Welcome back to my Postpartum Weight Loss series. I’ve been writing a lot about ways moms can focus less on slimming down in the first few months after giving birth and more on wellness, self-love, and setting realistic health goals. Most of what I introduced to you in my first and second posts I have been putting into practice, along with slowly introducing more activities in my life that get me moving. From going for walks with the little one strapped to me, to filling my belly with meals that have more nutritional value, I have found that big things happen when you make healthy small decisions.

Out and about in Sanlitun

Now, we mothers don’t need any excuse to get moving, for we are already constantly on the go. If you’re a stay-at-home-mom, your daily activities and responsibilities could take up this whole blog, and if you’re a working mom, it’s pretty much the same deal. It can be hard enough get some downtime when our little one finally decides to go down for their afternoon nap. When can we make time for ourselves to get going with our health and wellness goals?

Lux always naps better after one of our walks

I have been exercising daily. At 7am I’m in the gym and usually train for 90 minutes. This has been a long time coming, and it’s not something that new moms need to concern themselves with. Now that my little one is 10 months old I can be a little more vigorous with my exercise regime, and of course it helps to have an extra pair of hands, such as an ayi, to support introducing exercise back into your life. However, until then I have the perfect health and fitness remedy for women who are not only in the postpartum phase but also in the family-planning stages before pregnancy.

Camila was a chef and is now a certified nutritionist and Personal Trainer

I have teamed up with former chef, personal trainer, and nutritionist Camila, who is fully qualified to provide pre- and postnatal functional training. The kind of training she offers will be specific to the demands of birth and specific to the needs of the trimester, and recovery period. The tailor-made programs Camila offers will cover all elements of fitness to help you build a body that is strong yet supple and able to endure the strains of motherhood.

Pre- and Postnatal Functional Training can help with the following:

• Strengthening your back
• Correcting imbalances caused by pregnancy
• Returning your body to good overall fitness

Along with all these benefits, Camila can also offer nutritional guidance that you can use to work around a busy schedule, with husband, kids and work. Again, this is not about weight loss but about regaining a sense of self, positively connecting with your body again, and focusing on inner wellness, physical strength, and wholeness. All these in turn will produce the physical changes you may be after.

Remember that during pregnancy and birth, the tissues in the abdominal wall and pelvic floor undergo tremendous stretch and strain and the synergy between these two components needs to be regained before the body resumes regular physical activity. Restorative exercises will help retrain the core efficiently and restore your core to help with back pain, pelvic floor disfunction and also lingering pooch. Momma’s, you have already gone through a physical, emotional and mentally taxing life-changing event, take it back to basics no matter what level of fitness you had prior to your pregnancy. Take it slow, rebuild, and progress gradually.

In my first one-to-one class with Camila, I was shown the following isolated movements, which moms can practice in the first 1-4 weeks after birth:

• Core Breath

Core breath can start 1-2 days after delivering your baby. Try and start with it once a day for three to five minutes. Lay on your back or alternatively you can use a stability ball or lay on your side if you need extra support. Place your hands on your rib cage and fill your diaphragm with air. Through pursed lips, you’re going to exhale and try and engage with both your core and your pelvic floor. As you breath out for one or two counts, bring your belly button towards your ribs and your perineum towards the crown of your head. Relax. Repeat. Do as many reps as you can do without breaking form. To engage with your pelvic floor, Camila advised me to imagine trying to pick up a blueberry with my vagina. Now this may sound hilarious but it is the best method to use in order to try and isolate the movement needed to get the best out of this exercise.

• Glutes Bridge

You can begin trying out the Glutes Bridge during the second week after giving birth. You can practice this exercise once a day for three to five minutes along with the Core Breath routine. Lay on your back and raise your knees; shins should be vertical and your feet should be hip-width-apart. Rest your hands on the side and inhale and expand your ribcage. As you exhale, you are going to push the floor away and raise your hips, squeezing your pelvic floor, as you engage your core and bottom. As your lower your hips, inhale and repeat. Again you can do as many reps as you can without breaking form. To make the exercise more challenging you can place a small cushion between your knees. As you raise and lower your hips, you must squeeze your pelvic floor, core, and the cushion.

• Clams

You can introduce the Clam at the three week mark after delivering your baby and practice this along with the other two exercises once or every other day. Lay on your side, support your head with you arm and slightly bend both knees towards your chest. This exercise engages all the muscles around your lateral glutes as well as your core and pelvic floor. Keep your feet together and inhale to expand your ribcage. As you exhale raise your knee like a clam engage your core and as you exhale tighten your pelvis and bring your leg back down to join with the other. Do as many reps as you can without breaking form.

• Laying Bent Leg-Raise

You can introduce the Laying Bent Leg-Raise in week four after delivering your baby and again introduce the practice of this exercise along with the previous routines. Position yourself in the same way you would if you were about to do the Clam. This time instead of keeping you ankles locked together as your raise your knee, you are going to raise your whole leg. Expand your ribcage again when breathing in and engage your core and pelvic floor as your exhale and bring your leg down. Repeat as many times as you can without breaking form.

Next time Camila will be showing me what us moms can do during the 4-8 week postpartum period, and then we will be taking it up a notch with a nutritional food plan and a more rigorous exercise program. Stay tuned for tips, guides, and videos! We would love to receive your comments, and you can get in touch with Camila to find out how she can help you with your prenatal and postpartum goals! Wechat: camilabetin83

Photos: courtesy of Camila, Nicole Bonnah

Welcome back to my Postpartum Weight Loss series. As I mentioned in my first post concerning my health and wellness journey post-pregnancy, I’m taking a different approach when it comes to cultivating a more positive body image and going about setting realistic goals for myself.

My Postpartum wellness challenge focuses on all the great benefits of leading a healthier lifestyle without the preoccupation with weight loss! Here are the final five steps to a more positive self and body image that doesn’t include counting the calories.

#1 Exercise!

Wait, what? I hear you say. This post is all about going beyond skin-deep beauty right? Exercise shouldn’t always be used as a means to an end to ditch the extra pounds you may have gained. Exercise can fight depression, fatigue, and disease. It can be used as a tool to connect mentally with your body and as downtime to reflect more intentionally about life. You don’t need to hit the gym for two hours. Go for a brisk walk, take a yoga class, do a workout session with your partner, or go for a light jog. Forget about weight loss. Focus your mind on how you feel and how you want to feel. Have fun and when you’re done, you’re done.

#2 Get some sleep

Sleep deprivation is linked to a number of issues related to stress, lethargy, and even over-eating. Sleep can actually help you to regulate different lifestyle patterns and leads to more proactive and productive days. Try and go to bed consistently at the same time every evening, preferably before 10pm. Do your best to get at least eight hours sleep and don’t forget to drink plenty of water.

#3 You are what you eat

Again, this is all about retraining your mind in regard to the way you look at nutrition. Eating well, just like exercise, should not be about weight loss, but overall health and wellness. Break it down into small decisions. Rather than grab that candy bar on the go, grab a piece of fruit. Try not to eat late or heavy meals after 5pm. Be consistent and have everything in moderation. Do not deprive yourself of the things you enjoy, but instead have less of what you love and more of what your body needs. Food is fuel and can also fight off disease and lethargy.

#4 Get moving with your little one

In the mornings before work Lux and I have a little dance-off. Well, he sits in his high chair while mommy performs. Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself and have fun moving with your children. Dance and sing together, go to the park and participate in an activity that gets your body moving without you even noticing or do a five-minute stretching activity in the mornings with the whole family. Make it part of your morning or weekend routine.

#5 Become a critical viewer of social media and messages

Approximately 91 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, although only 5 percent naturally possess the body type often portrayed in American and British media. Stop buying into the 100 percent fallacy that a normal woman weighs 90 pounds and has the chest size of a prepubescent boy. Daily we are being fed lies about how we should look, how much we should weigh, and what we should be buying and wearing. The average woman consumes five hours of advertisements a day that project images of women that reflect the body image reality of 2 percent of women. Take what you see as a pinch of salt. Look around you and see what real women look like and let that help shape your body perception, and not a multimillion-dollar industry that capitalizes on women’s insecurities.

Photos: Pixabay

Welcome to my Postpartum Weight Loss Series. Join me as I share my health and wellness journey with you all over the next few weeks. I will be dishing out tips, recipes, tools, and hopefully inspiration on how to develop a positive body image and find alternative ways to achieve maximum overall health.

Prescribed beauty standards for women can feel like a never-ending black hole that can consume our every waking moment. On average, women criticize themselves a staggering eight to thirteen times a day. That’s up to one negative thought for every hour. For some, thoughts such as, “You are fat”, “Your thighs are too big”, “You need to do something about that belly”, are fleeting but for many, this is a constant dialogue that we contend with on a daily basis.

Now add new motherhood to the mix. You’ve just gone through one of the most physically taxing experiences you will ever encounter. For some, the pregnancy journey has resulted in rapid physical changes and although the transformation that a women’s body goes through during pregnancy is directly connected to having the miraculous ability to birth, nurture, and care for our babies, we are often left with a new stream of consciousness that is preoccupied with postpartum weight loss!

I too have fallen into the proverbial trap that is seasonal dieting, fasting, and of course self-loathing. I am one of the 46 percent of British women that have negative thoughts about themselves at least once before 9.30am, but now is as good a time as any to throw a spanner into the perpetual cycle and start cultivating a positive self- image.

Forget about getting “bikini-ready” this summer and embrace the different but beautiful body that gave life to your little one. Instead of focusing on losing body weight, it’s time to shed the one huge weight that is the self-imposed burden of trying to achieve a post-birth celebrityesque six-month slim down.

First, let’s start with using the following five steps to a positive body image.

#1 Appreciate all that your body can do!

Yes! Your body gave life. You are amazing. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams and endeavors, and is the nurturing lifeline for your child. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body has done and will do. You can run, jump, dance, meditate, laugh with friends, or whatever floats your boat to signify that you appreciate your body.

#2 Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself

Write down ten things you like about yourself that are unrelated to how much you weigh or how you look. Purchase or craft a beautiful display card and read your list often. Place the card somewhere visible, for example on the door of your wardrobe, so every time you get dressed in the morning you have a reminder of how awesome you are.

#3 Reflect on “true beauty”

Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body. When you start working on renewing your mindset in regard to the way you think about beauty and self, you will start to cultivate a new way of looking and thinking about yourself. When you choose to feel good about yourself, you start to walk with confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful. It won’t go unnoticed and there is nothing more attractive than a self-assured and confident individual. True beauty is not simply skin-deep.

#4 Look at yourself as a whole person

You are a mother; you may be a wife or sister. You are a friend, a colleague. You have a talent or skill. You are so much more than specific body parts you wish to change. What have you achieved lately? Finished an academic program? Been promoted or trusted with a specific task at work? Supported a spouse or friend? Made someone laugh? Look in the mirror and embrace the whole you. See yourself, as you want others to see you – whole.

#5 Surround yourself with positive people

This is a must. It’s easier to feel good about yourself when you surround yourself with others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of embracing and liking yourself. Be around friends whom you don’t need to don a full face of makeup for, and who will help you tap into loving your naturally beautiful self.

Photos: Pixabay

Do you have an upcoming family-friendly event that you want to be included in our listings? Maximize the reach of your event and promote it on beijingkids’ social platforms!

Let us know by leaving your message in the comments section below or by emailing us at webeditor@beijing-kids.com. Follow us on WeChat (ID: beijing-kids) or join our family events WeChat group by sending us your WeChat QR code. Please note that readers should confirm with each organizer if events are canceled or scheduled as planned. For more events that may not be included in this list, please check our Events page. 

Pamper Your Mother!

First Adventure’s Mother’s Day Candle Workshop, May 11
Become a chandler (candle maker) for the day and design your own scented eco-friendly candles with Sally from Beanmade Candles and Rebecca from First Adventure. This is a fun, creative, and educational activity for you and your child on Mother’s Day. All ages. RMB 398 (1 child/1 parent pair), RMB 528 (2 children/1 parent). 9.30-11am. Upper East Side, East Fourth Ring Road C1-1-58.

Making Memories at Chapter This Mothers’ Day, May 12
Our moms deserve to be celebrated! Bring the family together and spoil all the mothers in your life this Mothers’ Day at Chapter. Indulge in a variety of delicious starters followed by a huge selection of all her favorites and enjoy free flow wine, beer, and soft drinks. Each mom will receive a special cocktail and a lovely dessert to take home. All ages. RMB 328 per person. Noon-2.30pm. Chapter.

Mom’s Day Off at Kempinski Hotel Beijing, May 12
If you’re wondering what to give your special mom, head to Kempinski Hotel Beijing on Mother’s Day.  Show your adoration with Kempi Deli heart-shaped sweets, cakes, like the best-selling favorite strawberry cheesecake, and more. Or let the mothers in your life know you appreciate them while the kids play at Via Roma’s Little Italy Sunday lunch buffet play zone. All ages. Prices vary for the Kempi Deli sweets. RMB 288 special buffet price for mothers. 7am-11.30pm. Kempinski Hotel Beijing Lufthansa Center.

Celebrate Mother’s Day at BActive, May 12
A mother’s body undergoes changes when she becomes pregnant. This leads to changes in posture that remain if no strong postpartum correction or external postnatal postural intervention is done. With the correct exercise method, the issue can be rectified. BActive will show moms how it’s done at this special class on post-natal exercise. The class with a group lunch at TRIBE restaurant, with discounted prices for mothers. Adults. Free. 11am-6pm. BActive, Building 6, Sanlitun Soho.

Mother’s Day High Tea, May 12
Appreciate Africa Network’s (AAN) Mother’s Day High Tea and Mom Awards celebrate single moms at their finest. Come join AAN for an elegant high tea and fun-filled inspirational event. Adults. 2-6pm. 16 Liangmahe Road. (RSVP: 151 0151 7496)

Events This Week

Raffles Medicafe Mental Health Seminar: Saying No, May 8
How many times in your life did you say yes and regretted it immediately? And how many times were there when you didn’t say no, although you wanted to? Clinical psychologist Birgit Mathon conducts a mental health seminar to help you say “no” during the important moments of your life. You will also learn how to express your feelings, to decline without rejecting others, and to be self-confident to stand by your decisions. Adults. RMB 300. 11am-1.30pm. Raffles Medical Beijing Clinic.

YCIS Beijing May Open Day: Early Childhood Education, May 9
Yew Chung International School of Beijing (YCIS Beijing) is holding an open school day in May. Visit their downtown campus, located by the beautiful Honglingjin Park, on May 9 for their Primary and Secondary Open Day to learn more about the exciting learning taking place every day in their Learning Communities. All ages. Free. 9-11am. YCIS Beijing. (8585 1859, info@bj.ycef.com)

Study in the US: Succeeding in US College Applications, May 9
Are you planning on studying in the US? Learn how to build a resume that will give you the best shot at getting into the school you want. Get help with picking your extracurriculars, and then learn how to do research on schools and find the one that’s best for you. Ages 16+. RMB 550. Visit this page to register or for more info. 1-4.30pm. The American Chamber of Commerce, 6/F, Tower AB, The Office Park, 10 Jintongxi Lu, Chaoyang District.

Mentor Walks, May 10
The Australian Chamber of Commerce brings back Mentor Walks, a morning event designed to connect established and emerging women business leaders in a low-pressure environment. Join women from a variety of backgrounds and industries and become a mentor, or get career advice from someone who’s been there. Adults. RMB 50. Buy tickets here. 7.45-9am. Ritan Park.

Save Your Sanity: How to Find Peace as a Teacher or Parent, May 11
Are you a frustrated new teacher? Or are you a new parent wanting to learn parenting techniques? Or a veteran educator not understanding today’s students? Join Deborah Jones, a veteran teacher with over 30 years’ experience, in this positive discipline workshop, aimed at helping you learn and practice positive behavior techniques to become a stress-free teacher or parent. Adults. RMB 70 (includes a drink). Book a seat here. 3.30pm. The Bookworm.

DCB Founder’s Day 2019 Celebrating 400 Years of Dulwich, May 11
Founder’s Day is the biggest annual event at Dulwich College Beijing (DCB). This year, DCB will be highlighting the 400th anniversary of their founding school in London, Dulwich College. The day will feature family-friendly activities, live music entertainment involving hundreds of students, and the famous International Food Festival with stalls run by DCB parents. All ages. Free. 3-9pm. Dulwich College Beijing. (6454 9033, harmony.liaumueller@dulwich-beijing.cn)

YCIS Beijing Global Community Day, May 11
YCIS Beijing invites everyone to their annual Global Community Day (GCD), a school fair celebrating global citizenship and cultural diversity. Lots of fun activities, beautiful performances, great food, and artistic demonstrations will be on offer, as well as a new ‘wellness’ component for visitors to explore. This event is open to the public and admission is free. All ages. Free. 11am-3pm. YCIS Beijing.

Sweet Home: The Fangcaodi International School Spring Fair, May 11
Fangcaodi International School celebrates its 10th spring fair this year with a theme of “Sweet Home.” It’s set to be Fangcaodi’s biggest fair yet, with 120 stalls from nearly 60 countries, all giving visitors a chance to experience world culture through various activities and international cuisine for everyone. All ages. Free. 10am-3pm. Fangcaodi International School Ritan Campus.

Deepen Your Relationships: Workshops for Couples and Families, May 11
Professional coaches Virginie Mangin and Eike Westerholt lead this workshop on dealing with challenges in relationships. Participants will be able to explore the concrete tools for effective communication, conflict resolution, and addressing needs in a non-assertive way. Adults. RMB 350 per session. 10am-12.30pm. The Bookworm. (eike@eikewesterholt.com, info@beyondcoaching.me)

Mission to Mars: The American Ball 2019, May 11
The American Ball this year is out of this world! This space-themed event features AmCham China’s famous silent and live auction, dinner at the Tatooine Cantina, and an out-of-this-world dance floor. Proceeds from the ball benefit the charity Educating Girls of Rural China. Adults. RMB 1,550. From 5.30pm. China World Summit Wing Hotel.

Art Workshop at Song Art Museum, May 11-25
Atelier will present English-language art workshops accompanying the exhibition of Louise Bourgeois at the Song Art Museum, surrounded by the ancient dancing pine trees. It is a full-day art workshop designed for students aged 8 and above. The class will focus on the theme of sewing in Louise Bourgeois’ corpus. The Eternal Thread, which is the theme of the exhibition, will be taken as a metaphor for the students to develop their own story thread, from the ideas suggested by the artworks. The teacher will show six artworks, of various scale and materials but all revolving around this theme. Ages 8+. RMB 675 (Atelier students), RMB 750 (regular price). 10am-3pm. Song Art Museum. (6416 1614, www.atelier.cn.com)

BSB Shunyi Early Years Open Day, May 13
The British School of Beijing, Shunyi (BSB Shunyi) invites prospective parents to see the school in action and how they provide their students with an environment that enables them to thrive and progress and to be happy in their first school experience following the English National Curriculum. Talk to teachers and visit the school’s Early Years area and other facilities. Note that this event is open to prospective parents only, so only foreign passport holders, please. All ages. Free. 9-11am. BSB, Shunyi. (8047 3558, admissions@bsbshunyi.com)

Photos: Courtesy of Chapter (featured image) and event organizers

The reality of the emotional roller coaster associated with pregnancy is of course widely researched and accepted as part of the joys and challenges of impending motherhood. From sleepless nights worrying about the health of their babies, to dealing with uncertainties related to the changes in their bodies, to the angst some might feel about becoming mothers, the stream of consciousness that can berate women from all backgrounds can seem endless.

It turns out that the emotional changes associated with pregnancy are largely neurological.  A lot of course changes, but for new mothers in particular some of the starkest differences are also the most intimate and life reorienting. Even before giving birth, pregnancy begins to transform the very structure of a woman’s brain. Behavioral changes in new mothers have definitively been connected to what is happening in her amygdala, prefrontal cortex, parietal lobes, midbrain and elsewhere.

Regions that control a woman’s social exchanges, anxiety, empathy and compassion all begin to increase in activity. Offset by a number of hormones that begin to shape the perceived and lived new worlds women begin to exist in during pregnancy and the postpartum period, all coincide to create that fierce bond between mother and child. If you want to witness science fiction’s take on how distinct and powerful a mother and baby bond is, check out A Quiet Place, and see the limitless tenacity of a mother in an apocalyptic world.

However, it’s not just the seemingly unbreakable bond between mother and child that is fostered during this period of heightened brain activity and transformation; a woman’s emotional responses to the world around them is also forever changed. I just can’t stop weeping. I weep when watching commercials, I weep when watching the news, I weep when watching one of those atrociously over-stylized “talent” shows, and the other day I caught myself welling up when watching an overwhelmed contestant on the British Master Chef receive good feedback!

This, apparently (and thankfully), is all very normal and I’m not alone. The almond-shaped neuron cluster known as the amygdala, which supports memory processes and is the main driver for emotional reactions, such as fear, sadness, anxiety, and happiness, increases in activity and the amygdala grows quite substantially in the weeks and months after giving birth. This expertly explains why I have become the emotional glug of goo that stands before my child, husband, family and friends. Researchers believe that this growth correlates with how a new mother behaves – an enhanced amygdala can make a new mother hypersensitive. Phew! I’m not going stir crazy and neither are you.

Remember that there are also other reasons why new mothers cry. Complete elation is of course one of them, but sleep deprivation, feeding issues, sleep training issues and hormonal imbalances that can lead to postpartum depression can also co-exist alongside the more positive attributes of increased hypersensitivity.

New and seasoned mothers slay even when they think they’re not. Perfectly sane mothers weep, rejoice and feel anxiety. We give birth to life, nurture, and love, affirm and deeply surrender ourselves to the little people in our lives. There is no love or sacrifice like that of mothers. Yes, motherhood does make you more emotional and we should embrace this season of emotional highs and lows, which for some can last longer than others.

My compassion and empathy for others has become heightened and I also grieve for losses and pains that an individual who has no connection to me might be experiencing, but perhaps these emotional reactions have created a hybrid sense of self. In this unknown territory and season I can grow as a person and so can other new mothers. Weeping at the drop of hat? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Photo: Pixabay

Angela Kalberg has accomplished the biggest achievement that’s humanly possible; she gave birth four months ago. She had the ultimate work-out experience when her son Aiden made his first appearance. The new family of three is a sporty bunch with John Kalberg, Angela’s husband, working as a basketball coach in China and Angela loves to play tennis.

 With this Indulge column, we gave her a day to relax for one of the first times in the past four months. Angela has the dreaded problem that many new mothers face, losing their luscious locks after birth. The salon manager Tania Ocloo from Laurent Falcon Hair Salon, located in Sanlitun had the perfect solution. Ocloo cut some bangs and many layers to frame Kalberg’s face, then added some sunlight balayage hair color to give the illusion of a thicker head of hair. Ocloo did a superb job when doing Kalberg’s hair, with the more she cut off the fuller Angela’s hair began to look.

We added some edgy fall fashion from Style Butler. Style Butler is a unique and exclusive clothing brand, creating beautiful trendy collections. Currently, this European brand is expanding all over Asia and has been a frequent attendee to pop up shops and bazaars around Beijing.

What better way to accompany these trendy pieces than with the jewelry of Antonia Sampson. Sampson is from the UK and has lived in Beijing since 2001. She juggles four kids in four different schools and maintains her sanity through pursuing her passion and joy in creating, sourcing, and designing jewelry. Her pieces are elegant and understated and work perfectly with Kalberg’s foxy outfits.

We topped off the makeover with Valeria Romanova, a very busy and sought after make-up artist in Beijing and she truly made Kalberg feel extra special with the addition of a smoky eyeshadow and some glossy lips. As you can see from the photos, she looked stunning.

All in all, we along with Kalberg were ecstatic with the results and hope that she returned back to her new little family feeling refreshed and beautiful. It comes with the territory of having your first child that your body undergoes a lot of changes. It is essential during this time to give yourself a little postpartum pampering to get you back in the groove back after experiencing one of life’s greatest and most rewarding challenges.

Photos: Uni You

This article appeared on p14-15 beijingkids November 2017 issue.
Download your copy here.

When I gave birth to my daughter over 3 years ago, I ordered a sling as soon as we got home. I felt like I needed to keep her close to me, and a sling helped me with that. I had a primal instinct to keep her close to my body, and would not let anybody touch her but the midwife and my husband.

The sling provided her a safe space that I mentally needed to feel less out of control as a new mother. Later we moved on to a stretchy wrap that helped us with bonding, and provided another safe space for me and my daughter. I suffered from severe postpartum depression and wearing my daughter was one of the things that helped me get through these trying times. Baby wearing is a centuries old practice of wearing or carrying your baby in a sling or another carrier.

A few benefits of baby wearing:

• Bonding with your child;
• Convenient since you have free hands to do other things;
• A safe place for your child and the parent; and
• Communication between parent and child.

I was surprised to find mothers all over the world having the same feelings about child and baby rearing. It is always an inspiration when I find mothers who invest their time into helping other mothers through difficult times, especially before and after giving birth.

One of these women in Beijing is Alessia Chizzoniti, a mother of three children who were all born in Beijing. Chizzoniti is a birth doula, postpartum doula, and baby wearing coach. She also creates slings that are not just fabric but are also pieces of happiness, helping parents and children stay connected. Her company, Baobaole, does not only stand for “carrying a baby” but is a never-ending journey from pregnancy throughout life as a parent. Browsing through her website makes me believe that a special birth and postpartum period is possible.

For more information about Chizzoniti and her work please visit her new website at www.baobaolebeyond.com

Pauline van Hasselt has been working for beijingkids since October 2016. Born in Wassenaar, The Netherlands, she moved with her husband and her 3 year-old daughter to Beijing in June of last year. Prior she lived in the Netherlands, Belgium, Paraguay, Texas, and London, studying and working as a chef. Pauline enjoys biking around Beijing, finding markets and new restaurants, reading crime and fantasy books in bed, and most importantly, turning her house into a home for her family.

Photos by  Alessia Chizzoniti & Pauline van Hasselt

House of Knowledge International School and Kindergarten (HoK) is offering postpartum exercise classes for mums who’d like to get back into physical exercise after giving birth.

Classes are each week on Tuesdays, from 9-10am, and are RMB 100 per class. They’re taught by Mariela Loss, a certified midwife (pictured above). A citizen of Chile, she spent 30 years in Germany before moving to Beijing two years ago.

Loss studied for five years at the University of Santiago in Chile, becoming a certified midwife. While working in Chile she supported over 900 women during natural births and almost 100 women during C-section delivery. During her time in Germany she concentrated on prenatal preparation, puerperal care, and postnatal care and gymnastics.

Loss’s exercises classes have between five and eight participants, with time for individual attention and group activities. She recommends that moms wait to join the classes until four to six weeks after a natural birth or eight weeks after a C-section delivery.

Loss aims to offer a balance of physical and mental training in her classes, adjusting for the condition of participating mothers. Her target is to help moms strengthen their bodies after birth, regain health, overcome stress, and regain self-confidence. The exercises taught can be continued alone at home. Most exercises covered don’t require special equipment tools. The group will also discuss breast-feeding, baby’s health, healthy nutrition, and family-issues.

Non-crawling babies under six months can be brought to the classes.

Photos: Courtesy of HoK and Mariela Loss

My partner, Guo Jian, has been priming me for the “moon month” or zuo yuezi (坐月子).

When my in-laws were here a couple of weeks ago (the precursor to their more permanent visit before the baby’s arrival) and we were downstairs helping to unload the car, a perfect stranger noticed my advanced pregnant shape, the presence of parental figures and Guo Jian and I helping them with their things. This stranger very confidently turned to Guo Jian and half-asked and half-stated, “Your parents have come to help you through the moon month?” To this woman, there could be nothing more obvious. Guo Jian just smiled and nodded. His parents glowed with pride.

In Chinese culture, the moon month, also translated as “sitting out the month,” “lying in” or “confinement in childbirth,” is a month-long sojourn in the home for postpartum women. It means that following childbirth, the mother and child are to remain indoors, mostly horizontal on the bed, well insulated and fully catered to by extended family. All cooking and cleaning is provided while the new mother’s exclusive job is to bond with the infant, breastfeed and recover from the trauma of childbirth.

In China, a portion of the service industry is specifically designed to uphold this tradition – a person can hire a live-in maid/attendant who will cook, clean and provide breastfeeding instruction and/or infant care for the first thirty days after childbirth. It’s expensive (between CAD 1,000 and CAD 1,500) but a thriving industry in China. It’s specifically for those whose families are too far away to offer the service directly.

Sounds great, right?

Well, part of this tradition requires that women not bathe during the moon month. Some tell me that this is due to the fear of illness or disease, especially back in the days when there was fear regarding water-borne pathogens. I’ve heard others say that it’s also about preserving a mother’s scent and the infant’s connection to that scent – a connection that is especially important in the first month of life.

A whole month of not bathing? I’m not sure I can do it. I’m not sure I want to! No, it’s…not going to happen…ick!

The chance to rest, though, sounds appealing. I’m happy to lie around with the baby, recovering, not worrying about cooking and cleaning. I may go a bit stir crazy, but perhaps I’ll be too tired to notice? Perhaps it will pass by quicker than I ever imagined?

Guo Jian’s mother has prepared time off work to provide these services to us. I’m relieved that no one is insisting we have a stranger come into the house just to argue with me and my Western ways, try to cook me meat-based soups (part of the moon month traditional cuisine) and generally create an awkward, unknown presence. His mother at least knows me well enough to know that all food must be vegetarian! And, since it’s important to them that I carry out this tradition, I certainly can’t deny them the right to render the service.

And funny enough, when I expressed some misgivings about the tradition, my father-in-law told me that I certainly can bathe, I don’t have to remain in bed 24/7, and I can even go out a bit with the baby, as long as it’s not far or strenuous exercise. A short walk, for instance.

When I later conveyed this to my partner, he said, “My father doesn’t understand. He was raised in a time when all traditional culture was rejected. He doesn’t get it.”

In fact, Guo Jian claims there is evidence that if a woman does not honor the full moon month, she will be more susceptible to disease and illness later in life. When he makes these comments, his entire community (including our very wise tai chi teacher) nods in agreement, a huge cultural backdrop staged ominously all around me. “How can you argue with 5,000 years of history?” their eyes ask. “And why would you put yourself at risk now that a child will depend on you?” I shrink at the collective potency.

My modern, dreadlocked, musician partner is showing me his traditional, conservative side.

Well, Enter My Culture

My parents are scheduled to arrive in late January for nearly a month, with part of the time spent with me, in our home. It coincides with an important two-week tour to New Zealand that Guo Jian is taking with his band. The tour’s timing was infuriating and so discouraging, given that the baby will have just arrived. But my parents scheduled their visit to overlap with his absence, which made me feel better and less panicked. At least I won’t be alone with just my in-laws and the baby! I already know that I’ll really want my own mother nearby when Little Spark is so tiny.

When they arrive, however, considering that the baby will hopefully have been born a few weeks before, I don’t want to be holed up in bed, unwashed and kept back from hosting them. I can smell a conflict coming! Perhaps the first week can be low key, but afterwards, I’m going to want some movement, freedom with my parents, motherly advice in English, a few dinners out…generally some respite from the confinement.

But if the baby is delivered later than the due date, as the hospital predicts, I am gearing myself up for some conflict regarding the moon month. Guo Jian’s absence will quite possibly be my release from the jailer but that doesn’t necessarily get me off the hook with my in-laws. Let’s hope they are indeed more lenient than Guo Jian and do not suddenly descend into absolutism. As long as my mother-in-law isn’t here with my parents, it will all work out fine. Yikes!

I had to talk my mother-in-law out of managing all the cooking and hosting while my parents are here! For her, it goes without saying that it will be them hosting my parents, even if my mom and dad are staying in our home, not theirs. After all, they are the same generation. She was actually planning to show up every day to cook each meal, clean up after them and do their laundry. Can you imagine?!

After some careful wagering of tactics, I explained to my mother-in-law that my parents want to help me recover from childbirth too. I explained that they really like the moon month tradition and want to help me honor it. I added that I’d hate to have two powerful mothers competing to cook and clean for us.

(Am I a terrible, manipulative person?)

She immediately agreed to give space to my mother when she’s here and was so happy to hear that they intend to take care of me.

No. Small. Victory.

The truth is that my parents are Western and, like Western people everywhere, they will arrive in my home as helpful parents, but still as our guests. They know about the moon month but, unless they read this blog, they don’t really understand it. Our apartment won’t become their space, even temporarily, and I have no expectation for that. I’ll want to be up and making food, etc. My mother isn’t intending to come here to clean and reorganize my house or cook every meal for me. Like all Western families, we’ll likely share in the cooking, order pizza and make sandwiches. I can’t be confined to the moon month bed while they’re here because having them wait on me would just be too weird.

Anyway, it’s all an adventure, right? The moon month will be impossible for me to fully honor, but a partial acknowledgement of its cultural importance while also recognizing what’s important to me, culturally (like bathing!), is part of the dance that makes this intercultural partnership the production that it is. I can definitely take it easy and do lots of resting. I can also host my parents. It’s all possible without stress.

As I experienced when we got married in 2009, the collision of parents will once again be both comical and exhausting. Eventually, maybe they’ll learn to communicate with each other without me as the conduit, but until then, I also have the translator’s golden tools in place: adjustment, omission, editing, selective listening and re-contextualizing as I did with the moon month. Maybe in all family situations this is common, but in cross-cultural families where two different languages and customs are featured, this may be the golden key to harmony!

And I hold it.

(Wish me luck because I’m going to need it!)

Ember Swift is a Canadian musician, songwriter, and founder of the independent label Few’ll Ignite Sound. Now based in Beijing, she recently became the proud new mother of a baby girl. Read more of her writing at her official website.