According to RAINN, the largest anti-sexual violence organization in the US, one out of every six women have been the victim of sexual assault, fifty-four percent of sexual assault victims are under 34, and every 98 seconds an American is sexually assaulted.

The office for National Statistics reports that one in five of all women in England and Wales will have been the victims of sexual assault since the age of 16. This is the equivalent to an estimated 3.4 million female victims and 631,000 male victims. A shocking eighty-three percent (5 in 6 victims) of adult victims do not report experiences of sexual assault to the police. These statistics do not take into account the estimated 2.0 million adults aged 16 to 59 who experience domestic abuse each year.

According to UK Children’s Charity, NSPCC, one in 20 children in the UK have been sexually abused, one in three children are sexually abused by an adult and did not report it, and 2,800 children were identified as needing protection from sexual abuse in the years 2016 to 2017.

These numbers are not only extremely shocking but speak of a wider and growing problem with domestic sexual abuse, rape, child sexual abuse, incest, and more, that permeates around the globe. This epidemic creates a number of challenges for local authorities, humanitarian organizations, and the very fabric of society.

The effects of trauma-based experiences, if not dealt with, can last a lifetime and some victims of sexual assault will experience debilitating symptoms that can interfere with daily life. The good news is, there is light at the end of the tunnel should you seek it.

What You Can Do

Recovering emotionally from disaster can be a long journey, but with time and perseverance one can overcome the emotional, physical, and psychological trauma caused by sexual abuse. Understanding the raw emotions and responses that follow traumatic events can help support healing and recovery, and offer coping mechanisms for difficult thoughts and behaviors. Seeking psychological intervention can be effective in preventing and dealing with existing long-term effects, as well as helping you on the path to recovery.

Support Group for Survivors of Sexual Assault and Abuse

Beijing United Family Hospital (BJU) Psychologist Dr. Bojun Hu has initiated a support group for women survivors of rape, sexual assault, and childhood sexual abuse and incest. The small groups of eight to ten people will facilitate therapeutic discussion centered on the following:

• Managing disclosure
• Emotional regulation
• Self-esteem and body image
• Intimacy and sexuality
• Seeking support
• Self-care

This group will be completely confidential and is aimed at supporting women to cope with feelings such as grief, fear, loss, shame, self-blame, and anger. Together survivors of sexual abuse will be given the tools to start healing and issues regarding, power, control, body image, trust, intimacy, and well-being will be tackled using in-depth discussion and yoga practices.

The sessions will be a place for women to strengthen their cognitive and emotional processing, relax, and reconnect the mind and the body. This group will be a source of hope, comfort, and an opportunity for women seeking support to unite with other sexual abuse survivors as they usher in an era for power, autonomy, and wholeness.

To sign up please email fc-rec@ufh.con.cnto express your interest in joining the group or to ask any questions you may have. Female Adults. RMB 600 (per 1.5hr session). RMB 1,200 (mandatory one-hour pre-group interview). March 21 – May 9. Thursdays 6pm-7.30pm. United Family New Hope Clinical Center, 9-11 West Jiangtai Road, Chaoyang District (www.ufh.com.cn/ 5927 7120)

We are continuing our comprehensive list of WeChat contacts you need to follow. We all know that there is literally no limit to what you can find through this essential app, but here a couple of our favorites that we think you should know. So without further ado, here’s part two!

Cheese

Got some cheese cravings? This guy delivers cheese to your door. Free shipping on orders above RMB 299. Add him on WeChat: CheeseGouvernor

Bakeshop

This shop bakes delicious bread, bagels, and cookies. We have to say that their chocolate cookies are to die for. Add them on WeChat: thebakeshop

Post Cards

I have seen many self made cards but MoniKards makes the cutest ones in town. For some original mail make sure to add her on WeChat: Mnka_LeBrn

Dresses

Need a fabulous dress for a gala? This lady has the goods. Have a look in her shop and try on some wedding gowns while you are there. Add her on WeChat: 532667243

Tours

Do you have family coming over that want to see the sights? Don’t want to join them? Or you have yet to see the wall. Mister Dong is not cheap but he speaks great English and is very pleasant to spend the day with. Add him on WeChat: Tom105780102

Books

This is one of my favorite stores, featuring kids books galore and there are always special deals for multi buys. Perfect for gifts and story time. Add on WeChat: dianayi2009

Cakes

I have tried and tested this amazing bakery and their celebration cakes are masterpieces that look amazing. Add on WeChat: forcakecom

Water

Feeling thirsty? This water company had great and most importantly safe water for adults and babies. Need some boxed MaiAqua water? Add them on WeChat: maiaquaservice

Wax

Don’t feel like leaving your home with a mustache? This lady comes to your home and takes away all of your unwanted hair. She is fast and clean. Add her on WeChat: anniewax111

TCM

My first Traditional Chinese Medicine session was with Shelley and she is great. I have even returned often since. She speaks English and her expertise comes highly recommended in the expat community. Add her on WeChat: 13439386197

Hair Dresser

Again a very highly recommended contact in the expat community. This hair expert is not only a joy to be with but does wonders with your hair. She sure fixed mine after I had done a bad job trying to do it myself. Add Pamela on WeChat: kassydihairstyle

Shunyi Sausage

Live in the Shunyi area and need some sausage and other meats? Balmain Gourmet delivers, and meats even arrive in a box with cold packs to keep it fresh. Add on WeChat: 18600039708

Hats

We are blessed with a famous hat lady that resides in Beijing. She not only has a fabulous hat shop but also does hat making workshops. Do you need a hat for a fancy party? Add Elisabeth Koch on WeChat: amazinghats

Bags and Shoes

Need some great shoes or a fancy bag? I have bought my share off this lady. Look forward to having your newsfeed flooded with footwear. Add on WeChat: emma_choi123

Creams

Creams for very special people, these potions smell delicious and this fabulous lady has a cream for every occasion. Add on WeChat: franhanshing

Housing Agent

Janice is another gem in Beijing, she has helped us countless times. She is a great agent who is never to busy to help. Add her on WeChat: cc839782787

Picture credit: pixabay and vendors

Bullying is a complex issue that’s every parents’ and kid’s worst nightmare come vividly true. A few years ago, we wrote an article about the different types of bullying based along gender lines as bullying expert Robert Pereira was in Beijing giving seminars at the time. Pereira is an education expert who has spent the last 21 years as a professional consultant training students, teachers, and parents around the world to deal with bullying.

Technology has compounded the issue with the introduction of cyberbully, that’s harder to stop and sometime even trace back because of fake accounts. As the new school seasons swings into high gear and kids are adjusting to their new class, classmates, or school, here are four common types of bullying to keep an eye out for:

Verbal Bullying
What It Is: Verbal bullying, or bullying with cruel spoken words, involves ongoing name-calling, threatening, and making disrespectful comments about someone’s attributes (appearance, religion, ethnicity, disability, sexual orientation, etc.).

Physical Bullying
What It Is: Physical bullying, or bullying with aggressive physical intimidation, involves repeated hitting, kicking, tripping, blocking, pushing, and touching in unwanted and inappropriate ways.

Relational Bullying
What It Is: Relational bullying, or bullying with exclusionary tactics, involves deliberately preventing someone from joining or being part of a group, whether it’s at a lunch table, game, sport, or social activity.

Cyberbullying
What It Is: Cyberbullying, or bullying in cyberspace, involves haranguing someone by spreading mean words, lies, and false rumors through e-mails, text messages, and social media posts. Sexist, racist, and homophobic messages create a hostile atmosphere, even when not directly targeting your child.

These were sourced from the parenting.com article that illustrates examples, signs to look out for, and what measures to take into consideration to help the child.

Photo: Thomas Ricker (Flickr)

Ever since school started and my soccer mom-like duties abated, I started volunteering at Roundabout. For those who may not know, Roundabout is a social enterprise headed by volunteers that connects those with means to those in need. It is a fantastic enterprise that supports 48 charitable organizations in the Beijing area and many more throughout China, Inner Mongolia and Mongolia. Most known for the many book fairs Roundabout holds throughout the city, it also has a fundraising retail store in Shunyi where donated goods that cannot be used by other organizations (think orphanages and the like) are sold to raise funds to support their partner charities.

Making donations (monetary or otherwise), buying books, and shopping at the store are all easy ways to help make a difference, but Roundabout always welcomes volunteers too. Whether you can volunteer a few hours or an entire day, the work of sorting through donated goods is never-ending. Last week, two teachers and a group of a dozen or so high school students from Dulwich were on site sorting books, toys, and electronics. I’ve also watched kids as young as 8 come in and lend a hand. No matter what your circumstances, chances are Roundabout can put your spare time to good use.

If you are ready to help make a difference, visit Roundabout’s website here to sign up to volunteer or to find out other ways you can get involved. You can also learn more by inquiring at the store. Many people think of volunteering around the holidays, but Roundabout can always use an extra hand any time of year.

Roundabout Store Address:
Mon-Sat 9.30am-5.30pm. Yuyang Road West, Off An Hua Road (Behind Yosemite Villa Compound), Shunyi District. (137 1877 7761 (English), 137 1805 3814 (Chinese only), Roundaboutchina@gmail.com) 众爱商店，顺义区榆阳路（优山美地别墅后街，从安华路转入）。

Photos: Christopher Lay

Can’t have a pet in Beijing, but still want to help those furry critters in need? Now’s your chance to really make a difference: The Little Adoption Shop is calling for donations again to help keep his animal shelter up and running. Here’s a note from its founder, Christopher Barden:

"The Little Adoption Shop currently has more than 150 dogs in our care, and we are under constant pressure to meet our food, rent, medical and other expenses. We currently have a very safe shelter in the countryside, and an adoption center located in Shunyi, across from Euro Plaza, on the north side of the International Convention Center. Things are tough for us financially, but we are proud of the work we are doing to make it easier for rescued animals to find new homes.

We currently have seriously overdue bills, and we urgently need help!

Thank you for kindness and generosity."

If you want to donate, you can do it through Paypal here, or go to any Doctors Beck & Stone Pet Health Care Center in China. You can also use any one of the following links or make a donation:

Weibo
Facebook
Website

More information on accounts and the dog shelter can be found here.

In the meantime, if you find yourself wanting a pet of your own, check out our "Doggy/Moggy of the Week"

This post first appeared on thebeijinger.com on August 19, 2014.

Photo: courtesy of Little Adoption Shop.

In 1994, the genocide in Rwanda took place. Images glimpsed on our television set left me scared and anxious. My parents shielded us and explained as best they could but they could not control our every conversation. In school and around the neighborhood everybody was talking about the incident. Despite my mother’s best attempts to explain, at the tender age of 8, I couldn’t understand. The atrocities affected the way I viewed the world; I worried I would die that way too.

Missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 has had direct and indirect impacts on Beijing’s expat community; some of the passengers were classmates, friends, neighbors and colleagues.

Even without a direct connection, it’s natural for kids to have questions about what is going on. Helping children to talk about and understand what is going on is of paramount importance at this difficult time.

We interviewed, Dr. George Hu, clinical psychologist at Beijing United Family Hospital and Assistant Director at the hospital’s Center for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, to provide guidance on how to deal with the incident.

The Malaysia Airlines incident has directly affected Beijing citizens, including its expat community. With the fate of the plane still a mystery, loved ones have been told to prepare for the worst. How can parents approach the topic of death with children – especially sudden and tragic death?

It’s often really hard to address such difficult issues with children, especially since we as adults may also have a hard time dealing with sudden and tragic loss. However, we should not avoid the issue. Often, parents are tempted to deny the reality of death, pain, or tragedy to children, but this can lead to more complicated consequences in the long run. Children are going to know that something tragic has happened, especially with regard to an event on the scale as this one, and it is best to allow children an opportunity to express their feelings and ask the questions that they have, and feel that doing so is totally normal and appropriate. As adults, we should listen and let the children know that we are here to help them with their feelings, and to answer their questions.

When children bring up tragic events, I would acknowledge honestly the tragedy that has happened and the death that has occurred, but I would also focus attention on the good aspects of the event, such as the people who helped, selfless acts of sacrifice, or points of safety. Sometimes we focus on the tragedy of an event (and rightly so), but there may be many stories of love, sacrifice, and people helping that also deserve attention, especially to children.

Is it possible for children to feel a kind of second-hand trauma in the wake of an incident like the Malaysia Airlines disappearance?
Yes it is, which is why even though we openly and honestly discuss what happened and allow children to ask questions, I would limit the amount of exposure they are getting to constant discussion about the topic in the media. Allow children to also be children—to hear what has happened, but also to have a break and play and draw and do the things that children do. I would especially keep the children from being exposed to any images related to tragedies.

What are some of the do’s and don’ts of broaching serious topics with children?
-Do NOT make it sound like you are avoiding discussing the topic. Provide an answer you think they will understand that is appropriate to their developmental level.  If you don’t know the answer to their question, say so.

-Do NOT make up stories to explain phenomenon, or lie about what happened.

-Do NOT expose children to images of tragedies, or allow them to be exposed to a constant stream of information about the tragedy, such as through the news or internet.

-DO let children know that whatever questions or feelings they have are perfectly natural.

-Do NOT hide your own feelings from children.  If you are grieving yourself,

-DO look for signs that children may need additional support.  If children exhibit sleep disturbances, excessive anxiety, mood swings, disturbance in appetite, or sudden changes in temper, refer to a qualified mental health professional or talk with your pediatrician or family physician.

-DO allow children to ask any questions that they have, or express any feelings they have.  Also, allow them to have no feelings and no questions if that is the case.  Give them the time and space to process their own feelings in their own time.

-DO give children an alternative means of expressing their feelings, other than using words. Perhaps they would prefer to draw a picture that represents how they feel, or their reaction to the event.

-DO allow children to ask questions related to spirituality or religion during difficult times, and be open to how they may use spirituality to address the difficult questions that arise after a tragedy.

-DO focus attention on people who helped during the tragic event, or other positive aspects of humanity that may also be present in a tragic situation.

How and when should families explain the concept of death to younger children?
There is no specific how or when, but a tragedy such as this one may present the opportunity, especially as children may have questions that come up naturally. I would suggest not letting this opportunity pass by, but address the issue in an age-appropriate manner.

Beyond their own support networks, what resources or support groups are available to families in Beijing?
Beijing United Family Hospital has set up a hotline number that has been given to the families of the victims of MH370.  This hotline offers ready access to a trained mental health counselor, and referrals to other professionals if necessary.

Additionally, there will be a public forum on Thursday March 13 at 6:30PM to address how to cope with the tragedy of MH370.  This forum will include a presentation on how to discuss this issue with children, how adults can cope, and will also include a question and answer session.  The forum will be at Beijing United Family Hospital, Building 2, 5th floor auditorium.

Photo courtesy of Duniafoto Digital (Flickr)

When I’m not changing a slew of endless diapers on a string of sleepless nights I occasionally get the pleasure of planning and leading delegations of community and business leaders on learning trips to places like Cambodia, Vietnam, and India with the Foundation for Global Leadership (FGL). Simply put, FGL introduces people of capacity to non-governmental organizations (NGOs) and encourages them to get involved with their time, talent, and/or treasure.

One critical task is vetting the NGOs that FGL works with to ensure they are well-run, productive, and relevant to the interests of donors. Despite good intentions, many NGOs lack sufficient oversight, transparency, or even business acumen when it comes to managing funds. This is especially true in China.

My professional experience with FGL has impacted the way I give my time or donations to local NGOs. I now try to learn about how an organization is run, who does the work, and who the benefactors are.

A simple example would be donating to an orphanage. Who is running the orphanage? How are they funded? Is there government oversight or third party audits of the financial records? If I make a cash donation, where does the money go; to the director’s salary or to food, clothes, and educational toys/supplies for the children? These are the kinds of things I would want to know.

Two NGOs in Beijing that meet my personal standards for excellence are the Starfish Project and Roundabout. You can learn more about each by clicking the links. If your interests are more globally-minded, you would be hard pressed to find a better run outfit than Friends International. This NGO helps street kids get out of poverty by providing them with job training and education so they can find work and become productive members of society.

 Photo courtesy of katerha (Flickr)

The International Center for Veterinary Services (ICVS) is seeking assistant from those traveling to the US to take a Border Collie puppy to the states. How much will this cost? All expenses are taken care of. Mary Peng, CEO and Co-founder of the pet clinic explains the situation best:

I am reaching out to the community to ask for the help of an animal lover willing to help transport a Border Collie puppy to the Northeast USA.

The Glen Highland Farm, a respected Border Collie rescue organization in the USA, is sponsoring this puppy and will cover all of the pup’s transportation costs. We are working with Glen Highland Farm and hoping to find a ticketed passenger on an Air China or Delta flight that is willing to bring the puppy on the flight as excess check-in baggage.

The International Center for Veterinary Services (ICVS) will donate our services to provide health examinations, legally required rabies vaccinations and canine distemper vaccinations, the official Beijing Animal Health and Immunity Certificate (vaccination red book required for export), deworming, flea and tick treatments and microchipping to ensure the pup clears all exit requirements at the Beijing Quarantine Bureau. ICVS will also donate an air crate to transport the puppy on the flight.

ICVS is an expert in pet import/export and will provide the transport volunteer with our help and support at every step of the export process to help this pup reach the USA.

Please contact me directly if you may be able to help transport this puppy to the USA!

Email: ICVS_CHINA@yahoo.com: Tel: 8456-1939/1940.

Photo by ICVS

Photo from Guangzhou news