-actualization. George advises parents to foster a sense of “I can do it myself” in their children. “The children are much protected and I appreciate this. There is a lot of love in that sort of protection and it always comes from a good place. But you have to let your child struggle.”

It is undoubtedly important for anyone in her position to appreciate and understand that each child is the very best that their parents have to offer and are eager to work to ensure that their children are the very best version of themselves that they can be.

Recalling her own childhood, she notes one marked difference in the student-teacher dynamic, with teachers occupying the role of authority figures, not striving to form connections with their students. But George notes the importance of fostering trust between students and teachers. Teachers must not only interact with their students, but try to know the individual. As she herself got into the teaching profession, she realized the importance of building trust with her students. Given that most the students that she worked with at the time were from disadvantaged backgrounds, it was imperative that a connection be fostered. These connections would be relied upon by the student, who required her to provide them with some much needed guidance in their lives, especially in the face of missing parents and authority figures in their lives. George strives to empower other teachers to have the skills needed to meet their students’ emotional needs, part of what she envisions in her Beijing future. “Five years from now, my ultimate desire would be to keep doing what I do: workshops, talking to educators on how to work emotional learning and to empower kids to be the best they can be; empowering teachers to be counselors; equipping teachers with the skills to teach hearts as well as minds.”

Ms. George in action 

One would wonder how someone who spends so much of her day giving to others emotionally is able to remain grounded on a day-to-day basis. Admittedly, George’s job is a 24-hour one, with constant interactions with students and faculty at school during school hours, and liaising with parents even when not at work. But she has set herself a few “self-care” ground rules to survive the vicissitudes of being an emotional healer of sorts. As a personal rule, she doesn’t check her emails after 5pm. She has also had to set some boundaries between her and those she works to help by making clear what she can and cannot assist with. She is an admitted overachiever and as a consequence, tends to push herself a lot more than she should. Coming from a setting where she was in charge of eight other counselors who could share the burden of work, at YCIS Beijing she works valiantly as a one-woman army. But that also means at the end of the day, she doesn’t have anyone with whom she can ethically share case details with, or debrief. This however doesn’t stop her from taking it in her stride as she doles out parenting advice and looks to the future.

Living as an expat in China is difficult some days. There are many challenging situations to face, and sometimes help seems very much out of reach. Unfortunately, help is even harder for some people in our community than others. That is why licensed therapist Kindall Tyson wants to make mental health care more available for Beijing’s black community. Tyson believes it’s crucial to have access to mental health care that is culturally competent, which is why she has put together a six-week small group therapy session for black women.

Every Saturday for six weeks, up to 12 women will meet to address issues that are important to women in the black community. Topics explored during this group include the importance of a support system while living abroad, how to empower yourself and others, and effective ways to implement self-care practices. Perhaps the two most important topics covered are how to building a coalition to help destigmatize mental illness in the black community and how to thrive as a black woman in Beijing.

Kindall Tyson is a licensed counselor from Texas who has been involved in the mental health care field for five years, with an additional 11 years working in education. Tyson has served in Beijing for two years as the Secondary Counselor at an international school. While in China she has worked with various mental health advocacy groups to provide mental health workshops.

Tyson ardently believes that when clients and other stakeholders embark on the personal mission for self-awareness, self-love, and self-actualization, challenges they face can become the catalysts for positive change. Which is why she hosts many workshops and advocates to end destigmatization of mental health care in communities of color, across the globe. 

This event is available for black women of the diaspora who are over 18. The first session is on October 26, and will meet every Saturday for six weeks. Because consistency and confidentiality are important to any small group meeting it is encouraged that you commit to all six weeks. The location will be given to women once they have signed up. Contact Information: wechat: therapist_abroad, kindalltysonTX, Instagram at @aspire_counselingwell her website is www.aspirecounselingwell.net.

Adults. RMB 220 per session or 1200 for all 6 weeks upfront. Registration needed. 11am – 12.30pm. Location will be given after signing up. 

Photos: courtesy of Kindall Tyson 

In 1994, the genocide in Rwanda took place. Images glimpsed on our television set left me scared and anxious. My parents shielded us and explained as best they could but they could not control our every conversation. In school and around the neighborhood everybody was talking about the incident. Despite my mother’s best attempts to explain, at the tender age of 8, I couldn’t understand. The atrocities affected the way I viewed the world; I worried I would die that way too.

Missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 has had direct and indirect impacts on Beijing’s expat community; some of the passengers were classmates, friends, neighbors and colleagues.

Even without a direct connection, it’s natural for kids to have questions about what is going on. Helping children to talk about and understand what is going on is of paramount importance at this difficult time.

We interviewed, Dr. George Hu, clinical psychologist at Beijing United Family Hospital and Assistant Director at the hospital’s Center for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, to provide guidance on how to deal with the incident.

The Malaysia Airlines incident has directly affected Beijing citizens, including its expat community. With the fate of the plane still a mystery, loved ones have been told to prepare for the worst. How can parents approach the topic of death with children – especially sudden and tragic death?

It’s often really hard to address such difficult issues with children, especially since we as adults may also have a hard time dealing with sudden and tragic loss. However, we should not avoid the issue. Often, parents are tempted to deny the reality of death, pain, or tragedy to children, but this can lead to more complicated consequences in the long run. Children are going to know that something tragic has happened, especially with regard to an event on the scale as this one, and it is best to allow children an opportunity to express their feelings and ask the questions that they have, and feel that doing so is totally normal and appropriate. As adults, we should listen and let the children know that we are here to help them with their feelings, and to answer their questions.

When children bring up tragic events, I would acknowledge honestly the tragedy that has happened and the death that has occurred, but I would also focus attention on the good aspects of the event, such as the people who helped, selfless acts of sacrifice, or points of safety. Sometimes we focus on the tragedy of an event (and rightly so), but there may be many stories of love, sacrifice, and people helping that also deserve attention, especially to children.

Is it possible for children to feel a kind of second-hand trauma in the wake of an incident like the Malaysia Airlines disappearance?
Yes it is, which is why even though we openly and honestly discuss what happened and allow children to ask questions, I would limit the amount of exposure they are getting to constant discussion about the topic in the media. Allow children to also be children—to hear what has happened, but also to have a break and play and draw and do the things that children do. I would especially keep the children from being exposed to any images related to tragedies.

What are some of the do’s and don’ts of broaching serious topics with children?
-Do NOT make it sound like you are avoiding discussing the topic. Provide an answer you think they will understand that is appropriate to their developmental level.  If you don’t know the answer to their question, say so.

-Do NOT make up stories to explain phenomenon, or lie about what happened.

-Do NOT expose children to images of tragedies, or allow them to be exposed to a constant stream of information about the tragedy, such as through the news or internet.

-DO let children know that whatever questions or feelings they have are perfectly natural.

-Do NOT hide your own feelings from children.  If you are grieving yourself,

-DO look for signs that children may need additional support.  If children exhibit sleep disturbances, excessive anxiety, mood swings, disturbance in appetite, or sudden changes in temper, refer to a qualified mental health professional or talk with your pediatrician or family physician.

-DO allow children to ask any questions that they have, or express any feelings they have.  Also, allow them to have no feelings and no questions if that is the case.  Give them the time and space to process their own feelings in their own time.

-DO give children an alternative means of expressing their feelings, other than using words. Perhaps they would prefer to draw a picture that represents how they feel, or their reaction to the event.

-DO allow children to ask questions related to spirituality or religion during difficult times, and be open to how they may use spirituality to address the difficult questions that arise after a tragedy.

-DO focus attention on people who helped during the tragic event, or other positive aspects of humanity that may also be present in a tragic situation.

How and when should families explain the concept of death to younger children?
There is no specific how or when, but a tragedy such as this one may present the opportunity, especially as children may have questions that come up naturally. I would suggest not letting this opportunity pass by, but address the issue in an age-appropriate manner.

Beyond their own support networks, what resources or support groups are available to families in Beijing?
Beijing United Family Hospital has set up a hotline number that has been given to the families of the victims of MH370.  This hotline offers ready access to a trained mental health counselor, and referrals to other professionals if necessary.

Additionally, there will be a public forum on Thursday March 13 at 6:30PM to address how to cope with the tragedy of MH370.  This forum will include a presentation on how to discuss this issue with children, how adults can cope, and will also include a question and answer session.  The forum will be at Beijing United Family Hospital, Building 2, 5th floor auditorium.

Photo courtesy of Duniafoto Digital (Flickr)