Welcome to Beijing! You’re going to love living here!

Moving to a brand new city (or country for some of you) can be a daunting experience. But, there are plenty of people with similar backgrounds and who share common interests as you. You’ve just got to find them.

To get you started, here are the must-join WeChat groups for all you Beijing newbies.

For the foodies:

Food X

Food X is great for group discussions about food. Members share photos, location pins, and their experiences from cool restaurants in Beijing. The rules are pretty straightforward. If you’re there, you’re probably a foodie. Just don’t be creepy, spam the group, or trash talk restaurants without approaching the owner first. There are hundreds of people in the group, so chances are the restaurant owner is among them.

To join: Add PROMETHEUS2828 on WeChat

Foodies in Beijing

Run by Beijing’s own Foodie Queen Ana Lourenco, this is another group for food lovers. The rules are that you need to stay on topic and be respectful of others and their opinions in the group. Constructive criticisms are allowed, but don’t be rude and definitely don’t spam the group.

To join: Add ana_linanxin on WeChat.

FamFriendlyEats

This one is specifically for foodie parents. As we know, not all family-friendly restaurants are suitable for kids of every age so this group is where you can ask for recommendations based on your unique family make-up. Like with other WeChat groups, the rules are simple – be respectful of others’ opinions and don’t spam the group.

To join: Add Wilhelmina87 on WeChat.

Sweet Cravings

There are multiple Sweet Cravings groups by now. Camilla started it as a way for local bakers to share their goods with Beijing’s dessert-loving community. There are daily posts of cakes, cookies, brownies, baklava, and basically anything your sweet tooth is craving. What makes this group different than a visit to your local bakery is that you’re able to ask questions, and find less common desserts that might be come to come by like chiffon pandan cakes!

To join: Add Camkon on WeChat.

For the parents

Beijing Parenting and Beyond

Truly one of the more useful groups on WeChat. Admins are long-term Beijing residents and you can find all you need from pet supplies to medical referrals to location pins.

How: Add WeChat ID jackiepark_ and ask to join BP&B

Family Events Only Jingkids

Although many groups are a combination of events and advice, this group is run by our founder Mike Wester and sticks strictly to events that kids can attend. This way you don’t have to comb through event posters and decipher via Google Translate if that tea tasting requires a babysitter or you can take the kids.

How: WeChat mwinchina and ask to join the Events group

Beijing Dads Group

Don’t forget the Dads! Although all parents are welcome into most of these groups, it must be nice to have a spot where Dads can let loose. From what I hear, it’s a lot of memes but also quite good discussions and help when needed.

How: WeChat mwinchina and ask to join the Dads group

Family Fun in Beijing

This group is another helpful resource for family-related questions in Beijing, or to share your own helpful advice for anyone looking to navigate the city.

How: Add WeChat ID Amelie 1 and ask to join

Bumps2Babes Beijing

This group is for parents and soon-to-be parents where you can ask questions without judgment on anything baby-related. This group also has smaller sub-groups broken down by the age of your children. Ask the admin to be added to those.

How: Add WeChat ID liviahoffman and ask to join

For those looking for 2nd hand goodies

Clothes-shoes for kids

This group is as straightforward as its name. If you’re only looking to buy some kids’ clothes and shoes, this is the group to join.

Add WeChat ID: Wilhelmina87 to join.

Maternity, Newborn Buy & Sell CN

This group is for all your baby gadgets. There’s everything from clothes to books and toys that have been outgrown by kids.

Add WeChat ID: fukai2504 to join.

KID Stuff: Buy, sell, swap. BJ

There’s everything from kids’ clothes and toys to furniture.

Add WeChat ID: lilin_ChinaDe to join.

For those looking for good food deals:

Steaks Promotion

Trader Joe has weekly deals for carnivores. Each week he sends the group a package promotion, including a combo of popular cuts, and even some free cheese, olive oil, and seasoning now and again. I order from Trader Joe’s all the time. The steaks arrive still frozen the very next day via SF Express. This week’s latest promotion is five 200g black Angus grain-fed Sirloin plus 1kg grass-fed French lamb, five 150g corn-fed beef patties, and a free bottle of Spanish olive oil all for RMB 499. Time to get your beef on!

To join, add Trader Joe on WeChat: a664978432

Morgan’s Cheese and Wine Group

The name pretty much says it all: This is a group for wine and cheese lovers. Yusan shares wine and cheese deals with tasting notes throughout the week. Recently, they began adding cold cuts to their group as well. The latest promotion is for nine pieces of cheese including three 125g Camembert, one 125g brie, two 100g Danish Blue, one 150g Spanish goat cheese, and two 150g Manchego for RMB 376.20.

To join, add Yusan on WeChat: hhhhh1407

We Love Wine

Again, it’s all in the name! If you love drinking wine, then this group is for you. Jacquelin WinePimp sends out deals and pairing recommendations throughout the week. She also organizes wine tastings with friends, which she calls her WTF events. The next WTF tasting will be on Sep 11 and will feature an afternoon tasting of nine different wines plus nibbles and a buffet of cold cuts for RMB 290.

To join, add JacquelinWinePimp by scanning the QR code.

Always Fresh – Organic & Healthy

Always Fresh sends photos and promotions on a pretty regular basis, meaning it’s a great way to save on guaranteed organic fruits and veggies that are delivered straight to your door. Their latest promotion is for 2.5kg of grapes for RMB 98. They also organize monthly specials for weekly organic veggie deliveries.

To join, add Always Fresh on WeChat: YJSG201918

Images: Pexels

So you’re leaving Beijing! We’re sorry to see you go, pal.

Moving home is right up there among life’s most stressful events, largely because you have to pack up all your belongings, and divesting yourself of items you no longer want or need. To avoid a last-minute panic that will result in you dumping all your unwanted objects on the street corner (not a good look), we’ve compiled this guide to help you through the process.

Luckily, with all the people coming and going in Beijing, there is a thriving second-hand scene, so you are sure to find a loving home for your pre-owned goods. Here’s how:

Ask around for buy-and-sell groups

There are hundreds of buy-and-sell groups on WeChat, concentrating in different geographic areas, languages, and price ranges. As well as the general everything-including-the-kitchen-sink groups, there are specific groups for things like scooters, baby clothes, bikes, and kitchenware. Ask around in your community and among friends for somebody to add you. Be wary of scammers, and don’t send an item by kuadi before you’ve received payment unless you absolutely trust the buyer. If you’re new to getting goods delivered, check our handy guide to Shansong here.

Include as much info as necessary in your ad

Check the Beijinger Classifieds

In the age of WeChat, our Classifieds section may feel a little old-fashioned, but there are still huge advantages to using it: it’s free, our average classifieds posts get hundreds of views, you can add more photos and details than you would on WeChat, and your item remains visible for weeks on end. To increase your chances of making a sale, include as much detail about the item as possible, and be clear on what conditions of sale (such as delivery) and prices you will and won’t accept – this will cut down on a lot of repetitive and time-wasting exchanges later on. Click here to advertise an item.

Talk to your landlord

If you’ve invested in quality furniture or homewares, your landlord may be interested in buying them from you and keeping them in the home, as this can increase the value of the rental for future tenants.

Arrange items as attractively as possible during your ‘yard sale’

Hold a ‘house-emptying’ party

Think of it as a yard-sale, but for your apartment. Invite people over during a designated period of time (weekends are best) to browse through your home. Here are our tips for running it smoothly:

• Advertise the sale in your building, and on any buy-and-sell groups you are active in.
• Be mindful of security. Don’t host an open-house alone, and keep any non-sale valuables in a secure area. Consider designating a room or space as “off limits” to make this easier.
• Lay out your items on available surfaces as attractively as possible, to make it easy for people to browse.
• Create ‘value packs’ for small, low-value items like spices and kitchen utensils. A sign saying something like “10 items for RMB 100” will encourage people to take small-value items in bulk.
• Put prices on everything, or make a price list, so you don’t have to think them up on the spot.
• Decide in advance which items you just want to get rid of, and will accept lowball prices for. And, more importantly, which items you won’t.
• If you are hosting with a partner or friend, get on the same page about prices and procedures before the buyers arrive.

Offer it to your ayi

Remember to be respectful and ask her first: don’t just assume that your ayi wants your leftovers.

Donate to Roundabout

Roundabout is a social enterprise and community boutique which opened way back in 2008 as the first charity store in mainland China. These days, it is run by volunteers and has a donation and distribution center, as well as a retail store in Shunyi. Any items that you donate will either be passed on directly to those in need, or sold in their retail store to raise funds for charity. Roundabout will accept most goods that are in good, clean, working order. You can arrange for them to pick up items directly from your home, or drop them off at one of the many drop-off locations around the city, such as Zarah Cafe and the British Embassy. Click here for more details about how to donate.

Clothing swaps, and clothing auctions are great ways to give new life to your clothes

Give away clothes via the Clothes Auction Network

Clothes Auction Network is a local English-language WeChat group that hosts regular used-clothes auctions in private homes around the city. Group members bring a plate of food or drinks to share, along with their old clothes and bid on clothes and items in RMB 10 increments. Bidding tends to get rowdier as the wine bottles are emptied, and because participants range from high-powered executives to interns and everything in between, fantastic bargains can be had, so go easy and remember that you’re trying to get rid of stuff, not accumulate more. All funds raised from the sales are donated to a charity (nominated beforehand by the auction host) at the end of the swap, and leftover clothes are donated to Roundabout. Right now, the group only caters to women’s clothing, however, men are welcome to join the group, and encouraged to create a men’s clothing or unisex event! To join, add admin Rebecca Archer on Wechat (ID: Becstarnz).

Give away items in the ‘Reduce to Relive’ group

Reduce to Relive is a WeChat group set up to serve people who wish to exchange, transfer and receive secondhand goods in Beijing. All items posted in the group must be free, although the receiver may pay delivery fees if convenient. The group is run by zero-waste store The Bulk House, who also organizes periodic Reduce to Relive events. To join, add WeChat ID: The_Bulk_House_1.

General Tips and Advice for a smooth de-cluttering

1. Start early. The more time you give yourself to divest items, the less stressful it will be, and the more likely that you can do it in a responsible manner.
2. Start close. Advertise items for sale in your immediate circle first: among colleagues, and neighbors. It’s much easier to organize pickups when people live around the corner or in the building.
3. Sell in advance. Don’t be shy to say “item available from September” if you want to secure a buyer for an item, but still need it right now. This works well for seasonal items, for example, selling an air conditioner in winter.
4. Be precise. When creating ‘for-sale’ images to share on WeChat, include all relevant information on the picture itself so it can easily be forwarded around. Include the general location of pickup, size of object, condition, and price. Location is more important than you think: many people will not bother asking about an item if the location isn’t listed because it may be very far away.

And most importantly of all, don’t panic! You’ve got this.

READ: Why I’m (Not) Leaving Beijing

Images: the Beijinger, Pixabay, Money Crashers

If your week is in need of a refresher for baby and you, there are plenty of opportunities in Beijing to bring some color and life into your schedule. Take advantage of the many playgroups around the city, which give moms (and dads) the chance to break the solitude that sometimes comes with caring for a newborn or toddler, and the opportunity to meet and befriend other parents. Here is an updated list of groups that also offer a safe and stimulating environment to promote the cognitive and physical development of your little one. Get out the baby-bag, pack up the formula, dust off the stroller and call a Didi – it’s time to play!

Bumps to Babes: Little Puppies, Little Roosters, and Little Monkeys
The Bumps to Babes (B2B) volunteer groups in Beijing offer a varied range of free playgroups at the Canadian International School of Beijing (CISB) campus and CISB Kindergarten. Catering for different age groups (named after the animal that represents the year your baby was born according to the Chinese calendar) and locations for both expecting mothers and families, there’s truly something on offer for everyone.

On Tuesdays, the Little Roosters group offers playmate time for babies born between February 2017 and January 2018. The Little Puppies group takes place every Wednesday and caters for babies born between February 2018 and January 2019. The Little Monkeys group is held every Thursday and serves parents who have babies that were born between February 2016 and January 2017. And every Friday, the B2B CISB group offers a mixed age playgroup.

To find out more information and be signed up to these and other groups on offer, please email beijingbumps2babes@gmail.com. Be sure to ask to be added to the B2B Beijing WeChat group, which provides a chance for moms and dad to find out about family-friendly deals around Beijing.

Panda Chinese Playgroup: Chinese Sing Song Time
Join in the sing-along every Monday and Thursday. Expect structured activities centered around Chinese music and play. This vibrant group caters for babies from 0-6 months, and ayis are welcome. Warm up the vocal cords, shake a tambourine and get ready for good vibes, baby laughter, and a good natter with fellow moms and dads.

RMB 80 per class. Every Monday and Thursday 10-11.30am. Apartment 401, Unit 1, Building 32, Xingfuercun, Chaoyang district.

BSB, Sanlitun/Shunyi Baby & Toddler Playgroup
The British School of Beijing, Sanlitun (BSB Sanlitun) and British School of Beijing, Shunyi (BSB Shunyi) play host to both new parents and families that have managed to get a year or two under their belt. These fun-filled playgroups incorporate free play with more structured activities for children between 0-3 years old, not to mention the chance to take a peek at the schools’ beautiful campuses.

Free. Every Wednesday (Sanlitun) and Friday (Shunyi). 9-10.30am, (Sep-Jun). The British School of Beijing, Sanlitun. (receptionsltey@bsbsanlitun.com). The British School of Beijing, Shunyi. (8047 3588).

Safari Time Songs for Infants and Toddlers
Fancy an exotic trip on a Safari with your little one? It’s time to shake a leg and get moving, singing, and dancing. There are classes available for both babies and toddlers and these weekend song sessions have been a major hit with parents. If you’ve got a child of 3 – 18 months old or 18 months – 4 years old, bring them to The Bookworm and enjoy songs and rhymes from around the world; great for brain development and great fun for mommies and daddies.

RMB 80. Every Saturday. The Bookworm. Safari Time Songs (Toddlers) 9.30 – 10.30am. Safari Time Songs (Babies) 10.30 – 11.30am. 

Hello Future Kindergarten Songs and Stories 
Join Hello Future Kindergarten for a toddler playgroup every Tuesday morning from 9.15 to 10.15am. Read, sing, dance and do crafts for the kids, with coffee for mom and dad. Kids should come with a parent – no ayi, please. The class is appropriate for children aged 6 months to 3 years.

RMB 70. Every Tuesday. Hello Future Kindergarten. 9.15-10.15am. (8430 8332)

For some people, making new friends comes easily, while for others it is a real push out of the comfort zone. However, I’d like to throw it out there and say that if you are living the expat life then, A: you already are out of your comfort zone, and B: making friends can be a lot easier than if you were moving to a new city in your home country.

As a generalization, I find it hard to slip into friendship group cliques in my home country because everyone has their group of friends, their routines, their comfort zone, and it can be even more difficult for someone new to break into a group which has been established for years. It’s completely different in an international city where English is not the first language. People come here alone or with their family, they are either new, know what it is like to be new, and usually open to making new friends. People are coming and going every year, so friendship circles are constantly moving and evolving. Although cliques and strong friendship groups do exist here, I generally find people more inclusive. 

Don’t be afraid to make small talk. In general, I find foreigners more than happy to chat to other foreigners, so start conversations in supermarkets, in schools, at swimming pools, in yoga classes, or at the park. Throw some interesting questions in such as ‘what do you like the most about Beijing so far?’ or ‘what is one of your best discoveries’ and you can usually start to find out if you have common interests and then trade WeChat IDs.

Get involved in WeChat groups. It’s a great way to initially find your ‘tribe’: health and fitness, fashion, sustainability, spirituality, food, crafts, or playgroups. Start chatting with others online and then attend events and activities where these people will be present, or set up your own small event and invite others.

Make the first move. Invite other moms to do stuff, either by themselves or with kids if your kids are a similar age. There are plenty of great indoor playgrounds with cafes attached where you can get to know each other. Accept as many invitations as you can, even if you don’t want to go. People will stop inviting you if you regularly don’t accept invites.

Don’t take rejection personally. If someone doesn’t reciprocate your invitations after the 2^nd or 3^rd one, move onto someone else. Look for friends who appreciate you for who you are. Beijing has thousands of expats, so there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Engage regularly. A new report from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships actually details a study where they found the hours of interaction required to turn an acquaintance into a casual friend (50 hours of interaction), a casual friend to friend (90 hours), and more than 200 hours to make a best friend. This means that you should commit yourself regularly to the same events, or groups where you think you want to grow your friendships.

Network. Some useful groups for developing friendships: your own country meet-ups (contact your embassy to find out when they have social events), Bumps2Babes playgroup network (for mom’s with under 4 year olds), MOPS (Moms of Pre-Schoolers), Knitting groups, Beijing Mother’s Guild, attend or sell your handmade products at regular markets (Riviera Chic, Rumble in the Jungle, F2N), Green Drinks, Taozi Tree yoga, HeyRobics community fitness, PartyFit, Alona Pilates, Le Leche League (breastfeeding support), Beijing Mindfulness Centre’s regular sessions, Mom & Me playgroups at BSB Shunyi, 3e International School Lido, Hello Future Kindergarten in the Western Academy of Beijing (WAB) area, International Women of Shunyi, Women’s Retreats, Expat Connection Family Events, InterNations, International Newcomers Network (INN), Beijing Women’s Network (BWN), cooking classes with Pauline’s Cuisine, TIE Family Club events, The Bookworm Literary Events, Beijing Expat Network, the British Club, the Scottish Society.

Photo: mothermag.com

WeChat is all around us, and it won’t be going away anytime soon. After the success of sharing our most precious WeChat contacts, we thought it would be only logical to share our favorite groups and how to become part of them. If you add the moderator of the group on WeChat, they can then add you. Some groups have strict rules, and it’s always wise to check the group notice. Remember when the group exceeds 100 members you need WeChat wallet to enter the group, and groups can’t exceed 500 people. Are you in an amazing group, or have you created a group that we need to know about? Don’t hesitate to tell us.

Blogging in Beijing

This group was created by a blog fanatic who wanted to share all her blogs with other blogging fanatics. Are you a blogger in Beijing?  Get yourself in this group. To be added to this group add moderator: anp3rd

Beijing Family Group

Share information related to families, parenting, schools, and children. The group is all about relaxing, sharing, making friends and asking questions related to family-friendly topics and of course Beijing. To be added to this group add moderator: kurikie

Events Only Beijing

Here you’ll find only family friendly events, nothing else, no exceptions. So if you and your family are looking to get active by finding out some of the best things going on every week get in this group. To be included in this group add moderator: KippWhittaker

Shunyi Mamas

This group is especially for the lovely moms in Shunyi. If you live in Shunyi and are you a mother? This is the place to be.  To be added to this group add moderator: BecTaylor

Desperate Housewives of Shunyi 

This is a fairly new group of amazing woman in Shunyi that want to connect while doing some good for their community. We wrote about them recently, so to find out more about them you can check it out here. To be added to this group add moderator: LizbetAdams

Expat Activities

Looking for activities for expats and other fun things to do in the city? This group will provide a unique selection of things happening and is also great for promoting anything you may have going on that might be exciting or fun for Beijing’s expat community. To be added to this group add moderator: TanyaBG

Beijing Parenting and Beyond

The most relaxed parenting group in Beijing. Do you work with kids? Do you have kids? Then this group is for you. To be added to this group add moderator: paulus155

Books Beijing

Do you want to sell or buy secondhand and sometimes new books? This group does only that. Grab a bargain or find some fun literature for your kids or yourself. To be added to this group add moderator: paulus155

Clothes Auctions

This is one of my favorite pastimes with my friends. If you like fashion and love thrift shopping this is the group for you. Evenings of auctions will be announced in these different groups, like the shunyi clothes auction, city clothes auctions and plus size clothes auctions. Find out more about this assortment of clothes auctions here. To be added to one of the groups add moderator: becstarnz

Homeschooling

Are you homeschooling your brood or thinking about it? This is a group you need to be in. Resources are shared, friends are made, and many valuable educational tools and techniques are discussed. To be added to this group add moderator: CharleneYNg

Beijing Second Hand

This is a group where you can sell and buy secondhand things. Most of the buy and sell groups are almost full but this one can take a few hundred more. Lots of great deals on secondhand goods to be found here. To be added to the group add moderator: 18600039708

Picture Credit: Pixabay

Moderator: “Maybe in other groups that hate is acceptable, but here we don’t have to listen to your spewing.”

Member: “Fine.”

I could feel the tension as the whole group paused and waited for what either the moderator or the member would do.

The silence broke when another member said, “Oh my gosh, he quit! Yes!”

This was the most extreme of WeChat conflicts I had seen, but by far it wasn’t the only rude behavior passing through screens and cyberspace.

This kind of hate is not OK

As WeChat has matured, there is a certain amount of etiquette that’s expected, but groups are hard spaces to control. It’s easier to control Moments from a personal perspective, since if others don’t like what a user posts, they can block or complain, and the user will never know.

But groups that reach 100 members or more, and to the max of 500 members, can get out of control quickly and lose their usefulness. So we asked anonymous moderators of all sorts of backgrounds with all kinds of groups what annoys them most and what will get people kicked from groups. We decided to keep their names anonymous to avoid the moderators receiving any sort of backlash.

Breaking Rules
One moderator, Allison Brown* with five 100- to 500-member groups told us, “I run several types of groups, two that are very low key, two that are mildly strict (no stickers), but another that’s very strict with only one type of content allowed. I try to let the rules be formed by the group participants, so there’s buy-in and everyone has agreed.”

Of breaking rules, her number one pet peeve, Brown said, “I have a zero tolerance rule in one group for people who break the rules because they’ve signed on to the rules. After the first couple of times of kicking someone out for good reason, no one broke the rules anymore unless they were new.”

But in the other groups, moderation is easier. “In my free-flow group, the only rule is to keep on topic, and that group self-regulates. It’s only annoying when someone has a full-blown private conversation in the group. All it takes is saying ‘take it to another chat’ for the conversation to move though. I haven’t had to kick anyone out of low key groups or my other semi-strict groups, though a few people have quit from one group when they were shamed by the whole group for spamming.”

Spam a Common Complaint
Another moderator, Reese Jackson* said, “The members in my WeChat groups usually act very politely towards each other and are very helpful when asked about certain topics or issues. They are all in these groups together for a common purpose so it’s advantageous for everyone if we are kind and respectful.” His irritation was similar to Break’s. “The things that people do that tend to irritate me in my groups is when they post non-relevant ads or begin off topic conversations,” Jackson said.

Henry Stewart* said spam, or “anything irrelevant to the group purpose,” and “shameless promoting of product and one’s own services” along with “constantly changing subject” really annoyed him, but he admitted the last one was difficult.

Sarah Gillespie* has a problem with people in her group getting irritated with her when she asks them to comply by the rules. She also doesn’t like when others invite new people who don’t really belong in the group. “One man was invited to our group, but he didn’t have kids. Another guy waned to be added to a breastfeeding group. When I asked him about it, he responded, ‘I don’t have to explain myself, just delete me.’”

“You know the beauty of it all. Every time there is a discussion on the group and people complain about the rules or whatever they don’t agree with, another member will private message me to thank me for coordinating and moderating.”

“Besides that, there isn’t much. I know a lot of the members personally, so not much harassment happens in my group, like strangers adding you to practice English,” Gillespie said.

When asked if she ever sees any parent or mommy bashing, she admitted the group she manages has gotten fierce. Cultural differences tend to be the culprit, Gillespie explained during a situation when circumcision came into discussion, “It became a bit of America-bashing, and the pro circumcision moms didn’t dare to speak up (I felt) so it was a bit of one sided discussion, alas.” She added, “I always encourage both sides to speak up though.”

Manners Matter
Surprisingly, the last group moderator we talked to, Carry Net*, didn’t have as much of an issue with spam or rules, but with how members were treating one another.

Net was most peeved by people making use of a group to shame someone else. After this, she listed, “When people ask me to remove someone but for a conversation or opinion, because there needs to be a healthy diversity of opinions… When people don’t read the whole conversation and jump in. Especially when people start with, ‘I haven’t read this but.’”

We loved Net’s comments because she reminded us that rules or no rules, spam or no spam, WeChat is meant to be a place of community, where we connect and share. Offending group members should remember that both moderators and other group members pay attention to those who break rules or hurt others, and that impression may have a longer lasting impact than on forums, where anonymity is a given. WeChat is typically connected to life, with bosses and coworkers, teachers, and neighbors involved in many of the groups frequented.

*All names changed.

Photo: Andy Penafuerte III

More stories by this author here.
Email: vanessajencks@truerun.com
Twitter: @vanessa_jencks
WeChat: vanessajencks

It was 2012, and L was expecting her second baby.

She and her family had arrived six months prior, suitcases in one hand and their near future in the other. Weekends with the family were spent like tourists—exploring hutongs, meeting new friends, and getting to know their new city. Weekdays started off more adventurously: each day with a plan to keep both her and her firstborn busy. But as the days went by, so did its excited pace, and soon she started spending more and more days at home or online, because lunch meet-ups with a toddler and a huge belly had become tiring and, frankly, sometimes unwelcome.

It had generally been fun if only she didn’t feel so isolated sometimes.

Fortunately, she found—or rather, she helped bring together—the beginnings of a community that understood.

MOPS: A Community for Moms by Moms

She decided to form a community for their specific demographic: mothers of young children from zero to pre-school. Along with three other moms of toddlers, they drafted their plan. The idea started off as a small support group where moms of young children could get together with other moms and share ideas with each other. They’d hire an Ayi to take care of the kids, allowing them to just chat away.

That’s when someone suggested chartering with MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)— an international community of mothers that’s doing exactly what they wanted to do. Suddenly. they were getting support from fellow mothers across the globe, including parenting resources and guidance. How inspiring is that!

News of their little project started spreading and bit by bit the curious asked their questions. Do you have to be a Christian to join? Do you need to be married to join? Do we need to pay?

No, the ladies answered. All you need is to be a mom who has a kid who hasn’t reached primary school yet.

Comm-YOU-nity
MOPS originally started out with a mainly expat audience, but is now also slowly gaining traction with the Chinese visitors at its Ivy School venue. I found this quite interesting considering the speakers were mostly expats themselves.

“MOPS is a community where moms can bring kids to MOPS meetings,” Emily, one of the coordinators for Beijing MOPS, says when asked why Chinese moms like attending MOPS. “Kids can stay somewhere and people can take care of them. So moms come here and feel very relaxed. And also. we learn something. and we can share something.”

Emily also adds that local parenting talks generally have a more classroom feeling, with a teacher in front talking about parenting techniques for an hour or so and then giving out Wechat articles for parents to review at home. These are paid sessions and do not have childcare.

One thing that sets MOPS apart is that its two hour sessions are divided mainly into two parts. The first hour and a half are allotted for volunteer speakers who come and share their expertise on topics ranging from personal development, marriage and relationship, to advice on practical parenting. The second part is discussion, where the audience members are asked to share their thoughts and answer questions about the topic within their respective groups. Through this interaction, moms get to share their own experiences, thoughts, and advice to the rest of the group.

The childcare bit is a hit with the parents as well. Teacher volunteers and interns assisted by ayis take charge of the children while the mothers listen to the speakers, confident that their children are safe and being well-taken care of. The mothers then spend two hours investing in themselves and concentrate on building new relationships. Finally, someone else is taking care of moms.

A Safe Place
One mom describes what it’s like to be at MOPS. “I come here and I can say what I really want to say. In my home, I can’t say this with my husband. I cannot say it with some friends (because) they don’t have kids.”

As a mom of two, I can’t help but agree completely with her. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people comment that they’re envious of my housewife status, while in my head I’m envious of the way their careers have set off. Then there are days when I’m tired and my husband goes, “oh, but at least you got to nap.”

But in a community where everyone’s a mom, we don’t need to explain that just because we’re in the same room as our children doesn’t mean we get to nap too. We don’t need to explain to our peers why our child is throwing a tantrum for no reason at all. Who best to understand you than those who know what you’re going through?

The Focus is on Relationships.
Melenie, one of the leaders of MOPs 2016, shares why MOPS is still here, almost five years after its original conception in Beijing. “MOPS is growing because we have dedicated moms who are passionate about loving and supporting other moms and bringing them into community. We’ve experienced it and want others to too.  It’s really tough to be a mom sometimes and even more so if you’re alone and isolated. It doesn’t matter where you come from, as moms of little ones, we all face similar struggles. and we can all relate to each other. I think that’s why this kind of group works.”

“We want moms to grow and be equipped. We want families to be stronger. By sharing our experiences. we can grow in community with one another in a really positive way.”

So moms with young children, here’s a group for YOU. Leave the kids with the program’s childcare, and invest in yourself. Grow as a mom. and, most importantly, meet people who know what it’s really like behind the scenes.

MOPS English talks are on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. 10am-12pm. BICF Office, Room FA 201, 2F of the 21st Century Hotel, Liangmaqiao Road, Chaoyang District.
MOPS Bilingual talks are on the 3rd Monday of every month, 2pm-4pm at Ivy Bilingual School, Building E, Ocean Express Campus, No. 2 East Third Ring North Road, Chaoyang District. www.bicf.org/mops

Photos: Courtesy of MOPS.

Going through the process of pregnancy, delivery, and early motherhood is challenging for any woman however, the feeling is amplified when you’re far away from “home.” Often times, we new moms may feel scared and alone if we are unfamiliar with the city. The good news is that there is an incredible organization with a variety of support groups available in Beijing called Bumps2Babes. Beijing Bumps2Babes started just over two years ago as a support group for pregnant moms and those with non-mobile babies. The small group of western moms needed an excuse to get out of the house with their babies on a regular basis, meet other moms with children of similar ages, learn from, and support each other. As their babies have grown, and as group members have steadily increased (there are currently over 200 members), there are now several subgroups in the CBD area.

The groups offer a free and easy way to meet other moms as well as to make friends for both mom and baby. Many moms express what a life saver the groups are and how great it is to realize you aren’t the only foreigner with a baby in China. (Crazy, but it’s how we all feel sometimes, right?)

I have been to a few Bumps2Babes gatherings myself and am active in the WeChat group. It has been an invaluable resource on a number of occasions. The morning before we left to the UK recently, Kai was inconsolable between teething and diaper rash, and I was totally freaked out about the long flight ahead with a screaming baby. I messaged the group and received almost a dozen helpful tips. Honestly, this is a lovely group of women.

Each group is organized by a volunteer mom who can decide on location and content. Some groups like to meet up and simply chat over coffee, others prefer to organize topics, speakers, etc. Groups are created on a need basis: usually as the babies grows (2-year-old toddlers can no longer meet in coffee shops, for example, as they need a safe space to explore and be creative), or if a mom would like a coffee morning in her area, etc. Here’s a rundown of current support groups:

Bumps2Babes (B2B): A support group for pregnant moms or those with a baby not yet fully mobile. Meets Friday mornings in Sanlitun.
Babes2Cruisers (B2C): A group for more mobile babies (up to about 18 months old. Meets Friday mornings in Sanlitun.
B2B Toddler Playgroup: A group for the fully mobile 15-30 month age group. This is a full on playgroup with songs, stories, messy play, and anything fun and creative our moms come up with. Meets every Wednesday morning at Beijing City International School’s Early Childhood Center in Shuangjing.
B2B @ weekends: For working moms and dads or those that prefer to meet other families at weekends. Dates and locations vary.
Mondays @ MyGym: For all ages (currently newborns up to about 30 months). Use of the gym facilities and chat over coffee at the MyGym CBD location. RMB 60 per family.
Coffee Mornings: There are regular coffee mornings happening in moms’ homes around the CBD area.

The groups are primarily for English speaking expat moms but dads are welcome to some of the groups.

All groups run independently of each other, however there is a weekly newsletter so anyone interested can attend or contact the relevant group organizers. There are occasionally group offers posted on the newsletters such as mommy makeovers, group buy discounts, etc. Newsletters also advertise any mom/baby related ventures that members are involved with.

If you’re interested in learning more, contact Gemma at beijingbumps2babes@gmail.com

Theresa Pauline is a yoga teacher, social entrepreneur, momma, wife, and beijingkids contributor. You can find out more about her at www.taozitreeyoga.com. 

Photos: Courtesy of Bumps2Babes

Baby Cafe, the drop-in center that provides support for new parents, is celebrating its one-year anniversary. Based on the UK model of Baby Café, the community group was started by childbirth educator and beijingkids board member Anne Hemsley in 2011.

“I wanted to see if there was a way that I could offer my lifetime of experience working in the field of midwifery to help other new parents,” she says. Initially, Hemsley attended La Leche League’s monthly meetings, but eventually found that she had the time to offer a weekly support group.

After finding out about the UK-based Baby Cafe chain, she applied for a license – and the rest is history. Over the past 15 months, Hemsley has helped hundreds of new moms and their babies in their breastfeeding journey.

On July 4, Baby Cafe celebrated 12 months in China with a special Baby Cafe for dads. “Many of the fathers just wanted to see what happened during a typical Baby Cafe session,” says Hemsley. “Like all good parties, the majority of the parents ended up hanging out in my kitchen area.”

One of the most important aspects of Baby Cafe is the opportunity for new moms to interact with each other. “I like to think that by offering a comfortable venue and breastfeeding advice on demand, mums have an opportunity to ask about any problems [they]encounter and share the many challenges of raising a baby in Beijing.”

Many moms even bring relatives and friends to the meetings. “We had four generations from a Chinese family recently!” says Hemsley. Baby Cafe has a diverse following; often, the sessions are split between expat and local Chinese moms. Parents come from all over the world, including the US, the UK, Europe, and Latin America.

Frequent topics of conversation include different breastfeeding positions, sleep patterns, weaning and solid foods, where to go on a holiday with a baby, and more.

More recently, Hemsley has invited special guests to speak at weekly meetings. These include Parent Effectiveness Training instructor, author, and fellow beijingkids board member Kathryn Tonges, nutritionist and beijingkids columnist Olivia Lee, and baby massage therapist Pip Hulbert.  

To protect the participants’ privacy, Hemsley doesn’t publicize Baby Cafe’s address. However, any breastfeeding mom can reserve a space in the weekly meetings by emailing her with the name, age, and date of birth of their baby. However, the group only accepts non-mobile babies due to a lack of space.

For more information, contact Hemsley at anne.hemsley@gmail.com. And happy birthday, Baby Cafe!