Embarking on the journey of fatherhood is undoubtedly a profound and joyous experience, but it comes with its unique set of challenges. The transition to becoming a new dad is a transformative phase, filled with wonder and excitement. While the prospect of nurturing a new life is rewarding, it’s crucial to acknowledge that men, like anyone embracing a new role, require time and understanding to adjust to the responsibilities and nuances of fatherhood. This period of adaptation is not only normal but essential, emphasizing the importance of having a strong support group and quality individuals to talk to. Creating a network of understanding friends and family becomes a cornerstone in helping fathers navigate this wonderful yet challenging chapter in their lives.

Fortunately, in Beijing there’s a guy who’s got the delicate act of balancing life as a dad, professional career, fitness, mental health, and a loving relationship with his partner all figured out. Seriously, tell us how already!

Ross Parsonage is known by some as “the yoga guy from Taozi Tree,” to others as a super dad to four kids – Kai (8), Mia (6), Mateo (3), and Javi (3 months) –and to many clients as their trusted confidant. He’s got over 20 years of legal industry experience in Asia and understands the complexity of working in corporate China. In addition to that, he’s a wellness workplace specialist, NLP master and life coach, accredited mediator, and registered yoga teacher. Ross is passionate about empowering professionals to thrive in and out of the office.

PixCake

We asked Ross to share some tips for first-time dads on how to be the best version of themselves both professionally and at home.

First Child

• Joyous, disruptive, and challenging.
• But there are two of you (or more, if you have supportive grandparents nearby) so you have safety in numbers and can more easily carve out time for yourselves (both individually and as a couple).

Tip #1 – Your job is to look after Mum before, during, and after the birth. Food, sleep, massages, support. All very important. The two of you are the bedrock of the family. Your relationship is the most important, so invest the time. Love is a verb. Love on her.

Tip #2 – There is not a huge amount you can do for the baby in the first few months, so do whatever you can do with a smile on your face. Changing diapers and being involved in bath time should not be seen as chores but as opportunities to bond and get to know your child as they grow. Your child will grow super quickly; don’t miss it!

Multiple Children

• Different experience to having just one or even two children.
• It’s neither easier nor harder; (it is) just different.
• Time/resources become scarce as your family grows.
• The risk is that children do not get the attention they had before.
• It’s great to have children of similar ages. Our son (8) and daughter (6) are only two years apart. It’s great if they can play together. And they do from time to time, but they also fight a lot and wind each other up.

Tip #3 – When introducing older siblings to their new brother/sister, arrange for the baby to give brother/sister a present so they don’t see the baby as a threat, getting all the attention. It takes pressure off the baby.

Tip #4 – Arrange quality time with each child. Both mother and father should spend one-on-one time with all the children. This could be as simple as going to a local grocery store together, but it should be seen as a date. Think of it as an activity with some food and some fun. This is a great way to let them know they are still important and special to you.

Tip #5 – If you can give your children their own space, then do so. We recently converted a large storage cupboard into a Princess Paradise for our daughter to make room for our second son, to move into a room with our eldest son.

PixCake

Tip #6 – In addition to carving out quality time with your kids (and wife), make sure you also find time to look after yourself. For me, I try to get up earlier than the rest of the household. I enjoy an extra one to two hours in the morning of tranquility. I can read, work, go to the gym, meditate – do whatever, without disruption.

Tip #7 – Also, don’t neglect your friends. Yes, it is going to be harder to see them as you did before, but keep in contact and make the effort. In time you will find that you will naturally gravitate to other parents with kids with similar ages and interests. The family get-togethers, trips, and dinners become easier and sought-after. Your friends in Beijing are your chosen family.

Tip #8 – Smart children’s watches are great. Our two eldest have them. It means they have more freedom, as do we. They can play outside in the compound in comparative safety, and we can always call them.

Tip #9 – Try to give your children a routine. We have written down step-by-step routines for our children for mornings, evenings, and dinnertime. They keep us on track and save us from having to repeat ourselves.

Tip #10 – Finally, it’s ok to fail. I get angry and shout more than I would like to admit, primarily when they need me, and I am distracted by some “urgent” work issues. Every day I try to do better. I quite often tell myself I will complete work when they have gone to bed, but often I am too tired.

When life becomes an overwhelming maze and managing its complexities feels like an insurmountable task, a reassuring voice can make all the difference. That’s where Ross comes in — a trusted confidant ready to lend an empathetic ear and provide valuable guidance.

Whether you’re grappling with personal challenges or navigating the twists and turns of life, having Ross on the other end of the line offers a supportive and understanding connection. His ability to actively listen and offer thoughtful advice becomes a beacon of comfort during those times when life’s challenges seem too daunting to face alone. Reach out to Ross, and let the weight of the world be replaced by a sense of shared understanding and support.

Images: Ross Parsonage

Dads really get a bad rap, especially in TV and films geared towards families. The trope of the absentee or deadbeat dad is so pervasive that it often seems like a lazy way to motivate your protagonist. Think of your top five movies and then try to name one whose dad is a good influence, or even alive.

These images of dads have bothered my husband Dan Jenkins since before he became one. As he describes it, “American media gave me nothing to aspire to as far as how to Dad. I was raised with representations of fathers as buffoons at best and incompetent at worst: Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom. On the other end of the spectrum were the harsh sports dads which I had zero time for.” Let’s not even get into the gender inequality of the trope.

Unfortunately, living internationally tends to exacerbate these stereotypes, since 85 percent of families move for the father’s job, leaving their partner with that oh-so-lovely tag of “trailing,” according to the 2013 International Surveys from the Permit Foundation. Being the primary breadwinner of a family, sometimes for the first time, and often on project-based assignments, may require longer work hours and more time away from the family, which can inhibit your available playtime.

What most studies of parental involvement will tell you, however, is that it isn’t always the quantity of playtime that is most effective, but the quality of the time that you spend with them. And when your window of playtime is so small, it’s even more important to make the most of that time.

The importance of playtime with dads has been a topic of great interest in parenting studies as of late. Multiple studies show a direct link between playtime with Dad (starting from one month old) and improved cognitive development in children. Although studies show that focused playtime with Dad tapers off between the ages of 8 and 13, it’s up to the dad to forge new ways to bond and play with their children. After all, there are numerous benefits, such as:

“Dads just do it different…”

Those are the wise words from my birthing teacher, herself a mother of eight children. She was appalled, she said, when she returned from a walk to find her husband was dunking their young baby in and out of the kitchen sink vigorously to give him a bath. She had to stop and force herself to take a breath, and that’s when she noticed her son laughing hysterically.

“And you know what,” she told her class of soon-to-be parents, “that child is the best swimmer of the bunch!”

Dads need their own time to develop how they and their children like to play, allowing it to mature and change as the relationship grows.

Playtime with Dad Helps Children Develop Self-Control

“Children who enjoyed high-quality playtime with their fathers were less likely to exhibit hyperactivity or emotional and behavioral problems. They also appeared to be better at controlling their aggression, and less prone to lash out at other children during disagreements at school,” according to a June 2020 University of Cambridge study.

No one is born knowing how to regulate their emotions; it takes practice and exposure to a number of feelings in various kinds of situations. In effect, playing with Dad can be a rehearsal for the schoolyard.

Rough and Tumble Play Aids in Pro-Social Behavior

“Pro-social behavior includes things like being considerate of other people’s feelings and sharing well with others. In other words, high-quality rough-and-tumble play is linked to nice children who are probably going to have an easier time making friends with their peers.” That’s the conclusion of Richard Fletcher, Jennifer St. George, and Emily Freeman’s 2013 study in Early Child Development and Care.

Playtime Pairs Well With Academics

Playtime is always learning time for kids. Beijing dad Franco Dionco has 4-year-old twins and enjoys creating  games for them, where “they go under a table, climb a chair, [go through]tunnels and at the end of the relay [there]will be a problem to solve or picture to identify like shapes, alphabets, or letters.”

Dionco used to think he’d be a strict father, and that education should always come first. Having a spouse who is also a teacher, however, changed his view once he had kids. He said he felt enlightened “about the importance of play with the developmental stages of our kids. Play can be more educational than academics and it’s more fun so kids are more focused.” His relay race game is surely a great way to combine the two elements of play and learning.

It’s Not all Rough and Tumble

One notable exception to the deadbeat dad trope is the Australian cartoon “Bluey,” where a family of dogs enjoy a fantastical life together. We see the mother leaving for work, the father trying to work from home, and both parents staying active in their pups’ emotional development as well as their imaginative play. In fact, half our kids’ playtime games now come directly from that show.

“Bluey” validates for families the idea that there are Dads who play fairy kingdom just as often as a monster. There are Dads who sit down and talk through how their youngest is feeling, instead of trying to bully them into acting “tough.” There are no set certainties when it comes to “how to Dad” but staying involved in our children’s lives and overcoming the ridiculous tropes that society has set as our goalposts is a good start.

My own husband luckily had a great role model in his own dad. He worked and traveled extensively, then prioritized family time when he was home. But more often than not, he learns just as much about “how to Dad” from our children: “I do my best to put myself back in my kids’ place and understand how they are processing the world very differently than I process it. I try to remove my jaded expectations and help them learn and grow their way, not mine.”

Whether that’s quietly fishing, touring a hutong, playing hide and seek in Ritan Park, or building a new LEGO set, every moment of focused and attentive play are the best moments, building long lasting memories.

Images: Pexels

This article appeared in the jingkids 2021 March issue

Let’s be real, growing up is hard. It’s a tumultuous time that tosses us about like tiny ships in open waters. Luckily though, we have our dads, standing with all the brilliance of a lighthouse on the shore, a guiding light to help us navigate the unknown. By following their lead, we might just stand a chance of safely sailing into adulthood.

“I remember when my father taught me about life and how to live in this world, he said, ‘Be positive, polite, generous, and think good thoughts for others.’ He intimated to me, if we think good for others, good will happen to us. I use his advice in my life and I have become a very successful individual. That’s one thing I still remember, and I’m very proud of my father.”

Dr. Sajid A on what he learned from his father, Khursheed A

“Many things in this world can be bought and sold, but never your reputation.”

Tao W’s advice to his son, Michael W

“Never get too high in victory, and never get too low in defeat.”

Yong W’s advice to his son, Ken L

“Never be scared to try something different, just because you’re scared to make a mistake. If you never make a mistake because you’re scared, you will only learn slower, so try something different and see if it works. If it works, then great! But if it doesn’t work, just make sure you learn from your mistakes and do it better next time. Mistakes can always turn into a positive as long as you learn.”

Mozzie H’s advice to his son, Tim H

“Never turn your back on the sea.”

Norman M’s advice to his son, Andrew M

“Always bring an extra suit with shoes. Always pack the night before. And give a strong hand-shake, it counts more than you think.”

Steve H’s advice to his son, Rob H

“My father was teaching English as a foreign language in the French education system. He also loved traveling. One bit of advice that I received from him was to explore the world and to really value the importance of learning foreign languages. That’s what inspired me to live abroad, as I have been an expat for 19 years. And that’s why I studied two languages besides French in High School. I also understood from my father that education is one of the best ways to empower yourself. No one in his family had graduated from university before, but he believed that higher education would set him up for success.”

Leila R on what she learned from her father, Martin M

Photos: provided

This article appeared in the beijingkids November 2019 Beijing Baba issue

If your week is in need of a refresher for baby and you, there are plenty of opportunities in Beijing to bring some color and life into your schedule. Take advantage of the many playgroups around the city, which give moms (and dads) the chance to break the solitude that sometimes comes with caring for a newborn or toddler, and the opportunity to meet and befriend other parents. Here is an updated list of groups that also offer a safe and stimulating environment to promote the cognitive and physical development of your little one. Get out the baby-bag, pack up the formula, dust off the stroller and call a Didi – it’s time to play!

Bumps to Babes: Little Puppies, Little Roosters, and Little Monkeys
The Bumps to Babes (B2B) volunteer groups in Beijing offer a varied range of free playgroups at the Canadian International School of Beijing (CISB) campus and CISB Kindergarten. Catering for different age groups (named after the animal that represents the year your baby was born according to the Chinese calendar) and locations for both expecting mothers and families, there’s truly something on offer for everyone.

On Tuesdays, the Little Roosters group offers playmate time for babies born between February 2017 and January 2018. The Little Puppies group takes place every Wednesday and caters for babies born between February 2018 and January 2019. The Little Monkeys group is held every Thursday and serves parents who have babies that were born between February 2016 and January 2017. And every Friday, the B2B CISB group offers a mixed age playgroup.

To find out more information and be signed up to these and other groups on offer, please email beijingbumps2babes@gmail.com. Be sure to ask to be added to the B2B Beijing WeChat group, which provides a chance for moms and dad to find out about family-friendly deals around Beijing.

Panda Chinese Playgroup: Chinese Sing Song Time
Join in the sing-along every Monday and Thursday. Expect structured activities centered around Chinese music and play. This vibrant group caters for babies from 0-6 months, and ayis are welcome. Warm up the vocal cords, shake a tambourine and get ready for good vibes, baby laughter, and a good natter with fellow moms and dads.

RMB 80 per class. Every Monday and Thursday 10-11.30am. Apartment 401, Unit 1, Building 32, Xingfuercun, Chaoyang district.

BSB, Sanlitun/Shunyi Baby & Toddler Playgroup
The British School of Beijing, Sanlitun (BSB Sanlitun) and British School of Beijing, Shunyi (BSB Shunyi) play host to both new parents and families that have managed to get a year or two under their belt. These fun-filled playgroups incorporate free play with more structured activities for children between 0-3 years old, not to mention the chance to take a peek at the schools’ beautiful campuses.

Free. Every Wednesday (Sanlitun) and Friday (Shunyi). 9-10.30am, (Sep-Jun). The British School of Beijing, Sanlitun. (receptionsltey@bsbsanlitun.com). The British School of Beijing, Shunyi. (8047 3588).

Safari Time Songs for Infants and Toddlers
Fancy an exotic trip on a Safari with your little one? It’s time to shake a leg and get moving, singing, and dancing. There are classes available for both babies and toddlers and these weekend song sessions have been a major hit with parents. If you’ve got a child of 3 – 18 months old or 18 months – 4 years old, bring them to The Bookworm and enjoy songs and rhymes from around the world; great for brain development and great fun for mommies and daddies.

RMB 80. Every Saturday. The Bookworm. Safari Time Songs (Toddlers) 9.30 – 10.30am. Safari Time Songs (Babies) 10.30 – 11.30am. 

Hello Future Kindergarten Songs and Stories 
Join Hello Future Kindergarten for a toddler playgroup every Tuesday morning from 9.15 to 10.15am. Read, sing, dance and do crafts for the kids, with coffee for mom and dad. Kids should come with a parent – no ayi, please. The class is appropriate for children aged 6 months to 3 years.

RMB 70. Every Tuesday. Hello Future Kindergarten. 9.15-10.15am. (8430 8332)

From the desk of Jerry C. Chan,

PRC

Prepared for: Department of Household Finances and Purchasing, Spousal Division, Beijing Branch

Prepared by: Department of Paternity, Beijing Branch

Summary: Father’s Day is fast approaching and the Department of Paternity is in dire need of equipment vital to the effective performance of its fatherly duties.

Implementation Plan: The Department’s goal is to utilize these items to further improve the quality of life and living environment of department members. This will provide a much needed morale boost for the department and ensure its continued smooth operations.

The following list of equipment and materials is hereby requested:

A. One Espresso Maker: The department is in dire need of a quality coffee maker to enhance productivity. Not just any coffeemaker, however. DeLonghi and Nespresso machines are available on the fifth floor of Shin Kong Place, ranging in price from around RMB 1,100 to 50,000 each. As our department is ever conscientious of fiscal responsibility, a purchase of the basic DeLonghi EC155 Pump Espresso Maker with milk steamer for RMB 1,100 at Shin Kong Place would be sufficient.

Note to Department of Progeny Members: A hand-designed coffee mug from funkypots dedicated to Dear Old Dad would go great with all those cappuccinos.

B. Office Decor: Departmental morale would be greatly boosted by the acquisition of a few pieces of fine decor for the working environment (like this fine piece by Michael Wolf, which would look great the in the Department’s Living Unit). We recommend purchasing reproduction photos, maps and/or prints from any number of local galleries, including the The Bookworm, Beijing Postcards, 798 Gallery and Galerie Paris-Beijing.

C. One Spa/Massage Treatment Package: Physical comfort is absolutely essential to carrying out paternal duties, therefore the department also requires a gift voucher for a spa/massage treatment. Oriental Taipan and Dragonfly do reflexology sessions in upscale settings, while Bodhi Sense and Bodhi Therapeutic Retreat both offer 90-minute aromatherapy sessions. Better yet, the Sanlitun location of iSpa is offering a Tropical Spa Package that includes an hour-long Tropical Body Wrap, 30-minute "Fruit Express" facial and topped off with another full-hour invigorating massage for RMB 988 (original price RMB 1,288). Further afield, The Schoolhouse at Mutianyu has a spa package and jacuzzi and private terrace all within the vicinity of the Great Wall.

D. Organic Vegetable Subscription: A healthy diet means a healthy department and Beijing has a range of organic farms offering subscription services to their all-natural produce. Green Cow Organic Farm, God’s Grace Garden, Tianfuyuan, Sunlin Farm and Helekang  all deliver organic foods and vegetables on a subscription basis, as do Beijing Home Delivery and Tongchu Organics out of Shanghai. Check this link on Agenda for more details.

E. Juicy Steaks (and Ribs): Adequate protein intake is also key to a healthy diet and Baode Home Delivery, which imports and distributes supplies gourmet foods to restaurants, hotels and homes alike, delivers juicy imported steaks, ribs, pork chops, seafood and fine wines straight to your door via their website. Gift packs of wine and prepared food items are also available. Grace Vineyards also produces and distributes some of the best wines in China. Check this link for their Beijing shop location. For gourmet cheese acquisitions,the department recommends sourcing from Le Fromager de Pekin, available at fine food stores around town.

Otherwise, we can simply skip to dessert and purchase a few Banana Cream Pies from Beijing pie delivery service Pie House and homemade cakes, cupcakes and other sweet delights from CCSweets and Bread of Life.

Or better yet, go straight to the spirits and choose from this fine list of whiskeys that are widely available around town as told to Beijingboyce by local connoisseur



Shannon Roy. The Single Malt Club sells specialty and hard-to-find brands on their website.

F. Photographic Equipment: The department is always in need of the latest and most technologically advance camera equipment – say, for example, the Sony NEX-5C, an interchangeable lens camera that comes available as a kit with 18-55mm E-mount lens and full HD video (RMB 4,999, Sony Store, L330, Building 1, 9 Guanghua Lu, Chaoyang District. 6587 1350 朝阳区光华路9号1号楼L330) or  the Panasonic HM-TA1 Video Camera – a sleek and cellphone-sized camcorder that also records in full HD (RMB 1,100. Available on Taobao).

G. Wireless Speakers: State-of-the-art audio equipment will also improve the departmental working environment – both the Jawbone Jambox (pictured above) and Creative’s ZiiSound D5 stream music via any Bluetooth-enabled device from a range of up to 10 meters and cost about RMB 2,200. Similar models can be found at Taobao and at the Apple retailers around town, including the one in Wanda Plaza (1-16, building 12, Wanda Plaza, 93 Jianguo Lu, Chaoyang District. 5960 3731 朝阳区建国路93号万达广场12号楼1-16)

H. Suitable Departmental Attire: Help with the upkeep of the department’s appearances would be appreciated. Custom shirts and suits from any of these fine tailors – D&J, Carol & Luc, Senli and Frye, Yashow 3066, Tom Custom Tailoring, Fei Fei, Tailor He and Dave’s Custom Tailoring – are recommended; as are locally made yak-hair sweaters designed by New-York designers that can be purchased online at khunu.com (more info can be found at nicelymadeinchina.com).

Gear for outdoors field assignments, including clothing and supplies, can be purchased via local Beijing-based company Ozark (more info from nicelymadeinchina.com here).

And for something more seasonable, popular designs for Men’s T-Shirts from Plastered are suitable choices for departmental wear during the summer months.

Note the purchase of the aforementioned goods and services can occur throughout the fiscal year, particularly during birthdays, anniversaries and other holiday celebrations. This is by no means a complete list and will be added to in the coming months. Please direct any further questions directly to the Department Head via e-mail.

Sincerely,

Jerry C. Chan, Department Manager

Evan Predavec writes for Wired magazine’s geekdad blog. He’s currently on a world tour with his family and has devoted some of the trip to finding the world’s best science museum. Guess what? So far the Beijing Science and Technology Museum is in the top three!

Here’s what Predavec has to say about it:

"Like everything in China these days, the Beijing Science and Technology Museum is enormous, imposing and extremely well produced. The English explanations were sometimes a little light, but that generally took nothing away from a huge and fascinating array of exhibits. After visiting a lot of science museums you begin to recognize the old favorite displays from 50 feet away—Beijing was different with a great range of novel displays and twists on old ideas."

Tagged as ‘raising geek generation 2.0’, the geekdad blog is what you’d expect: a lot of robots, fathers playing experimental rock in lab coats,  and useful news for geeks of all ages.

Pradevec’s travel blog is at: http://penguintravelling.wordpress.com