So here I am. 12 months after saying I would never encourage or enter into co-sleeping with my firstborn, I’m struggling to stop the cozy nights snuggled up with my little one in my arms and transition him from the parental bed to his cot. Lux not only sleeps with us, but also has formed the habit of shifting between mom and dad throughout the night for extra snuggles.

I’ve even woken to him planting drool covered kisses on my forehead before phasing back into a deep sleep. It goes without saying that he’s become particularly fond of sleeping with mom and dad and the intimacy of our nighttime ritual is proving difficult to break. Many new parents have been there, and transferring baby from bed to cot can be just as difficult for the parents as well as our little ones.

It turns out that I love co-sleeping, but as Lux has grown, my sleep is often broken by little palms and feet in my face, forehead nudges to my back, and topsy-turvy rumbles under the sheets. This boy moves – a lot. Apart from our need for a good night’s sleep; it would be nice for us to reclaim our bed as a child-free zone, and enjoy the extra stretching and spooning room!

The following are some tips that us newbie parents can try out. Here’s to helping you reclaim your bed too!

Keep it dark

Try and keep the bedroom dark at night and light during the day. This is to help baby know that the daytime is for waking and the nighttime is for sleeping. It’s extremely difficult, and even I struggle with this, but it’s also best to limit interaction with baby during the night – no baby talk, kissing, or cuddles, even when changing baby’s diaper. The aim is to limit interaction that may be interpreted as playing.

Have a routine

Having a routine helps baby to get into the rhythm of what to expect each evening. For example, we have bath time around 4.30-5pm, and then Lux will have a snack, which usually consists of fruit and yogurt or Chinese rice porridge. We try to limit play and if he’s in the mood I might be able to read him a story. Ideally the last few phases of your nighttime routine should take place in a quiet dark space, with as little stimuli as possible. At the 7.30pm mark he usually finally falls asleep – babies love continuity and your routine does not need to resemble this one, but should be one that works for you and your family.

Naps

This one is what the family and I are focusing on right now. Put your baby down for naps in his cot during the day. We are trying to normalize the cot and make it less scary to be left in there at night. Basically, we are trying to get Lux to become friends with his cot and familiar with this new space.

Try using a baby sleeper

We purchased a baby sleeper before Lux arrived. He is used to napping in this comfortable cocoon-like space, and so we are now using it to help him transition into his cot. If you don’t already have one, try one out and use it in the cot. It will help baby to feel more snug.

Use a favourite comforter, muslin, or piece of clothing

Lux is used to the smell of us lying next to him, and he also usually sleeps with his favourite muslin. Comforting smells and textures are perfect for sounder sleep. Transfer any muslins, comforters, or clothing that smells of you or the bed to the cot.

Swaddling

This never worked for us but for some parents, this is a game-changer. When Lux was first born, he was swaddled and took to it while in hospital and for the few first nights at home. However, although we are encouraged not to allow baby to sleep on his or her front, that’s the only way he would get a good nights sleep and therefore we had to give up the swaddling. He would always fight his way free (this may have been more down to my poor swaddling technique) and I decided to go with what worked for him and not what Google was telling me should work. Some parents though swear by it and its remedial effects for a better night’s sleep for you and baby. Give it a try.

Raise the head of the cot

Lux unfortunately did suffer from reflux. If your baby does, try raising the head of the cot by putting a book or two underneath it. Sleeping at an angle will help keep the stomach acid down.

How are you coping?

I genuinely would love to receive comments about how you might have got your baby to sleep in a cot rather than your bed, or comments about trying any of the above for the first time. Share below!

Photos: Pixabay

We have all been there. The first time we stepped foot into our new home-away-from-home, it may have been with great anxiety and trepidation. Moving to a foreign country is challenging at the best of times, but uprooting your family and acclimatizing to a new cultural environment comes with its own set of unique tests and trials.

Families moving to Beijing have several issues to contend with once their feet touch the tarmac. Relocation can be one of the most testing times for families who have uprooted their lives from one country to the next. Usually, they spend a considerable amount of time navigating their way through several transitions; not least is the issue of getting the kids settled into a new school.

Dulwich College Beijing (DCB) has been investing in several ways to help ease the strain that a family may go through when moving across shores to build a new life. Their counseling program with the support of the student body and members of faculty work together to provide a welcoming environment for new students and a support network for both them and their families.

DCB Teacher and Counselor, Karla Hawkins, shared with beijingkids first-hand knowledge of the biggest challenges faced by students and parents who have moved to Beijing, “They have gone through a roller coaster of emotions from pure excitement and the prospect of all the new adventures ahead, to incredible lows surrounding the leaving of friends, family, and often pets.”

Hawkins went on to say that most families start seeking out ways to develop some sort of normalcy after arriving. They often prioritize making efforts to recreate elements of their previous life while doing their best to cultivate friendships. However, this rush to experience some semblance of their old life often results in a family neglecting to take their time to get accustomed to the culture and way of life here, which often leads to them rushing the transitional period only to realize that some things take much longer than anticipated.

To combat some of the disappointment a student and parent might experience during the initial phase of adjustment in a new country, DCB has set up a Peer Mentoring Programme where International Baccalaureate (IB) students are trained to mentor and support Key Stage 3 (Years 7, 8, and 9) students. New students in particular really benefit from this program, which offers one-to-one support. “Younger students benefit from talking to older students as they often feel that someone closer to their age understands them better than the adults in their lives,” says Hawkins.

When it comes to age-specific challenges for students, there are a few to consider for both younger and older kids. If you have young children they may tend to miss their usual routines and the comfort of their old surroundings, however, they usually adapt more quickly in comparison to older students on campus, especially if supported by parents who recreate as many of these routines as possible.

For older students establishing meaningful friendships can take time and is one of the key sources of difficulty for some as they try and develop more of a social standing in school, however, this all gets easier as older students begin to immerse themselves in extracurricular activities. “As students move into IB DP (Diploma Program) years, it gets easier again as they tend to focus more on their work and get involved in after-school activity programs,” explained Hawkins.

At DCB all new students and their parents attend a New Families Orientation session the day before the rest of the student body arrives at the school for the start of the academic year; “This gives the new students an opportunity to meet their teachers and other new students ahead of the first day of school,” said Hawkins. This is vital to supporting students through the initial difficult first few weeks and months and partners other awesome initiatives. These include the Early Years and Junior School summer presentation, where students are presented with a photo and a short introduction to their class teacher, and Buddy program, which involves assigning new students to a member of the student body who can help them find their feet until they are ready to go at it alone.

There is also a week-long transition program for Year 6 students who are moving from Junior School to Senior School, whereby all new and current students join DCB from other schools in Beijing to participate in helping one another to transition confidently into the new year. This, Hawkins said, is a proactive and motivational aspect of student life; “The student body is extremely welcoming and always happy to help new students. Most go above and beyond to help and support.”

For the families of students attending DCB, the school organizes a “Newcomers Fair.” This is an opportunity for parents and extended family to get familiar with their community, network, and ask questions. Their parent association, ‘Friends of Dulwich’ is very active in organizing “connection lunches,” and “Bring a Friend” coffee mornings to help engage newcomers, welcome them and their families, and offer a support network made up of parents.

Acclimatization is never easy, and stringent back-up initiatives are always needed for those who may continue to struggle with their new environment. The Pastoral system at DCB deals with offering consistent and ongoing support, “The pastoral leaders work closely with the teachers and form tutors to ensure that those who are struggling have a support strategy put in place that will ensure they do acclimatize and settle in,” said Hawkins.

If you and your family are struggling to settle in Beijing and wondering how your home-away-from-home will ever really feel like ‘home,’ then patience is the key says, Hawkins. Take your time and allow you and the kids to adapt without the added pressure of wanting to make everything happen now. Check out what kind of support services the school where your kids attend offer and ensure that you and your family take advantage of the many opportunities to participate in school and family-orientated initiatives and activities. The kids can meet and make new friends and parents can connect with other parents also needing support and advice.

Remember that the name of the game for a family transitioning into a new life abroad often involves a period of testing times. Even seasoned expats have experiences with isolation, challenges with culture, and adapting to a new environment, particularly if you are worried about how your kids are coping at school. As Hawkins put perfectly; “There is often trial and error until your child finds the right activity, but once they do, that sense of being part of a group is essential for belonging and transition.”

Photo: Courtesy of DCB

Welcome back to my Postpartum Weight Loss series. As I mentioned in my first post concerning my health and wellness journey post-pregnancy, I’m taking a different approach when it comes to cultivating a more positive body image and going about setting realistic goals for myself.

My Postpartum wellness challenge focuses on all the great benefits of leading a healthier lifestyle without the preoccupation with weight loss! Here are the final five steps to a more positive self and body image that doesn’t include counting the calories.

#1 Exercise!

Wait, what? I hear you say. This post is all about going beyond skin-deep beauty right? Exercise shouldn’t always be used as a means to an end to ditch the extra pounds you may have gained. Exercise can fight depression, fatigue, and disease. It can be used as a tool to connect mentally with your body and as downtime to reflect more intentionally about life. You don’t need to hit the gym for two hours. Go for a brisk walk, take a yoga class, do a workout session with your partner, or go for a light jog. Forget about weight loss. Focus your mind on how you feel and how you want to feel. Have fun and when you’re done, you’re done.

#2 Get some sleep

Sleep deprivation is linked to a number of issues related to stress, lethargy, and even over-eating. Sleep can actually help you to regulate different lifestyle patterns and leads to more proactive and productive days. Try and go to bed consistently at the same time every evening, preferably before 10pm. Do your best to get at least eight hours sleep and don’t forget to drink plenty of water.

#3 You are what you eat

Again, this is all about retraining your mind in regard to the way you look at nutrition. Eating well, just like exercise, should not be about weight loss, but overall health and wellness. Break it down into small decisions. Rather than grab that candy bar on the go, grab a piece of fruit. Try not to eat late or heavy meals after 5pm. Be consistent and have everything in moderation. Do not deprive yourself of the things you enjoy, but instead have less of what you love and more of what your body needs. Food is fuel and can also fight off disease and lethargy.

#4 Get moving with your little one

In the mornings before work Lux and I have a little dance-off. Well, he sits in his high chair while mommy performs. Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself and have fun moving with your children. Dance and sing together, go to the park and participate in an activity that gets your body moving without you even noticing or do a five-minute stretching activity in the mornings with the whole family. Make it part of your morning or weekend routine.

#5 Become a critical viewer of social media and messages

Approximately 91 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, although only 5 percent naturally possess the body type often portrayed in American and British media. Stop buying into the 100 percent fallacy that a normal woman weighs 90 pounds and has the chest size of a prepubescent boy. Daily we are being fed lies about how we should look, how much we should weigh, and what we should be buying and wearing. The average woman consumes five hours of advertisements a day that project images of women that reflect the body image reality of 2 percent of women. Take what you see as a pinch of salt. Look around you and see what real women look like and let that help shape your body perception, and not a multimillion-dollar industry that capitalizes on women’s insecurities.

Photos: Pixabay

The life of an expat is often viewed as glamorous, stress-free, and full of fun, sun, and cocktails. Although living abroad often does include such elements of fine living, my experience as an expat is a great deal more complex than the above description.

There are many positive aspects to my life in Beijing. The cost of living is significantly cheaper than the last city in which I lived, I have access to career opportunities that are not so readily available in London’s saturated job market, and I have found a fantastic community that has served as a family away from family. This being said, for me, life as an expat has always been challenging. Becoming an expat mum has added an extra dimension to this challenge.

I live in a land where I am very obviously a foreigner. Every day I step outside I am reminded of just how much I do not blend in. This truth is reinforced every time I hear the word wàiguó rén uttered as I walk down the street. This word literally means “foreigner”, and to say I hear it often is a gross understatement. I’m also reminded of my alien status when complete strangers ask me where I’m from. This is before “Hello”, “What’s your name?”, “How’s your day going?” or any of the other pleasantries that usually mark the beginning of a conversation. It seems that ascertaining where exactly I originate from is of far greater importance than anything else.

To be fair, I’ve never had reason to interpret the attention I receive as hostile. The stares are more ones of fascination and intrigue than of hatred and bigotry. Nevertheless, the attention I receive reminds me that in a city of over 20 million people, there are relatively very few people that look like me.

Beijing is an “interesting” place to be an expat. I’ve learned that If your face doesn’t fit, it’s near impossible to be considered one of the pack. This is the case even if a person was born and raised here and has mastered the language. It seems that being Chinese has less to do with an individual’s place of birth and upbringing, and everything to do with race. This is probably why whenever I tell people that my children are Chinese I’m met with a smile or sometimes even an outright laugh. One man once verbalized his comeback with the word, “bù kěnéng!” (Impossible). These responses seem harmless enough but below the surface, there is a deeper message that is being conveyed.

I have often wondered what response my children will give when the time comes for them to answer the “Where are you from?” question. My parents were born and raised in Nigeria, my husband’s parents were born and raised in Ghana and both my husband and I were born and raised in England. Our children, on the other hand, were born and are currently being raised in China. So how exactly will they respond to this loaded question?

Incidentally, there have been some instances of foreigners being naturalized. However, generally speaking it is near impossible for anyone without Chinese ancestry to become a citizen of China. But is this really an issue of citizenship? Is the absence of a Chinese passport the only obstacle to my children being considered Chinese? What exactly does it mean to be Chinese anyway?

When it’s all said and done, the positives of living in Beijing do seem to outweigh the sacrifices. Although in actual fact, our decision to live in Beijing goes far beyond the many advantages of international living. For us, it all comes down to purpose. Put simply, for the time being, Beijing is where we are meant to be.

Despite the challenges, I honestly believe that my children’s upbringing will be richer as a result of having lived abroad. It is my hope that not being allowed to fit into the homogeneous society that surrounds us, will help them own the truth that standing out from the crowd is not always a bad thing.

*This post is a reworking of a blog post that was originally published on www.itisreal.net

Photo: Pamela Djima

Around this time last year, I spent two months of packing, unpacking, and repacking my belongings to prepare for another phase of my academic life: starting university in the fall. I was hoping then to channel the blues and excitement after graduating from the International School of Beijing into something useful. I had imagined hundreds of scenarios of how my life would change, but it wasn’t after several months at university did I realize that there’s life beyond the little bubble of an international school.
I felt a mix of emotions my first couple of weeks at university: nervousness, homesickness, anticipation, and delight to name a few. But I was mostly just tired from jetlag after flying half way around the world. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I knew that I should take advantage of the calm before the storm of assignments. This was the perfect time to start settling in. I arranged my belongings in my dorm, explored a little bit of the campus and the city, set up my bank account, borrowed useful books from the library, and did some shopping for necessities like stationery, coat hangers, electrical appliances…oh, and obviously snacks. There were also orientation activities taking place, which helped new students like me learn about city and university life, and allowed us to meet new people.
Throughout secondary school, I took comfort in the fact that most of my peers have experienced the expat life like I have. After just a few weeks at university, I gained tremendous insight into the lives outside that of expats. I hadn’t put much thought before into the fact that an overwhelming amount of people around the world have grown up in one country, one province, or even one city. Most of the people I’ve so far met made their biggest move when coming to university. So, unlike between students at international schools, a mutual understanding about an international lifestyle was rarely present.
As an embassy kid, I have had the luxury of living in seven different countries, so it is not surprising that I dreaded being asked the question “Where are you from?” whenever I met someone new. Considering my nationality, I would respond that I am from India, even though I feel as much connection to Beijing as I do to my hometown. I would hope that the conversation of my background would end there, but most of the time, I would receive a look of puzzlement followed by a question or comment related to my accent: “Oh, why don’t you have an Indian accent then?” I would watch people’s fascination grow as I explained how my family and I would move countries every few years, and how my international schooling gave me an “international” accent. I needed to explain my expat background so many times during my first year at university that I had prepared a little speech to recite any time people would ask me about it. “I’m from India, but I moved to here from China…” “No, I’m not Chinese…” “My dad works at the embassy, so I moved around a lot…”
The first year of my university education felt like a natural transition from high school senior year, like entering International Baccalaureate (IB) Year 1 after 10th grade. Having endured several IB exams and one Advanced Placement Calculus BC exam, I didn’t have too much trouble settling in academically. But reaching my academic goals still required more hard work than in high school. For example, obtaining academic success in university requires better time management. Instead of having classes from 8:.30am to 3:.30pm every day, my classes were spread out throughout the week, most during the day and a few during the evening. Because of that, it was a little harder to balance studies, work, and chores. I felt a heavier workload too, but that could have also been because I had to do a lot of things on my own, like cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and cooking when the meal hall wasn’t open.
Because of some added responsibilities, it was important not to fall behind on things that need to be done. Most of my professors did not make lectures mandatory to attend, so it was easy to fall into the trap of skipping classes to get a few more minutes of precious sleep or to write a few more lines of an essay assignment due the next week. Also, with the extra freedom and independence from parents, it wasn’t too hard to overdose on fun. I had to quickly learn to schedule effectively, so that all tasks could be completed on time.
Having studied at an international school has prepared me for many of the challenges I was going to face during my first year at university, but it was impossible to be ready for everything. Starting university may feel like a big change, but it opens the doors for a plethora of opportunities. I’ve only completed one year of university, but I’ve already met many amazingly talented people, and learned about numerous fascinating topics. It was important to prioritize everything effectively to make the most out university life.

photo: huffpost.com

Transition – the process of transferring from one school to another – is a normal stage of a child’s life. It can be an exciting time, representing growth and progress, from kindergarten to elementary school, elementary to high school.

However children spent a significant proportion of their days at school, and the change can sometimes be traumatic. Educational researchers have long established the risks, and the importance of supporting students through transition.

“Third culture kids” are likely to experience transition more often than peers in their home country. Parents moving jobs will often mean their children moving schools, whether they like it or not. The challenges can be even greater for the kids, with international schools often using very different curricula and teaching methods from each other.

We talked to Catherine Powell and Shasha Huang, Co-Directors of the Center for Learning, Language and Enrichment at Keystone Academy, about how parents can help their children through these challenging times in a child’s life.

What are the major changes parents and children can expect when transitioning from (eg) elementary school to high school?

“The important key is how students think about their own intelligence and abilities. Some adjust and thrive well others do not. Some students find increased socializing a challenge. It is important that parents reach out to the school’s support systems if they see their child is struggling.

“Some major changes:

• Different models of teaching and grouping- they might not be with their friends anymore.
• Class size.
• Getting from one class to another.
• Teachers in the middle and high school expect students to be more independent in their self-management.
• There are both physical and developmental changes as they go through puberty.
• They become more engaged with peers and less engaged with parents as they gain more independence.”

What issues do parents need to be aware of when their child is changing schools?

“Before moving to a new school it is important to spend time researching to find the best fit for your child. Parents can help prepare their child for the transition. Parents should be aware of their child’s responses to their new setting, academically emotionally and socially. It is helpful to talk with your child to find out what their concerns are and find a contact person at the school who can help with those concerns. It is usually a homeroom teacher or advisor.”

What can they do to prepare their child for the change?

“Parents can visit the school in advance to meet teachers, tour the building, walk through their schedule and locate their locker. They should be able to identify at least one person and place to go to if they need help. If a school visit is not possible they should look at the school’s website together in detail.”

What warning signs should they look for that their child might not be settling?

“If after 4-5 weeks students are showing signs of depression, anxiety, withdrawal or increased misbehaviors, parent should contact the school.

• Loss of interest
• Short temper
• Withdrawing from others
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits.
• Refusal to go to school
• Isolation or bullying”

Under what circumstances should parents consider moving their child to a different school?

“Ultimately parents want their children to be happy so if a child is not happy and the parents have done what they can it might be time to consider moving schools, preferably at the summer break. A move mid year can be very difficult for kids.”

Meet Keystone Academy at the 7th Beijing International School Expo (BISE) hosted by beijingkids and JingKids on February 18-19, 2017 from 10am-4pm at the Crowne Plaza Beijing Chaoyang U-Town. Find out more information about the event here.

We suggest you take advantage of one of the few events in Beijing for families that are actually free – register now for a quick and painless breeze through the check-in line.

Photo: courtesy of Keystone Academy

Schools reconvened a while back, but the momentum has just started to pick up. The fresh crop of local and international students embarking on a new school year in a fresh education setting is exciting and challenging at the same time. To help new parents and students transition, especially those who are taking their children to a western education environment, we talk to the Academic Registrar at Harrow International School Beijing, Peter Rizzardini. Rizzardini, Australian, was the Head of Prep at Harrow Beijing. He has been an educator for many years and his wife, Jennifer, is a Reception Class Teacher at the same school.

How long have you lived in Beijing? What brought you here?
This will be our fifth year in Beijing. We had moved from Cheshire in the United Kingdom, where I was the Head of Middle School at a Prep School in a beautiful village called Alderley Edge. Having lived and worked in Canada and the UK, we were looking for a new experience a little closer to our family in Australia. When the opportunity arose to become the Head of Prep at Harrow Beijing, the decision to move to China was easy.

What is a western education?
In simple terms, western education refers to the education systems used in western cultures. Most typically, this means the systems used in North America, the UK, and Europe. However, we should not forget the excellent education systems that are found in other western countries, such as Australia and New Zealand.

What are the distinct features of a western education?
Although the system used in each country has its own unique features, broadly speaking, a western education is typified by its holistic approach to learning that encourages inquisitiveness, independent learning, and creativity. This doesn’t mean that western education isn’t academically challenging; on the contrary, the western approach requires its students to reach the highest levels academically while also challenging them to think independently.

How does western education differ from eastern education?
There is still an impression that Chinese education contains elements of spoon-feeding and rote learning with an emphasis on exam results. Such a system tends to create students who are good at memorizing facts, but not as developed in creative and independent thinking.

Some schools have made real attempts to address these issues. It is important to understand that today all of the leading western universities, whether they are in the UK or America, are looking for candidates who are not just academically able, but also have a broad range of experiences beyond the classroom. So, apart from the encouragement of independent thinking, the other main differences between western and some eastern education is its holistic approach. This means that all students need to participate in a wide range of activities that cover physical, creative, cognitive, and service (community) elements to develop a portfolio that demonstrates their interests, passions, and level of participation outside of the classroom. Harrow Beijing, for example, runs more than 90 enrichment activities each week to help students build their portfolios.

What challenges have you witnessed families from non-western backgrounds experience when they move to a western education setting?
For some students, the transition to western education can initially be problematic. For many it is the first time that they are required to manage their time independently to meet deadlines. There can also be differences between the expectations at home and at school. Based on their own school experiences, parents often want to see their children studying facts from textbooks for long hours each night, where as the homework requirements from a ‘western’ school will be very different.

Can you share five strategies that can help families from different backgrounds transition to a western education setting?
Seek Balance
One of the mistakes many new students and parents make is to focus solely on academics.

Too much of anything can also be a bad thing, so finding a balance between academics and the social, or extra curricular, aspects of school life is vital. Homework is important, but not if it is just encourages rote learning and deprives students of much needed sleep. Activities, such as community service, sports, music, speech and drama, can all play an import role in building a student’s portfolio of participation.

Take advantage of opportunities and try something new
As a new student in a new system, it is important to take advantage of the opportunities available. Schools are a great place to take on new challenges, as they can provide a safe and non-competitive place to try your hand at something you haven’t tried before. So, another good tip for students and parents is to try something new. Think about learning a musical instrument, joining a sports team, or participating in the choir. Taking part in extracurricular activities is also a great way of building new friendships with people who share the same interests as you.

Communication
Close personal tutoring is the cornerstone of the teacher – student – parent relationship at Harrow Beijing. Your child’s teacher or personal tutor is the main point of contact you should have with the school, so getting to know your child’s tutor or teacher is essential for finding out what is happening with your child’s education.

Don’t be afraid to email or phone the school using your first language. Large international schools, such as Harrow Beijing, will always have translators available for those who speak Chinese or Korean as their first language. Ask for help! It’s okay to ask for help, and this applies equally to both parents and students.

Culturally, in China, there is sometimes a reluctance to show that you don’t understand or need help. However, schools are in the business of helping students achieve their best, so it is important that students overcome this fear and seek help when it is needed. This could be as easy as putting up your hand if the teacher is speaking too quickly or seeking advice from your school counsellor.

Set Achievable Goals
One obstacle students new to western education need to deal with is the amount of freedom they have compared to some other education systems. Teachers will set deadlines that students will need to meet, so it is important for students to set themselves goals and targets to make sure work is done on time. Discuss your targets and goals with your teacher or tutor to ensure they are realistic and achievable. Once a target has been met or a goal achieved, it is okay to reward your child. However, don’t forget success isn’t just measured by academic attainment and report grades.

Read a book
My last tip is perhaps the easiest: read a book. There are many studies that agree the simple act of reading a book each night improves your chances of academic success. It is also a great way of improving your English at the same time.

Photo: germanpluse.com