In recent months, shortly after the beginning of a new semester at school, the Peking University Sixth Hospital Children’s Department (also known as Peking University Institute of Mental Health) has been flooded with young patients. According to reports from Sanlian Life Weekly, more than 300 children suffering from mental depression visit the hospital daily. This issue has become of great concern to society. There are a number of ways to address mental health problems, such as exploring interests like sports, music, art, or connecting with nature. The world of reading can play a major role as a significant positive influence on teenagers’ mental health.

Let’s dive into the benefits of reading. We will investigate the impact of good reading habits on an individual’s mental well-being. We will also hopefully inspire satisfactory reading habits.

Based on this topic, I would like to recommend three books to our young readers: October, October, by Katya Balen; The Goldfish Boy, by Lisa Thompson; and Going Solo, by Roald Dahl.

Stay tuned for my three-part series on mental health book recommendations from one young person to another.

A pair of gloves, a mystery, many phobias, and a miracle. This is The Goldfish Boy by Lisa Thompson. It is a captivating and poignant novel based on the struggles of a teenager fighting against mental health issues. The Goldfish Boy won the Carnegie Medal, the Branford Boase Award, and the Waterstones Children’s Book Prize.

The protagonist, Matthew Corbin, is confined to his home due to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and agoraphobia. This leaves him hanging around in his strictly sanitized bedroom all day long. He likes to enjoy himself by looking out the window onto the streets of the neighborhood. Occasionally, he records insignificant events in his note-taking pad, such as the actions of his neighbors: “9:42am – Penny and Gordon leave to do their weekly supermarket shopping.” Matthew is an observant and thoughtful young boy. In fact, in the eyes of others, he is what you might call an “odd egg.”

Matthew has severe mysophobia. If truth be told, he is so anxious when it comes to dirt or a speck of dust that issues like this have made him drop out of school. Even in the house, he allows nobody to enter his room. His readily-made meals are all sent in through a gap in his door. This results in poor social relations for Matthew. It is hard for his parents to communicate with him through a locked door, especially with Matthew’s unwavering determination. Sometimes, he reaches such extremities of boredom that he starts talking to the “Wallpaper Lion,” which is the pattern of a lion on his bedroom wall. He sanitizes every inch of his bedroom every several hours throughout the day, keeping everything in tip-top condition. 

Matthew is incredibly nervous about getting germs on his body – especially his hands. As a result, he constantly rushes to the bathroom and starts rubbing his hands wildly with soap. However, these unique qualities make this young boy suitable for the job of a detective.  

The appearance of a pair of young children altogether wipe out Matthew’s peace and quiet. A few days after the arrival of the kids, an explosive piece of news reaches every house in the neighborhood, spreading like a virus. Teddy, the younger boy of the two, has gone missing. Most importantly, Matthew saw him moments before he vanished, sitting on his own, prodding at a rose…

Lisa Thompson does a remarkable job of expressing the inner chaos and anxiety that Matthew experiences. He confronts his fears when, as the neighborhood’s only hope of finding Teddy, he decides to investigate the matter. Themes of love, friendship, and empathy are addressed through layers of the bewildering plot. When Matthew Corbin takes the first step out of his front door in a long, long time, he is completely set free. The disappearance of his neighbor’s grandchild gives him the chance to step up to be himself. Through the process, he makes a trustworthy friend and earns understanding from his parents and peers. In the end, he makes a brave confession. 

The character of Matthew Corbin teaches us to confront our issues, no matter how scary they may be. This book offers a sensitive and realistic portrait of mental health issues in young people today, emphasizing the importance of empathy and understanding for those with mental health challenges. As a caring community, we can all express our empathetic hearts to everyone around us.  

Check back next Monday as we look at Going Solo by Roald Dahl.

Images: Pexels, Amazon

Perhaps one of the most positive developments in recent years has been our collective readiness to openly talk about mental health issues, big and small. It seems as though folks on a global scale are more willing to admit that life is tough, and whether you’re suffering from more serious issues such as clinical depression, body dysmorphia, substance abuse and anxiety disorders, or simply going through a rough patch, and feeling lost in the labyrinth of this thing we call existence, seeking out help is not to be scorned, nor should it be a source of shame.

Add to this the fact that many of us wholly uprooted our lives and made the move to Beijing, a confusing and frightening reality in its own right, and our access to resources become all the more murky, yet all the more urgent.

Suffice it to say that The Beatles weren’t wrong when they sang, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” Unfortunately though, our friends aren’t always equipped to provide us with the necessary emotional infrastructure to maintain a successfully balanced and healthy well-being.

To that end, we’re sharing a comprehensive list of multilingual counselors and organizations in Beijing who offer services ranging from workplace wellness, therapy for all ages, marriage counseling, cross-cultural relationships, and finding purpose, to adjustment issues.

The information below was compiled in November 2019 by local members of the counseling community, who state:

“All [counselors]say that they are fully certified with a professional body unless otherwise stated, however please make your own inquiries. All speak English and see adults. Sessions are 50-60 mins. Where a range of payment is indicated, it’s a needs-based sliding scale. Most counselors are also available online.”

Mike Shook MA, LMHC, NCC (Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor). Practices narrative therapy and feedback informed treatment and works mainly with children, adolescents, and adults. Available Tuesdays and Thursday from 10am – 5pm for online appointments, with limited in-person availability on Thursdays. RMB 350-800. WeChat: mshook. For more information click here or email mike@noomawellness.com.

Katie McLeod MA, MRes. Available Fridays 11am – 7pm and online Monday and Wednesday mornings. Currently seeking certification with CCPA. Flexible with location, RMB 200-800. Degree focus marriage and family therapy, adults, adolescence, or couples. WeChat: katiemcleod

Danielle Harris MSc. Shunyi, evenings and Saturdays. Online & face-to-face. Among others anxiety, addiction, depression, trauma, transition, stress loss. WeChat: dani-1926.

Karen Hurworth MA. Available weekdays 8am – 6pm & Saturdays 8am – noon. Shunyi district. RMB 600 per session. Variety of approaches to treat issues from depression, anxiety, relationship challenge and finding life purpose. WeChat: khurworth

Gaëlle Cassier. Psychoanalyst with a French clinical psychologist license and Masters. French, English, Chinese. Contact for fee. Lacanian psychoanalysis, research in cross-cultural approaches and psychosis. For more information click here, call 139 1101 0032, or email gaelle.cassier@xin-jing.com.

Dr. Michelle Mope Andersson English and Swedish, pastoral counselor for adults and couples, Dongzhimenwai. Travels every month or so. Needs based sliding scale. Existential therapy, marriage and family. For more information click here, or email mopeandersson@yahoo.com.

Dr. Birgit Mathon clinical psychologist and systemic psychotherapist, studied in Vienna and Stanford. Special fields: trauma, depression, anxiety, communication for couples. WeChat: BirgitMathonBeijing

Dr. Mike Merhvarz Psychologist, English, Farsi, Mandarin; individual, couple & marriage therapy; ADHD, ADD, Dyslexia, Asperger, Autism, pediatric developmental assessment, psychological and neuropsychological testing. International Medical Center, Beijing. For more information email dr.mike@imcclinics.com

Dr. Theo Cope Psychologist & Positive & Transcultural Psychotherapy, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, cross-cultural relationship, adjustment issues, addiction, bipolar. Raffles Medical Clinic. For more information email cope_theodore@rafflesmedical.com

Leon Lee, English and Mandarin, available seven days a week for adults, teens and couples in Chaoyang. RMB 600. Positive and Transcultural Psychotherapy. WeChat: leonptp (Assistant, Michael).

Titi Hill, BSc, MBACP. Individuals, couples, families. Weekdays in Shunyi, 798 and Chaoyang. RMB 950. For more information click here, here, call 186 1255 7824, or email info@beijingcounselling.com, or in- fo@hilldynamics.org. Titi Hill can also be reached via Skype at hilldynamics.

Ms. Masooma Kachelo, MS MFT, Certified Mindfulness Teacher, English. Works weekdays in the Shunyi/Chaoyang area. 15 years of experience. Uses mindfulness-based approaches for working with women suffering from depression, anxiety, and trauma related relational challenges. WeChat: mindfulturn-mas

Other Resources:

In crisis? Lifeline Shanghai offers free and confidential support via telephone from 10am – 10pm, 365 days a year. They are located in Shanghai but available to talk to anyone in China: tel. 400 821 1215.

Problems with alcohol? Click here for the Beijing chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous or call 189 1161 8759.

Bearapy offers wellness consulting and training to help make workplaces mentally healthy. For more information click here, or email client@bearapy.me

Photo: Pixabay

In the months following our 2018 October Mental Health issue, we have received a lot of additional info about counselors and resources working to help people and their families navigate important mental health issues in Beijing.

Here’s the most up-to-date list of professionals serving the mental health needs of locals and expats in the capital. All speak English, see adults, and are certified; however please make your own inquiries to determine if they are the right fit for you. Many of these counselors also have online sessions available.

English-speaking Counselors in Beijing

Katie McLeod MA, MRes
McLeod is available on Fridays from 11am-7pm and online Monday and Wednesday mornings. Currently she is seeking certification with CCPA. Flexible with location, McLeod works on a sliding scale. Her degree focus is marriage and family therapy, for adults, adolescence, or couples. RMB 200-800. (WeChat: katiemcleod)

Mike Shook MA
Available on Wednesdays from 12 noon-8.30pm and online Thursday evenings, Shook is a licensed mental health counseling intern in Liangmaqiao, specializing in talking therapy, for all ages, with a focus on boys and men. RMB 200-1,000. (noomawellness.com/meet-mike, WeChat: mshook, mike@noomawellness.com)

Claudia de Llano, M.A., LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)
Located in Chaoyang District, she specializes in multicultural counseling and mindfulness practices. De Llano offers meditation, mindfulness, and mind-body integration through a synthesis of holistic psychological and healing practices. Workshops and individual sessions in private and corporate settings offered pro bono. (claudiamft1@gmail.com)

David Blanco
Adults. Blanco is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist specializing in individual and group therapy. Through personal development courses, Blanco helps families trying to overcome relationship difficulties or stress issues. His courses are primarily conducted in English and Chinese, but he also is a native Spanish speaker. (WeChat: baidaweiindonesia, davidblanco@qq.com)

Gaëlle Cassier
Cassier is a psychoanalyst with a French clinical psychologist license and Masters. Her sessions can be conducted in either French, English, or Chinese. She specializes in Lacanian psychoanalysis, research in cross-cultural approaches, and psychosis. Contact for fee. (xin-jing.com, 139 1101 0032, gaelle.cassier@xin-jing.com)

Leon Lee
Lee is a certified positive and transcultural psychotherapist, specializing in marriage counseling (English and Chinese). His office is on Chaoyang Road. (WeChat: leonptp, leonlee1985@foxmail.com)

Dr. Theo Cope
Cope works part-time at Raffles Medical clinic and privately. He is competent in a variety of therapeutic methods depending on the needs of the patient and works with individuals, couples, and families suffering from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, sex and alcohol addictions, relationship challenges, and skill enhancements among others. Contact for private prices; if you are insured, contact Raffles. (WeChat: theo9380)

Dr. Birgit Mathon, Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
Mathon is a systemic psychotherapist, with 15 years of experience. She conducts sessions in German and English, and is a part-time counselor at Raffles medical, but also does private sessions on request. She helps with family and relationship issues, trauma, depressions, anxiety, self-esteem, and burnout. (drbirgitmathon.com, WeChat: BirgitMathonBeijing, Skype: dr.birgit.mathon)

Titi Hill, BA, MBACP
Hill conducts sessions for individuals, couples, families, in person, and online. She works weekdays in Shunyi, 798, and Chaoyang. RMB 950-1100. (www.beijingcounselling.com, www.hilldynamics.org, tel. 186 1255 7824, info@beijingcounselling.com, info@hilldynamics.org, skype: hilldynamics)

Hospitals and Organizations

Raffles Medical’s Mental Health and Counseling Services
All ages. Staffed by experienced and internationally trained doctors and counselors, Raffles Medical is available to help you identify problems and provide individualized support. Daily 8am-8pm. Suite 205, Wing 1, Kunsha Bldg, 16 Xinyuanli, Chaoyang District. (6462 9112)

LIH Olivia’s Place
Children. Olivia’s place has the expertise to conduct assessments related to learning problems, ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, cognitive impairment, mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression, and challenging behavior. Mon–Fri, 9am-6pm. Sat, 9am-12pm. 13 Jiu Xian Qiao Road, Building 6-1, Second Floor, Chaoyang District. (6461 6283)

BJU’s Psychological Health Center
All ages. They provide consultation, assessment, and treatment for concerns ranging from mood disorders, relationship and parenting issues, loss and bereavement concerns, and educational and developmental needs. United Family New Hope Clinical Center, 9-11 West Jiangtai Road, Chaoyang District. (5927 7067)

The Learning Frontier
Children. Located in Shuangjing, The Learning Frontier is dedicated to providing bilingual, personalized guidance, and support services for children and families residing in Beijing. Their team includes a variety of specialists focusing on mental health, education and learning, applied behavior analysis, and speech and language and occupational therapy to assist children. 4th Floor, No. 11 Dongbai Lu, Chaoyang District. (6775 3268)

Group Support

CandleX
Adults. CandleX offers mental health support, in English, to teenagers and adults living in Beijing. Both expats and Chinese nationals are eligible to receive this support. Their bimonthly support groups conducted in English help to create a community among people struggling with the effects of mental illness. (info@candlex.cn)

Beijing LGBT Center
The Beijing LGBT Center is a non-profit, community-based organization that empowers the Beijing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community by providing social services and organizing advocacy programs. Their work seeks to further the LGBT movement, eliminate discrimination and achieve equality. Rm. 2606, Bldg B, Xintiandi Plaza, 1 Xibahe Nanlu Jia, Chaoyang District. (5903 3730,bjlgbt@gmail.com)

Beijing Mindfulness Centre
The Beijing Mindfulness Centre is dedicated to providing a safe and inspiring environment for learning and growth. They offer various mindfulness-based programs in English, Spanish, and Chinese, and individual coaching to the community. 44 Qian Yongkang Hutong, Dongcheng District. (6403 4923, hello@beijingmindfulness.com)

Lifeline Shanghai
Lifeline Shanghai serves the English-speaking community with free, confidential, and anonymous emotional support via telephone from 10am to 10pm, 365 days of the year. Though they are located in Shanghai, the operators are available to talk to anyone in China. (021 6279 8990)

Alcoholics Anonymous
Click here for more info or call 189 1161 8759.

Food Addiction
Click here for more info.

Photo: pexels.com

Read the first part of this feature here.

When my children cry

The lifesaving reflection through playing with my bears, was that I was wearing a mask for the 30 odd years prior to the depression. The assumption that I needed to be strong, or that crying meant I would be weak or a failure, meant I denied the unpleasant emotions of hurt, pain, loneliness, or disappointment for fear that others would judge me or reject me.

Denying our real emotions has severe health consequences, especially for sufferers of depression, as it is only after acknowledging we’re NOT “fine” that we seek help and can recover. I was a prime example.

As a mother now, emotional awareness is our priority. We do not tell our children, “it’s okay, don’t cry” when they cry. Instead, we acknowledge they are crying for a reason. If they fell over and cried, to them it is real. Granted, our kids seem to see falling over as fun, whether they cry or not, we describe the facts to them: “You fell over”. We do not dictate how they should feel about it, or whether it is “okay.” If they cry, we say, “You are crying, maybe because it hurts after your fall?”

I printed a poster from the Internet of little girls’ different facial expression. Since maybe the age of 1, we have been talking to our daughter about emotions, and giving her the vocabulary to name how she feels. Slowly, even before she could talk, when she was upset, she would run to the poster, and point to the little girl who was crying. Sometimes she pointed to the girl who was laughing when she was happy. We read them story books about emotions.

A lot of people I have come across tend to throw unpleasant emotions under the carpet, as if then they will not be affected by the unpleasantness. Usually, we hear “don’t feel like that, it will be okay” or the likes. What this does is only to bottle up the emotions further, and trust me, one day, they will explode.

As young as 4 years and 15 months, my daughter and son will not understand the concept of mental health just yet. But I can do my part in helping them identify how they feel, and not belittling their feelings. We also do not label the emotions as “positive” or “negative” because emotions are, simply, emotions. One may find some unpleasant to experience, but it does not pigeon-hole a feeling as negative, as if it is wrong to feel so. As they grow emotionally aware, I hope they will also see that emotional wellness is tied in with mental wellness. And just as physical health sometimes breaks down, mental health does too, and there is no shame in the mood disorders such as anxiety, bipolar, depression, or other states of burnout and melancholy states.

We normalize ALL emotions. They are ALL real.

A mindset change

The pressure is real too. Public examinations are real. Competition is real. One cannot change the structure over night. But we as parents, can change ourselves, the way we think, the way we parent, and our states of being.

I’ve taken my kids to an indoor playground since they were young. I chose carefully because there is lots of supply, but not everyone understands childhood development. I liked the concept espoused at this place. The hardware is perfect – safe, clean, innovative, and child-centered, plus there were none of those squeaky toys that make lots of noise. The staff are warm and loving.

The culprits are the caregivers.

All the child wants, is to explore. He picks up a toy and tries to sit on it. The grandma snatches it from the child, and yells, “You cannot play with it that way.” Why not?

Another child is waddling around, but all he takes are three small steps and he has no room to go further – his mother on one side, and helper on the other side, are shielding him from unlikely, invisible danger on a padded floor with no sharp objects.

There is no space for the children. Parents hovering for no apparent reason other than a defense against their own anxieties as parents. The tragic thing, is that the parents do not seem to be aware of this, and channel all their anxieties on to their unassuming, resilient children.

It is a challenge for me to be at the indoor playground, watching the adult-child interaction. There are so many things I wish I could tell the caregivers, and I also know that to educate and change the mindsets of all the mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and ayis, seems like an insurmountable task. I see many parents going to “Effective Parenting” classes and the like, to learn how to communicate with their children – I wonder how effective those classes are if the adult cannot communicate with himself or herself and have some level of self-awareness first.

Likewise, there is a limitless supply of early childhood education centers, play centers, interest classes, and child-friendly restaurants with great play spaces. Yet, I wonder how many of them are really dedicated in their philosophies, helping to change the way the adults think and parent, or is it simply a business venture that looks brilliant and colorful from the outside?

We seem to look for solutions and advice externally, as if paying for enough parenting classes and early childhood playgroups would then make us superparents with superkids. It’s not which playground or expensive club or the side of the street that will make our kids emotionally intelligent. It is the mindset – of the adults, not the children – that needs shifting.

First and foremost, let them play, in whatever way they can.

Playfulness is highly correlated to innovation, relaxation, and stress management. When we play, our brain excretes hormones and rewires neural pathways for learning, stimulating creativity, and catalyzing chemicals to maintain a happy state. This is the reason why playing with the bears helped me recover. This is the reason why playing is crucial to learning and development. And this is why playing is highly correlated with mental resilience and stress management. For those parents who are worried about examination results, research has also shown that playful teenagers score higher in exams. Adults who are playful are found to live ten years longer than average.

Give children a chance. Let them play, freely. If they want to sit on a toy, let them sit on a toy. There is no “supposed” way of playing.

Kids are not trophies

My growing-up story seems to be repeated, day in and day out. I meet executives with whom I work, and they tell me their similar experience – some of them still live under the shadow of being their parents’ trophies for comparisons between neighbors, and find no time to breathe.

There is nothing inherently wrong with extracurricular classes. What is worth some self-reflection on the part of the parents is why they put the children through them. Is it to keep up with the Wangs? Is it because the parents fear they will miss out on something? Is it because the grandparents said so? Or is it because the advertising is done too well?

There are thousands of theories out there: RIE, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf, Forest schools, traditional educational structure, or the Finnish system that does not require children to start writing till they are 6 or 7 years old. Collect your own data, do your own reading, explore a cross-section of information – and then make up your OWN mind.

Choose the kindergarten, playgroups, and social groups with care. Find the teachers who respect children’s innate abilities to play. I have distanced myself from some other parents because of how they reacted to “conflict” between my children and theirs. There are lots of different people, and even if you are not a leading educational expert, you can choose who to follow. Plus, not every expert’s ideas are a right fit for your family, your child, or your style of living.

Many parents and ayis I meet at the indoor playground seem amazed that my children can put their shoes on and off themselves, throw rubbish into the bin, drink from a normal cup, and put toys back to their shelves. I smile, nod, and thank them. Inside, I am thinking, “Well, did you ever give them a chance to try on their own, or did grandma hold your child while the ayi takes their shoes off, and then grandpa cleans up after them?” Is it really that the child is not “independent”, or just that we deprived them of the capacities?

There is also something else to be recognized other than achievements. One time, when I was so happy bringing home my mathematics test because my score improved from 70 to 85 out of 100, my mother took a brief glance and then asked me, “Why still not 100/100?” I could only imagine how dismayed I felt. My effort was not valued – only the outcome. My Australian husband once told me that when he was at school, there were always two scores, one for the content, and one for effort, and his parents only cared about the effort score and whether he tried his best. Today, he is not as defined by outcome as I am. He can enjoy his journeys.

Congratulate your child for trying his or her best, and guide their persistence. Otherwise, they end up like me, focused only on achievements and goal, and knowing nothing other than achieving one goal after the next one.

Bearapy – Adults need to play too!

Depression is not weak. It is like a cold, but one of the mind. Sometimes one has a small cold with light sniffles, managing to go to work and daily activities. Sometimes one has a nasty cold with fever and aches and is bedridden. Some have used the metaphor of a black dog following you around. Many people in the world live day to day with mild depression, and go about their day, take care of children, and go to work. More severe cases are debilitating.

The World Health Organization classifies depression a global disease burden, responsible for more deaths than heart diseases or cancer. 350+ million people suffer from it every day. Companies worldwide lose more than USD 1 trillion annually to absenteeism, medical insurance, and low productivity from employees with depression. And yet many are in denial because we think depression makes us lose face, or is simply seeking for attention.

It is very real. We are taught from a young age not to cry, or not to lament. Subconsciously, we are taught to hide the unpleasant emotions, to the extent we don’t even feel them. My depression did not happen overnight. It happened with an accumulation of denial of emotions. I also could not ask for help because I simply could not articulate how I was feeling.

Seeing these issues, I decided to combine my personal experience with my knowledge and corporate experience. I ventured to study organizational behaviour, researching the psychology of playfulness and its links to everyday creativity and corporate culture. Then I established my company, Bearapy, with the mission to reduce workplace burnout and raise mental health awareness through the psychology of play. I conduct PLAYshops and mental health training for companies, executives, and the public.

I would like adults to be in touch with themselves, to stop following blindly, to realize the importance of mental health, and to find their inner playfulness once again.

I would like organizations to think about their executives’ mental wellbeing – not just piecemeal yoga and meditation classes, but to transcend corporate culture in support structure, hiring, and even interior design and workspace personalization.

And, I would like parents to stop overemphasizing the focus on their innocent children, who only need to be given physical and mental space to try things on their own, but instead to recognize that the real point of contention are the parents themselves.

Stress in the City

I get it. Life is not always a smooth ride. After my major depressive episode years ago, depression and anxiety came to visit again every now and then – when I felt lost for my career, after having my first child, when writing my newly-published book, “Stress In the City: Playing My Way Out of Depression”, after having my second child, when building a business becomes a struggle… Sometimes, I feel I burn myself out again, overwhelming myself with self-imposed pressures.

The difference is, I now recognize the signs. I know when that happens, and I can find the support I need to feel whole again.

I do not reject depression – in fact, I am most creative in my writing in that state. Rather, I take depression as a message: what is going on in my life right now that needs changing? Am I stuck in old ways again? Or do I just need to spend some more time playing?

Don’t let your kids end up the way I did. The very first step is increasing our own self-awareness in a no-nonsense way.

About the Author: Enoch Li

Based in Beijing, Enoch is a social entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY. The mission is to reduce burnout and mental health issues in the community and workplace through helping adults access their inner playfulness. She works with companies to build mental wellness into their company culture and to strengthen executives’ mental resilience. Prior, she had corporate and management experience in the banking and finance sector. Her work is widely recognized; she was awarded the Social Contributor of the Year 2018 Award by the International Professional Women’s Society in China.

Enoch is also a published writer and author, and her newest book, Stress In the City: Playing My Way Out of Depression, launched in the UK and US last summer.

She holds a Masters in Law (Hons) from the University of London, an Executive Masters in Coaching and Consulting for Change (Distinction) from INSEAD, and has completed Level I of Play Therapy Certificate by the Canadian Association for Play Therapy. Enoch is certified in multiple Advanced Small Group Trainings in the Tavistock Style from A.K. Rice Institute for the Study of Social Systems.

Resources

Stress In the City: Playing My Way Out of Depression is available on Amazon, DangDang, JD, Duokan, Baidu, and other online websites.

Web
– Blog: NochNoch.com
– Website: Bearapy.me
– Official WeChat account: BearapyBearapy

This article appeared in the beijingkids March 2019 Sustainability issue.
Photos: Oufeivision

Childhood education Is more than just signing up for classes or taking kids to playgrounds. It’s the mindset of the adults that matters the most.

“Have you done your homework yet?!”

I was stunned. I heard this phrase so many times as I grew up in Hong Kong. I hear this phrase often these days from parents and their young kids on the way home in the subway and on the streets. But I did not expect to hear it here.

“Here” was in a classroom in the south of Beijing. I was a participant with 50 other adults. The teacher gave us some finger puppets to role play. I picked up a cheeky-looking one that resembled a child, and the other three people in the group picked up the remaining characters of the family. I enacted the child, and bounced around. Finger puppet Mama came on stage, and the first improvised line was: “Have you done your homework yet?”

I almost cried. I was sitting in a classroom with 50+ child and family therapists and counselors. It was a course on play therapy. And the first thing that the “mother” can think of is homework for the kid! To hear this from those who are meant to be the ones supporting the children in this country to play more, to work through traumas, and process challenges at school and in families, alarmed me to how deep-rooted mindsets are in this culture and society. It was as if work was distinct from play, or that if the kid was playing, homework was neglected – and it was only a finger puppet! I cannot even imagine what it would be like for the real children growing up, snowballed under homework, extra-curricular activities, extra classes and tuition, and constant nagging from parents to do this and that just so that one will not finish last in the race.

But, why does play even matter?

Because it is an inherent right of the child.

Because it is how one learns and stimulates creativity.

Because it is relaxing.

And because, play can save lives.

It saved mine.

Going Places

Maybe it is not so difficult to imagine the life of a typical child growing up in middle-class China. I dare say I had a similar experience.

I grew up in the competitive city of Hong Kong. I went to some of the best schools, gleaned my awards, got recognition not only in academics but also in sports, debate, music, and community service. My “Tiger Mother” had my best intentions at heart. However, what she told me to do, and what she thought was good for me, was not what I wanted to do nor what I found meaningful. Nevertheless, I went to university, won scholarships, studied overseas, got a great corporate job and expatriate package, and started gallivanting around the globe in high heels and power suits. I felt like I was on top of the world.

We all have aspirations: maybe a promotion up the corporate ladder, maybe a fulfilling marriage, maybe a reputation. I had the luxury of having all those, at least to the outside. Then life throws a curve ball…

I was 28 years old and had a high-flying expatriate contract. I relished the glam life in an international bank, moving from London, to Paris, to Tokyo. I went to yoga classes, socialized, ate healthily, traveled, had a relationship, worked hard, and partied. I thought I was self-aware and had a balanced life. So I ignored the telltale signs, blaming the frequent colds on air-conditioning in the office.

Another promotion came my way in 2009, and I uprooted my life for Beijing. The first Friday here, I got another headache during the afternoon – maybe it was the summer heat. When I returned to the hotel, I took some Panadol and slept. At 2 am, I woke up like there was a jackhammer drilling down my head. The hotel guard accompanied me to a nearby hospital. Sitting in the bleak corridor with fluorescent lamps, I squirmed on the bench, cold, dizzy, and vomited over the floor, much to the dismay of the cleaning lady. The doctor brushed me off, blaming fatigue, and taught me the word for such excruciating pain: migraine.

I saw every medical specialist possible, but the migraines persisted over the next few months. Once a week. Once every few days. Every day. My GP suggested I see a counselor for stress issues. I smirked: “I am 28 years old. I am not stressed. I can deal with it!” trotting off for my weekly business trips, loaded with painkillers.

The migraines got worse. I had aura, dizziness, vomiting, and Herculean palpitations. I was so debilitated that as I was about to leave one day at 5am to catch the first flight to Shanghai, I collapsed on the bedroom floor. Because I could not move, my boyfriend called for the clinic to send a doctor, who said that the only other alternative was a morphine shot.

That did not sound good.

Stuck under 50 feet of snow

I had to take extended sick leave as I could not go past a few hours without a migraine. I relented one afternoon, and asked to see a psychologist – I had visualized drowning myself in the bathtub. The psychologist saw me as an emergency case and pronounced: “Enoch, you have severe clinical depression.” My matter-of-fact response was, “When do I go back to work?”

From then, I crashed into major clinical depression. All vigor left me. It was an unparalleled anguish, as if I was stuck under 50 feet of snow, freezing wet, dark, with no way out. I stopped eating, and lost about 15kgs. I slept all day and demanded the curtains closed. I cried, I screamed, I hit my head on the wall, I tried to overdose with my sleeping pills and antidepressants. I had illusions, thinking people would attack me on the streets. I felt utterly helpless. I quit my job and shut myself up at home.

I berated myself for being depressed. I had everything – youth, career, prospects, achievements… What was wrong with me?

Looking back, it would seem that this depression could be expected. The migraines were a warning signal I had ignored. The accumulated stress, the refusal to admit I needed help, and the disparity between who I was and what I wanted versus who I thought I should be or what might be accepted socially, resulted in depression. My mind and body collapsed.

Everyone has stress stemming from work. More pertinent were the pressures I was giving myself: that I had to get a certain promotion, that I needed to be accepted on a certain MBA programme – but was an MBA really what I wanted or just the trend for bankers? I assumed society’s expectations of me, that as a female leader I had to be “strong”, that I needed to prove myself incessantly. When I saw Facebook photos of how great a life my friends were having, I felt obliged to show off the latest gourmet meals – thank goodness there was no WeChat moments to keep up with 8 years ago! I felt obliged to be on top of the latest buzz and read every article possible. Such was my FOMO, on top of the constant fear of not being good enough.

But, what was “enough”? I was not sure. I only knew to achieve, because I was brought up to do so. One after the other. Only a shelf of achievements. There was no joy, no meaning, no playfulness.

What is play?

When adults hear the word “play”, they usually think “games”, “toys”, “for kids”, or “a waste of time”. I hear this a lot in the work I do now for companies. There are many definitions of play, and psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists, educationalists, behaviorists all have various definitions. Most would agree that Johan Huizinga, anthropologist and author of Homo Ludens, sets the foundational definition: play is (1) fully absorbing; (2) intrinsically motivated; (3) includes elements of uncertainty, or surprise, and fun; and (4) involves a sense of illusion or exaggeration.

Simply put, anything that one enjoys for the sake of it, can be play… daydreaming, sports, reading, writing, art, toys, objects, dance, games with people… Play can be anything and everything in any way one would like it to be. Play is communication, thinking, language, imagination, creativity, and independent thinking.

Play is also an inherent right of the child, under Article 31 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, one of the most highly ratified piece of international law in the world. China is party to the treaty.

Yet, like many others, I stopped playing after a while as I grew up. It was not seen as important, and my hours were filled with homework, examinations, and extra classes. Even the sports I played seem to be geared towards competitions. When I started working, I filled my weekends with studying for a Masters degree and the Chartered Financial Analyst examination – I thought going out for a drink, hanging out, and sitting outside for a picnic was a waste of time.

Little did I know the kind of catastrophe I was setting myself up for.

“Beary” real emotions

I thank my depression. It taught me about me, it taught me about the parts of me I did not like, it taught me to not live in anyone else’s shadows, it taught me to question assumptions, and it taught me a new way of being. Most of all, it taught me to feel my emotions again.

As I went through the emotional roller coaster of rage, self-pity, guilt, and hopelessness, my boyfriend Timmie managed to drag me out to a nearby shopping mall for a walk after a few weeks at home. Chance happened that I loitered around a toy shop while waiting for him to go to the bathroom. When he came out, he saw something he had not seen in months – I was smiling at a stuffed toy polar bear. He bought the bear immediately and asked me to give the bear a name. I blurted, “Floppie, he just flops around all day, watches TV, and does not do anything.”

I found out the brand of the bear, that there were different sizes and colors, and started to collect them. I gave them names and personalities. As I got better, I took them traveling, taking photos of them, and amused myself with a photoblog by creating one-liner stories for each photo. The bears were the same design, but different colors or sizes. I gave each new arrival a name and a personality.

They gave me a reason to socialize again. When isolation kicked in as a depressive symptom, playing with bears became an antidote. It got me out of the apartment. In my indolent phase I started a photo blog for the bears to showcase their travels as I had once done. I made up short stories for them.

Psychotherapy and medication helped with the depression, but to find myself, the bears were key. Every bear was a different facet of me – bits of me I liked, and bits of me I did not like. It was hard to confront myself, especially the fears and shadows. Some of these bears were my “old self”, or an image of myself that I had internalized. Take for instance Fuzzie the banker bear, who is very calculating and only helps people in return for favors. He reminded me of my corporate days, of the skepticism I held towards people, and how I may have treated others. It was difficult to see that I may have been insincere in some relationships, especially at the workplace. And yet it was also part of me that I needed to accept and embrace, because I am not a saint. By projecting this part of myself that I didn’t like onto an unassuming, cute-looking, stuffed toy bear, looking at myself became more tolerable.

The bears created a safe space for me to project my fears onto them, to analyze myself, and to face myself. This was how I engaged my brain, my imagination, my fantasies, my thoughts, my emotions, and my reason. They instilled life in me once more.

I was playing again.

In the playing, I could rediscover my creativity and heal. I did it because it distracted me from ruminating, and from the negativity in my head. Timmie called this indulgence Bearapy – bear therapy. Through these bears, I started to identify how I felt about myself, to situations, and towards people. I started to realize that most of my emotional vocabulary was limited to “happy”, “unhappy”, and “okay” – which even isn’t an emotion.

I was too used to putting up an image and needing to protrude the façade of being strong, happy, accomplished, positive, put together, and stoic. This was done at the cost of suppressing everything else – loneliness, disappointment, resentment, anger, shame, cynicism. No person can be happy and positive all the time.

Of course, there could be rainbows after a storm, but when it is thunder and lightning with torrential rain over my head right now, there is no reason not to address the stormy experience and admit it to oneself.

About the Author: Enoch Li

Based in Beijing, Enoch is a social entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY. The mission is to reduce burnout and mental health issues in the community and workplace through helping adults access their inner playfulness. She works with companies to build mental wellness into their company culture and to strengthen executives’ mental resilience. Prior, she had corporate and management experience in the banking and finance sector. Her work is widely recognized; she was awarded the Social Contributor of the Year 2018 Award by the International Professional Women’s Society in China.

Enoch is also a published writer and author, and her newest book, Stress In the City: Playing My Way Out of Depression, launched in the UK and US last summer.

She holds a Masters in Law (Hons) from the University of London, an Executive Masters in Coaching and Consulting for Change (Distinction) from INSEAD, and has completed Level I of Play Therapy Certificate by the Canadian Association for Play Therapy. Enoch is certified in multiple Advanced Small Group Trainings in the Tavistock Style from A.K. Rice Institute for the Study of Social Systems.

Resources

Stress In the City: Playing My Way Out of Depression is available on Amazon, DangDang, JD, Duokan, Baidu, and other online websites.

Web
– Blog: NochNoch.com
– Website: Bearapy.me
– Official WeChat account: BearapyBearapy

This article appeared in the beijingkids March 2019 Sustainability issue.
Photos: Oufeivision

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. The giving and receiving of gifts, reuniting with loved ones, and of course boozy dinners and parties with copious amounts of delicious food! ‘Tis the season to be jolly after all, but what of the forgotten and destitute of company, left on the periphery? How can seasonal isolation affect them?

beijingkids spoke with Psychologist Dr. Bojun Hu of Beijing United Family Hospital (BJU) to find out more about seasonal isolation and depression, and how we can help combat these psychological issues. The “Winter Blues” Dr. Hu describes as usually occurring during the fall season and continuing into the long winter months, “Colder weather, and in Beijing smoggier weather, can make people not want to go outside to socialize and engage in activities,” she said.

Seasonal depression can last longer during the festive winter period, according to Dr. Hu, as “there are less social feedback and fewer occasions to experience different parts of oneself, one who is more social, more engaged and more involved in social life.” Normal sadness can be exacerbated by these conditions, and prolonged isolation can result in this form of depression becoming more of a long-term problem.

Expat life brings all kinds of ways to connect people; acquaintances become family, and many an adventure can be discovered with strangers who become fast friends. However, with the winter season approaching, some are making arrangements to travel home while those who are left behind may be suffering from isolation. While you might have friends celebrating the holidays in Beijing with whom to spend cozy nights in and roaring nights out, we should remember to reach out to the many who don’t.

There are various reasons why expats here in Beijing may fall victim to isolation during seasonal holidays, especially Christmas. Seeking adventure, new experiences and the like are usually the catalysts of building and embracing life and work abroad; however for some expat life provides respite from estranged family members, challenging working environments, broken relationships, and the need to re-evaluate life.

English teacher and student, Yolanda Ajak from Canada moved to Beijing in the winter of 2015 and found that the biggest trigger to the onset of her depression was being away from home. “Not having the network that I had back home with close family friends that I trusted,” she said, added to her feelings of isolation. “In Beijing, you’re surrounded by people but are also very much alone, especially as a new expat.”

Dr. Hu says that for expats the winter months are often marked by special occasions such as Christmas celebrations at home. The flood of celebratory social media pictures and messages can heighten feelings of loneliness and being left out. “The contrast between the relative lack of celebration in China and celebrations at home can bring sad feelings,” she said.

Ajak described what it was like for the first two years in Beijing. Despite trying to mask her troubles with work and social events, “I felt empty, restless, anxious, but I wasn’t sure what I was quite anxious about.” Her first Christmas in Beijing had exciting elements of novelty, however, Ajak still wished she could be home. “I was becoming unhappier and decided it was time to face myself, by first admitting that there was, in fact, a problem with my emotional health.”

When asked what kind of coping mechanisms she adopted to deal with feelings of anxiety and isolation, Ajak spoke of connecting with others. “I joined a meditation group and also started to meet people who were either having similar experiences or were able to point me in the right direction.”

People who have no one and nothing to return to during special seasonal occasions are also unlikely to have a strong network of people to stay behind with. “Seasonal depression affects people equally. However when there is no adequate social support, whether that is in one’s workplace or in one’s life, then the person is more likely to feel isolated, sad, and lonely,” Dr. Hu said when asked if expats were more at risk of suffering from seasonal depression or isolation. The key, according to Dr. Hu, is to reach out.

Goodwill could just be a seasonal phrase that comes out of hiding for one month out of the year, used superficially to add nostalgic value to our Christmas festivities, or we could do our best to add weight to its meaning by reaching out, drawing in and giving to those who need it the most. The biggest gift to someone could be a kind gesture, and there are lots of them. Give one of these a go!

– Make a date to go out with a friend or even an acquaintance
– Simply inquire about festive plans and offer to celebrate with someone in need
– Acknowledge the difference between celebrating in China, as well as the longing to be in the company of friends and family
– Eat customary foods
– Do more of what you and your friends enjoy, even if it’s just a walk in the park
– Have a conversation. Simply asking “how are things in your life right now?” can feel supportive and be a remedy for ongoing problems with isolation.

We at beijingkids wish everyone happiness, health, and friendship during this festive period, and encourage everyone to open their homes, arms, and hearts.

This article first appeared in the beijingkids December 2018 Charity and Goodwill issue.
Photos: Adobe Creative Suite and courtesy of BJU

This last week has been a bit of a hard one, with the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain closely following each other.

This news has me more torn up and confused than I like to admit. I have always been open about my previous struggles with postnatal depression and shared them through several pieces I wrote about the three crippling years I had after I gave birth. I have considered myself “cured” for the last two years, having had a taste of real happiness in Beijing.

These deaths shook me up and reminded me that mental health is never really perfect, however nice it might seem on the outside. I struggle every day and while most days are great, some are not. I have had an extensive therapy for three years and still take an antidepressant five years after I started taking it.

A few months ago after my stomach surgery, there was a week that I could not take my antidepressant. Let’s just say it’s better if I kept taking them. These last few days have been a stark reminder that we are never really done working on our mental health.

Bourdain, a chef-turned-writer, died by suicide, and all I could think of was, “I am a chef-turned-writer.” I never thought about it before, but it seems that people who have previously battled with depression can have survivor guilt. There is a huge stigma about depression and mental health and we need to work together to break the barriers.

Dr. Julia Ma, a psychologist at Sanfine International Hospital calls depression a “dark time” and “a state of low mood… it affects someone’s behavior, feelings, and thoughts.” Many incidents can induce depression, such as life events (e.g. death of a loved one, unemployment, stress, or natural disaster among others), illnesses, side effects of medication, or substance abuse. She adds that a number of people with depression have strong suicidal tendencies.

“Since it is often difficult for a person suffering from depression to get through the ‘dark time’ all by him/herself, I strongly recommend family members and friends take the person to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and treatment if necessary,” Ma advises.

It’s important to know that nobody is ever done taking care of their mental health; it’s a work in progress. Support is key, and I’ve added some resources in Beijing that help. Find additional information here.

– General practitioners are usually the first point of contact, and they are able to refer you to the correct place. Find one who you trust.

– CandleX is an NGO based in Beijing and they run support groups.

– LifeLine Shanghai accepts China-wide calls for year-round free, confidential, and anonymous emotional support. 10am-10pm. 6279 8990; www.lifeline-shanghai.com

Photo: Pixabay

When I covered a recent open house of a local hospital in Beijing, I got to talk with a physical therapist about injuries and office ergonomics. During our conversation, he shared with the media group that one of his expat patients in Singapore struggled with depression. The businessman, the therapist said, had an injury somewhere needed treatment. He worked for a big multinational company and lived an affluent lifestyle, living in a grandiose flat and owning a race car. But all of a sudden, his life went into a standstill as he was a casualty of his company’s retrenchment.

The businessman continued treatment despite having lost his job. As the therapist recalled, his patient completely changed within the span of a few weeks, first coming to the hospital smartly dressed but later on becoming lethargic to the point that he almost cut off all communication. The therapist said he felt so concerned that he went beyond his role and asked how his patient was. He learned his patient was fine though living in a horrible situation.

A few weeks ago, the death of a controversial artist also caused a stir in China’s arts scene, just as his works of art once did. Twenty-nine-year-old artist Ren Hang was found dead, with one report saying he committed suicide by jumping off a building.

Back home, I remember a story about a teenage guy who committed suicide. The reason? Authorities and the victim’s family said the student couldn’t take the pressure of school and social expectations.

These three stories are all about depression. It can happen to anyone. Even to those who have the clearest and most optimistic of minds can experience it.

Depression is a state of low mood

Dr. Julia Ma, a psychologist at Sanfine International Hospital calls depression a “dark time” and “a state of low mood… it affects someone’s behavior, feelings, and thoughts.” Many incidents can induce depression, such as life events (e.g. death of a loved one, unemployment, stress, or natural disaster among others), illnesses, side effects of medication, or substance abuse. She adds that a number of people with depression have strong suicidal tendencies.

“Since it is often difficult for a person suffering from depression to get through the ‘dark time’ all by him/herself, I strongly recommend family members and friends take the person to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and treatment if necessary,” Ma advises.

I talked to Xiaojie Qin, founder and executive director of CandleX, an organization and support group for people struggling with depression in Beijing. She said CandleX’s website and WeChat subscription account contain a wealth of resources and stories about depression. There, I found out that Qin herself had battled depression after a relationship breakdown. But she found the courage to ask herself about the situation she’d been going through. That realization made an impact and changed her perspective on life.

Introspection is something that’s very difficult to do, especially when someone is so preoccupied with the busyness and hustle of daily life. If that itself is a challenge for people suffering from depression, is it even more challenging to talk to someone about what they are feeling?

According to Qin, it’s important to listen to and have a healthy discussion with people suffering from depression. Qin encourages them to also write stories to deflect their low mood to other activities.

In a recent review (see infographic below), Qin said that among 30 percent of participants with depression were foreigners of different professions and nationalities. She said the top reason why expats in Beijing experience depression is linked to high turnover rate in their careers, or what I call an “expat shelf life.”

According to Qin, what’s interesting is that there are international students who struggle with depression because of peer pressure and high expectations (the same reason as the story I shared), and that awareness in schools about student depression is very limited. I asked her from what age you might be at risk of suffering from a debilitating depression. She replied that young kids between the ages of junior high school and just prior to entering college are susceptible to depression as they have probably achieved enough understanding and awareness of what’s happening in their daily lives.

For that reason, Qin, through CandleX, is actively advocating more mental health programs for young people at schools and educational institutions. Letting young students and adults know that someone is listening is an important way of telling them that their problem is not only theirs to bear alone.

There’s still some struggle in that part, a blog post on CandleX WeChat account explained. Knowing the right moment and right people with whom to talk about depression is one consideration, while what to say and how to talk about what they are experiencing is another. (For more discussion about it, search the organization on WeChat by typing in “CandleX.”) While I’m no psychologist, I believe that each case is unique and methods of dealing with depression vary from person to person. It may be affected by various medications, how patients tend to cope with reality, or even how people close by can support them. It’s a very fluid topic but the fact is there’s hope. Remember the first story I mentioned in the beginning of this post? According to the therapist, the businessman has restarted his treatment and is now going through the “long” process towards recovery.

Just recently, the World Health Organization posted a video documentary on its YouTube channel (VPN needed), in time for the celebration of World Health Day with a theme about depression.

Letting young students and adults that someone is listening is a way to tell them that their problem is not only theirs to bear alone

Photos: Workandapix via Pixabay, BrookLorin via Pixabay, courtesy of CandleX, Unsplash via Pixabay

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Email: andypenafuerte@beijing-kids.com
Instagram: @coolkidandy

This April 1 marks two years since CandleX was founded, aimed at promoting awareness on depression and providing social support throughout Beijing. Since then they have hosted a number of mental health workshops, peer support groups, community campaigns, and shared knowledge with embassies, schools, community, and media.

To celebrate everything CandleX have achieved, come Saturday they’re throwing a big party (that doubles as a fundraiser), starting off with dance workshops at 4pm.

The first dance workshop is suitable for all levels and will focus on contact improv dancing, billed as wild and athletic, but also quiet and meditative. The class will start with simple contact points such as the fingers, hands, and arms. The second workshop, an American tribal-style bellydance workshop, starts at 5.45pm and is a modern combination of Oriental, flamenco, and Indian dance. And finally, the third workshop kicks off at 7pm, and focuses on swing dance. Tickets to the workshops are RMB 60 for one, RMB 100 for two, or RMB 130 for all three.

At 8pm, the general party kicks off with the CandleX crew. All proceeds from the evening, including tickets bought to enter a raffle on the evening, will go towards more mental health projects round Beijing.

Tickets for the party are RMB 50 if you get them before March 26 (limited to 50 spots only), or RMB 60 at the door. Get your tickets here.

To find out more about CandleX and their other events, check out their website.
Images: Huffington Post, courtesy of the organizers

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Email: margauxschreurs@truerun.com
Instagram: s.xuagram

This article originally appeared on our sister site, the Beijinger.