If you were to redo high school, what would you prioritize at the top out of your high school experience? Getting into good universities? Building long-lasting relationships? Having fun?

Yes, they’re all goals of a typical high schooler –yet none of them can be achieved without maintaining a healthy and balanced lifestyle. If you disagree, think again.

Can you ace all your tests without a stable mentality? Would your friends keep talking to you once you desert your social life? Can you have fun when your everyday life is a wreck?

Becoming a high schooler throws you a tsunami of assignments and shoulders you with high expectations and immense responsibility. Eventually, students may experience an unstable mentality, which perpetuates a nonstop, vicious cycle of stress. Hence, in order to actually experience the high school experience– and even bear fruit out of it–students must be educated and learn how to balance their academic, social, and emotional life. My school promotes well-being such as self-awareness, self-management, social and emotional competence, strong relationships, and purposeful action through Social and Emotional Learning (SEL).

The well-being lessons were first introduced to me in elementary school, during Language Arts classes. A grade counselor would take our class time to discuss ways to focus better on class—yes, they taught us such self-explanatory solutions like “Close your iPad” or “Talk less with your friends during class time”. Of course, most of the other fifth graders and I rolled our eyes whenever a counselor rolled into our classroom. We were all silently preaching for our homeroom teacher to dismiss SEL for extra recess—which never happened, by the way.

But the anti-SEL episodes halted as soon as we transitioned to middle school and were bestowed with oh-so-delightful “Mentoring lessons”.

Almost every day, an assigned grade-level teacher introduced us to topics on well-being while ten of us half-discussed and half-munched on Oreos. In our eyes, Mentoring was that beautiful time for us to put aside academics and just relax or have fun (or at least that’s what it looked like on the surface).

In fact, in the first few months of the year, my mentoring group naturally bonded with each other and our mentor through lots of wholesome activities; we went on over-night trips at the Olympic Park (where we canoed and skated and campfire-ed), made rice-crispies at our school kitchen, and chanted the Kokonut song. Looking back, I realized that the devious intent of all this fun time was for us to talk more freely and engage during well-being lessons. And it was indeed very successful; whenever our mentor gave a presentation on mental health, my friends and I freely shared our experiences—a peer of mine even felt comfortable sharing ways in which we can help her with OCD. But on top of that, I sincerely thank my school for not only providing well-being education but also for pairing me with a trusted adult to freely reach out to. In fact, my friends and I frequently stayed after the lessons to seek guidance on time and stress management.

In high school, the lessons became a bit scary. We had fewer lessons but covered heavier topics like eating disorders, depression, and suicide—yes, topics that scream the dark side of adolescence. Seemingly as our mentors were aware of the heightened alertness in the classroom, they stressed that “what is said in the classroom stays in the classroom” and let students leave when they needed a break. It was so easy to tell that many of us felt uncomfortable and thus were relating silently to the issues. Still, even if no one dared utter a word, we were learning ways to help our peers with real-world problems.

Though I felt highly targeted when discussing depression and highly restrictive diets, I found the mentoring lessons liberating (and I hope my peers felt the same) that we were actually speaking about serious well-being issues that are highly stigmatized and censored.

Yet, I guess it’s just me in my mentoring group and a few in our entire grade who felt something during mental being lessons.

Even if my mentoring peers are comfortable sharing with each other and the mentor, most of them don’t bother to pay attention to the lessons. Rather, many usually make small talk, check their phones, or even study– really. My hypothesis is that students do not bother to engage in the lessons because they are not graded and that SEL delivery fails to capture the students’ minds.

Our school psychologist agrees that our school is so grade-driven to the point where students don’t put effort into non-graded activities. Yet, on the other hand, he believes that the teachers may not be delivering mentoring lessons in the most interesting or professional way possible which seems understandable as some teachers at our school come from backgrounds where mental and social education was shunned until the last few decades or so.

It is indeed upsetting to see my fellow classmates missing out on crucial life-changing lessons provided by our school. Hence, I proposed a club to spread awareness of the value of well-being and promote healthy living at our school. But most importantly, through joint teamwork of students passionate about mental health, I hope to enrich our school’s social and emotional curriculum with students’ perspectives.

What are your thoughts on mental health education in schools? Share them in the comment section below.

Images: Pexels

Have you ever wanted to start doing something but a month later feel demotivated to continue? Well then you have come to the right place! Here you will find the steps needed to stop yourself from giving up. 

The 4 crucial steps needed to start:

1. Cue – What is your goal? This is probably the most important step, as this is where you will begin. Bear in mind that this goal has to be realistic, do not set a target where you haven’t started and already think “I’m probably not gonna achieve this”. Having a positive mindset from the beginning will drastically help.
2. Craving – How do you intend to start? A cue will not be enough to get you started. A plan, an action is what will trigger you, motivate you. The emotions you feel about your goal is what will start a craving, because the outcome is too good to be true.
3. Response – taking your plan into action You can do this by creating a journal where you set all your goals for the week. At the end of each week reflect, and plan for the next.
4. Reward – what will motivate you to continue? Think about a want you have, what reward you dream of.

It takes 21 days to form a habit and in order to maintain it, you need to do it for at least 90 days.

Let’s take running as an example.

According to residents of Beijing running in the morning suits them best. With the humidity and the heat, mornings are a refreshment.

At first running can be hard and exhausting. When running with others, it’s hard to catch up. A great way would be to start a running group with either members of your compound or friends. As you all start running slowly, it will be easier to keep up. With each day the speed will progressively increase.

Great running locations in Beijing:

• Your compound
• Olympic park
• Beijing Historical Run
• Yuyuantan Park
• Zizhuyuan park

If you are interested in learning more about this topic “Atomic Habits” is a great book to inform you about it.

Images: Pexels

Gearing up for the holiday season can bring a great sense of joy and anticipation for both parents and children. On the other hand, it can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety. As we inch ever closer to that time, it may be helpful to look for ways to manage stress and deal with possible issues before they arise.

Talk with your children about different holiday traditions around the world, the meanings behind them, and the reasons that people choose to celebrate these holidays. Recognize that not everyone views this time in the same way, and help your children appreciate their own and other people’s traditions.

Help set realistic expectations

Rather than allowing your child’s mind to run wild with all the things they hope for and want, help them to learn about making wise choices, spending money responsibly, and finding satisfaction within the simple pleasures of life. Consider giving them a small budget to buy gifts for family members or help them to make meaningful gifts that are homemade.

Make connections with the people who mean the most

At the core of most holiday traditions is the feeling of togetherness that comes from enjoying time with others. Especially when stress and anxiety about holidays creep in, it’s important to step back, find those special people and spend time with them. An unexpected cup of coffee or chat can be simple to arrange and go a long way in terms of reducing holiday anxiety.

For those who are anxious about family dynamics that often come up during holiday celebrations, it might be helpful to imagine the worst-case scenario. If we can imagine it, we can plan for it. Take as many other stressors away as possible. Recognize and accept family members and others as they are. Know that you can only be responsible for your own actions. Plan for how to manage that one situation you hope won’t come up. Hopefully, it will be much easier to deal with if and when it does. Regardless of how anyone else responds to a stressful situation, you can do what you must to take care of yourself and model to your children emotional regulation and health.

Make realistic travel plans

Many parents may feel pushed to go over the top with their holiday plans and then struggle with how to manage the cost and the stress of travel later on. Sometimes the easiest route is the best. The magic of the holidays can spring out of any location, and sometimes the path of least resistance leads to the most relaxed and enjoyable holiday.

Children today have more material wealth in general than at any other time. While it’s wonderful and exciting to have new things, it may be even more valuable to have the memories of time well-spent together. Rather than overtaxing family budgets on all the new gadgets, consider paring down. Give gifts that are going to be well–loved over time and are particularly special. Take some time to plan activities (and not too many!) that will carry on for many years. Consider building a family gingerbread house, making homemade tree decorations, or doing some special holiday baking and cooking. Make gifts for family and friends. Make a collection of holiday songs to sing and plan to go caroling at the homes of friends and loved ones. There are many activities that are free or low cost, which do a great deal to spread cheer and holiday joy. These are often the activities that people remember years later and perhaps even carry on.

This article appeared in the beijingkids December 2019 Giving Back issue

Perhaps one of the most positive developments in recent years has been our collective readiness to openly talk about mental health issues, big and small. It seems as though folks on a global scale are more willing to admit that life is tough, and whether you’re suffering from more serious issues such as clinical depression, body dysmorphia, substance abuse and anxiety disorders, or simply going through a rough patch, and feeling lost in the labyrinth of this thing we call existence, seeking out help is not to be scorned, nor should it be a source of shame.

Add to this the fact that many of us wholly uprooted our lives and made the move to Beijing, a confusing and frightening reality in its own right, and our access to resources become all the more murky, yet all the more urgent.

Suffice it to say that The Beatles weren’t wrong when they sang, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” Unfortunately though, our friends aren’t always equipped to provide us with the necessary emotional infrastructure to maintain a successfully balanced and healthy well-being.

To that end, we’re sharing a comprehensive list of multilingual counselors and organizations in Beijing who offer services ranging from workplace wellness, therapy for all ages, marriage counseling, cross-cultural relationships, and finding purpose, to adjustment issues.

The information below was compiled in November 2019 by local members of the counseling community, who state:

“All [counselors]say that they are fully certified with a professional body unless otherwise stated, however please make your own inquiries. All speak English and see adults. Sessions are 50-60 mins. Where a range of payment is indicated, it’s a needs-based sliding scale. Most counselors are also available online.”

Mike Shook MA, LMHC, NCC (Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor). Practices narrative therapy and feedback informed treatment and works mainly with children, adolescents, and adults. Available Tuesdays and Thursday from 10am – 5pm for online appointments, with limited in-person availability on Thursdays. RMB 350-800. WeChat: mshook. For more information click here or email mike@noomawellness.com.

Katie McLeod MA, MRes. Available Fridays 11am – 7pm and online Monday and Wednesday mornings. Currently seeking certification with CCPA. Flexible with location, RMB 200-800. Degree focus marriage and family therapy, adults, adolescence, or couples. WeChat: katiemcleod

Danielle Harris MSc. Shunyi, evenings and Saturdays. Online & face-to-face. Among others anxiety, addiction, depression, trauma, transition, stress loss. WeChat: dani-1926.

Karen Hurworth MA. Available weekdays 8am – 6pm & Saturdays 8am – noon. Shunyi district. RMB 600 per session. Variety of approaches to treat issues from depression, anxiety, relationship challenge and finding life purpose. WeChat: khurworth

Gaëlle Cassier. Psychoanalyst with a French clinical psychologist license and Masters. French, English, Chinese. Contact for fee. Lacanian psychoanalysis, research in cross-cultural approaches and psychosis. For more information click here, call 139 1101 0032, or email gaelle.cassier@xin-jing.com.

Dr. Michelle Mope Andersson English and Swedish, pastoral counselor for adults and couples, Dongzhimenwai. Travels every month or so. Needs based sliding scale. Existential therapy, marriage and family. For more information click here, or email mopeandersson@yahoo.com.

Dr. Birgit Mathon clinical psychologist and systemic psychotherapist, studied in Vienna and Stanford. Special fields: trauma, depression, anxiety, communication for couples. WeChat: BirgitMathonBeijing

Dr. Mike Merhvarz Psychologist, English, Farsi, Mandarin; individual, couple & marriage therapy; ADHD, ADD, Dyslexia, Asperger, Autism, pediatric developmental assessment, psychological and neuropsychological testing. International Medical Center, Beijing. For more information email dr.mike@imcclinics.com

Dr. Theo Cope Psychologist & Positive & Transcultural Psychotherapy, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, cross-cultural relationship, adjustment issues, addiction, bipolar. Raffles Medical Clinic. For more information email cope_theodore@rafflesmedical.com

Leon Lee, English and Mandarin, available seven days a week for adults, teens and couples in Chaoyang. RMB 600. Positive and Transcultural Psychotherapy. WeChat: leonptp (Assistant, Michael).

Titi Hill, BSc, MBACP. Individuals, couples, families. Weekdays in Shunyi, 798 and Chaoyang. RMB 950. For more information click here, here, call 186 1255 7824, or email info@beijingcounselling.com, or in- fo@hilldynamics.org. Titi Hill can also be reached via Skype at hilldynamics.

Ms. Masooma Kachelo, MS MFT, Certified Mindfulness Teacher, English. Works weekdays in the Shunyi/Chaoyang area. 15 years of experience. Uses mindfulness-based approaches for working with women suffering from depression, anxiety, and trauma related relational challenges. WeChat: mindfulturn-mas

Other Resources:

In crisis? Lifeline Shanghai offers free and confidential support via telephone from 10am – 10pm, 365 days a year. They are located in Shanghai but available to talk to anyone in China: tel. 400 821 1215.

Problems with alcohol? Click here for the Beijing chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous or call 189 1161 8759.

Bearapy offers wellness consulting and training to help make workplaces mentally healthy. For more information click here, or email client@bearapy.me

Photo: Pixabay

WeChat groups are a vital resource for Beijing’s international community, not only providing information, but bringing together people with shared interests. Each week we’ll be highlighting a thriving group chat, so whether you’re new to town or just looking to expand your networks, you can find your people.

Like many other admins of our WeChat Groups of the Week, Siana Braganza truly reflects the diversity of Beijing’s international community. Indian by birth and Australian by nationality, she met her French husband in Melbourne, then moved with him to Beijing, where their child was born. We asked her to tell us more about Mommylosophy, the parenting support group she runs.

Siana Braganza

Tell us about yourself, and how you came to be admin of this group.
I started this group because I was new to Beijing. I was part of many parenting groups and received incredible support from the community here.

I have a background in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing and after I had my baby, I felt the urge to infuse much of what I learned into my transition to motherhood. I found that there were many moments where I was so exhausted and sleep deprived that I somehow felt like I was falling into a big black hole. My ability to see perspective and the bigger picture diminished at times, and I need a bit of a nudge. So I thought to myself why not find a way to inspire, grow and motivate myself daily, so I can make this experience more meaningful and intentional rather than just reacting to the process?

One aspect of positive psychology science talks about the role of positive emotions in our lives. Positive emotions are great indicators of flourishing and optimal wellbeing, and by being able to cultivate them daily while balancing them a bit more with the negative emotions we often face, I was setting us up for dealing with things with perspective, and improving our wellbeing together over time (hopefully!).

So that was basically the reason I decided to start Mommylosophy – to inspire one another, share and connect, raise our level of parenting consciousness and be well.

Who’s in the group and what do you talk about?
Moms, dads, those expecting a little one on the way, those wanting to expect a little one soon: all are welcome, as long as the intent of the group is met. We share inspirational quotes, personal stories, funny videos, and educational material. Wherever possible we help one another with any issue that someone may be struggling with.

Do you meet in real life?
Not yet. I have individually met some of the people in the group but we haven’t organized any group meetups yet.

If you’d like to join the group, search for Mommylosophy on WeChat, or add ID sianalynn.

Photo: courtesy of Siana Braganza

One of Beijing’s many pleasures is the abundance of opportunities for a good massage. But while it’s normally a treat for parents after a long (or indulgent) day, now it’s the babies’ turn.

Throughout the month of March, the good folk at House of Knowledge International Kindergarten will be hosting sessions from fully-qualified baby massage instructor Annette Oevermann. Suitable for infants aged 3 weeks old to pre-crawling, the four-week program will teach parents the techniques required to give a complete infant massage.

The purported benefits are wide-ranging and include helping with congestion, teething, colic (excessive crying), difficulty sleeping, and constipation (all theirs, not yours). Course leader Oevermann, who has ten years experience in the field, also says that the process can help you to better understand your baby’s communication cues and deepen the bond between parent and child.

Taking place at House of Knowledge’s Chaoyang Park campus, the course runs from 9.45-10.45am over four consecutive Wednesdays, starting March 5. The block of sessions costs RMB 600 (including course materials) which must be paid at the first gathering.

For more information or to reserve a space, get in touch with Annette Oevermann directly by email aoevermann@oevermeyer.net.

Photo courtesy of Valentina Powers (Flickr)