I hate to say it, but even in 2024 there are still remarks being made that stay-at-home moms don’t contribute to society, and so their opinions have no value. Usually, these comments are said in private conversations among a small group of friends, making it a bit more obvious that even the person saying it knows it’s not woke.

Meeting a trailing spouse in Beijing isn’t uncommon, and most of the time they’re women. They’ve left their friends, family, and often a successful job back home to move to Beijing in support of their partner’s career. And more often than not, they arrive on a visa that doesn’t allow them to legally find work in China, pigeonholing them into the role of a stay-at-home wife or mom.

There’s an ongoing debate about motherhood: Who contributes more value to society, stay-at-home moms or working moms? This question, framed as an either-or scenario, oversimplifies the complex and varied roles mothers play.

It’s time to shift the conversation away from comparisons and appreciate the inherent value that both stay-at-home moms and working moms bring to their families and communities.

Stay-at-home moms are the unsung heroes of many households, dedicating their time and energy to the well-being of their families. Their role involves a ton of different responsibilities, from childcare and managing household affairs to providing emotional support. The nurturing environment they create at home lays the foundation for a child’s early development, fostering a sense of security and stability.

Working moms navigate a delicate balancing act, juggling professional responsibilities with their roles as mothers. Their contributions extend beyond the household, demonstrating to their children the importance of pursuing personal goals and ambitions. By engaging in the workforce, working moms also contribute economically to their families and to society at large.

The stay-at-home mom versus working mom debate perpetuates a false dichotomy that fails to account for the different ways mothers contribute value. Both choices involve sacrifices, challenges, and unique contributions. Rather than comparing their worth, it’s more productive to recognize the distinct yet equally valuable roles these mothers play.

Every family dynamic is different, and mothers make choices based on a variety of factors, including personal fulfillment, financial needs, and family circumstances. The decision to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom is deeply personal and often reflects a careful consideration of what is best for the individual and their family.

Championing the value of both stay-at-home moms and working moms involves dismantling stereotypes associated with each role. Stay-at-home moms should not be dismissed as mere homemakers, and working moms should not face judgment for balancing career aspirations with motherhood. Both roles are valid, and both contribute immeasurable value.

Rather than pitting stay-at-home moms against working moms, society should focus on creating supportive environments that empower mothers to make choices that align with their values and circumstances. Acknowledging the diverse contributions of mothers fosters an inclusive narrative that values the multifaceted roles women play.

The value of motherhood is not confined to whether a mom chooses to stay at home or pursue a career. The worth of mothers transcends these labels and lies in the love, care, and dedication they provide to their families. Instead of perpetuating divisive discussions, let’s celebrate the diversity of choices and honor the intrinsic value that every mother brings to her unique journey, shaping the next generation and enriching society with her individual strengths and contributions.

Images: Bing, Pexels

My daughter started pre-school last week. After the first few days of intense tidying up and self-care, I found myself face-to-face with another problem. What do I do with this newly found free time now?

For the past two years, my days have always been scheduled around her needs and my in-office job. But now that I’m working from home and she’s at school, I found myself alone all day with my thoughts. And while it was relaxing at first, it very quickly started to make me anxious.

I know myself, and there’s a very good reason that I never chose to quit working to be a full-time wife and mother. I can’t deal with the alone time. I can buy myself flowers, I can hold my own hand, but I cannot talk to myself for hours…

For all the parents who have just sent their little ones off to school for the first time, join the jingkids editors for a close-to-heart livestream chat about this new chapter in your life. We’ll be talking about the types of moms out there, the isolation that for some will lead to depression and identity loss, things to fill your time with, and the resources in Beijing that will not only help you cope with the separation but which will also enrich your life.

Scan the QR code to join. See you tomorrow at 11am for an unfiltered, unedited, and unscripted heart-to-heart chat.

Images: Pexels, True Run Media

Last Saturday we celebrated my friend’s birthday. It was the big 4-0, so she made sure everything was perfect, and things went well, for the party anyway.

My 18-month-old is well past babyhood, but we still breastfeed at random times, so when I left around 1pm I thought nothing about it. But what was supposed to be a fun weekend, turned into an entire day spent waiting in agonizing pain at a fever clinic.

I always thought mastitis can only happen in the first few weeks after delivery when the baby is still not latching on properly or you miss a feed so the milk builds up in your breasts.

Little did I know that it would happen to me 18 months into breastfeeding!

It started as pressure around 10pm on Saturday while the birthday party was still in full swing and 10 minutes later it became this throbbing pain followed by fatigue, chills, and high fever. I called a Didi and headed back home, but by the time I got home my son Noel was asleep and couldn’t care less about feeding. I woke up Sunday morning feeling achy and feverish. Even though I was experiencing all the possible aches and pains, was burning up and even had the physical evidence right there before me, I couldn’t believe it was mastitis.

According to a study conducted by the World Health Organization, mastitis is commonest in the second and third week postpartum, with most reports indicating that 74% to 95% of cases occur in the first 12 weeks. However, it may occur at any stage of lactation, including in the second year. So, ladies, it CAN happen even with extended breastfeeding, so if it happens to you know that you’re not alone and seek medical attention immediately.

By noon on Sunday, I knew I had to go to the hospital so I headed to the nearest one. No hospital would admit me because of the fever so I ended up at Beijing Friendship Hospital.

The lights were off when I got there as it was already past 5pm. A very nice nurse told me, after taking my temperature, that I have to agree to a chest CT scan and a blood draw so they could rule covid out and get me the help I needed. I told her there was no way I would do a CT scan for no reason, so she got on the phone with someone and told me that I had to do a Covid test at their hospital and wait for the results. She checked my Health Kit, but even though it was on day 1, they still needed me to do the test again.

Two nurses gave me a N95 mask to put on instead of the one I was wearing and they led me to a fever clinic at the side of the road. I was asked to scan two codes and sign a form, given a pair of disposable gloves, and let inside the clinic where they took my blood pressure (which is always impossibly low by the way) and gave me a ticket with a number on it.

When my number came up, I entered the doctor’s office. The masked-up doctor asked me how long I had had a fever and if I had any other covid-related symptoms. It had been 5 hours since I went looking for help and I really needed a painkiller.

Tip: If you end up at a fever clinic for any reason, make sure to ask for a blanket, because those places tend to get really cold with ACs set on low.

The doctor ordered an ultrasound and a blood draw, but before getting those, I had to get a Covid test. It was a nasal swab and with the pain and the fever, it was just what I needed to make me nauseous and dizzy. I waited for another hour to see the ultrasound technician and a lady doctor who performed a physical exam. I was prescribed both oral and intravenous antibiotics and was advised to stop breastfeeding for three days. My results came in around 10pm and I was free to go.

There are 3 things I learned from this experience:

1. Mastitis can happen even when your baby is not a baby anymore
2. Always keep an updated list of hospitals with fever clinics in the city in your phone. You never know when you’ll need one.
3. Don’t wait for the next day, ask for medical help immediately if you experience any of the symptoms

Images: Pexels

Dear Everyone,

Before I met my husband, before I became a mother, I was in constant pursuit of happiness. My perception of happiness back then is reflected in the left picture. I thought an appearance like that would bring me joy and success. I was depressed and confused. I lived a life where I partly measured my value in the response I got on social media.

I had never been slimmer in my life, yet I cried myself to sleep almost every day. I was never good enough. Now I’m asking myself, good enough for who?

To understand that I thought I was only worthy of shallow people’s attention makes me very sad. We are all better than that. Why would I even want people like that around myself… Despite it being a dark period of my life, it’s now very reassuring to know that I was unhappy back then. Deep down I knew that what I was doing and how I was thinking was wrong. I finally broke through.

Back then my body weighed 12kg less compared to this day, it did not make me happy. Today my soul weigh 12kg less compared to then, this makes me happy.

Right next to me in this very moment, I have my husband goofing around with my daughter in her stroller, she’s shouting and making the cutest noises I’ve ever heard in my whole life. I’m not wearing makeup, I’m here in my sports bra, a bra that smells of sour milk, I haven’t properly worked out for a year. And guess what, I am happy, I am accepted, I am loved by the two most amazing human beings. Another newsflash, my personality got me this. It was not the slim body I had strived so hard to get for all those years. The moment I decided to finally show my true colors, stopped hiding, and stopped care about what comes my way or not, the universe gifted me with my husband, then it gifted us with our beloved daughter. Being content with myself helped me attract a person of equal mindset and heart. We both treasure what really matters in our very short lives, hence our happy marriage.

Happiness, honesty, support, respect, loyalty & love. None of it achieved and maintained simply because of a person’s appearance.

Love,
Camilla Kongshavn Jovanović

Photos: unsplash, Camilla Kongshavn Jovanović

Throughout our lives, we’ll meet many people who influence us. But for most of us, there’s nobody who gives us more than our mothers. To celebrate that fact, a Beijing mom has produced a book about this most precious relationship, and also to raise money for a good cause. Appropriately, it’s called Mom, I Learn So Much From You.

Em Roblin, though originally from Toronto, is a long-time Beijinger, having lived in the city since 2006. She was keen to emphasize the collaborative nature of Mom, I Learn So Much From You, and describes herself as having “curated” the book rather than written it. She told beijingkids about the unusual way the book was produced.

Em Roblin with her daughter

“It was my best friend’s 50^th birthday earlier this year,” Roblin said, “and we decided to do something meaningful and different. Her sons, who are 12 and 10, wrote a list of ’50 things that make Mom so amazing.’ From there we did a brainstorm and decided to do something collaborative. We wanted to get people to think about how they love their own moms and how they’ve learned from them.

“For her party we created a template, which is in the back of the book, in the very same format: “My mom is…. She…. I want to learn to …. too.” We invited a graphic artist, named Chris Q, based out of Shanghai, to capture the energy, and he painted after the event what came out of it. There were about 50 people there, the youngest being a baby on her mother’s lap, the oldest almost 80. Everyone was connecting to what they love about their moms, there was laughter, tears, creative energy… After the event we creatively pulled together a storyline in the voice of a young kid.”

All proceeds from the book will go to the Rural Women Development Foundation, Roblin told us, empowering women and children in remote areas of southern China.

“Our vision and purpose was to have impact, a financial impact and raise awareness,” Roblin said.

Copies of the book cost RMB 50, and can be purchased from their WeChat store by scanning the QR code in the poster above. Alternatively, you can buy a copy in person at the Christmas Fair at the British School of Beijing, Shunyi (BSB Shunyi) on December 7. To find out more you can email Roblin: Emroblin@gmail.com.

Photos: courtesy of Em Roblin

Are you an expectant mama? Are you in need of some social time with other women who know exactly what you’re going through? Do you need to find some Zen and an oasis away from the demands of planning for the new arrival and frantic “nesting” at home? We have something that could be the answer to all your impending motherhood prayers.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I could have done with a gathering of soon-to-be-mamas that encouraged celebrating impending motherhood and allowed me to dabble in plenty of mindfulness and self-care. Whether waiting for the arrival of your first or second child, it’s always good to participate in activities that allow you to think, reflect, and engage. The “Embrace Your Wild” Coaching and Coffee sessions are the stuff of mama-to-be dreams and can be exactly what is needed on your journey.

Conducted by certified Positive Psychology and Wellbeing Practitioner, Sian Braganza, the Coaching and Coffee group sessions focus on celebrating the process of pregnancy and birth initiation into the wildness of motherhood. You will be given room to explore how you are changing and to embrace the new you.

The monthly sessions held at Moleskin Cafe are a wonderful resource for mothers and are all about having meaningful conversations with yourself and others. Prepare for a morning of playing with positive psychology and mindfulness activities. There is no judgment, and you will be given the space and time to fully immerse yourself in the session and to reap all the benefits to be had by prioritizing your self-care needs.

A happy mama or mama-to-be equates to a lot of happiness all round for your family and impending arrival. I’m a firm believer that when a baby arrives into the arms of a mom who acknowledges the importance of how they feel, rather than neglect self-care, they are already set to receive exactly the right kind of care and love that they need. To register Wechat: sianalynn.

Coaching and Coffee. RMB 100. 16 Aug. 11am – 1pm.  Moleskin, Sanlitun.

Photo: Pixabay

Welcome back to my Postpartum Weight Loss series. As I mentioned in my first post concerning my health and wellness journey post-pregnancy, I’m taking a different approach when it comes to cultivating a more positive body image and going about setting realistic goals for myself.

My Postpartum wellness challenge focuses on all the great benefits of leading a healthier lifestyle without the preoccupation with weight loss! Here are the final five steps to a more positive self and body image that doesn’t include counting the calories.

#1 Exercise!

Wait, what? I hear you say. This post is all about going beyond skin-deep beauty right? Exercise shouldn’t always be used as a means to an end to ditch the extra pounds you may have gained. Exercise can fight depression, fatigue, and disease. It can be used as a tool to connect mentally with your body and as downtime to reflect more intentionally about life. You don’t need to hit the gym for two hours. Go for a brisk walk, take a yoga class, do a workout session with your partner, or go for a light jog. Forget about weight loss. Focus your mind on how you feel and how you want to feel. Have fun and when you’re done, you’re done.

#2 Get some sleep

Sleep deprivation is linked to a number of issues related to stress, lethargy, and even over-eating. Sleep can actually help you to regulate different lifestyle patterns and leads to more proactive and productive days. Try and go to bed consistently at the same time every evening, preferably before 10pm. Do your best to get at least eight hours sleep and don’t forget to drink plenty of water.

#3 You are what you eat

Again, this is all about retraining your mind in regard to the way you look at nutrition. Eating well, just like exercise, should not be about weight loss, but overall health and wellness. Break it down into small decisions. Rather than grab that candy bar on the go, grab a piece of fruit. Try not to eat late or heavy meals after 5pm. Be consistent and have everything in moderation. Do not deprive yourself of the things you enjoy, but instead have less of what you love and more of what your body needs. Food is fuel and can also fight off disease and lethargy.

#4 Get moving with your little one

In the mornings before work Lux and I have a little dance-off. Well, he sits in his high chair while mommy performs. Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself and have fun moving with your children. Dance and sing together, go to the park and participate in an activity that gets your body moving without you even noticing or do a five-minute stretching activity in the mornings with the whole family. Make it part of your morning or weekend routine.

#5 Become a critical viewer of social media and messages

Approximately 91 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, although only 5 percent naturally possess the body type often portrayed in American and British media. Stop buying into the 100 percent fallacy that a normal woman weighs 90 pounds and has the chest size of a prepubescent boy. Daily we are being fed lies about how we should look, how much we should weigh, and what we should be buying and wearing. The average woman consumes five hours of advertisements a day that project images of women that reflect the body image reality of 2 percent of women. Take what you see as a pinch of salt. Look around you and see what real women look like and let that help shape your body perception, and not a multimillion-dollar industry that capitalizes on women’s insecurities.

Photos: Pixabay

Welcome to my Postpartum Weight Loss Series. Join me as I share my health and wellness journey with you all over the next few weeks. I will be dishing out tips, recipes, tools, and hopefully inspiration on how to develop a positive body image and find alternative ways to achieve maximum overall health.

Prescribed beauty standards for women can feel like a never-ending black hole that can consume our every waking moment. On average, women criticize themselves a staggering eight to thirteen times a day. That’s up to one negative thought for every hour. For some, thoughts such as, “You are fat”, “Your thighs are too big”, “You need to do something about that belly”, are fleeting but for many, this is a constant dialogue that we contend with on a daily basis.

Now add new motherhood to the mix. You’ve just gone through one of the most physically taxing experiences you will ever encounter. For some, the pregnancy journey has resulted in rapid physical changes and although the transformation that a women’s body goes through during pregnancy is directly connected to having the miraculous ability to birth, nurture, and care for our babies, we are often left with a new stream of consciousness that is preoccupied with postpartum weight loss!

I too have fallen into the proverbial trap that is seasonal dieting, fasting, and of course self-loathing. I am one of the 46 percent of British women that have negative thoughts about themselves at least once before 9.30am, but now is as good a time as any to throw a spanner into the perpetual cycle and start cultivating a positive self- image.

Forget about getting “bikini-ready” this summer and embrace the different but beautiful body that gave life to your little one. Instead of focusing on losing body weight, it’s time to shed the one huge weight that is the self-imposed burden of trying to achieve a post-birth celebrityesque six-month slim down.

First, let’s start with using the following five steps to a positive body image.

#1 Appreciate all that your body can do!

Yes! Your body gave life. You are amazing. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams and endeavors, and is the nurturing lifeline for your child. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body has done and will do. You can run, jump, dance, meditate, laugh with friends, or whatever floats your boat to signify that you appreciate your body.

#2 Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself

Write down ten things you like about yourself that are unrelated to how much you weigh or how you look. Purchase or craft a beautiful display card and read your list often. Place the card somewhere visible, for example on the door of your wardrobe, so every time you get dressed in the morning you have a reminder of how awesome you are.

#3 Reflect on “true beauty”

Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body. When you start working on renewing your mindset in regard to the way you think about beauty and self, you will start to cultivate a new way of looking and thinking about yourself. When you choose to feel good about yourself, you start to walk with confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful. It won’t go unnoticed and there is nothing more attractive than a self-assured and confident individual. True beauty is not simply skin-deep.

#4 Look at yourself as a whole person

You are a mother; you may be a wife or sister. You are a friend, a colleague. You have a talent or skill. You are so much more than specific body parts you wish to change. What have you achieved lately? Finished an academic program? Been promoted or trusted with a specific task at work? Supported a spouse or friend? Made someone laugh? Look in the mirror and embrace the whole you. See yourself, as you want others to see you – whole.

#5 Surround yourself with positive people

This is a must. It’s easier to feel good about yourself when you surround yourself with others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of embracing and liking yourself. Be around friends whom you don’t need to don a full face of makeup for, and who will help you tap into loving your naturally beautiful self.

Photos: Pixabay

“She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. “

Proverbs 3:25

Ever since giving birth to my first child, I have thought to myself that Beyoncé’s female anthem that hit the airwaves back in 2006 should have been asking all the single mothers to put their hands up! The iconic track would have been a perfect tribute to all the fabulous ladies out there, who are unapologetically and with great heart and strength, taking the bull by the horns, that is raising children single-handedly and doing a marvelous job!

The People’s Heart Foundation is a charity organization comprised solely of women who are single, married, or widowed. Being that this is the purposeful makeup of the organization, they know and understand the selflessness of what it is to take on the role as both mother and father and fearlessly raise a family.

These resilient, strong, and empowered women are the focus of a conference in Makoni Zimbabwe, where they can be showered with love and care for the day. They are the unsung heroes of our societies and the People at Heart Foundation want to spoil them and treat them like the queens that they are.  Beijing-based Chariots founder and representative of the foundation is hosting a charity dinner in aid of supporting the conference.

The first fifty women registered for the conference will be given a plush child-free night at a hotel and all attendees will be lavishly gifted with beauty and nail treatments, dinner, and opulent food hampers! The day will not only be about giving these women a day of rest and pampering but allow them to be part of a dialogue on the day where attendees can talk about shared experiences and explore ways in which their situations can be improved.

This is a wonderful charity to support and a great way to give back. You can join the charity dinner at Punjabi’s, where you are promised a night of great food, drink, and company. There will also be a raffle draw and an auction, where attendees are in for the chance to take beautiful artisan products home, such as body oils, jewelry, art, and African antiques. Get in touch to buy tickets, become a sponsor, or buy beautifully handcrafted jewelry from Chariots as a gesture of your support. All proceeds go to the People at Heart Foundation. Contact Wechat: TinaChariots for more information.

The charity has had a wonderful year so far and not only coordinate and finance initiatives such as this one but work tirelessly with underprivileged children. This year they successfully opened their own school and don’t intend to stop there. Join the cause now!

People at Heart Foundation Charity Dinner

 Adults. Jun 22. 7.00pm – 10:00pm RMB 120 (Raffle tickets RMB 50). Punjabi Restaurant, 1-30 Lucky Street, Chaoyang GongYuan Road, Chaoyang District. 北京市朝阳区朝阳公园西路，好运街1-30号

 Photos: www.punjabichina.com, Pixabay