When we returned to Beijing last summer, I had my next year planned out: language lessons twice a week, get the kids into summer camp after quarantine so they’d catch all the innocent germs before school started, reconnect with friends we didn’t know we’d leave behind in January…so many fun things! Aside from all of that, however, my priority was to build a portfolio so I could find a remote job as a writer/editor and fill that “Mom gap:” the six years freelancing and working from home before both our kids were in school full-time.

What happened was this: I reconnected with Jingkids’ Managing Editor Mina Yan right when they began looking for a new Deputy Managing Editor. She encouraged me to apply and within three weeks of arriving back in Beijing, I found myself shopping for business casual clothes to wear to my first office job since I became known as “Mom.”

Despite my best intentions, however, there was no smooth transition to office life. Nevertheless, I’m forever grateful for the family-friendly work culture that True Run embodies. With (hopefully) all of my re-entry mistakes made and lessons learned, here is some thoughtful advice if you plan to transition back to work.

Talk to your kid(s) about it

I told my kids the work I would be doing, why I was excited about it, and talked through ways we could all help each other with the transition. My particular work is easy to integrate them into, so we talked through story ideas and how things would be different for them and for me.

Household chores

Teacher and mom Victoria Parr gave some sound advice regarding the housework load, suggesting that I “be sure to renegotiate household duties with your partner,” adding, “With two working parents a conversation is helpful about who will manage what. Simple things like shopping lists and grocery delivery or managing family calendars becomes trickier when two people are away from home all day.”

School contact

Until we had our after-school childcare sorted, my husband and I talked through some potential scenarios where normally, I was the default parent and now we would share the responsibilities. We determined that he needed an hour’s notice if I couldn’t get them to the bus, and other situations when we might need to pick them up from school. Whereas I was the primary emergency contact at school, we made sure his number was updated on all the materials as well. We never ended up needing these emergency protocols, thank goodness, but they were helpful to have in place.

Hire an ayi or nanny

Beijing mom Vivienne Rush took over a month to prepare the household. “I used my securing a new job as an excuse to finally cave and hire a part-time ayi. Life has never been better. I kid, but truly, I now get to actually spend time with my kid when he returns from school, instead of frantically cooking dinner while talking him through his day and homework. I am actually a ‘house manager’ rather than a ‘house slave’ now. My husband says, ‘Finally.'”

Find backup childcare

Whether it’s a friend who lives nearby or a trusted babysitter, it’s always helpful to know there is someone else who can come through in a pinch. This is especially helpful if your ayi is part-time or not live-in. I found that near the beginning of my new work schedule, I needed one evening to myself to catch up on personal time until I learned how to integrate “me time” into life again.

Mentally prepare the household for your absence
I went into the office for some training before my official start date, and that helped ease the kids into seeing me get ready and leave for work, then come home as their Daddy does. Rush also gave her dog time to get used to it and understand how to make it work better. “My dog has probably had to adjust more since I used to be around all day. She has already chewed up two pairs of shoes during my extended leaves of absence that I have been taking to prepare her for the upcoming separation. Cue in plenty of new dog toys and treats!”

Don’t forget about your transition as well

No matter how excited you might be about the position, be prepared for everything from tears and tight arms pulling you back inside the door to a complete nonreaction when you return. It took me a while to understand how drained I would be after a full day of work, and I learned to appreciate the small ways I could take care of myself to be fully present for the job, my kids, partner, and myself.

KEEP READING: Working Parents: Sample Camps to Sort Your Summer at Jingkids Summer Fling!

Images: Unsplash

I had so many mothers talking with me about my Mothers Guilt in China post a while back that this made me think about the other kinds of guilty feelings we have. It seems that the moment my daughter was born I had guilt inside my DNA. I felt guilty for wanting her, I felt guilty for not wanting her. I felt guilty because I had a C-section. I felt guilty that I did not enjoy my pregnancy with her. I felt guilty for my postnatal depression.

There are no limits to the guilt I have felt, and speaking with mothers about this, I realized we all have this feeling. No matter how we did things or how we do things now, mothers in general feel guilty. Some mothers feel no guilt and that’s fine too, I don’t want mothers feeling guilty that they don’t feel guilt.

I have been a stay at home mother for half my daughters life and the other half I started working again. Getting back into the work force was a huge part of my recovery from postnatal depression, but also made me realize that it’s really hard to combine both work and motherhood. I was lucky as I was able to work on my husband’s days off in the same kitchen, while my husband took care of our daughter. It gave me the peace of mind I needed to be able to work and not worry.

But I felt guilty leaving my daughter without me even though she was with her father. I felt guilty having fun at work and most of all, I felt guilty that it was working that made me mentally feel better. I remember my husband sending me pictures of my daughter’s first experience having her face painted. I cried. I felt so left out and you guessed it, guilty. I feel that working makes me a better mother as I can recharge at work, I can be an adult. In the kitchen I was just happy that I had to only make sure to keep myself alive. I remember colleagues asking me what I had done on my days off and I would answer, “This is my day off.”

I was quite reluctant leaving my daughter with an ayi in China and going to work, but I knew that I would come back feeling better and having more energy to be a mother. I felt even more reluctant sending her to school as I envisioned us homeschooling her and her running around on bare feet in the forest all day. But it turns out this is something that won’t work for us as parents and a family. I want my daughter to understand that me working does not make me love her less. To be honest it makes me love her more.

But my daughter does not see it that way, she cries sometimes when I leave. She can speak, so she asks me many questions that my husband does not have to answer too. “Why do you have to work?” “Please don’t leave me mommy!” It breaks my heart when she cries when I leave, and it melts my heart when she is so happy when I come home.

I know so many mothers and each of us has one thing in common. Each one of us works 24 hours a day – stay-at-home mothers do, and working mothers do. The work is endless, but we seem to all have the same goal: a happy and healthy home life.

Pictures by Pixabay and zliving

Mothers who return to paid employment after their baby is born often have questions about how they can still provide their baby with human milk. 

Two month ago, the LLL blog post focused on the importance of using the precious weeks of maternity leave to bond with your baby, learn her cues and to build your supply as much as possible. This month, the focus shifts to some of the most common challenges or questions that arise when preparing to return to paid employment.

Building a freezer stash of human milk
Not every mother-baby pair will need to build a large stash of human milk as most mothers are able to pump enough whilst at work to replenish what their baby drank during their separation.

It cannot be stressed enough that the amount of milk you are able to pump is NOT a reliable indicator of how much milk you are producing, nor how much milk baby is taking in. The healthy breastfed baby is usually much more efficient at getting milk from the breast than a pump is.*

Every mother is different but there are some generalities that can guide you.

When to pump while breastfeeding on cue

• Most experts recommend, especially for the occasional pumper, to express their milk in the early morning hours, about 10 minutes immediately after the baby’s first morning feeding. This is because many mothers usually have the most extra milk in the morning. Although you will get more milk if you wait an hour after the feeding, you are then pumping out a good part of the milk that is building up for baby’s next feeding. 
• More short pumping sessions are more efficient than fewer longer ones.
• Remember to pump at LEAST 10 minutes, but no more than 20 minutes per session.
• Try "super switch nursing/pumping.” When you and baby are together you can try this technique to help increase your milk supply. It can also be done when pumping with a one-pump flange. This involves switching sides two or three times during each feeding. Repeating this several times during the pumping session increases breast stimulation and let down.
• You could pump during a time of day that your baby takes the longest nap. 
• Try to avoid pumping right before your baby will be hungry.
• Try breastfeeding on one side while using an electric pump to pump the other side at the same time. This way, the let down is activated by the baby sucking on the breast.
•  

What to expect of a pumping session

• The average mom can express between ONE and THREE oz. per pumping session (not per breast, per session).
• As you pump, milk will flow and then stop, then flow and stop, then flow and stop, and so on and so forth. The individual pattern can vary from person to person. It is often beneficial to continue pumping for 5 minutes after your milk stops flowing.
• Milk is produced according to the law of supply and demand so the more frequently you breastfeed or pump, the more milk you will make. One pumping session per day is a good goal to aim for in the early days. 
• If possible, talk with other breastfeeding mothers about pumps they have used. Attending an LLL meeting is a great opportunity for you to discuss this issue.
• Another way to increase milk supply is to avoid supplementary bottles and pacifiers. This encourages your baby to meet all his sucking needs at your breasts. Doing this will help to increase your supply if you are trying to build a stash of human milk.

Seek out and accept help!

• Make sure you are getting good nutrition, adequate fluid, and lots of rest. This is a challenging time and it is important to take care of your self. Allow others to help you with your responsibilities while you focus on your baby.
• Attend a La Leche League meeting. There you will meet other mothers and get lots of support and information suitable for your situation.

Next month’s LLL blog post will focus on finding ways to make pumping at work an efficient, enjoyable (!) experience!

La Leche Leader, Bec Taylor, is a woman of many hats – WAHM to two children under 5, Masters of Teacher Librarianship student, scrapbooker, avid reader, wife and a painfully eternal optimist. Australians by birth and travellers by nature, Bec and her educator husband have happily lived and taught overseas for most of their adult lives. Bec is blessed to live in walking distance to both her parents as well as her brother and his family. It is her pleasure and privilege to support mothers through her role in LLL.

Photos: Wikimedia commons

A quick reminder: Are you interested in working in the Education sector here in Beijing? beijingkids and our sister mag JingKids are gathering a few of our friends in the international education community today (Dec 7) from 3-5pm at Salt Spring for a mini job fair.

Recruitment representatives from various international schools and educational organizations will be present to have a casual talk about their current job openings, a very informal get together over a drink (or two).

Bring your resume or name cards as this event aims to connect you as a job seeker to the people doing the hiring. This is not your usual job fair as you’ll be given the opportunity to have a drink with Etonkids’ Head of International Recruiting & Relations, talk to the HR Manager of either Daystar Academy or Beijing World Youth Academy, inquire about job openings from Maple International Academy’s HR Director, ask what specific qualities the School Manager of Sweet Peas Preschool is looking for, and toast with SMIC Private School’s Deputy Principal.

Here’s a sample of some of the jobs that will be on offer Sunday:

NON-TEACHING JOBS
— Academic Programs Administrative Assistant
— Admissions Counselor
— Education Consultant / Course Consultant
— Social Emotional Learning Product Developer
— Visual Designer
— HR Manager
— Marketing & Community Assistant
— Marketing Associate
— Marketing Copywriter
— Marketing Manager
— Fashion Assistant & Translator
— Foreign Art Coordinator
— Parent Coordinator Manager
— Montessori Director/Directress
— International Campus Principal
— Head of Tuition
— Senior Education Editor (Chinese)
— Education Account Executive

TEACHING JOBS
— Early Childhood Teacher / Kindergarten Teacher / Pre-school Teacher / Primary Class Teacher
— Early Childhood EAL Teacher / English Language Primary Teacher
— Montessori Lead Teacher
— Elementary English Teacher
— Elementary School Teacher
— Design Technology Teacher (Secondary School)
— Chemistry and Physics Teacher (Secondary School) / Science Teacher (Middle/High School)
— English Language Acquisition Teacher (Secondary School)
— Math Teacher (Secondary School)
— Literature & Composition Teacher (Middle/High School)
— English Specialist / English Trainer / ESL Oral English Teacher
— Art Teacher
— Body Smart PE Teacher
— Global Track Teacher
— Experienced Test Prep Instructor
— Fashion Lecturer
— Costume Design Teacher

CURRENT ORGANIZATIONS PARTICIPATING
Keystone Academy
EtonKids Educational Group
Jiade Montessori Bilingual Kindergarten
Daystar Academy
3e International School
Maple Children’s House
House of Knowledge International School & Kindergarten
Sweet Peas Preschool
Blue Bridge International Education
Muffy’s International Kindergarten
Springboard International Bilingual School
Due West Education
Calin Fashion Academy
iPony International Youth Cavaliers Academy
Educate Private Beijing
Beijing SMIC School
Beijing Playhouse
Ivy Group
Beijing World Youth Academy
Shang Learning
Beijing Collegiate Academy
JingKids
beijingkids

Image: beijingkids

• Working residence permits
• Study residence permits
• Journalist residence permits
• Family reunion residence permits
• Personal affair residence permits

In 2009, there were 691,000 people working from home in the UK, according to the Labour Force Survey, up from 582,000 in 2006. This trend follows those who take advantage of the digital age, by telecommuting with a phone and a computer.  Examples of professions more conducive to working from home “range from accountancy to telemarketing, via financial analysis, translation, data entry, graphic design, illustration, insurance, media buying, speech-writing, research, sales, travel agency, stockbroking, website design, writing, editing.”

Rather than slacking off while at home, some American studies have demonstrated an increased productivity of 30-40%. The time workers save by not commuting is utilized for work rather spent doing things unrelated to business. Also, because there is less supervision in a home office, employees work harder to demonstrate their effectiveness and thus guarantee continued job flexibility.

Despite all the advantages of working from home, there is still resistance from management who feel uncomfortable with the idea of not having employees physically present. This need for trust can be difficult concept for some companies, even though showing up for work does not automatically equate with productivity.  

Clearly, telecommuting is not for everyone. It creates very vague boundaries between home and office, which is not appealing for people who need the certainty of leaving work at the office. With the prevalence of technology, it can mean knowing when to turn off the gadgets and resist the urge to check your work email. Working from home can also be difficult for those who wish to structure their social life around the office, but many companies bring employees in for regular meetings and are in constant communication.

To learn more about the increasing telecommuting trend, check out the Guardian’s article here.

Photo by richbeechina of Flickr.

This time of year can be extremely busy, with many people putting in over time and losing sleep in rush to meet Spring Festival deadlines. Tension and anxiety can begin to take their toll. Stress management techniques can help maintain productivity, keep you grounded and prevent burn outs. Here are some suggestions to help manage the mayhem:

1. Breathing exercises: Most of us tend to take shallow breaths, especially when we are under stress. Deep breathing not only tells or bodies to relax, but it also oxygenates the tissues. Try this exercise.

2. Exercise: Exercise releases endorphins which are the natural “feel good” chemicals in our body. It also helps us release tension, anger, and frustrations. Even if you don’t have time for a workout, try taking the stairs instead of the elevator or walk home from the subway instead of talking a cab.

3. Visualization, meditation and prayer: All of these techniques have similar effects on the body, namely inducing a state of relaxation and thereby reducing stress. There are many different ways to go about achieving this effect so use the method that you’re most comfortable with.

4. Journaling: OK, so you haven’t had a diary since you were 13, and you’re a bit rusty when it comes to writing about your feelings – no problem! It’s time to pick up a pen and get started. Writing about what you’re going through can help relieve stress and as an added benefit, can aid in problem solving.

5. Herbal remedies: Linden flowers, chamomile, and lemon balm have long been used for their calming effects. These herbs can be enjoyed easily as an infusion: Use 2tsp of herbs per cup of tea.

6. Essential oils: Research into essential oils has shown that their scent can affect different parts of the brain. Some essential oils can help relieve anxiety, improve mood, and induce relaxation. Try putting a few drops of lavender or neroli (orange blossom) oil in a tissue and breathe deeply.

7. Laugh: Laughing releases endorphins. It’s not easy to laugh spontaneously, so watch a funny movie to get you started.

8. Avoid watching the news: It’s good to be informed, but more often than not news reports are filled with terrible, saddening, depressing news. When did you ever feel happy or invigorated after watching the news? In times of stress cut back on “stressful” TV.

9. Crash early: If I mention sleep a lot it’s because it’s so very important and most of us aren’t getting enough of it. When we’re well rested we have more energy, more patience and our ability to concentrate at work can improve.

And just remember, this crazy time won’t last forever. The madness will soon be over and you’ll have plenty of time to rest and relax. You deserve it!

Dr. Melissa Rodriguez is a Naturopathic doctor who lives with her family in Beijing.

Working in China, however, may be a little tricky for many teens. Language issues are not the only barrier – the logistics of working for Chinese companies may not suit many expats, and the battle for work in this town is clearly dominated by the masses of Chinese graduates seeking work after school or university. Then there’s the ayi barrier – many jobs normally filled by teens are absorbed by this ubiquitous and multi-skilled house manager.

So. How can ex-pat teens join the workforce here in Beijing without complications or treading on ayi’s toes? Here are some ideas.

• Babysitting. Offer your babysitting services to family, friends and neighbors; speaking the same language as your charges is enormously helpful and little kids love to be entertained by teens. It would be very helpful to be trained in first aid. Check with your local clinic about classes.
• Tutoring. Are you a maths whiz or piano virtuoso? Ask around school or advertise your services in the tbjkids forum. Be sure to write out a résumé of your skills and provide references.
• Coaching. If you are the physical type, you may be able to get seasonal work coaching kids in your chosen sport. There are many expat sporting organizations around Beijing – check the tbjkids Directory for details.
• Pet sitting or dog walking. Ask friends, family and neighbors if they need help with their pet. Especially great for kids missing their own pets at home.
• Computer services. Perhaps you have computer software or programming abilities? Check with the many online websites that offer roles to young people. Make sure your parents check any opportunities thoroughly before you start work. You could also approach online information sites about writing work.
• Summer Camps. Consider becoming a summer camp counselor. Many organizations are beginning to offer camps outside summer as well. Perfect timing for when kids are off school.
• Creative types. If you’re a little crafty, consider making or baking cool items for sale at expat bazaars over the festive season. Donate part of your profits to charity.
• Become a Gofer. Check with your school, your building complex, your parent’s workplace, to see if you could help out on weekends or complete simple tasks from home.
• Ask your local Embassy if it ever has odd jobs for local expat teens. These come up occasionally.
• If all else fails, volunteer! Although it may not be paid work, the experience you can gain is enormous, not to mention the feel-good factor.