China, a sexually repressed society where any utterance of the three-letter word will be seen as sordid and dishonorable, where all are expected to remain pure until the marriage bed…is what people might have said some 50 years ago.

The concept of sex to my generation has significantly transformed and adapted along with the rest of society’s immense reforms, a point that some antiquated education curriculums and parents have been rather oblivious to.

Growing up, I noticed a gaping dissonance in attitudes towards sex and other equally taboo topics within my different circles of friends. These differences came in various forms but seemed to be aligned with race and sexuality. In 4th grade, some male friends openly wondered about sex. In 5th grade, some classmates began joking about genitals. By the end of middle school, some had already experimented with varying degrees of intimacy. I also noticed conflicting attitudes from parents, with some parents still demanding their children close their eyes during a make-out scene on screen, while others handed out condoms to their kids.

The point is, our generation is one that is more sexually emancipated, and our education and attitudes (from parents especially) need to start catching up.

I recall that I was only given one unit of sex education, which was conveniently lumped under the umbrella of science. Topics included fertilization, signs of puberty, the menstrual cycle, and reproduction. Although many parents and teachers were and remain content with such a simple biological and factual approach, I noticed that none of the information was applicable to real life. It disregarded, in my opinion, more important topics.

Using the menstrual cycle as an example, we weren’t given any provisions, as young girls, on the signs of menarche, dietary needs during your period, ways to deal with period cramps, and the duration of a healthy period, not to mention the choice for different products and how to use pads or tampons (the latter of which is a nerve-wracking concept to many girls). In addition to that, on the topic of sex, we were never encouraged to have our own opinions on it, we were never told the importance of consent, contraception, or warned of accidental pregnancies. Although the last is less likely and teen pregnancies have largely been on the decline, the possibility of it, the responsibility, and damage that accompanies it should not be brushed aside. We weren’t even told a safe age or legal age to begin having sex, how our bodies may react during and after it, or the possible consequences of adolescent sex.

Going back to being more sexually emancipated, some fail to recognize how sex has evolved from the generic, penetrative act between a man and a woman. For many students who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, normal sex-ed may not be enough, and research has shown that there has been an increase in sexually transmitted infections between LGBTIA+ students, possibly due to a lack of nationally standardized sex education that is inclusive of niche groups. Furthermore, sex has grown to take the form of more than penetration. Oral sex, anal sex, and kinks have become more popularized (whether we like it or not). These should all be referred to, to ensure a more holistic, informative, and comprehensive curriculum. I understand that it may be uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, but their existence is undeniable, and leaving our students uneducated on such topics could lead to dire consequences.

I get it, sex is a taboo, discomfiting topic that many are uncomfortable talking about, however, what’s more worrying is if we simply let students continuously be misinformed and uneducated on the topic, left to rely on what their parents are willing, or unwilling to inform them of.

Also, I do recognize that some schools offer great sex-education courses, and this article at its core isn’t meant to bash any specific school, but rather use this opportunity to address and bring attention to an all-encompassing issue that could otherwise be awkward to discuss.

KEEP READING: Why No Sex With Students is a Good Thing

Images: Unsplash

How many times have you heard a period described as a girl’s first step into womanhood? How much of the period content you see, whether product advertising or media mentions, is catered exclusively to women?

These days, many people like Eunsoo Amy Han, who was the focus of the previous Period Talk article, are working hard to break down the stereotype that periods are dirty, shameful, or need to be covered up. In fact, some even celebrate menstruation as empowering, proving just how unstoppable women are.

However, in this celebration, many people who don’t identify as women are excluded. Over WeChat, I spoke to a friend of mine, Jasper*, who was assigned female at birth, uses he/they pronouns, and identifies as transmasc nonbinary. (Transmasculine people were assigned a female gender at birth but identify with a more masculine one). He told me pretty much all of the period advertising and marketing content he’s seen is directed at women, and they’ve never come across any gender-neutral period products. They also said all the sex education and parent talks they’ve had were focused on females, and that, when doing online research, all the articles he found were on women’s health blogs, even if they use gender-neutral terms.

“It honestly makes me really uncomfortable, whenever I’m on my period, it feels like, because of it, I won’t be viewed [as]who I really am,” Jasper confessed. And with the heavy focus on women in period content, it’s easy to assume that everyone who has a period is a woman and all women have periods, which is a harmful misconception. Many trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer people menstruate, but don’t identify as women; and many women don’t have a period due to menopause, birth control, or a variety of other reasons.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, it’s important to provide period education to people of all genders, including boys. In middle and high school sex ed, boys and girls are often pulled into different rooms halfway through the class to discuss topics like erections and periods. And while it’s true that this separation can help avoid the embarrassment that comes with talking about these topics in front of the opposite sex, it’s important for boys to know how periods work.

Also over WeChat, I interviewed another friend, William*, who identifies as a cisgender man, meaning his gender identity matches the gender he was assigned at birth, and who uses he/him pronouns. Will told me that although he’s had a more extensive education on menstruation than most boys his age, it was largely general information and scant on specifics. He also said that he doesn’t know much about how to support those close to him while they’re on their periods, but would like to be able to help out more.

After this introduction, I asked Will a few questions about how he thinks periods work. He replied, “…It’s a cycle [that]contains an ovulation period and then the actual period where an egg is released, which is what causes so much pain.” While I was somewhat impressed that he knew about ovulation, his information was still incorrect. Ovulation is, in fact, the stage of the menstrual cycle in which an egg is released from the ovaries, not the actual period. The period is when the egg leaves the body, as well as the uterine lining, which is the tissue that the uterus has built up during the last menstrual cycle.

Returning to how the female-centric period industry excludes trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer people, even period products like pads and tampons are euphemized as “feminine care products” which excludes non-female people who menstruate. And while gender-segregated sex education can avoid embarrassment, it more often leads to boys being uninformed about periods. No matter who’s involved in the discussion, it’s important to create an environment where no one’s voices are left out, and everyone feels comfortable learning.

Keep an eye out for more Period Talk in this ongoing series.

*Names were changed for privacy.

KEEP READING: Period Talk: According to Students, It’s About Bloody Time

Images: Charlie V., Pexels

Few parenting topics are more fraught than sex education. Many of us do as little as we can get away with, answering questions as they arise and leaving the rest to school… not because we don’t care, but because we feel awkward and embarrassed. We want our to children to remain innocent, and most of all we don’t want them to imagine us “doing it.”

The risk then is that everybody is leaving it to everybody else, and the unfortunate kids end up having to construct their knowledge from fragments, rumors, and playground gossip, the latter a source almost as unreliable as Wikipedia.

Even the information coming from schools can be shocking. A textbook issued to school libraries in Jiangxi province was condemned recently for suggesting that “Girls do not earn more love from boys by sacrificing their bodies, but rather are seen as ‘degraded’ by their ‘conquerors’. As a result, premarital sex can cause women to lose love.”

Another supposedly helpful book for children caused baffled amusement on Weibo, as commenters tried to fathom the educational value of Guoguo showing off his “little chicken” to a group of anthropomorphized animals.

Most Chinese schools provide no sex education at all. In Beijing the Girls’ Protection Project teaches children about their private parts, and setting and defending their boundaries. International schools offering the US or UK curriculum should give some formal instruction, but in the end it’s down to us as parents to provide the information our children need.

In this context I was intrigued to come across on social media a piece about “sex-positive parenting.” It’s more direct in its language than many parents will feel comfortable with encountering in a family publication like beijingkids, so for that reason I won’t share its title, and suggest you may wish to read it when your kids are not around:

Becoming Super-Mommy on Sex-Positive Parenting

At first this piece seems shocking. On reflection however it’s hard to argue with its premise: that it’s natural for children to explore their own bodies and to be curious about where they come from. Kids who are informed and empowered, who can talk confidently about their bodies, are better able to keep themselves safe, than those who grow up with sex shrouded in secrecy and euphemism.

And we have a responsibility to talk about consent too, particularly those of us with boys. Fortunately this is rather easier. Bullies often excuse their behavior by saying “it was just a joke, we were having fun.” Kids are never too young to learn that it’s only fun if everyone is having fun, that when someone says “stop” you stop.

What do you think? Do you talk frankly to your children about sex? Or do you think their innocence should be protected for as long as possible?

Photo: Rose Davies via Flickr

Eight to nine year old children in Beijing classrooms are receiving basic sex education by volunteers from the Girls’ Protection project.

Girls’ Protection Project is a non-governmental organization founded in 2013 with the mission of protecting young girls from sexual abuse.  They fund workshops, lectures, educational campaigns, and research to prevent sexual abuse against children.

After having polled over 4,700 students last year, Girls’ Protection discovered that 40 percent of students could not identify their own private parts. Over 363 parents were interviewed, of which 40 percent stated that they never spoke to their children about sexual abuse.  In fact, many parents avoid the topic of sex education completely.

Over the past year, Girls’ Protection has given lectures to over 2,000 students in at least four different schools in Hunan.  In the Beijing workshop, the students are first asked to identify their private parts.  Many do not know the answer.

Although the non-profit organization is called “Girls’ Protection,” they emphasize that they campaign for all children, including boys. As is necessary, given that in China boys have less legal protection than girls. Assaulters of boys receive lighter punishments than if they had assaulted girls.

Once children have an idea of what “private parts” are, they are taught how to establish and defend their personal boundaries.  Students are encouraged to say “no” and defy what adults have asked of them.

Watch the video of what students learned at Sixth Sense.

Photo: Creative Commons