She is the CEO of a multi-media production company based in three major cities, representing a myriad of creative talents. She has hosted multiple TV shows starring international personalities and stars, aiming to bridge and incorporate Chinese culture into global media. Her company, Nova Universal – which she founded at the age of 19 – has represented artists in reputed platforms such as the Royal Academy of Arts Summer Exhibition and partnered with equally respected brands such as Sony Music, TaiHe Music, and Aiqiyi. She is Jasmine Xie, and she’s achieved a lot, to say the least.

After conducting an interview with Xie (a nerve-wracking 45 minutes for me), I was able to gain valuable insights into how her environment as a multi-cultural, international student shaped her, eventually leading to her success as a young entrepreneur. 

Xie’s background is not unlike many of ours, having received an international education both in China and abroad. After attending primary and secondary school in Canada and China, she enrolled in the University of Edinburgh and graduated with a degree in International Relations. However, it was during her youth that she participated in numerous extracurriculars such as tennis, equestrian club, and piano which would largely shape her success later in life. “Many don’t know this, but Chinese parents are…strict,” explains Xie. “However, my mom was relatively hands-off.” Though she no longer pursues most of them, those experiences have informed her lifestyle today. “I still try to set aside time from work as those activities taught me the importance of rest and perseverance.” In fact, Xie still enjoys a bit of horseback riding from time to time.

In our increasingly hyper-competitive world, it’s no secret that tiger moms and helicopter parenting are believed to lead to academically successful children. And yet, it’s important to remember that allowing children a certain amount of agency over their future has its benefits. Basically, there is a common misconception that just a few areas of study will lead to professional prosperity, but this is a dire misjudgment that minimizes equally as indispensable skills. Thankfully, it was precisely through defying this “path of least resistance” that Xie started her own company. “I came home one day from an internship and discussed with my mother on how dull an office job was,” explains Xie. “She immediately suggested I license a company with my only interest at the time, which was Instagram, and start a media company.”

Entrepreneurship is doubtlessly a risky endeavor, something Xie has had to contend with firsthand. Not only did she give up a lucrative job and stable life in London, leaving everything behind when she returned to China and dove headfirst into being her own boss, she also rejected offers from master’s programs at numerous respected colleges (“ones that many Asian parents would nod their heads at”), all but eschewing the supposed ideal path that she and many of her contemporaries work their entire lives to achieve.

So what exactly were the hardships that Xie has encountered? “I would say the naysayers continuously pose as a challenge.” For instance, recently, when submitting one of her client’s portfolios to an established brand, she was told to “come back when you are more credible.” Although such flippant remarks are expected in the entertainment industry, especially for entrepreneurs, Xie’s resilience and courage in the face of such condescension are a testament to her success.

When asked what advice she has for anyone aspiring to enter the entertainment industry or start their own business, her advice was surprisingly conventional and simple: study hard. Unfortunately, job opportunities are still largely tied to a degree, university, and greater educational background. As such, according to Xie, it’s imperative that students find something they’re passionate about, study hard, make the most of the resources they have, and seize every opportunity that comes their way. And when it comes to building a career in the entertainment industry specifically, Xie emphasized that there’s more to it than a glamorous facade and that learning the technical aspects of cinematography can be somewhat of a lonely process.

Lastly, I was eager to find out Xie’s secret to success. “My secret to success is being open to mentorship. Having mentors who I can speak to, consult, and guide me in my decisions in both life and business…A conversation with someone who is experienced can help me navigate a problem much better than if I went about trying to solve something alone or with others who maybe only know just as much as I do.”

KEEP READING: Sex, Education, and the Emancipated Youth of Today

Images: Jasmine Xie

If you haven’t had the opportunity to listen to Mark Zuckerberg’s Harvard Graduation address, I strongly suggest you take the time to do so. Needless to say, I was very impressed. He spoke to something I have been speaking about here in this blog and something I focus on with my students – finding that sense of purpose in life.

What I found so heartening was the fact that Mr. Zuckerberg presented his views in a humble and offhanded way until he got to his main points. My hope is that those in the graduating class and those who viewed it online take his information to heart. Given that some of those listening are focused on being Masters of the Universe, winning their hands at the financial enterprises which have hired them. Others are already making changes, some of them pointed out by Mr. Zuckerberg during his speech.

Millennials- this generation, at least in the U.S., are the most entrepreneurial and giving in terms of time and money to charity. This, to me, is very heartening because no other generation has faced what this generation will in the future. From the effects of pollution, overpopulation, issues related to water, and civil and religious conflict, this coming generation must focus on issues. They cannot be all about the money. Nor can service just be about donating. Actions need to be taken to ensure future generations can live in harmony.

Finding purpose, the main topic, may seem simple or hard. Many students seem to have a very complete idea what they want to become and others, not a clue. In addition, with the complexity of the world teenagers are facing, it can be overwhelming. One point that Mr. Zuckerberg makes in his address is that one can start small. The sense of purpose does not need to be earth-shattering. It does not need to rock the world. Many ideas start small.

But what Mr. Zuckerberg says goes even further than just finding a sense of purpose for oneself, he says “I’m here to tell you finding your purpose isn’t enough. The challenge for our generation is creating a world where everyone has a sense of purpose.” Now that is big, and he lays out a way that from an individual level one can find a sense of purpose which will provide avenues for many to get involved. He mentions the janitor at NASA who felt he was part of putting a man on the moon. He focuses on small tasks for bigger endeavors, like being a janitor. How was it that that janitor felt he was part of something much bigger than emptying the trash and washing the floors? Leadership and inspiration!

Leadership involves taking risks, modeling behavior, having a vision that is clearly espoused. It is getting everyone involved to see and understand what the vision is and that everyone involved has a purpose. It takes a leader to understand valuing each individual and the role they play. I remember my father once told me some of the most important people in an organization are the cleaning staff. “They know everything. But more importantly, they are the support of a larger enterprise.” Janitors keep the place clean and in order, they are responsible for how the organization looks and feels which inspires workers in a clean environment. But it takes leaders to understand the value from top to bottom and ensure that everyone feels responsible. It is also for leaders and everyone to create a sense of purpose for each individual.

Ideas start small and then grow. Human trafficking inspired one of my students last year to take some action. I may have mentioned this previously, but as a reminder, she initially felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of human trafficking of small children used in factories. Her initial focus was to change the world, but we ended up narrowing it down to a local project at school to raise money to buy necessary items the children need. After much work at her school, she will most likely continue this project at university. Who knows where it will go from there? I hope far and wide.

Start small. I think many of us feel inadequate to tackle something too big. Keep it simple, keep it focused, provide purpose and don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Mistakes and failure are not something to be ashamed of, but rather inspiration to keep going, differently. Inspire, lead, grow, develop, create a sense of purpose and value. Don’t be afraid to fail.

Did you know we have a family events WeChat group? Join two hundred other internationally-minded families for the latest information on what’s going on in Beijing. Send an email to editor@beijing-kids.com with your WeChat id or add vanessajencks on WeChat. Please note that readers should confirm with each organizer if events are cancelled or scheduled as planned.

Free
Setting Boundaries for Kids, April 10
Adults. In the face of children’s emotions and tantrums, should parents give in to anger, compromise, or stay the set course? Patty Durbin is speaking about her experiences establishing boundaries for kids. She is sharing how to clarify responsibilities and establish clear boundaries for our children. Durbin is also discussing the various mistakes that we can make during the process of boundary setting. Please RSVP to mops@bicf.org. Free. 10am-noon. 21st Century Hotel.

Daystar Academy K-Middle School Open House, April 12
Ages 5-14. Daystar Academy has recently unveiled its brand new middle school building and a new FIFA standard field. In addition, recent assessment data proves that the school is fulfilling on its commitment to deliver premier bilingual education for its students. Visit Daystar to learn more about its vibrant program for kindergarten, elementary and middle school at its next open house April 12th. Please register here. Free. 9am-2pm. Daystar Academy (Beigao Campus). (jaw@daystarchina.cn, 186 0120 6155).

How to Fail Well, April 12
Adults. During this parent seminar, Lance King is delivering some practical advice on how can parents support their children so that they can see challenges as opportunity and setbacks as springboards to success. He is also talking about 21st Century Skills which is specifically targeted to how parents can support their children with ‘study skills’. Mr. King is an internationally renowned author, educator, and workshop facilitator who has worked on the development of the MYP, IBDP, and IBCP programs. Reserve a seat here. Free. 2-3.30pm. Edward Alleyn Theatre at Dulwich College Beijing (DCB).

HoK International Primary Curriculum Seminar, April 12
Adults. This interactive seminar is looking at recent research in learning, explore how the IPC (International Primary Curriculum) can benefit your child, and how parents can help support their child in learning at Home and in school. It is led by Mr Neil MacRae who’s based in Singapore from fieldwork education. Free. 6-8.30pm. House of Knowledge.

Hope International School Open House (K-12), April 12
Adults. Prospective parents are invited to Hope International School’s (HIS) Open House. Come take a campus tour, meet parents, teachers and students, and have a personal Q&A time. HIS is the only K3-G12 international school in Beijing that provides quality education with a total faith-based perspective. Free. 9-11am. Hope International School. (kwan.sherry@hopeintlschool.org, (+86) 400-800-8781).

Dulwich College Beijing Junior School Open House, April 13
Adults. Prospective parents can come and learn about DCB’s junior school curriculum. Attendees can expect to find out about our proven pastoral care system and how DCB challenges and inspires its students. To register this event, click here. Free. 9-11am. DCB Legend Garden Campus.

Western Academy of Beijing’s High School Art Exhibition, April 15
Ages 8+ Western Academy of Beijing’s (WAB) High School artists are displaying their portfolio from years of work, as the campus building transforms into a gorgeous art gallery for you to enjoy. Free. 2-4pm. Western Academy of Beijing. (hsreception@wab.edu, +86 10 5986 5588).

Preview Bilingual Education with Ivy & Daystar, April 15
Adults. Daystar Academy is offering its 50:50 bilingual model for elementary students at its Sanlitun campus. Kindergarten students meanwhile will be able to enjoy Ivy Academy’s excellent, all English program. All of this will be held in what will be a completely renovated campus equipped with new state-of-the-art air filtration systems and purpose-built outdoor turf. Free. 10am-noon. Daystar Academy (Sanlitun Campus). (8532 2500).

HoK International Primary Curriculum Info Session, April 12
Adults.This free interactive seminar is looking at recent research in learning, explore how international primary curriculum (IPC) can benefit children, and talk about how parents can help support their child’s learning both at home and at school. It is led by Mr Neil MacRae who’s based in Singapore from fieldwork education. RSVP required. Free. 6-8.30pm. House of Knowledge (Shunyi Campus).

Unique
Spring Sewing Camp at the SLab, April 10 to 14
Ages 7-18. This Spring holiday, The SLab will be running two sessions of week-long sewing courses for students. Week one will focus on the sewing basics and week two will delve into more complicated techniques like free-hand sewing and embroidery. RMB 1888 per week; RMB 3200 for both weeks. 10am-3pm. The SLab.

Gastronomy Journey with Guest Chef Akmal Anuar, April 14
Adults. Chef Akmal won the award of Worlds 50 Best restaurant San Pellegrino from 2009 to 2012, Asia ranked top 1 in 2012 when he was head chef of Iggy’s restaurant; ranked No. 1 of Miele Guide from 2010 to 2012; he moved to Dubai in 2014 and opened his own restaurant 3fils in 2017, and it had been awarded with the Best New Opening Restaurant by Time Out Dubai. Classic Italian cuisine with a modern twist is served in quiet elegance and cozy ambiance of Barolo, where dining provides an exceptional Italian experience, defining the Italian lifestyle in Beijing. RMB 688-1788. 11.30am-10.30pm. Ritz-Carlton, Beijing.

Yishion Camelot Grand Prix & Jumping Equuleus FEI CSI 2*, April 14 to 16
Ages 9+ The Equuleus International Riding Club, located in the Shunyi area, will host an international equestrian show from April 14 to 16. During the 3-day event, amateur, professional, and young riders from in and out of China will gather at Equuleus in order to participate in this CSI 2* accredited by the International Equestrian Federation (FEI). The show-jumping contest will take place in magnificent outdoor arenas. Prices vary. 8.30am-6.30pm. Equuleus International Riding Club.

Easter Celebrations at the Ritz-Carlton, April 16
All ages. Hotel guests and Easter Brunch guests are invited to a fun Easter Egg Hunt in the garden, creative egg paintings by using Ray&Co pencils; plasticine kneading with the artists from Tosee Art Education and funny clown play will be as special treat for kids. The unique Easter egg hunting activity will lead children to a fantastic world. A series of stunning gifts will fill the day with more fun and laughter. RMB 618 (ages 6-12 half price). 11.30am-3pm. Ritz-Carlton, Beijing. (5908 8161).

Best of Next Week
Harrow Beijing Art Exhibition, April 18
Ages 10+ Everyone is invited in the official opening of the GCSE and A Level Art Exhibition. Celebrate Harrow Beijing student achievements on April 18 in the school’s Art Department. If you cannot attend the official opening, the exhibition will remain on display until April 21. Free. 9am-4pm. Harrow International School Beijing.

Parkour Club by Imagine, April 18 to May 16
Ages 7-18. Due to popular demand, Parkour is now a weekly club! A great way to build foundation skills for all other freestyle action sports: balancing, jumping, flipping, landing rolling, climbing, vaulting, and so much more! RMB 400/class. 5.30-9pm. One Jump Trampoline Park. (www.imagine-china.com/parkour-club/).

Hyde Academy Tour with Admissions Director and Administrative Principal, April 19
Adults. Would you like your child immersed in a caring and cooperative learning environment that provides a rigorous academic program? Join Administrative Prinicipal Jennifer Sachs and Admissions Director Lian Peng for an informative meeting and tour. Free. 10-11.30am. Hyde Academy.

Meet the Principals/ISB MS/HS Open House, April 19
Grades 6-12. ISB’s middle school (Gr. 6-8) and high school (Gr. 9-12) Principals invite prospective parents and students to meet with them in a personal setting, where they will share information about ISB’s challenging curriculum and innovative teaching practices. Families will also have the opportunity to tour our world-class facilities, following the discussion. Free. 9-11.30am. International School Beijing (ISB). (www.isb.bj.edu.cn, 8149 2345 ext 1047).

BSB, Shunyi Open Day, April 19
Adults. Take a tour and visit our primary, German primary and secondary classrooms to see the great teaching and learning taking place. Parents can to talk to teachers and learn about the BSB curriculum, music and sports programs and check out the facilities too. Free. 9-11am. British School Beijing (BSB), Shunyi. (www.bsbshunyi.com/openday, 8047 3558).

Cavalia, April 19 to May 1
All ages. Known as the world’s largest touring production, Cavalia marries the equestrian Beyond the impressive technical display and equestrian and acrobatic numbers that are unlike anything ever seen on stage, Cavalia is first and foremost a work that feeds the soul. arts, stage arts and high-tech theatrical effects at never-before-seen levels. RMB 420-1620. 2.30-9.30pm. Chaoyang Park.

Dulwich College Beijing Early Years Open House, April 20
Adults. At the open house, you will meet with Head of Early Years David Mumford for a presentation on “Early Years at DCB – a UK curriculum designed for the hands, hearts and minds of international young learners.” A campus tour and Q&A session will be held after the presentation. To register, click here. Free. 8.30-10.30am. Dulwich College Beijing (DCB) Riviera Main Campus.

INN Shunyi Coffee Morning at BSB Chatterbox, April 20
Adults. The British School of Beijing, Shunyi (BSB, Shunyi) is hosting this months’ International Newcomers Network (INN) Shunyi coffee morning. Join us for this great opportunity to meet other newcomers and old-timers in the Shunyi area! Contact Brenda for more details. Free. 10am-noon. British School Beijing (BSB), Shunyi. (brenda.leung@britishschool.org.cn, 8047 3588).

Tea Brewing with That’s Mandarin, April 20
Adults. That’s Mandarin is teaching its development and characteristics, but also the secrets of its brewing process. You will be able to impress your colleagues, or your family with your professional mastery of tea. RMB 50. 7-9pm. That’s Mandarin. (info@thatsmandarin.com, 86 10 5218 6432).

American Boychoir Concert, April 20
Ages 9+ As an icon of American musical excellence, the Boychoir has been invited to sing for every sitting US President since John F. Kennedy. Touring frequently at home and abroad as preeminent ambassadors, the American Boychoir spreads messages of beauty and hope through outstanding musical achievement. 2017 is the first China Tour for American Boychoir. Tickets can be purchased here. RMB 180-580. 7.30-9.30pm. Beijing Concert Hall.

DCB Hua Mulan Performance, April 21
Ages 8+ Enjoy this modern adaptation of famous Chinese folk tale directed and performed by more than 50 DCB teachers and students. Hua Mulan (Chinese: 花木兰) is a legendary woman warrior from the Southern and Northern Dynasties period (420–589) of Chinese history. As a daughter of aged warrior, she impersonates a man to take her father’s place during a general conscription to counter foreign invasion. Over time, the story of Hua Mulan rose in popularity as a Chinese folk tale. Tickets can be purchased here. RMB 50 (adult); RMB 30 (children). 7-8.30pm. Dulwich College Beijing (DCB) Wodehouse Theatre.

We Will Rock You: School Edition, April 21 to 22
All ages. Bohemian Rhapsody! We are the Champions! Killer Queen! These are just some of the classic Queen songs featured in this beloved musical. The exciting and energetic show tells the story of Galileo Figaro, a young man who wants to bring back real music to a futuristic world where rock ’n’ roll is banned. RMB 30 (students), RMB 50 (adults). 7pm (April 21), 2pm and 7pm (April 22). Canadian International School of Beijing (CISB). (patrick.connolly@cisbeijing.com).

3e Charity Community Day & Roundabout Book Fair, April 22
All ages. 3e International School and Roundabout are welcoming families to attend the annual 3e Charity Community Day. Visit the event to find bargain treasures and entertain the family with games and activities! Families are invited to sell well maintained second-hand goods: toys, books and other household items. Families and Vendors can book a table for RMB100 (table fee will be donated to Roundabout). To book a table please email: community@3einternationalschool.org. Free. 10am-noon. 3e International School. (6437 3344).

BIBA Roundabout Book Fair, April 22
All ages. BIBA is hosting a Roundabout Book Fair. Choose from thousands of gently used books for all the family. There will be books for children of all ages and adults (fiction and non-fiction), English, Chinese and more for sale. Prices start as low as RMB 1 and all proceeds will help children in need. Free. 10am-3pm. Beijing International Bilingual Academy (BIBA).

MSB Roundabout Book Fair, April 22
All ages. MSB is hosting a Roundabout Book Fair. Roundabout will offer thousands of gently used books from many categories and for all the family. You can choose from English and Chinese books. Prices start as low as RMB 1. So come and pick your favorite reads for the summer to come. All proceeds will help a child in need. Free. 10am-3pm. International Montessori School of Beijing (MSB).

Unity Day with Daystar & Ivy Academy, April 22
All ages. Join Daystar Academy and Ivy Schools as they celebrate their second annual UNITY DAY. The event, which also takes place on Earth Day this year, promises to be both fun-filled and meaningful with game booths, delicious food from both Daystar’s signature sustainable food program and outside vendors, music, and entertainment, sports activity and more! Entrance is free but proceed of all game participation and items sold will go towards an environmental cause. So be sure not to miss this opportunity! Free. 10am-3pm. Daystar Academy (Beigao Campus). (jaw@daystarchina.cn, 186 0120 6155).

The Beijing Flea Market, April 22
All ages. This is Beijing’s one-stop shop for all things made in Beijing, with more than 35 vendors featuring some of the best local, independent design and crafts from both established and emerging makers. Shoppers will also find baked goods, wine, and more! Be sure to stop in Preface salon for to meet their senior stylists who will be doing specials during the day. Free. 12pm-6pm. POP-UP BEIJING.

Public Beijing International Film Festival Tour, April 22
Ages 8+ Newman Tours is offering a one off Public Beijing International Film Festival Tour and a Public Forbidden City Tour every Sunday. To celebrate the Beijing International Film Festival, Newman Tours is offering a one-off Public Tour of the China National Film Museum. RMB 190 (adults), RMB 120 (kids). 1.30-3.30pm. Newmen Tours Beijing. (info@newmantours.com, www.newmantours.com, 86 138 1777 0229).

Children’s Magic Show, April 23
Kids will enjoy the ‘Magic Journey’ live action magic show, which helps children to discover the ‘magical world.’ With help from the audience, the magician in this popular show guides kids through a series of tricks and enchantments which thrill and delight younger audiences. RMB 100 to RMB 200. Legends Small Theater. (https://www.douban.com/event/28126370/).

“Classic” BSB Fashion Show 2017, April 23
Ages 9+ Come and watch “Classic” – a fashion show organized by the students at The British School of Beijing (BSB) Shunyi. It includes 2 fashion shows and a mini market, where a fashion show will showcase and sell original designs made by students! Tickets can be purchased here. RMB 260 (non-VIP), RMB 130 (VIP). British School Beijing (BSB), Shunyi.

In further thinking about my previous article titled Non Sibi Reprise, it is important to come back to this issue of leadership. The New York Times article referenced, Not Leadership Material?, takes the viewpoint that our whole concept of leadership needs to have a review.

The other day during a conversation with a parent I mentioned that leadership does not necessarily mean being the Captain, the President or even in a specific position within an organization, whatever type of organization that might be. Every organization needs doers, people who follow. Being a good member of an organization, sharing the vision with others, inspiring others as a member is also leadership.

In a previous article about Non Sibi, I referenced a scene where a boy had dropped his plate of food and another boy came over to help clean up the mess. There were five or six other students sitting around, and none of them did anything except for the one boy. The courage to take action on his part was leadership.

Leadership comes from the fine critical and analytical skills needed to discern when action needs to be taken, and to have the courage to then take action. But sometimes leadership, as in the above example, is to stand alone, to go one’s own way. There is a student I am working with who was planning her summer programming. She had already applied to programs at top schools – all involving more classes, specifically math. We talked about alternatives that involved community service, Spanish (she is taking Spanish at school), and character development. She became so excited, she is off to Peru with Visions Services Adventures. When she had previously told her friend she was taking math at Stanford, they were excited and supportive. When she said that she had changed her mind and was going to Peru, they told her she was crazy. That is in my mind leadership – the courage to stand alone despite what others may think.

Lately some of my conversations with students have revolved around the idea of being a sheep. The safety of following can be too easy; the idea of going against the grain can be scary. But in considering what makes us individuals, it comes from being separate, making our own decisions and having the courage to possibly fail.

Learning comes in all shapes and forms. Developing leadership skills also comes in many forms. Understanding that a job well done is another form of leadership, but it also comes from understanding the role one plays in the achievement. Coming back to the reference to soccer in the New York Times article, it helps us to understand that soccer is about both team and individual effort. Winning or losing is about evaluating the team and one’s own performance. Self-evaluation in and of itself is in some ways a form of leadership.

Many cultures push the ideal of winning and giving accolades. In the US sometimes it feels like everyone has to earn something. Graduation celebrations now come at almost every grade level; everyone needs to get a certificate no matter what. It has changed how people view what is appropriate. But do we praise too much or incorrectly?

The concept of leadership leaves much to consider. In many ways I consider the NYT article to be correct. With more doers, people who push their own boundaries to become better, not for accolades, but because it is right and moral and will add to the betterment of others, perhaps then we can think of true leadership.

Having said all that, while leadership is important, what I really think is that developing character is more important. And thankfully schools – both boarding schools and universities – are talking more and more about character. As previously mentioned, SSAT is developing a character assessment. All schools are looking to develop their communities that support their mission, philosophy and ethos. It seems that finally those who set the standards beyond academic performance, schools, are placing character above leadership.

All parents want the best for their children. This was evident in the number of parents that attended the Beijing Kids School Fair earlier this Spring in search of the best school for their family.

This annual fair is an excellent opportunity to get a taste of many different types of schools, such as local and International, day and boarding, Chinese and bi-lingual schools and to listen to parents talk about their own children’s schooling experience.

Choosing the right school is a daunting process. I remember moving to a new country with a four year old and being told that we were much too late to enrol her and indeed, all the schools we were interested in were already full. We did eventually find one that had vacancies, we registered, bought the uniform, our daughter enjoyed her first day, all went well until we received news later that same day that a spot had unexpectedly become available at our first choice school,.. would we want it, and if yes, could we decide by tomorrow.

This sudden opportunity started a whole new discussion which involved our extended family around the world. Having done the smooth acclimatisation to her new school experience, would we traumatise our daughter by transferring her to another school after that one successful day in her first school? Like all first time parents we wanted to do the right thing. After much deliberation we decided to move her; it proved to be a good decision (and if you want to know, she doesn’t remember a thing about our huge dilemma).

When it was time to find a kindergarten for our two year old, the nice neighbourhood kindergarten I had carefully selected told me that they had no morning places available and that they could only offer us an  afternoon place and not a morning one (that could have been acceptable once we had sorted out her nap time). The kindergarten then said that they would only take her if she attended every afternoon instead of agreeing to my plan of starting initially with two and gently building up to five afternoons during the year. That, on the other hand, was not acceptable to me and we registered our daughter somewhere else.

Talking to Admissions officers at a Fair, browsing through websites and glossy brochures can give you some flavour of a school but visiting it provides you with a true personal impression. Some schools make you feel happy, some make you feel uninspired. If you are uncomfortable or intimidated by the Head of school, it is likely your child will be too. Follow your instinct and choose a place where you would be happy going to everyday and where you see engaged, motivated children and enthusiastic teachers.

‘It takes a Village to raise a Child’ goes the old saying. Finding a school that values dialogue between family and school is essential. Find out if the school welcomes parents on campus (within reason), will listen to your concerns and will contact you if your child struggles academically or emotionally. This is particularly important when we send our children to a school with a foreign curriculum or in a foreign language and even more so to a boarding school.

Our involvement as parents however, doesn’t end once we have paid the school fees.

Research has shown that children achieve better when their parents are interested in their work, their learning, their school, their friends and not just their report cards:

Be a supportive and encouraging parent.

Avoid talking only about grades.

Ask how they feel, listen when they complain about a teacher or an assignment.

Offer help for homework if needed, praise their effort and their hard work, not only their achievement.

Don’t fill up their free time with extra tutoring lessons.

Take time to sit and chat about life at school. Ask what was their favourite event of the day, tell them about yours.

Listen to your children respectfully like you would listen to a friend.

Attend their music concerts as well as their sports games.

Display their art work around the house.

Attend school events.

Get to know your child’s friends and their parents.

Meet the teachers at the beginning of the school year and ask to meet with them again briefly but regularly during the year even if it is not common practice.

A good school should be a community where teachers and parents cooperate alongside each other with the common goal of raising happy, balanced and successful children.

This post first appeared on Lyliane Stewart’s site parentingeastwest.com on March 10, 2014.

Lyliane Stewart is a teacher, a positive discipline parent educator and a mother of two young adults. Originally from Switzerland, she lives with her husband in Beijing where she has been very active with the school community over the years.  Her personal experience of living internationally in a cross-cultural family has given her a good understanding of the various challenges encountered by multi-cultural, multi-lingual expatriate families. Passionate about psychology and education, she founded Parenting East West to offer support to families around the world. Lyliane believes that by gaining a better understanding of ourselves, and of human relationships in general, we become better equipped for parenting.  She offers weekly interactive parenting classes through which she introduces positive parenting tools and strategies.

The Mums2B group she started meets in Sanlitun weekly and welcomes new expectant parents.To get in touch, send a message to: parentingeastwest@gmail.com

Photo by Lyliane Stewart

A short list to consider:

• Pharmacist
• University Professor with PhD in Chinese Literature
• Attorney
• Family medicine doctor
• Optometrist
• Dentist
• Pediatrician
• Molecular/Cellular biologist
• Chemical engineer
• Ballerina
• Accountant
• Nurse
• Speech therapist
• Interior designer
• Nutritionist/dietician

Pretty impressive list of highly educated and successful professionals, right? I’d sure like to share the company of these people, engaging in interesting discussions and learning more about their respective life paths. Oh, wait. I do talk to these women. They make up the group of people at our morning bus stop.

As a trailing spouse living in China, many women must curtail their careers. Some have chosen to do so in order to raise their families. Others have to put careers on hold due to work visa issues, or because of their husband’s job. Regardless of the circumstances, many women are adapting to a new life – albeit, most likely temporary – and sometimes it’s not an easy adjustment to make. 

In some ways, people (men are included in this equation as trailing spouses, too) can lose their identity when they aren’t able to continue with their work or outside interests. They often get involved in other ways – joining school organizations, volunteering in classrooms or local charities, learning the language and more. Some do enjoy the time off by exploring the city or going market shopping. 

Yet others sometimes fade into a lonely isolation and can become depressed as a victim of circumstance.

One frustrating misconception that all of these women inevitably deal with is the perception that they are all fluff and no substance. That they gossip at the bus stop while making their shopping plans for the day, after their personal trainer workout, nap and spa treatment, of course. It’s an irritating assumption or stereotype that rears its ugly head — we all know it’s present, whether spoken or not.

While my own resume may not be as impressive as some on the list above, I occasionally have to remind myself that I had quite a successful career before deciding on a hiatus to raise my children. At 22, I was a television writer and producer, often appearing as on air talent. I switched gears and spent several years marketing multi-million dollar product lines bearing iconic American brand names. I hired and managed my own staff, and was earning a high five-figure salary at the time. Considering this was 15 years ago, I guess you could say I was climbing the ladder of success at a nice clip. I was and should be proud of that, as I am and should be proud of the accomplishments made since that time, both personally and professionally. 

One blog won’t do it, but I hope that for the sake of the women I listed above and for the many others out there, people not in our situation will come to realize that, as trailing spouses we have to make some decisions – sacrifices, even. We aren’t flitting through the international lifestyle without a brain. While here, anyway, we are moms first – the most important job, even – and supporting our families in the way only a mother could.

Kudos to us all!

Photo by JASElabs of flickr.