“There is no way to talk about the Race problem and tell the truth, and make logical suggestions based on the truth, without White People being offended, and without Non-White people being embarrassed.” – Neely Fuller Jr.

I wasn’t sure how to begin this piece on racism in international education, bilingual schools, English training centers, and the likes here in China. But when asked to share my thoughts, I began reflecting on what I’ve witnessed over the past several years.

Let me first define racism so that my audience clearly understands the context and weight of the observations I’m about to share. I’m using Neely Fuller Jr.’s definition, which encapsulates a systemic, global form of racism. He defines racism as:

“One or more white people using deceit, direct violence, or the threat of violence to promote falsehood, non-justice, and/or incorrectness against non-white people on the basis of color, in order to satisfy white people, in every area of people activity – including economics, education, entertainment, labor, law, politics, religion, sex and war.”

This form of racism knows no borders. Its influence travels through people, media, and information, shaping how individuals see themselves and others. It conditions behavior, spreads confusion, and controls perception, and China is no exception.

So, based on that definition, I do not believe the Chinese are racist in the same way. However, what I have observed is that some have adopted the qualities and behaviors modeled by those who historically used racism as a tool of power and control. These learned behaviors – favoring whiteness, excluding others based on skin tone, or internalizing racial hierarchies – cause harm to the greater human community, even if they are not rooted in the same structure of global dominance.

I was shocked the first time I saw job postings that openly stated “White female preferred” or “Only applicants from the U.S., Canada, or U.K. – white applicants only.” These weren’t isolated cases. They circulate frequently in WeChat job groups and read like echoes from 1960s America.

Why do we see these job postings?

Many Chinese parents, often unknowingly, have internalized the idea that “white is right.” That whiteness equals excellence, refinement, and in the case of English education, authenticity. Schools, in turn, feel the pressure to market themselves with this illusion. They staff white foreigners to meet parent expectations, filling brochures, websites, and social media posts with light-colored faces.

But what gets lost in this process? Qualified non-white candidates.

I know of a highly qualified Black educator with years of experience, teaching and leadership certifications, and a record of success in international schools. When a leadership role opened at his school, he wasn’t even granted an interview. Instead, the job was given to a white female with less experience, no leadership background, and no completed certifications at the time.

This wasn’t an exception – it’s part of a pattern.

Now, I’m not saying that all light-skinned educators are unqualified. The point I’m making is that often, qualified Black educators are passed up based on skin color. How often do we see Black professionals in leadership roles in international schools in China? Rarely. So we must ask: Are leadership roles factoring in skin color rather than relying solely on competence? If so, then parents are being sold an image.

This isn’t just about hiring preferences. It’s about systemic exclusion and a lack of representation. When leadership remains overwhelmingly white or Chinese, it reinforces a limited set of perspectives. In some cases, decisions may be shaped less by qualifications and more by racial comfort zones.

If you’ve read my previous work, you know I don’t just talk problems – I propose solutions. Racism, like all social issues, requires collective action from school leaders, teachers, parents, and the community.

Here are a few steps we can take:

1. Host Cultural Awareness and Anti-Bias Workshops
   Help staff, school leaders, and parents understand how racial bias – both conscious and unconscious – shows up in hiring, evaluation, and daily interactions. Challenge the myth that English ability is tied to skin color.
2. Audit Hiring Practices for Equity
   Schools should regularly review their recruitment and promotion processes. Are hiring decisions made based on credentials and performance – or on optics and assumptions? Diverse hiring panels and anonymized CV reviews can help reduce bias.
3. Promote Diverse Role Models in Marketing and Public Events
   Representation matters. Schools must ensure that qualified staff of all racial backgrounds are visible in promotional materials, on stage at events, and in leadership positions. This normalizes diversity and helps shift parent perceptions.
4. Empower BIPOC Educators With Clear Growth Pathways
   Establish mentorship programs, leadership training, and internal pipelines that help talented non-white educators move into leadership roles. Sponsorship, not just mentorship, is key.
5. Create Space for Uncomfortable but Necessary Conversations
   School leaders should facilitate open dialogue on race, equity, and inclusion. These conversations won’t always be easy – but they are essential to building a truly inclusive school culture.

Racism in education will not dissolve through silence or neutrality. It will take courage to name it, address it and actively dismantle its influence.

If schools truly believe in global citizenship, diversity and inclusion, they must first look inward and confront the racial inequities within their own walls.

Check out Malcolm Solomon’s bilingual book Choosing the Best International School for Your Child, where he dives into the world of international education in China and how to find the school that’s the perfect fit for your child.

Images: Malcolm Solomon, Freepik

The night before my flight to Beijing, my mother sat me down and we had a very serious one-sided conversation with her talking and me listening. Even though I was an adult, she felt the need to remind me of the golden rules for survival she drilled into me when I was a child. She reminded me that I was going to a foreign country where, as a black man, not everyone would be too pleased to see me. She reminded me that racism is real and that people like me die daily for just being who they are. She reminded me to toe the line, to never assume that anyone was on my side, to always have my own back, and to always watch out for trouble.

On a recent call with Geena Asiedu, an African American mom of three and an attorney based in Beijing, in the wake of George Floyd’s murder and subsequent global protests, I was reminded of that conversation with my mother. Truth be told, what my mother told me is far from the exception, but the rule for black parents to their black children. At some point in time or another, all-black parents are faced with the daunting task of having ‘the talk’ with their children, because their survival might well depend on it.

“Societal pressures faced by people of color around the world have been pushed to the fore.”

George Floyd’s murder in the states has served as a global catalyst for a movement against systemic racism and police brutality. Societal pressures faced by people of color around the world have been pushed to the fore. Black people the world over are coming out, sharing their experiences on social media platforms, and demanding change. People of color from countries like America have even chosen to move abroad, seeking respite from racial turmoil in their country, and countries like Ghana, Nigeria, and even China have become popular destinations for those wishing to escape prejudice and violence on account of their race. This is one of the reasons why Asiedu and her family decided to move to China ten years ago, as she wished to expose her daughters to a more international upbringing, with a plurality of cultures and races. But even Asiedu admits that the America her daughters might return to could be a far cry from their international upbringing in Beijing.

Asiedu has had to prepare her daughters for their eventual return to the States, a task that’s easier said than done. Whether learning to navigate macro aggressions such as overt racism, to microaggressions such as back-handed compliments, Asiedu admits it is a difficult but not entirely hopeless task to prepare her girls. Like all of our mothers, she has had to emphasize the importance of being above reproach to her three daughters. “If the mark is 100% then I would say to them, for you should work as if the bar was 110 to make it difficult for anyone to overlook you. Even if you get to the 110%, it’s not a guarantee to get what you deserve,” explains Asiedu, confessing that her daughters found this sort of pressure difficult to deal with at first. But it is this sort of pressure that is exerted by society on black people across the world, with perceived acts of wrongdoing by black people being met with excessive force, often ending in tragedy as it did for George Floyd.

Geena with family in a picture from the June issue of beijingkids magazine

The prevalence of this sort of violence against black people could cause emotional and psychological exhaustion as people of color adopt it as the new normal. “I don’t know how to describe it beyond disappointment, but it doesn’t fully capture the feeling. I was surprised that I felt so disappointed given that I knew the history of racial violence in the States. The lack of basic humanity the cop displayed with his knee on another man’s neck. Watching it on the screen, I couldn’t believe it,” explains Asiedu on her state after watching the footage of George Floyd’s murder, adding “I had to take a couple of days to harness my emotions, to remind myself to be hopeful and not to succumb to hopelessness and anger.”

Though she says she has never been a victim of racial profiling or discrimination in Beijing, she couldn’t escape the horror with which black and African people across China watched mass evictions of African migrants in Guangzhou. “My sentiment was that of sadness, ‘here we go again’. It makes you think okay, perhaps America doesn’t have a monopoly on racial discrepancy. Geography hasn’t got anything to do with it. We, humans, get very creative at mistreating others,” she says.

“I had to take a couple of days to harness my emotions, to remind myself to be hopeful and not to succumb to hopelessness and anger”

So in the wake of all these disturbing developments both in China and abroad, what is a mother to do? How does a mother reassure her children that the world is not as horrible a place as it is being portrayed to be, especially for people of color? The simple answer is honesty. “You have to put yourself in a situation where you are speaking your truth, moving in love, set your bar much higher, you make it fairly difficult for someone to take away the opportunity you deserve,” Asiedu says.

And to Beijing’s Black and African families she offers words of wisdom. “I believe it was Malcom X who said ‘There is pain in truth’ but you have to wrestle with the truth and feel the pain. Have those conversations not wanting to feel right, not wanting to feel better as a person, but with the hope of learning and listening more.”

KEEP READING: What Happens When Students Are Culturally Insensitive?

Photos: Uni You, Unsplash

Racially motivated mass evictions of African nationals in Guangzhou have not gone unnoticed by foreign families in Beijing. African nations in the past week have striven to seek answers from Chinese ambassadors posted in their respective countries as to the treatment of African nationals living in Guangzhou, in response to new fears of a second wave of COVID-19 infections in the South. Videos showing African nationals sleeping rough as a result of mass evictions have sparked global public outcry, coupled with reports of racially-selective testing for COVID-19 and forced quarantine procedures allegedly continuing unabated. Chinese officials seeking to reassure the world that the current measures being taken in the South are not racially motivated have done little to comfort international families here in Beijing, as fears spread of the same practices being instituted in the Capital.

Black and African families based in Beijing worry about what this might mean for them in the coming months. This also goes for families of color currently stuck abroad looking to return upon China’s borders reopening. Africans and people of color living and working in Beijing are no strangers to racial profiling in the city, with most commenting on routinely being stopped at ports of exit and entry, and being subjected to a myriad of questions while their white and Chinese counterparts are allowed to pass without incident. In recent weeks, rumors started spreading of Beijing-based restaurants turning away black patrons, without offering much in the way of explanations.

People of color in Beijing have long decried maltreatment in the city, from people refusing to sit next to them on trains to arbitrary photos being taken of them in public spaces, and derogatory language being used against them within earshot by Chinese nationals under the illusion that they do not understand Chinese. Black teachers often claim to be held to a higher standard at work, with parents preferring their white counterparts for their children, or parents expressing displeasure or apprehension at the prospect of their children being taught by black teachers.

It is against this backdrop that Beijing’s expat families continue to remain vigilant, fearing that events in Guangzhou and Wuhan will spill over to the Capital. Discussions rage on in various WeChat groups, as foreigners continue to voice their concerns, share videos and plan out exits should the situation become dire in Beijing.

“I think we are victims of vengeance and retaliation,” a Beijing-based mom and teacher notes. Concerned friends and relatives also continue to flood Beijing expats with messages of concern.

“I have received four calls today asking, ‘What is wrong with these people in China?’”, says another Beijing mom, adding, “the embassies need to take a stand.”

Which they have, to some extent, but even these responses from African nations like Nigeria, Ghana and Kenya have been widely denounced as “insufficient and ineffective” in the larger scheme of things. A member of the Kenyan government is quoted as saying, “Planes aren’t public busses”, when pressed on a possible repatriation of Kenyans affected in Guangzhou.

China is currently the single largest trading partner with Africa, investing over USD 220 billion in various African nations, and signing bilateral trade agreements with over 40 African nations, totaling USD 10 billion. It is for these monies that many believe Africa treads lightly when it comes to defending their citizens facing discrimination in China.

And in a city with a less prominent black and African population, the fear of the xenophobic and racist sentiments being applied broadly to foreigners regardless of race or nationality is high. For families who continue to be stuck abroad, the dread of being forced into quarantine when China’s borders open is currently the least of their worries.

“I am dreading what we will experience when we go back,” confesses a Beijing-based mom currently outside China. These are justified fears as nationalist sentiments continue to grow at an unprecedented rate. What seems to be escaping most people’s attention is the plight of children born of foreign parents, who have grown up in China and recognize China as their home. In a country where such duality is barely understood at the best of times, current racist sentiments will see these children pushed into a cultural no man’s land, children without a national identity as the one they would wish to claim for themselves so forcefully repudiates them.

In certain WeChat groups, those expressing concern over overtly racist sentiments becoming active in Beijing are met with the dismissive, “If you don’t like it, you can return to your home country” rhetoric, which further cements the sentiment that China is for the Chinese and that is how it must remain. Anyone who has relocated to China understands just how difficult packing up and leaving China at the first sign of trouble can be. For starters, the process of being granted permission to live and work in China is exhaustive and time-consuming. Those who move here now identify China as their country, even if just for a season, and the process of decoupling oneself from this country could be just as complicated as the initial plans to move here. China’s foreign residents also invest a lot in the way of their children’s education, where Chinese public education is largely unavailable to those without a Chines hukou. Severing such ties is difficult.

Most importantly, it is the sudden and rapid nature with which the situation escalated in the South which has many so worried. Before the mass evictions, there had been no signs of such rapid action being taken against African residents in the South. They and the rest of the foreign population in China were entirely blindsided. Even though Beijing is held to a different standard than the rest of China, it is hard to definitively say whether such events might unfold here, should a fear of a second wave of infections persist. And as the situation seems to be slowing down in Guangzhou, foreign families in Beijing continue to seriously weigh their options, wondering whether remaining in China, with all its attendant difficulties is truly worth it, and some continue to count down the days until they can Ch-exit.

Photos: Unsplash

“I’m just visiting from Beijing. We came to celebrate Chinese New Year with family here” a friend tells the waiter at a restaurant in Georgetown in Washington DC only to see his eyes widen and awkwardly excuse himself.

Over in Europe, Chinese living in German have been asked questions like “why do Chinese eat wild animals all the time?”, and dealing with comments like “if Chinese don’t eat bat, nothing would happen.”

On over on our side of the world, a Beijing based mixed-race family landed in Bangkok. “The passengers from Russia were looking at us like we were about to attack them.”

While the coronavirus outbreak is already an unsettling thought, I can’t help but compare it to the SARS outbreak of 2003, which, for me, the worst came at the end; after all the travel bans have been lifted. I’ve experience racism countless times throughout my life, but one of the most vivid experiences happened because of SARS.

In 2003 I was a sophomore in high school in my beautiful hometown of Newport Beach, California – a place that never had a SARS outbreak. My mom was in Paris for work and we decided that I would meet her there and we’d make a long holiday of it. As I boarded the plane at Los Angeles International Airport, SARS never even crossed my mind. I was busy making mental lists of places I wanted to visit and things I wanted to eat.

It wasn’t until the rest of the passengers started boarding that I realized this wasn’t going to be like every other flight.

The man who sat down next to me looked disgusted as he walked towards his seat. When he approached his seat, he pulls out a face mask and puts it on. Then he sits down, wipes down the seat with a wet wipe, and stares at me. This middle-aged man never once said a single word to me but continued to stare me up and down for the entire duration of the flight. From LA to Paris, that was an 11-hour flight… He never turned his head away, never spoke a single word to me. He stared at me as I fell asleep during the flight, and when I work up, he was still starring at me. He just stared with eyes filled with burning hatred.

With airlines canceling flights to and from China, I fear that even if the coronavirus is contained and a vaccine is created, the backlash of racism towards Chinese people won’t be that easily fixed.

Needless to say, that flight put a damper on my holiday in Paris, but more importantly, it was a memory of blatant racism that stuck with me my whole life. That experience made me feel like I didn’t belong, that I’m not welcomed anywhere. I felt gross, like I was less than human; like I was a rodent.

On the Twittersphere racist coronavirus related tweets have already been popping up and it’s not about to die down anytime soon.

The racism has already started and it’ll be a while until something else takes its place. Now when Beijing families travel anywhere outside of China, whether you’re an ABC (American born Chinese), CBC (Canadian born Chinese), BBC (British born Chinese), or mixed-race family parents need to mentally prepare to explain racism to kids experiencing it for the first time.

According to Dr. Margaret Hagerman, a sociologist and author of White Kids: Growing Up with Privilege in a Racially Divided America “kids are learning and hearing about race regardless of whether parents are talking to them about it.” When kids encounter racism, it’s better for parents to address it and explain to them why some people might say hurtful things than to ignore it. Ignoring the conversation doesn’t mean your kids didn’t catch on. It simply teaches them to accept it.

Source: Parenttoolkit.com
Photos: Wang Few – Xinhua, Twitter, Nextshark.com

As parents, we are always trying to give our children the best, most thoughtful environment and tools to help their growing minds mature. For many parents, that includes a heavy dose of children’s literature. Finding good children’s books can be pretty challenging in China for English speakers and Chinese alike. Bookstores are filled with colorful tomes marketed to parents (rather than their children) but when one actually starts digging in to the content, it can be difficult to find meaningful works.

There are the books with illustrations that are plastic (or computer generated) and unrealistic. There are the movie-themed books that are almost shamelessly created to create additional revenue for box office hits with little effort to deepen the story or add value. The books designed purely for teaching mechanical reading with flimsy or even illogical story lines and cheaply made commercial drawings. And now this. Some children’s literature critics are questioning classic award – winning books for the messages they convey.

The Rainbow Fish by Martin Phister is just one example of many. The story goes like this:  there is a beautiful fish covered in sparkly rainbow scales who is very vain and has no friends. Then he meets a wise old octopus who explains the value of sharing and friendship, convincing him to give away the glittery scales to the other fish in order to win their friendship. On the face of it, it seems innocuous enough. It’s nice for children to think of others, to share the blessings they have. Right? Maybe not that simple.

Some critics have made the argument that the real hidden meaning in the book is in the following lessons:

1. It is not acceptable to be physically more attractive than others.
2. He must win friends over by bribing them with something they covet.
3. In giving the other fish what they covet to buy their friendship, the Rainbow Fish must physically disfigure himself, aka “sharing”.

Pretty grim from that lens, right?  But as parents, we may feel it behoves us to follow these trends in thinking as education and child psychology grow and change. They are certainly not static fields and neither should our view of all things children be stuck in tradition if that tradition no longer serves the highest purpose (which is of course, to raise healthy and savvy, self – aware actualized humans). If you choose to go down this rabbit hole of evaluating beloved classics, be prepared for some heartbreak as you find your favorite old book on the list. I know I was shocked and angry the first time a friend criticized my cherished TinTin series for being overtly racist. Some things are just too good to let go of.

There is a silver lining in it all. For me, I’d rather keep all my TinTin books and talk with my kids about how and why the stereotypes were used as such, how things have changed since that time, and what insights we have to gain through reading and reflecting on the moral and ethical questions that arise from reading books that are not neatly wrapped packages of prejudice and malice-free mental health. And that’s the key. If we use these kinds of literary experiences as springboards into the deeper questions below the storyline, they can be as revealing and cathartic to both our children and ourselves. Making the effort to have the conversations is of prime importance. We shouldn’t trust any author to be peddling good values to our children. In my experience, children get the nuances and point them out on their own if given the chance and they often are much more sophisticated thinkers than we give them credit for.

So have fun cracking open those old storybooks and let the debates begin! Happy reading.

Photo: Pixabay

For a white, western man, one of the oddest aspects of living in China is that you learn what it’s like to experience racism. Which is not to say that I’ve ever encountered overt abuse, but it’s a salutary experience to be on the receiving end of micro-aggressions; being ignored until all the Chinese customers have been served, for example.

The world’s spotlight turned on Chinese attitudes to race after a well-meaning but horribly misjudged skit in the CCTV New Year Gala. The Gala, believed to be the most watched television program on earth, is a four-and-a-half-hour variety show combining music, comedy, spectacle and flag-waving patriotism. The offending sketch was intended to celebrate the friendship between China and Africa, but featured a Chinese comedienne “blacked up” to play a Kenyan mother, accompanied by a black actor playing her pet monkey.

The danger inherent in complaining about Chinese racism is of course the risk of falling into a similar stereotyping. I should emphasize that incidents of unpleasantness are rare, and that most people are friendly and fair-minded. Any suggestion that one group of people is more prone to racism than others is in itself racist. Wherever you go in the world there will be a few idiots, and a large majority of decent, good people.

However incidents like this raise the question of how to talk about racism with children. Kids are acutely aware of unfairness, and will notice very quickly if people are treating them, or others, differently. However it might be harder for them to appreciate why something that seems harmless and funny, like the CCTV skit, might be hurtful to others.

Teaching children that, while people might look different, talk or dress differently, we are essentially all the same, all human and all of equal value, is easy, and should be fundamental to parenting. But to explain why, for example, “blackface” should be particularly offensive, requires an understanding of history, politics, and culture which might be harder for children to comprehend, and uncomfortable for parents to talk about.

As with everything else in parenting, our children’s age and ability to understand is crucial. My sons, at 9 and 12, are old enough to accept that they are not allowed to use the “F” word just because it sounds ugly in the mouths of children and will make other people think worse of them, not because of any intrinsic wrongness of the word itself. On the other hand, they know well that the “N” word is strictly forbidden to them because it does have the power to hurt; but that there may be contexts where it is OK for others to use it.

It’s important to have age-appropriate discussions, otherwise they risk losing access to centuries of literature. Even a book as brave, as pioneering in its day, as The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, is now banned in some places because of the portrayal of a black slave by a white author. Better by far, I would argue, to talk about the issues and the problems than simply to pretend that those problems never existed. And there is virtually no pre-20th century book which isn’t problematic in some way.

Some have defended the CCTV skit by insisting that it was innocent, that no harm was meant. And it certainly doesn’t help to conflate the misguided with the malicious. When people nudge their children on the subway, point, and loudly whisper “kan laowai!” it’s usually only because we’re novelties to them. People who haven’t had the opportunity to travel, or live in an international environment, will respond differently to the unfamiliar. My father, who grew up in rural Ireland, used to tell a story about the first time a Protestant came to his village, and he and the other kids hid behind a hedge to spy on the man and see if he had horns and a tail.

So the best thing we can do for our children is try to reduce their ignorance. If they grow up around people of different backgrounds, cultures, and skin tones, then they are less likely to develop prejudices. Being part of an international community helps in that regard, but is no guarantee. However we also need to make sure that children understand the bigger undercurrents of past and power which shape these things. So I’ve also talked to my kids about the fact that, for all we might occasionally be pointed at, less well-treated or charged a higher price because of our background, we still enjoy “white privilege”, even in China.

And we must also teach them to have the courage to speak up. Given the enormous number of writers, producers, media professionals, and censors involved in producing the CCTV Gala, it’s hard to believe not one of them dared to raise a hand and say, “Hold on a minute. Are we absolutely sure this is a good idea?”

Photo: howldb.com

Experiencing different cultures is part of the reason we travel, and those of us who choose to live somewhere far from home may smugly assume that we are more open and accepting than most. Sometimes though even the most cosmopolitan of us will feel revolted by something they see, or long for familiar food from home.

In the past, our Home and Relocation Guide has included an article, usually light-hearted, about some of the aspects of Beijing life which new arrivals from other cultures often find difficult to cope with. Last year however a reprinted piece attracted some criticism from Chinese readers, even an accusation of racism. The observations made in the article will all be familiar to anyone who has spent any time in this city; however, were we wrong to suggest, even unintentionally, that the Beijing way is wrong? When does culture shock become – let’s say the word and confront the issue – racism?

Culture shock is not a trivial issue. It goes beyond the sort of day to day irritations that we all experience to a deep, visceral repulsion. It can lead to people giving up their dreams and going home, and in extreme cases even to suicide. It is a genuine phenomenon, recognized by psychologists and the subject of a growing body of research.

And it’s hard to deny that of all the places in the world, Beijing may be the toughest to adapt to for foreigners. For much of the 20th century, China resisted the so-called “coca-colonization” by Western soft powers. Even now that there is a KFC and Pizza Hut in every mall, the similarities are only superficial – as one bite of sweet, gooey pizza will reveal.

Even for Chinese people from other parts of the country Beijing can be an extreme environment: its overcrowding, pollution, and the more pugnacious habits of its citizens are notorious. There are also significant class differences. The term nongmin 크췽, literally meaning just “farmer” but with connotations closer to the English word “peasant,” is used to express the contempt of sophisticated city dwellers for those from rural districts whose behavior is seen as boorish or backward.

Many of the aspects which people find most difficult to deal with relate to bodily fluids, and their appropriate disposal. Spitting on the streets is one example: I know people for whom even the preparatory hawking is enough to provoke a strong reaction, making them feel physically ill. Yet to many Chinese people the western habit of wiping your nose with a handkerchief which you then put back in your pocket seems disgusting.

Similarly, the practice of putting young children in “split pants,” and allowing them to urinate and defecate on the street, is often a sticking point for westerners. But it’s not hard to see how putting children in diapers, so that they run around in their own waste, could be viewed with repugnance.

Food and table manners are another major area of difference. Until recently eating with your hands was seen as gross behavior by most Chinese people, and in the early days McDonalds gave customers plastic gloves with which to eat their food. The rapid spread of western fast food outlets has done much to overcome this taboo. For many westerners though even the practice of leaving the heads on chickens and ducks can be a shock, and that’s before we get to some of the more challenging culinary delights on offer in China: silkworm cocoon, donkey, even dog. Yet the Chinese might reasonably retort that western squeamishness about the food we eat is hypocritical, making sentimental distinctions between which animals are pets and which are food, and hiding the truth about farming methods.

It’s no surprise that these issues provoke the strongest feelings: physical disgust evolved as a way of keeping us safe, so that we can learn to be repelled by things which might make us ill. However we have also evolved to be intensely social animals, and the impulse to define ourselves and our tribe by our differences to the “other,” and to consider the way we were raised to be innately superior to all other ways, runs very deep. We may consciously consider all cultures to be equal, but we can’t always control our instinctive reactions.

It makes no sense then to add guilt to the mix, and make the problem worse. We need to be kind to ourselves, to recognize that these feelings are normal and natural, and to begin to find ways to get past them.

One model describes culture shock as having four stages (see next page). My own experience is that these stages do not come in the orderly progression that the model suggests. There are days when you feel you have adapted and accepted, that you feel at home, but then can still encounter something which sets you right back. It is perhaps most important to recognize though that things do gradually get better, that you learn to cope given time.

Humor, too, is a crucial outlet. It’s important for expats to be able to vent, to swap stories about their experiences. Laughter reduces fear and tension, and sharing reassures us that we are not alone in feeling alien. However we still need to be aware that not everyone might be laughing. When we’re joking in an office we might forget, for example, that a colleague has a Chinese spouse and might feel deeply uncomfortable with the conversation.