Singles Day is incoming on November 11 and the signs are everywhere. You can’t go far on the streets or on your phone without being hit with ways to spend spend spend!

Singles’ Day is a name with an interesting cross-cultural communication twist for expats new to Beijing. But it is exciting for those that love a deal, and quickly make sense of its connection to China’s biggest online shopping festival. This is just how big it is: in 2018’s Singles Day sales Alibaba reached $30.8 billion in one day, exceeding all sales records to date.

But not everyone wants to spend time buying things on sale for themselves or others as a sign of appreciation. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, whether you’re in Beijing, Accra or Paris, there are five universal ways to translate love. After decades of counseling married couples, Dr. Chapman saw a pattern that is now used to improve millions of relationships through love language fluency. How fluent are you? Take a look at the five languages here and find out:

The Five Love Languages

1: Words of Affirmation – expressing love with words. Think heartfelt compliments that are personal – “I really love that new winter coat you’re wearing”. This can also have an adverse effect, as it means you are extra-sensitive to negative personal comments too.

2: Acts of Service – this is all about what you do and not what you say. Again, taking the time to express love with a thoughtful action like doing the washing up because you know it would be really appreciated not because you feel obligated.

A box of French chocolates bought for me as a surprise gift from my roommate – I love chocolate!

3: Receiving Gifts – this is not about buying the most expensive item on your favorite Double 11 eCommerce platform. Like the other two languages, this is about taking the time to make a personal gesture and buy a considerate gift that will make your friend, mother, or partner feel really appreciated.

4: Quality Time – In a highly distracted world of social media and interconnected technology devices, this love language may be the hardest. It requires an expression of undivided attention where you are the best listener in Beijing, and can involve activities like a long hike on the Great Wall.

5: Physical Touch – Reaching out for a warm hugging embrace or extending a hand to be held are examples of sincere physical touches that make people who are fond of this love language feel valued. In Beijing this can mean different things, as hugs are not very Chinese and holding hands with friends is very common, so it’s important to have that personal connection to understand exactly what suits the person in question.

I believe that I encompass a bit of all five languages depending on the context of the relationship. What is definitely key between all five choices is having an intimate knowledge of the person you have a relationship with.

Photos: Miatta Momoh, unsplash
Sources: www.5lovelanguages.com/5-love-languages/, https://cratedwithlove.com/blog/five-love-languages-and-what-they-mean/, www.forbes.com/sites/niallmccarthy/2018/11/12/singles-day-sets-another-sales-record-infographic/#28d7fade815a

Modern, working musicians can never focus on money. Sustainability is key in the arts, and longevity in the field usually qualifies as “making it.” If we continue making music as our main vocation over many years, eventually this industry rewards us.

Nevertheless, after moving to Beijing in 2008, I learned that diversity is the key to survival as an expat in China. As a native English speaker who also speaks Mandarin, it wasn’t long before I discovered that many project-based companies were seeking my skill set. And many were connected to music. So, music and money were made together. Let the choir sing!

But the purpose of making money shifted when I became a parent in 2012 and 2013. No longer was it just to sustain as an individual artist; money became essential to ensuring their futures. And before I could strum that changed chord to my perspective, my daughter went from infancy to kindergarten and school fees loomed. Suddenly, there was a third reason to make money: to meet the demands of an international school education—our choice, yes, but also our burden. With free public schooling and an extremely high standard of education in Canada, you can imagine how hard it was to accept such an expense in my artist’s life.

But, flip global perspectives a moment and let me take you back to Canada with me this summer. In July, I had a week of teaching work at a songwriting course in Toronto. It was a great opportunity, but one for which I needed daytime childcare. Since I came back to my home country alone with two kids (husband unavailable, extended Canadian family not living in Toronto directly), I had to find someone in Toronto who could help me. Luckily, my dear friend’s partner is a childcare worker. She is fully certified, gentle-natured, and my kids already knew and loved her so she was naturally my first choice. Embarrassingly, I booked the kids into the week with her before I even inquired into her fees. We have a full-time ayi in Beijing for our domestic and childcare needs, and so I am familiar with paying for support. Surely it wouldn’t be that much more expensive!

The volume of Western childcare fees blasted me like cheap China speakers. Four and a half days of childcare costs for both kids cost me the same as one month of Beijing ayi fees, not to mention two-thirds of my income as a teacher for the week. It was, as you can imagine, very sobering. But necessary, for the sake of music making. Unquestionably. The songs must get written, no matter what the costs.

And so after the week had come and gone, I took pause. I turned down all the music and listened to the silence of reason that long-term planning brings.

Childcare is very expensive in Canada, but it’s affordable in China. Schooling is very expensive in China, but it’s free in Canada. It’s a no-brainer. For now, with one kid needing daytime childcare, we stay in Beijing. We can afford one set of international school fees and a full-time ayi. But two years from now when both kids will be school age, there is no other choice—financially—but to come back to Canada.

So this is the beginning of a long goodbye. And already, I know, I will miss my ayi the way a song misses a singer. She will have gone the long haul with us and, as I said, longevity is key to a successful music career. Thanks to her, we will have “made it.”

This article originally appeared on page 40 of the September 2016 Issue of beijingkids magazine. Click here for your free online copy. To find out how you can obtain a hard copy, contact distribution@truerun.com.

Photo: sites.ewu.edu

The Beijing International School Expo 2015 is sponsored by HealthPro.

Are you considering a local Chinese school for your child? Come hear what its like directly from a panel of foreign parents whose children attend locally-run, Mandarin-language education system this Sunday at beijingkids’s 4th Annual Beijing International School Expo, taking place Jan 24 and Jan 25 at the Kerry Hotel.

Four expat parents whose children are currently enrolled in local Beijing schools will share their experiences in this Q&A style panel discussion on Sunday at 10:30am as part of the fair, where parents can learn about over 40 school choices in Beijing.

You’ll hear what it’s really like, why parents made this choice and if this choice is for you.

We’ll address the merits and drawbacks of the Chinese system: Are the stereotypes true? Is the Chinese immersion, academic discipline and exceptional math your child will receive worth dealing with the bureaucracy, lack of an advanced English curriculum and the creativity-supressing, rote-learning methods? Or all of these misconceptions?

Parents on the panel have experience sending children to Chinese schools on the primary and secondary levels. Some of the local schools you’ll hear about are Fangcaodi, Tsinghua Experimental School, Fuxue Hutong Primary School and Wangjing Experimental School.

Come join us this Sunday!

Are you considering a local Chinese school for your child? Come hear what its like directly from foreign parents that have placed their child into the locally-run, Mandarin-language education system this Sunday at beijingkids’s 3rd Annual School Choice Fair.

Three expat parents whose children are currently enrolled in local Beijing schools will share their experiences in this Q&A style panel discussion on Sunday at 1 pm as part of the fair at the Hilton Hotel (for more details on the fair, please see here).

You’ll hear what it’s really like, why parents made this choice and if this choice is for you. We’ll address the merits and drawbacks of the Chinese system. Are the stereotypes true? Is the Chinese immersion, academic discipline and exceptional math your child will receive worth dealing with the bureaucracy, lack of an advanced English curriculum and the creativity-supressing rote learning methods? Or all of these misconceptions?

Parents on the panel have children in Chinese schools on the primary, secondary and kindergarten levels as well as both public and private schools. Some of the local schools you’ll hear about are Fangcaodi, No. 80 Middle School and No 55 Middle School.

Come join us this Sunday!