When I was slightly less burdened by children and could travel on summer holidays with just one (ah, the good old days), I would often take her to community parks so she could run and play and meet other kids. Naturally, being a global traveler, I did not always have the right toys for sandboxes, water features, and playgrounds. About all I did carry was water and snacks, if she was lucky. No matter, within minutes, my girl would just naturally start playing with other kids and the parents (usually moms) were genial about sharing toys; even insistent. “Kids need to learn to share,” was the typical mantra. We were ever grateful, but never gave it much thought.

These days, I don’t get to travel so light with children or toys. If we head to a park in Beijing, we bring stuff. Lots of stuff. Still, no matter how well supplied our 2 year-old twin boys are, Bryson is not content to play with only his stuff. He wants to test drive other kids’ toys. Naturally, if we lived in the USA, this would be a welcome behavior, but I’ve noticed on several recent trips to the park behind Indigo Mall that this does not sit well with about half of the adults tending kids and it really sets off a lot of children.

Despite the ire that he raises, I tend to just stay back a bit and watch. If he gets to grabby, or someone beseeches my assistance, I’ll extricate him, but if there are items sitting around and he plays with them for a few minutes, I’m not concerned. I will observe how the adults talk with him and the other children. Clearly some see it as a teachable moment and encourage their children to share, but many are confounded about how to retrieve the cup, shovel, truck, etc. from this tiny marauder. Bryson is rarely deterred, no matter the tact someone takes. After all, he is used to others wanting what he has and will either give it up freely and pick up the next item, or ignore the everyone and just keep playing.

If I knew enough Chinese, I’d rattle off some ancient proverb about how kids need to learn to share (I’m certain their must be one). Alas, my Chinese language skills are – what’s the technical term? – sucky. So I watch. I’m an astute observer of non-verbal intercultural communication. And I enjoy sharing my child with others.

Photos:Christopher Lay

Let’s face, kids suck the life out of parents. I’m talking about their social lives, of course. Sure, when you have one child, it’s no big deal. Savvy and I use to take Reina out with us everywhere when she was little. Pack her up in a sling, grab a diaper bag, and Reina was the life of a club street scene, fancy dinner party, or art exhibition. And being China, our Chinese friends expected us to bring her out. If we left her at home with an ayi, they felt deprived of her bubbly baby cuteness.

All of that changed rather dramatically when we had twins. Sure, we can pack up the kids and take them out, but as our recent outing to the Beijing Kids Halloween Party showed, we will spend the entire time chasing, changing, and feeding cranky babies that have missed their nap time rather than spending any quality time with our friends who sat at the same table with us.

More than that, kids alter the landscape of what a social outing is. Sure, I still go out, and I still interact with friends, but now it is at school events, play dates, piano lessons, and lunches with other parents where we commiserate and strategize over parenting issues and coping strategies, and keep in mind that I don’t drink alcohol, so that coping method is off the lunch table for me too. I’m also gluten free, so most desert options are off my menu choices as well. Sigh.

Yes, I am in China, and yes, we do have ayis in the plural, but that is a welcome assistance, not a get-out-of-parenting-free card. Nor would I want it to be. One of the highlights of my day is picking up my daughter from the bus stop in the afternoon and finding out how here day at school went, determining how much homework she has (so much for no homework for first and second grade students), and how to get some dinner in her before rushing off to her language exchange or piano lessons. Somewhere in there, I’ve got to get in some reading time, dunk her in the bathtub, and get her to bed on time so we can turn around and do it all over again the next day. And that is just for one child. God help me when the boys start school.

Anyone free for lunch tomorrow?

Photo courtesy of Leszek.Leszczynski