When I think about getting healthy again, I think about moving more freely, being able to play with my child without huffing and puffing. I dread sitting on the ground with her, because getting up is painful. Let’s face it, It is unhealthy to be 105 kg; problems with breathing and pain in your knees are some of the issues that are associated with a obese body. I wish I could be fat and fabulous, but it won’t last I am afraid.

Some of the other benefits of being morbidly obese (as the doctor called me): my Dutch grandmother calling me fat, and explaining that at least I will look forever young as my wrinkles are filled with fat. Chinese old ladies touching my belly because they think I am pregnant. Ripping out of your favorite jeans because the inside of your thighs rub together – I have lost countless jeans this way. Not being able to wear dresses because those thighs will rub together till they bleed. I broke a plastic chair in a ice cream parlor; granted it was already half broken and not great quality, but nevertheless very embarrassing when you want to sit down with your big butt and eat ice cream.

I always joke that I became a chef not because I love to cook, but because I love to eat. As they say, never trust a skinny chef. The joke has caught up on me, and is not so funny anymore. Food is not a substitute for love, nor will it make you feel better. I know that now, but it’s hard to break the cycle, it’s almost like a addiction. My thoughts before I go to get lunch at 7-Eleven: “I’ll get some sushi and salad.” My thoughts when I am in the 7-Eleven: “chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.” And it’s always a great idea to buy the chocolate as I “deserve it”… but do I really?

I needed a break from food, thinking about it, cooking it, and buying it. I needed some time to reset my brain, and tackle my food issues. Tribe Nutrition has agreed to take care of my food for a month, giving me the much-needed space to revisit my health needs, while nourishing me with three meals and three snacks a day. I already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders as I don’t have to “hunt” for my food, usually ending up in an unhealthy lunch and dinner.

My plan of attack is to tackle my food addiction and get myself to move more. I found a personal trainer at BActive, who will be training me three times a week. No daunting classes, but some one on one time to give my health a kick start. Over the course of one month my trainer will help me with five aspects to improve my health: stamina, strength, balance, coordination and mindset.

It looked so simple to sit like this…….. it’s not

I have completed three training sessions, and let’s be honest its daunting walking into a gym with all these fit people and bodies that are “done.” But I persevere, I do those five more crunches, I do that one more lift, I do those 20 minutes of cardio, and I sweat like a pig. I am embarrassed when I look in the mirror, I cry, because all this body is in the way of my making normal healthy movements.

This first week was extra hard, but my grandmother also said wise things: “If the beginning is really hard, it means that the rest can only get better.” And I hold on to that thought because it means that I get to play with my four year old daughter in good health.

Pain, Sweat, and Tears

Pauline is a passionate international mother who wants to show that Beijing is not a unhealthy city, proving that it’s possible to become a healthy mother and woman, with the right support and resources. Mommy friends, colleagues, family, Tribe Nutrition, BActive Fitness, and now the rest of Beijing will be her support, proving that every mother deserves to have a healthy body and mind; tackling her own food issues along the way and showing the rough, the ugly and honest way she does this.

Picture Credit: Hailie Personal Trainer

The sun is out, the air is good, and the city is filled with outdoor events. Meeting new people while shaking your booty or saluting the sun is the way to go this summer in Beijing, and most of these outdoor events are healthy and happily welcome kids. So set out on a weekend soon and discover the great outdoors… and maybe enjoy a little brunch action after with the family. Here a list of where to go and what to do.

Yoga in The Park, Every Sunday

A group of local yogis organizes this class in the grass. Bring your mat, sun cream, water and bug spray, and have a 75 minute happy yoga flow. Kids are welcome, just put your mat on the outside of the circle so you can watch and learn. Yoga in the park was created to connect with nature and spend time with likeminded Beijing yoga enthusiasts. Moka Bros Solana offers a 15% discount after class for participants of Yoga in the Park. RMB 30. 9:30am. Chaoyang Park North Gate, (Wechat Contact:TheresaRae)

Dance it Out! May 21

A fun workout with steps from salsa, reggaeton, Cumbia, and other Latin style dancing classes. The dance moves are easy to follow and each choreography offers different levels of intensity. Kids and families are welcome to bust a move on the Latin beats and there is only one rule that you have to enjoy yourself to the max. The group meets at the gate and will walk to the dance location but no worries if you are late because you will hear the music from far and wide. Free. 10:30am. Chaoyang Park West Gate, WeChat Contact: Nnavia

Incy Wincy Family Yoga, Every Sunday

Angelina gets together in the park with families and kids starting from 4 years old. The class is appropriate for any level, so bring your mat and work out outfit. Yoga instructor Angelina is the founder of Incy Wincy and has 10 years of experience teaching family yoga. If you head over to Tribe in Solana Mall after the class, you can enjoy a 10% discount. Free. 10:30am-12pm. Chaoyang Park North Gate. (WeChat Contact: Angelina_liu2012)

Rooftop Yoga, Every Sunday

I died last week, not literally but fitness wise, I died. My friend has me trying out different workouts and is on a mission to try to see how long she can have my sore muscles stay sore, what are friends for aye? So back to last week, we did three 45 minute long workouts courtesy of GuavaPass at the Lulumon showroom at Sanlitun Taikooli North. The workouts were Barre by ECOHAS studio, Curves by Living Bigg, and Zumba by B Active.

This journey of three workout sessions kicked off with barre that focused on cardio and abs. The cardio workout had us sweating it out within minutes due to the high intensity and forgetting the winter cold outside. The exercises are designed for professional ballet dancers, therefore we did a lot of fluid dance movements on our toes. After the final stretch, the lads from Living Bigg designed the curves workout to focus on the toning the thighs, abs, and arms. This was an easy way to start off but got harder as you went along due the added repetitions as you moved from section to section. The last workout was Zumba and that felt like a cool down after the curves workout at Living Bigg. During Zumba we danced to tunes from Cuba, which added a nice touch to the end of our workout. We still did sweat and try to remember the steps as the instructor showed us but the main point was to always keep moving. Learning the Zumba steps will take time and each instructor will have their own personal preference for music. This three-session exercise sampler was a great introduction to GuavaPass.

GuavaPass was launched this past September in Beijing but has been in other cities in China, Asia, and the Middle East. The company partners with gyms around the city so that you can choose available class options without committing to a single gym. You sign up for the options they have and pay that rate. The other good thing is that if you can use the pass in the other cities even suspend your account then resume when you are ready or back from traveling. In Beijing, GuavaPass partners with B Active, Glo Kitchen + Crossfit, Living Bigg, Fight Fusion, and others.

The one drawback is that you can’t see the entire list of gyms available unless you register for an account and pay for a subscription of over RMB 1,000. This did make me a little jittery and if you are like me and want to see the list before committing then get in touch with them via their official WeChat account: GuavaPass or email hello@guavapass.com.

Photo: mybeautygym.com