John Kalberg is an American father that has called Beijing home for the past decade. He has lived in extreme places (Alaska, Las Vegas, China) and held unusual jobs (commercial fisherman, Nightclub Bartender, Basketball coach). He enjoys spending time with his family and all things Basketball.

Tell us about your kid please!
He is is a caring, kind, sweet boy. He is incredibly smart as well as curious. He has yet to be corrupted by the world and still has his childhood innocence. I wish I could keep this version of him forever.

What’s one of your favorite memories of your kid?
Of course the milestones and “firsts” stick out. The first words, first steps, first steps, learning to read, etc. But there is no way I could point out a “favorite”. Some of the best times are the little things, like the hugs and laughs.

What’s the best and hardest parts of being a dad?
The best part of being a dad, to me, is playing such an important role in shaping the life of someone you love so much. The wrestling, the cuddles, the laughs, small talk, the deep questions, all of it.

The hardest part is attempting to have a somewhat consistent approach to parenting while my son is evolving and my moods are changing.

There are countless parenting approaches, gurus, books, videos, about how to parent, but none about how to parent YOUR Child. Every kid is so unique, you just have to do your best in the moment.

Tell us about some of your favorite activities to do with your kid here in Beijing!

We love going to Happy Valley and Universal. We used to live close to Happy Valley. During “covid times” we took advantage of the deeply discounted yearly passes and short lines with weekly visits. We also like to visit the many parks BJ has to offer and play ball or search for insects to observe.

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What are some of the best parts of being a dad?

It’s all good but the best times are when I can be fully present.  It’s difficult to field the questions, shouts, complaints, tantrums, etc. when I am distracted with work or other things.  So, the best parts are when I consciously put down the phone and the computer and carve out time to just be with them.  It’s even better when I can create time to just be one-on-one with them. Theresa and I routinely have individual dates with our kids so that we can spend some quality time with them all.

I work best when we go outside, so I am a big one for out-of-house adventures.  It doesn’t really matter where we go, albeit it’s nice to have a plan or a destination to aim for.  There is always something interesting to observe and do.  I love walks and moped rides in particular because they love to talk, open up and ask questions. 

Reading with the kids in bed in the evenings is also a lot of fun albeit can be exhausting at the end of a long day.  I love to see how their imagination works, to cuddle, and to plant little seeds of interest.

Watching them sleep is also great.  I used to crave their nap time in the middle of the day as much as they did!

What are some of the hardest parts of being a dad?

As most parents can attest to, the hardest times of the day are the mornings, trying to get them out of the door to school, and in the evenings, trying to get them bathed and to bed. We try to follow routines and we have completed a six-week positive parenting course.  It’s challenging to be kind, and patient when “rushed”.  I will admit that I am not at my best in the evening when the kids are playing up and I’m tired.  Need to work on that.

What helps keep you sane?

Theresa.  She is my rock.  It helps that she is my yoga guru and has the patience and resilience that comes with two decades of dedicated practice.  She keeps me centered and calls me out on my BS.

Additionally, finding time for myself is key.  I get up at 5am every day to read, meditate and work.  It’s nice to be able to get a couple of hours of ‘me time’ in the morning, that is quiet and with no distractions.

I also make time to catch up with friends, or enjoy ‘me activities’ (i.e.. football, running) away from the family, in order to recharge and refocus.

What are some of your favorite activities to do with your kids here in Beijing?

I like to take the children out on the weekends.  Go for walks, camping & hikes, visit parks, and museums.

The Beijing Zoo is a top draw.  It might not be the best zoo in the world (from the animals’ perspective) but it is a beautiful park with lots and lots of meandering paths through trees and around lakes. Very green.  And the zoo is so big that you can continue to return again and again and find something new and exciting to see.

On Sundays, I take the kids to Theresa’s Yoga In The Park.  I organize an informal Kids Club so that parents of kids aged 3-10 can find their Zen while someone is looking out for their kids. So even though it’s Theresa’s work, it’s also a fun family morning out.

Taking a boat out onto one of the many lakes (Houhai, Tuanjie Hu, Chaoyang Park, etc.) is super fun, especially around sunset with a picnic and some music. And the kids get to drive the boats while I sit back and relax.

Finally, a hidden gem. The China Ethnic Museum near the Olympic Park.  It was built in the 1990s and so all of the trees and landscape are fully grown and beautiful.  It is a bit pricey, but few people go there so it’s very tranquil.  There is so much to see.  A green oasis in the heart of the city.

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What Motivates You To Get Moving?

The relationship women have with jewelry is unique. Jewelry is all about how it makes us feel; what emotions are ignited when we look at or touch the piece, and when we put it on and that’s why jewelry can be so connected to a memory, time, place, or person. There is a symbolism to jewelry that doesn’t exist with hats or clothes. This symbolism is a powerful and motivating source of design ideas. The culture or environment we live in affects our art & imagination. In the UK, nature motifs like bumble bees, acorns, leaves abound, and here, in Beijing, I’m thinking about the perfect Gugong Red stone, the matt gray of a Hutong wall or the iconic shape of TianTan Temple and how to use those details in creating jewelry pieces that you will want to wear or keep in your jewelry collection forever.

How do you stay sane in all the madness?

All winter I swam most days outside in Dongzhimen known by the local swimmers as “the Triangle“. The warmth and welcome given by the swimmers and divers during those last few difficult months of Covid was a complete oasis of happiness and comfort. We celebrated Christmas and Chinese New Year together outside drinking mulled wine and eating jaozi. Cold water is such an antidote. Instead of contemplating your sanity, you are just focused on keeping warm in that freezing water which feels so good!

What’s your favorite thing about Beijing?

I’ve been in Beijing for more than 20 years. In other cities I’ve lived in I’ve always felt that I was just a small part of a vast city. But whether I like or not, Beijing is utterly different in that it has become a part of me.

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What Motivates You To Get Moving?

I think I was born with a motor in me.  Every hobby I have is an active one, whether it’s dancing, yoga, Brazilian jiujitsu, or diving. By nature, I move. That simple joy and flow when I move keeps me on the go.

Every now and then, I try to do something that’s sedentary, but it’s very hard for me. Maybe once a year, I go to the cinema. Once a while I would go crazy and think I could join my friends to do board games or drawing, or watch a show. In fact, I did go to one and now I’ve checked off my passive activity for the year.

Funnily enough, I do have a regular mindfulness practice, almost daily. I also go once a week to sit in a meditation group, and every now and then I go on a hardcore meditation retreat. That’s probably the only time that I learned to sit, and still return to do it time and time again.

On the professional level, I am doing what I love – being a therapist, and providing services via CandleX to support our Beijing community on mental health. One thing that keeps me going is always this profound idea by my role model Maya Angelou, “When you teach, you have to live your own teaching.” I reflected on it on CandleX’s 3 year anniversary in my letter “Living Your Teachings ”, and I still am aspired to live by it.

How do you stay sane in all the madness?

I created a support group back in 2015 to support people who are going through any kind of madness. I was a lot younger then, and I was looking for a support group for myself, and I thought it was crazy that there was no community level social support in Beijing. It’s still running and I definitely suggest you check it out if you are looking for a sane reservoir in this crazy world.

Now I am older and hopefully wiser too, I think all the madness is part of the game. The madness is what gives life meaning. It could be painfully challenging at times, but that’s how we level up. In order to stay sane, we must allow ourselves to feel insane. As I got older, especially now I also work in mental health, I have a lot tools to deal with the ‘madness’.

First thing I do now is to acknowledge where I am, and adjust my own expectations accordingly. I am a therapist who loves prescribing homework to my clients for their mental health. Some of their homework is also my homework. I don’t think there’s ever gonna be a day that I don’t need any of my own homework anymore. I have a pretty healthy lifestyle and solid social support, which prevents me from sinking into the madness. When it does happen, I active my self-care plan which includes getting support from a few close friends, journaling more to process my feelings and organize my thoughts better, and doing my daily appreciation list. I love mini-goal setting, so I would pick 1 or 2 mini goals that needs daily practice and cross them off at the end of the day and finish the day off with the sense of gratitude and self-love.

I also get a lot of strength from my clients. People often think therapists takes in so much emotional junk but that’s such a misunderstanding. The real work of therapy is to transform that energy by tapping into the unused potential of each person. It is my job to see their life that might outwardly look ‘mad’ but really has a sensible reason behind it, and to support them to go with life instead of against it, while growing the inner resources so they move through the madness. That is a powerful position to be, and I feel extremely lucky to be the witness of the growth and change of my clients.

I hope and I am sure that some day, having a therapist for our mental well-being is going to be as common as having a personal trainer for our physical well-being.

What’s your favorite thing about Beijing?

You are not gonna believe it but do you know how quiet Beijing can be? I went to Thailand after not traveling for three years and the noise there was constant and disorienting. I came back to Beijing, and I would just listen when I am out on the street. The cars and electric bikes are so much quieter here, and the hutongs are peaceful. The embassy area in the early morning before 8am is so quiet. I also love the seasonal changes of nature. I always enjoy seeing flowers blooming, and trees turning green. If you able to slow down, you can notice Beijing’s seasonal changes that bring variety and mark the passage of time. I loved walking on ice in winter and I’ll probably try renting a boat on Liangma river some time too.

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What Motivates You To Get Moving?

Gratitude. I list my many blessings and try to do at least one thing to pay that forward on a daily basis. In a world so turbulent and unpredictable where progress for issues like gender equality is so shaky at times, I try my best to ground myself in gratitude for the good things that exist in the world, and my ability to continuously work towards gender equality.

How do you stay sane in all the madness?

I love to walk at Ritan Park and listen to inspiring stories of everyday people doing good to bring people, communities, societies and countries together to make a greater positive impact! Advocacy work can sometimes be very lonely; thus, being aware of others who are also like-minded and doing their part every day to help others is a major source of motivation for me.

What’s your favorite thing about Beijing?

The diversity of people, places, and especially the variety of restaurants and different foods from around the world. The community here is so very vibrant, and I have especially enjoyed being able to meet people again in person after such a long time of isolated life during the pandemic!

To get in touch with the Women’s Empowerment Council (WEC), email info@womenempowermentcouncil.com or scan the appropriate QR code to connect with them!

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