It was 2012, and L was expecting her second baby.

She and her family had arrived six months prior, suitcases in one hand and their near future in the other. Weekends with the family were spent like tourists—exploring hutongs, meeting new friends, and getting to know their new city. Weekdays started off more adventurously: each day with a plan to keep both her and her firstborn busy. But as the days went by, so did its excited pace, and soon she started spending more and more days at home or online, because lunch meet-ups with a toddler and a huge belly had become tiring and, frankly, sometimes unwelcome.

It had generally been fun if only she didn’t feel so isolated sometimes.

Fortunately, she found—or rather, she helped bring together—the beginnings of a community that understood.

MOPS: A Community for Moms by Moms

She decided to form a community for their specific demographic: mothers of young children from zero to pre-school. Along with three other moms of toddlers, they drafted their plan. The idea started off as a small support group where moms of young children could get together with other moms and share ideas with each other. They’d hire an Ayi to take care of the kids, allowing them to just chat away.

That’s when someone suggested chartering with MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)— an international community of mothers that’s doing exactly what they wanted to do. Suddenly. they were getting support from fellow mothers across the globe, including parenting resources and guidance. How inspiring is that!

News of their little project started spreading and bit by bit the curious asked their questions. Do you have to be a Christian to join? Do you need to be married to join? Do we need to pay?

No, the ladies answered. All you need is to be a mom who has a kid who hasn’t reached primary school yet.

Comm-YOU-nity
MOPS originally started out with a mainly expat audience, but is now also slowly gaining traction with the Chinese visitors at its Ivy School venue. I found this quite interesting considering the speakers were mostly expats themselves.

“MOPS is a community where moms can bring kids to MOPS meetings,” Emily, one of the coordinators for Beijing MOPS, says when asked why Chinese moms like attending MOPS. “Kids can stay somewhere and people can take care of them. So moms come here and feel very relaxed. And also. we learn something. and we can share something.”

Emily also adds that local parenting talks generally have a more classroom feeling, with a teacher in front talking about parenting techniques for an hour or so and then giving out Wechat articles for parents to review at home. These are paid sessions and do not have childcare.

One thing that sets MOPS apart is that its two hour sessions are divided mainly into two parts. The first hour and a half are allotted for volunteer speakers who come and share their expertise on topics ranging from personal development, marriage and relationship, to advice on practical parenting. The second part is discussion, where the audience members are asked to share their thoughts and answer questions about the topic within their respective groups. Through this interaction, moms get to share their own experiences, thoughts, and advice to the rest of the group.

The childcare bit is a hit with the parents as well. Teacher volunteers and interns assisted by ayis take charge of the children while the mothers listen to the speakers, confident that their children are safe and being well-taken care of. The mothers then spend two hours investing in themselves and concentrate on building new relationships. Finally, someone else is taking care of moms.

A Safe Place
One mom describes what it’s like to be at MOPS. “I come here and I can say what I really want to say. In my home, I can’t say this with my husband. I cannot say it with some friends (because) they don’t have kids.”

As a mom of two, I can’t help but agree completely with her. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people comment that they’re envious of my housewife status, while in my head I’m envious of the way their careers have set off. Then there are days when I’m tired and my husband goes, “oh, but at least you got to nap.”

But in a community where everyone’s a mom, we don’t need to explain that just because we’re in the same room as our children doesn’t mean we get to nap too. We don’t need to explain to our peers why our child is throwing a tantrum for no reason at all. Who best to understand you than those who know what you’re going through?

The Focus is on Relationships.
Melenie, one of the leaders of MOPs 2016, shares why MOPS is still here, almost five years after its original conception in Beijing. “MOPS is growing because we have dedicated moms who are passionate about loving and supporting other moms and bringing them into community. We’ve experienced it and want others to too.  It’s really tough to be a mom sometimes and even more so if you’re alone and isolated. It doesn’t matter where you come from, as moms of little ones, we all face similar struggles. and we can all relate to each other. I think that’s why this kind of group works.”

“We want moms to grow and be equipped. We want families to be stronger. By sharing our experiences. we can grow in community with one another in a really positive way.”

So moms with young children, here’s a group for YOU. Leave the kids with the program’s childcare, and invest in yourself. Grow as a mom. and, most importantly, meet people who know what it’s really like behind the scenes.

MOPS English talks are on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. 10am-12pm. BICF Office, Room FA 201, 2F of the 21st Century Hotel, Liangmaqiao Road, Chaoyang District.
MOPS Bilingual talks are on the 3rd Monday of every month, 2pm-4pm at Ivy Bilingual School, Building E, Ocean Express Campus, No. 2 East Third Ring North Road, Chaoyang District. www.bicf.org/mops

Photos: Courtesy of MOPS.

Ten years before Facebook started, and well before WeChat, the International Newcomers’ Network (INN) formed in Beijing 23 years ago in 1994. Originally, the group was founded by a group of expatriates who saw great value in sharing knowledge and tips about living in Beijing. The city was a far different environment back then and discovering other expats or imported goods was an arduous task. Finding international hospitals, paying for utilities, and using public transport were difficult challenges, as services were not geared towards foreigners. After founding the organization expat life in Beijing became manageable for its members.

By pooling resources and sharing information and advice, life in a new, exciting, and challenging city became more fun with the best possible outcome of many deep friendships forged. Now, two decades later, INN is still going strong and has evolved over time by broadening its scope of events and interests. The organization’s diversity keeps growing with many husbands and fathers now very active members and enjoying this time-honored club as well.

Living in the capital in 2016 is far more convenient than it was back then, but there are still numerous challenges especially for newcomers who don’t speak Mandarin or understand doing things the local way. INN offers itself as a support network for expats who want to meet new friends and get involved in a community based organization.

Every month, there are multiple events around the city and all foreign passport holders are welcome to join (only foreign nationals permitted to attend the general monthly gathering due to government regulations). The sustainability of the organization hinges on the goodwill of the wonderful volunteers who contribute their time and expertise to assist new and veteran residents to maximize their benefit of living in the capital. As a result, INN’s events and activities always have a friendly and family feel. INN has no commercial sponsors so everything done is purely for the love of helping other expats.

The INN organizing family has an open door policy and is always looking for people to get involved whether as a volunteer board member, helping to organize and host events, and especially attending and supporting get togethers. For example, Arrival Survival is INN’s annual guide on how to thrive and survive in Beijing and is also the biggest event of the year. Additionally, every month INN holds general gatherings at the Capital Club Athletic Center inside the Capital Mansion compound on Xinyuan Nanlu, near Liangmaqiao. Many attend monthly gatherings, where new and existing members come together as well as a host of INN approved vendors and charities, which support the expat community.

Spring bazaar

Arrival Survival
August’s event is always reserved for “Arrival Survival” as many new families relocate to Beijing just in time for the new school year. This year is no different and as every year goes by INN moves in time with the city and offers attendees advice on how to enjoy or cope with life in Beijing.

This year there will be six speakers at the event offering advice on how to live a happy life in Beijing. They draw from their personal experiences and professional backgrounds to offer much needed advice.

INN’s new President, Juli Bradley, who is from the USA, will host the event. With INN under her leadership, we can expect to see the organization continue its high level of support for expats and continue to grow in size as more and more foreign nationals move to China. Other speakers include Averil Harrison-Thuemmel, a member of the INN steering committee and who organizes the monthly Trekkies group, which takes people on tours around some of the lesser-known and more interesting areas in Beijing.

Following Harrison-Thuemmel’s talk will be a chat on how to conquer the Beijing transport network. Then Carnissa Berry, who is a life coach with a great reputation, will talk you through some coping strategies if you are finding the transition and navigating Chinese culture to be sometimes trying. Sherpa’s, a name you will become very familiar with, will introduce how to use their mobile app and get your favorite foods delivered to your apartment. Next will be Kenny, from Fun Guide, who will guide you through how to use his new Beijing based expat APP that includes some of the best places and events to go to. And finally, Beijing United Family Hospital will host a brief talk on staying healthy and medical care for expats.

INN Group Activities
If you are new to the city or have been here for many years, you want to get involved with other expats, meet new friends or just hang out and have some fun while enjoying great food, wine, cocktails or beer, then INN is the right group for you.

• INN General Gathering – Once a month everyone meets up over a coffee and pastries to learn about ways to enjoy life in Beijing and gain a deeper appreciation of Chinese culture with our guest speakers.
• Coffee Mornings – The clue is in the name! There are two meeting ups once a month in down town and Shunyi. The next Coffee Morning is at British School of Beijing, Shunyi on August 25.
• Lunch Bunch – Each month the Lunch Bunch visits a new and exciting restaurant around town.
• Trekkies – A monthly tour of a Beijing hidden gem. The next Trekkie will be a tour of some of Beijing’s various food markets on September 1.
• Beer Night – Aimed at getting more men involved, the next Beer Night is on Thursday 18th August at Jing A, everyone is welcome to join. INN also has various other nights out, social gatherings and, an annual fall social which is one of the most highly anticipated and fun events of the year!

For more information, visit INN’s website where you will find details of all of INN events, INN’s supported charities, and our monthly newsletter. If you wish to receive the INN monthly newsletter please send an email to: contactus@innbeijing.com

Photos: Courtesy of INN