Maybe we might have a complicated relationship with our parents, maybe things have been a little rough lately and we need someone who knows us well to talk to us and help us find a solution that that “someone” might not know us that well and that much-needed trust is not built yet, or maybe we need some tips on how to foster a healthy and positive relationship with our parents.

As a teenager, I often hears stories about how teenagers are struggling with communication with their parents and how their parents are forcing unnecessary pressure on them. And, from the parents’ perspective, there’s an unsettling number of people talking about how they used to have a great relationship when their child was young, but as soon as the adolescent years came around, it’s as if their child flipped a switch and became someone they no longer recognize. I believe that this is an issue that should be addressed with more seriousness and that a healthy and trustworthy relationship should be formed between us and our parents.

After some thought and consideration, I’ve come up with these two tips for what I think parents and children can do to foster an open and healthy relationship.

Talk openly:

Try to be open about your genuine thoughts, whether you are a parent or a child. If either side hides one’s authentic thoughts, the pressure and anxiety of either side will lead to a disingenuous relationship.

It could be pressuring and even cringey to say one’s genuine thoughts at first, but once the first step is taken, it wouldn’t be hard anymore. Especially in a child’s adolescence and teenage years, communication with parents can be hard, but when the parent is willing to ask, listen, and respond to the child without judgment and a pessimistic point of view on the child’s future and the child is willing to tell the parent their genuine thoughts, the positive relationship will start to form. Judgment and negative wording used in these talks will highly influence the attitude and future actions of both sides.

From personal experience, communicating openly with my mother helped us through a phase of awkwardness due to our opposing perspectives on my body image. For example, my mom stood firm that I had to lose weight and that the body shape that I had previously was not acceptable, however, I calmly told her that I wanted to stay the way I was as my body was not causing any trouble to my health and that I felt confident the way I was. We reached a consensus that if my body was not causing any trouble in my mental or physical health, she would not be allowed to force me to go on a diet and lose weight. This helped me relieve the stress that I had of hearing someone around me constantly forcing me to change myself. Thus, open communication can definitely help create a positive atmosphere for both sides.

Spend QUALITY time together (nurturing trust and emotional connection):

An important step to fostering a positive and sustainable relationship is building trust and emotional connection. When the child starts to trust their parent, they will not feel uncomfortable telling the parent their genuine thoughts and emotions. The parent would also start trusting the child and give genuine feedback and not force judgment onto the child as both sides now know each other truthfully.

Quality time can be spent in ways such as going on walks together, bonding over good food, playing board games, or simply talking and having truthful conversations. A good way for both sides to know each other is perhaps playing the game “two truths and a lie”. The game allows the other player to guess the lie that has been written, which is a fun way of letting perhaps things that are uncomfortable to directly get conveyed to the other side. This way, both sides will know that trust is built, and when it is time to exchange genuine thoughts, the communication will be much more objective and constructive for a sustainable and healthy relationship overall.

However, we have to differentiate between quality time spent and passive time spent. For example, you could be watching TV with your parent but still not feel the bond getting strong afterward since you’re both passively being entertained by the TV instead of actively engaging with each other. The key here is to allow both sides to know each other better and allow for stronger connections to form.

Coco, a grade 9 student in a Chinese public school here in Beijing, had always told me about how her mom is constantly on her about not getting full marks on a test, and after I suggested to her that having a conversation with her mom about her genuine thoughts on her academic performance and her realistic capabilities, she told me that  “telling my mom that she is pressuring me way too much on my academics helped her know that I may not be one of those ‘elite’ students who can get full marks all the time. It helped us find more realistic goals for me and ways to steadily improve my skills.”

Maybe now you get an idea of how to spend quality time together, but what are some activities that could be done? If you live anywhere near Chaoyang Park, you are in luck! There are facilities for parent-child activities everywhere in the park, and even full-on obstacle courses way up in the trees at Moncy Club where you can test out your trust for each other, your own limits in the face of danger, and just how brave each member of your family actually is.

It’s located on the park’s west side and does require a separate entry fee of about RMB 320. Inside, you’ll find plenty of climbing walls, suspension bridges, and zip lines. They also have a laser tag arena that’s open to kids and adults. If you’ve got a big group, you can book the entire place out for RMB 150 per person for two and a half hours. If you want to join an existing game, the price is RMB 160 for two hours.

Find it:
Moncy Club 萌溪亲子营地乐园（朝阳公园店
朝阳公园西三门进入后右转步行200米融合广场东侧 After entering the West Third Gate of Chaoyang Park, turn right and walk 200 meters to the east side of the Fusion Plaza
Tel: 15010671650 or 13811242257
Open Hours: 9:00-5:30pm

Check out this article to find out more about what you can do as a family inside Chaoyang Park.

The construction of a good parent-child relationship requires consistent action, trust, and genuine communication, and it takes a lot of time for a sustainable relationship to form. So if there doesn’t seem like much progress going on, try these tips and remember that!

Images: Margaret Yang, Vivienne Tseng-Rush

September is self-improvement month, and at the beginning of this month, we asked readers to join us on a two-week self-improvement challenge. The challenge was simple: Find one thing you admire about your partner every day.  It could be anything, big or small. Now, I don’t know how YOU did, but here’s my take away from the past two weeks. Granted, with all that life throws my way on a daily basis, it’s hard to remember to do it every day, and on some days, I felt like it was impossible to find anything I liked about my husband…

But that’s just it. Not every day of your life is happy and that’s okay.

Here’s what I realized I admire about him:

• His discipline: No matter how chaotic his life gets, he works out a minimum of 3 times a week.
• Being able to keep professional and personal opinions separate: He can like or dislike a colleague in his personal time, but when it comes to work, he keeps it strictly to the facts.
• Takes criticism like a champ: He’s able to leave his ego at the door and when we disagree, he remembers it’s in the best interest of the family.
• Family first: No matter how busy he gets at work, he always checks in to see how my day’s going.
• Random “just because I love you” gifts instead of waiting for a special occasion
• Respects my need for peace, quiet, and alone time: No explanation is needed, he just gets it.
• His compliments are sincere. He doesn’t say “you look beautiful” to me on a daily basis and I admire his honesty. I don’t need someone to lie to me and tell me I’m beautiful when I’ve just woken up with bedhead and the flu.

What the past two weeks have made me realize is 1) my husband is adorable in his own quirky way and 2) I really don’t care about the stereotypical displays of love and affection. I don’t want roses or date nights that feel like obligations. We’ve got our own way of life that works for our family.

After the past two weeks, the number of times this challenge has brought a smile to my face when I realized that I had noticed something adorable about my partner made me want to keep it going.

Hopefully, you joined us in our two-week challenge and have your own positive discoveries about your partner.

Be sure to join our next one and challenge yourself to let it go. 

Images: Pexels

Do you believe in true love? We do! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and we’d like to share a few love stories from couples right here in Beijing. Forget the fairy tales of princesses being rescued from castles, here’s what love in the real world looks like.

We asked couples to share their stories and to give a piece of advice on how to keep relationships alive and thriving year after year. A few years ago I met an amazing couple whose love story warrants a Hallmark movie. Today, let’s meet Tom and Clare Starobynski, a couple who met as teens.

Can you tell us a bit about you and your partner?

We are from the USA and this is our fifth year in Beijing. We are both teachers and Tom is also a certified personal trainer.

How did you meet and who made the first move?

We met when we were 13 years old at an Irish Christmas party. Clare sent her younger brother over to say “my sister thinks your cute.” We dated for a little bit and then broke up. We met again the following year and have been together ever since. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.

What do you love the most about your partner?

Tom: Clare is patient, loyal, and loves deeply.
Clare: Tom is loyal, supportive, and my #1 fan.

Is there something that you can’t stand about your partner? How do you handle it?

Clare: Not really – after all these years, we’ve learned to love one another’s “faults.” We can laugh now at the things that used to drive us crazy about each other. For example, Tom always said I have the worst fashion sense and it used to annoy him. Now he just laughs and says, “that’s quite an outfit.”

What’s the most valuable piece of relationship advice all couples should know?

Always have your partner’s back, always date your significant other, and learn to love the things you don’t like about your partner. As long as your partner has the most important quality to you, that is what matters most.

Images: Clare Starobynski

Do you believe in true love? We do! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and we’d like to share a few love stories from couples right here in Beijing. Forget the fairy tales of princesses being rescued from castles, here’s what love in the real world looks like.

We asked couples to share their stories and to give a piece of advice on how to keep relationships alive and thriving year after year. Here at jingkids, one of our absolute favorite places to eat is Larry the Bird. It’s been the place where we’ve had countless creative meetings, and it has become our unofficial tradition to bring any newbie on the team there to get to know them over the best roast chicken in Beijing. Why are we talking about food when this is a love story? Read on and you’ll see…

Today, we’re speaking to Ully and Shagi Defoe.

Can you tell us a bit about you and your partner?

Ully & Shagi: Hey, we are the DEFOES Both of us are islanders from opposite sides of the globe (Indonesia and Dominica, respectively) but we have lived and loved in Beijing for almost two decades, so technically we are also Beijingers! Ully is literally the best partner. Ully works at an international school and Shagi pushes creative and marketing for Larry the Bird.

How did you meet and who made the first move?

Shagi: We worked together in the Entertainment Industry at Club LA, a discotheque long gone. Well, technically Ully worked for me, haha. Her very easygoing personality made her very popular. She’s a social butterfly. Everyone knew her at the company but me, I guess. And one night, if I am not mistaken, it was the night Kardinal Offishall performed, she decided to poke me and say, “Do you not know who I am?” And me being professional as I don’t play while working, I said, “Do I need to?” Haha!
Ully: But later that night he asked for my number and asked me to have ice cream the next day, so I guess he was interested too! Haha. Long story short, almost 14 years later we are married with our beautiful daughter, Marley.

How did you know he/she was the one?

Ully: I feel like, for me, when my bf cheats and doesn’t try to apologize or make up for it, I would right away be done with him. But with Shagi, he went above and beyond to mend it so I gave him a real chance. And on top of it, I come from a big family. Him being able to handle my big, loud family and it [turning out]they loved him, that was a green light for me to move forward.
Shagi: Her spirit and generosity were an instant hit with me. She was someone I could def see myself kicking it [with]long-term.

What do you love the most about your partner?

Ully: The fact that I always come first .
Shagi: The fact that I always come first .

Is there something that you can’t stand about your partner? How do you handle it?

Ully: Shagi has always been or actually is still a very introverted person. He also likes to keep things to himself and thinks he can handle whatever bothers him himself. It took years for me to change that. I always ask him how his day went. And by doing it every day, it made him open up and now he tells me everything without me asking.
Shagi: My wife cares too much about everyone, so she puts everyone’s issues ahead of herself. She cares [so]deeply that it is actually a gift and a curse.

What’s the most valuable piece of relationship advice all couples should know?

Shagi: It’s a job. ROI is based on the investment put in. Not to sound too strict but you gotta work at it. Can’t get neglectful.
Ully: Just three things.
Communication is key! Always talk to each other no matter how bad things are.
Even with busy schedules, it is very important that you spend quality time [together].
Lastly, it is your relationship. Don’t let anybody else influence your decisions.

Images: Shagi Defoe

Do you believe in true love? We do! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and we’d like to share a few love stories from couples right here in Beijing. Forget the fairy tales of princesses being rescued from castles, here’s what love in the real world looks like.

We asked couples to share their stories and to give a piece of advice for how to keep relationships alive and thriving year after year. Today, let’s meet Camilla Kongshavn Jovanovic and Dimitrije Jovanovic.

Can you tell us a bit about you and your partner?

Camilla is from Norway/Thailand and Dimitrije is from Serbia. Camilla has been in China for the past 11 years and is a mother and an entrepreneur. Dimitrije has been in Beijing for nine years and is currently a PE teacher and developer at the Tsinghua International School.

How did you meet and who made the first move?

We met in a shared apartment. Camilla moved in with a friend of Dimitrije’s temporarily and Dimitrije was one of her roommates. He made the “first” move.

How did you know he/she was the one?

Dimitrije: She did not judge me for what I had, who I was, or where/how I lived at the time. I lived very simply in an old shared apartment, and that commonly put most women off of the thoughts of any serious relationship, or relationship at all for that matter, as it doesn’t scream wealth and success. After we connected it was just me she saw, nothing else, and that was unique to me, particularly because our backgrounds are so different. We didn’t have much growing up, and she had everything and more. She was very open and honest since day one and held nothing back. I also realized how easy it was to spend time with her, and how little it took to make each other happy and content. She truly just enjoyed my company and presence no matter what we did, which was mutual, and that made me realize she could make any day enjoyable.

Camilla: Combining what he mentioned, plus everything he gave away and did to simply be together with me was beyond anything I had ever experienced. He was willing and ready to give his whole life if he had to. He’s a man of his word, the most loving and dedicated.

What do you love the most about your partner?

For Dimitrije, it’s Camilla’s honest heart. For Camilla, it’s how much Dimitrije cares about his family.

Is there something that you can’t stand about your partner? How do you handle it?

There’s nothing that we can’t stand about each other. There are certain things of course we both need to work on to further strengthen our relationship, but we solve them through talk and by compromising.

What’s the most valuable piece of relationship advice all couples should know?

Trust each other unconditionally, speak up if something feels wrong, compromise – you’ve got to give a lot of yourself to reach a certain level of harmony, let go of the small stuff, support each other, show interest and love towards each other on a regular basis, speak to each other with respect and goodwill, and provide your partner with space if you see space is needed. Quality time is important – somehow get that into the hectic schedule.

Images: Camilla Kongshavn Jovanovic

Do you believe in true love? We do! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and we’d like to share a few love stories from couples right here in Beijing. Forget the fairy tales of princesses being rescued from castles, here’s what love in the real world looks like.

We asked couples to share their stories and to shed a piece of advice for how to keep relationship alive and thriving year after year. Today, let’s meet Meng and Sidney Hardy.

Can you tell us a bit about you and your partner?

[Meng] have been here most of my life! I’m a hutong girl. My husband is from a small town in northern England and has been here for the past 1 1/2 years. He is the General Manager at the Conrad Beijing. I am the mother of our two children.

How did you meet and who made the first move?

We met via the classic friend of friends. Of course, I’m a shy traditional girl it was my man that made the first move. Lol.

How did you know he/she was the one?

I fell in love at once. Although I didn’t tell him straight away… It took him a while longer.

What do you love the most about your partner?

He is caring, responsible, and adaptable. My wife is the loveliest person I have ever met, he always says!

Is there something that you can’t stand about your partner? How do you handle it?

Having children with a person from a different culture is tough. We have a totally different mindset at times on how to approach things. But we take the best of both worlds and make the most of different points of view.

What’s the most valuable piece of relationship advice all couples should know?

Communicate, discuss then talk some more!

Images: Meng & Sidney Hardy

There’s an unofficial name for today – Twosday. It’s 2.22.2022 and it’s indeed a Tuesday. All around the world lovebirds are making today their wedding day, believing it to be the luckiest day of the year to tie the knot.

So, in the spirit of everlasting love, we’re dedicating all our posts to marriage today.

I don’t believe in love at first sight or relationships that are all sunshine and roses. Life isn’t a Disney movie. Relationships take work and it’s through trial, error, and plenty of mistakes along the way, that we learn about ourselves and our partners.

Deep inside the mountain of relationship advice piled on you by family and friends, chances are there’s at least one piece of good advice that you took to heart.

Today, on 2.22.2022, we’ve asked Beijing’s expat community to share with us some of the best relationship advice they’ve ever received.

“The hard times are the most important ones for the relationship. Value them.” – Carlos Ore

“After an argument, never go to bed without making peace (or love)!” – Alessia Chizzoniti

“Acknowledging all kinds of feelings instead of trying to fix them would really be the game-changer. Accepting the negative ones but not trying to fix them needs wisdom and bravery to practice. The value of all feelings in our relationship is all about being ‘felt’ but not being ‘fixed.'”  – Shu Qi

“Don’t talk about it with other people, talk about it with your partner. While your friends and family may have your best interest at heart, it’s not really their business.” – Yazmin Jamil

“[My husband] and I took PET (parent effectiveness training) when [our daughter]was about 1 year old. It actually helped us the most to communicate as a couple and business partners. 1) Active listening 2) How to send an ‘I’ message.” – Toni Ma

“Understand the Love Language of your partner.” – Angie Chan

While it’s undoubtedly important to give a relationship your all and to love your partner, there’s one piece of advice that came up multiple times, and it has nothing to do with another person.

“You have to love yourself first.”

What’s more, it’s important to recognize that when it comes to relationships, not every one of them works out. Some people come into your life only to teach you a valuable lesson and move on.

“If you have doubts whether if he loves you, then he probably doesn’t.” – Marlon Ma

KEEP READING: Love in the Time of Corona: Jim & Jen’s Expat Love Story

Images: Pexels