It’s almost 2020. Periods shouldn’t make men (of any age) squeamish anymore and women shouldn’t need to feel embarrassed to ask for a tampon. It’s a completely normal part of life and it’s time to treat it as such.

Unfortunately, there are still dads in Beijing who consider the puberty talk and anything relating to that to be “mom’s job”. But truth be told, periods aren’t awkward until you (the parent) make it awkward.

True story: I have a girl friend who fell for a guy because of an accident with her period. Long story short, she got her period while they were out at lunch one day and instead of making a scene or making her feel embarrassed, he simply gave her his jacket to tie around her waist and walked her over to the nearest Watson’s to buy some sanitary napkins. That, boys, is how a gentleman should behave.

In China, the range of period products available isn’t as wide as in the US. There’s essentially two brands of tampons which can be commonly found in Chinese supermarkets and Watson’s, and occasionally a Diva cup would make an appearance on the shelves for a few months before disappearing because many of us can’t figure out how to actually use one without it looking like that elevator scene from The Shining.

The most commonly used product is still the pad, but there are so many kinds out there that it’s hard to choose the one you need. And you’re not supposed to choose just one. Depending on how heavy your flow is, the type of clothes you’re wearing, and time of day, there are different types of sanitary pads suited for your needs.

Here’s the cheat sheet for the next time someone needs you do to a feminine product run to the nearest supermarket.
For sleeping – long pads with wings
First day of the cycle – thin pads with wings or regular tampons
Second day of the cycle – thicker pads with wings or heavy flow tampons
Third day (until the end of the cycle) – back to thin pads with wings and regular tampons

• Always buy the pads with wings.
• Don’t buy the scented stuff.
• Never assume that panty liners can be a substitute for pads.
• Buy a box of regular tampons just in case.

For the single dads who need to have the talk. I get it. It’s not a comfortable topic no matter how hard you try. My dad still makes that “ugh, I can’t believe you said that” face when I ask him to add tampons to his Costco-run shopping list and he’s in his 60s. But no matter how uncomfortable it is to have the conversation, it’s better than her not knowing what’s going on with her body or thinking that she can’t come to you for help and advice.

Make her aware of these things. Her knowledge will help her navigate.

Hormones and Emotional Ups and Downs: A flood of hormones are going to cause her moods to fluctuate. She is going to cry and have no reason why. She will also be sensitive about things that normally wouldn’t bother her. It isn’t her fault, but knowing may help her maintain perspective and discount it. One of the most irritating things, when I was young, was people pointing out my mood swings and joking about it. Put yourself in their shoes. Your body is going through changes and you’re dealing with things you’ve never had to deal with before. It takes a bit of time before your daughters can get the hang of their menstrual cycles.

Menstrual Cycle and Vaginal Discharge: This isn’t here for shock value. It’s important for her to know what to expect so she’s not left alone in fear and confusion when it happens. Tell her; do not leave it up to a doctor or anyone else. They may impose their own viewpoints on sexuality, inconsistent with the values of your home. Vaginal discharge is one that’s often overlooked during sex ed classes. It’s not done on purpose, but when compared to the vast amount of information delivered to young people all at once, it ranks lower on the list of topics to cover. But, make sure your daughter knows that this is completely normal and that there’s nothing wrong with her body.

Growth Spurts, Pimples, and Breast Development: Explain that these changes are natural. They will feed her insecurity, particularly if she develops earlier or later than her peers. This isn’t the 90s anymore and being beautiful doesn’t mean you need to look like Gisele Bündchen. Models like Winnie Harlow, Ashley Graham, Brunette Moffy, and Viktoria Modesta are just a few of the models on today’s runways that prove that you don’t need to look a certain way to be considered beautiful.

Winnie Harlow is a Canadian fashion model, and public spokesperson on the skin condition vitiligo

Brunette Moffy is breaking down barriers. The cross-eyed model has now been signed with Storm Models.

Ashley Graham is an American plus-size model and television presenter.

Viktoria Modesta is a bionic artist exploring modern identity through performance, fashion, avant garde visuals, technology and science. VM’s life story is a journey of exploration and pushing human boundaries.

Source: allprodad.com
Photos: unsplash, giphy, manamia, vogue.com

As a parent myself, I find that explaining meaningful and complicated things in life becomes a bit less awkward when explained in a book. Reading them is quite easy, informative, and fun. We made this roundup of child-friendly resources and where to buy them. Pediatrician Tracy Xu also recommended excellent reads and advice.

Dr. Xu tells us that contents of sexual education differ depending on school level and children’s ages. “For preschool children, lessons should be more about the development of secondary sex characteristics. On the other hand, lessons on avoiding consequences of unprotected sexual contact are more aptly taught to junior high school and high school students.” Dr. Xu believes that telling children about sex directly and gently without metaphors will not cause too much curiosity about sex.

Your Body belongs to you 

By Cornelia Maude Spelman

Age 4 to 8

Taobao.com

RMB 32

I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private

By Kimberly King

Age 4 and up

Tmall.com

RMB 80

My Body Belongs to Me: A book about body safety 

By Jill Starishevsky

Age 3 to8

Taobao.com

RMB 10

Beyond the Birds and the Bees Fostering Your Child’s Healthy Development in Today’s World

By Beverly Engel, JD.com

RMB 247

Recommended by Dr. Xu,

Sanfine International Hospital.

My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes

By Dagmar Geisler

Age 3 to 6

Taobao.com

RMB 160

S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties 

By Heather Corinna, Age 12 and up

Amazon.cn, RMB 108

Recommended by Brandy S. He, Education Consultant

It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health

By Robie H Harris, Age 10 and up

Amazon.cn, RMB 68

This month we ask parents from different cultural backgrounds how they handle the sensitive issue of talking to their kids about love, sex, and where babies come from.

Alex Weber is a Corporate Trainer and Business Consultant from the US. He has three children: Jason (17) attends the Pakistan Embassy School, Jasmine (14) is at Nanshan Waldorf School, and Jackson (6) goes to AnDeHuaXu Waldorf School.

At what age did you start talking to your children about sex?

I didn’t go out of my way to talk to my children about sex until my oldest was coming up on puberty, but I didn’t avoid the topic either. So as questions naturally came up, we would answer things honestly, sometimes with less specific vocabulary.

Before that, where did you say babies come from?

We’d basically say you came from mom’s stomach. We never had any fanciful tales about storks or buying them on sale at the supermarket. We’ve always been pretty matter of fact with the children about human biology, and where they come from.

What approach did you take?

When my son was 12, I decided it was time to have The Talk, so I made an elaborate PowerPoint presentation. I took him out to a Russian restaurant, got him a tea and I had a beer, and I took him through it, answering whatever questions he had. I made sure to talk about reproductive biology, but I also tried to make a lot of the talk about consent, and boundaries, and interpersonal relationships, particularly as it relates to adolescents.

Do you think parents should speak differently to boys and girls about this?

I don’t think that parents should speak differently to girls and boys, though I have to admit I’m guilty of it. I worry that my daughter might get, I don’t know, “squicked out” by her father trying to have The Talk with her. My wife, who’s Chinese, is a little bit more reluctant to have a conversation with her, and doesn’t think that at 14 it’s time. I’m gently prodding that because I think it is time.

What about boundaries and appropriate behavior?

Rather amusingly, after I’d made the PowerPoint for my son, one of my colleagues, who’s Chinese, asked me if I would please, please, please have The Talk with her son. I looked at her and said, “Your son is 17, and sexually active, and doesn’t know me very well. He doesn’t need his mother’s colleague sitting down with a PowerPoint presentation and embarrassing him. Why don’t you talk to him a little bit?” But she didn’t feel that she could.

Have you talked about consent?

A recurring theme was certainly consent, because I think parenting teenage boys, the onus really needs to be on boys. There’s too much in our culture right now about talking to girls about how to protect themselves. And I think talking to boys about what acceptable behavior is, how to obtain consent, how to actually make sure that it’s not reluctant or forced consent, being very mindful of these things, is really of utmost importance.

Have you talked to them about same-sex relationships?

I’ve talked to my children about same sex relationships, sure. I have people in my family and friends who are around and who are in their lives have been in same sex relationships, so it doesn’t seem bizarre to them. My six year old gets indignant – when he says he’s going to marry a girl, I say “or a boy”, and he says, “NO! Absolutely not.” But I leave the possibility open with them, trying to be very matter of fact about it.

At what age would you be happy with your child having a boyfriend/ girlfriend?

Well, it’s been a battle with my 17 year old over the last few years. It’s not a question of me being happy, it’s a question of them finding their boundaries, and me giving them enough room to explore while keeping them safe. So I’m not happy about it, but I don’t forbid it. I try to guide, and I try to give some input. But yeah, my teenager has been broken-hearted a couple of times this year over girl trouble.

My 14 year old, my daughter, is very interested in boys now, and I think that’s fine, I think that’s normal. I’m not going to be one of these, “Oh, my daughter, when she’s 30, otherwise I’ll shoot you!” I don’t like the double standard. So it is hard, she’s my little girl, and I adore her, but I want her to be happy, and I want her to explore. So 14 might be a little young, but she’ll come to that when she’s ready, and I’ll be there to guide her and support her, and maybe cast the odd menacing look at the boys when they come over, but no more than I do at my darling son’s girlfriends.