Starkers!!! Is It Ever Okay To Be Naked Around Your Children?

Before we begin, let’s get one thing out of the way. We are talking about YOUR children, not other people’s children. To be even more clear, we’re talking about non-sexual displays of parental nudity.

Different families, different ages, different people require different approaches

When kids are young, many will agree that it’s ok to be naked around them, since babies and toddlers are oblivious to body parts, let alone nudity. But as they get older, things may cease to be black and white and this is where it boils down to how individual families want to tackle the subject of nudity and how their children ultimately respond to it.

A matter of culture … and personality

Views and opinions on this contentious topic vary widely depending on not only families, but on cultures too.

In the African culture (mine) for example, nudity is a sign that your mother didn’t raise you well or that you are the devil’s child. (Yes – that serious). So, no prize for guessing how nudity in many African families is viewed – it’s a no-go area. Of course some families within this culture will have very open views about it but in general, covering up is preached while one is still in nappies.

Americans are also notoriously puritanical and sensitive around topics on nudity.

On the other hand, many in European and some Asian cultures flaunt nudity for all and sundry. Stripping down on beaches or in parks or going to bathhouses as a family (mom, dad, children, grandparents on both sides), is quite normal for many households in these cultures.

In Our House …

My husband and I come from different cultural backgrounds. In his household, if he accidentally found his parents naked in the bathroom, he’d excuse himself and close the door, without it becoming an embarrassing situation. I, on the other hand, tried my best not to see my mum or siblings naked (and vice versa).

With our children, I’ve adopted a much more open way of handling nudity because I believe it is the most natural thing and they should view it as such. So, while we don’t necessarily strut around the house butt naked all the time, it is a completely unremarkable thing for our children when we do.

Helpful Or Harmful?

Many family and children psychologists agree that nudity between parents and children is fine as long as both are fully comfortable. For children, this can foster delight and confidence in their bodies while gradually teaching them norms related to privacy and consent.

Others disagree however, with the view that nudity and private parts should be kept precisely that – private. “I think it’s important for my daughter to know that there is NEVER a reason for an adult man to not have clothes on around her,” says one mom I know. “Her dad should not be an exception in this.”

Pros of letting it hang out

• When you have a toddler following you around all day, taking a shower means taking them to the bathroom with you and showering in front of them. It’s just convenient that way.
• As they get older and barge into the bathroom without knocking (we all know that at some point, boundaries aren’t their forte), they won’t be embarrassed seeing you naked.
• We are all constantly bombarded with billboards of models with the perkiest breasts and buttocks and whitest teeth and longest legs. Children seeing you nude makes them understand that people come in different shapes and sizes and that is fine.
• Neutral nudity like breastfeeding can lead to body acceptance and stop the sexualization of female bodies. Embracing casual nudity, children learn that the body isn’t something to be ashamed of.

Cons:

• The questions, comments, or stares from your children can sometimes be outright awkward and funny. “Your bum’s huuuuuge mama” is a recent one I’ve got from my nine-year-old (yes, I “overdosed” on those quarantine doughnuts and muffins – don’t judge)
• The nudity boundary lines can be blurry and tricky especially when dealing with kids of the opposite sex. How should a father tackle nudity in front of his daughter and vice versa? While some may find it OK for children to be naked around their same-sex parents, a different dynamic eventually develops with mothers/sons and fathers/daughters and this can be challenging.

It all comes down to comfort level.

How to handle nudity in your family

Even for those that think it is harmless, there are certain things to keep in mind when dealing with parental nudity– things that may look harmless to you but are offensive to others.

• Households should know that in some cultures, nudity may be frowned upon. So, it may be a good idea to cover up when your children’s friends visit, for example.
• In the same breath, families from multicultural backgrounds, like ours, need to realise that nudity may be viewed differently within the family. If mum bolts the door shut while using the bathroom but dad doesn’t mind showering with the door open, everyone needs to learn to respect these opposing views to nudity and privacy inside their own family.
• Sometimes, being naked can be inappropriate, even within the family. For example, while being naked in the bathroom can be normal, it may look out of place in the kitchen.
• Within the family, there are times when you, as a parent, or them as children, require privacy. That should be respected. Many children develop a natural self-consciousness about nudity when they hit adolescent years, regardless of how they are raised. Many will even start being uncomfortable with your own nudity. That’s when you as a family may need to revisit the topic of nudity and work out what’s best for everyone.
• While some may choose to give cute nicknames to breasts, penises, vaginas, buttocks, etc. (we used to call them “peanuts”), it may be a good idea for children to learn the real names of these body parts and their functions: Breasts provide milk for babies, hairs on our bodies provide cooling and protection, and so on). Learning the proper words will help them greatly in that anatomy class.
• There SHOULD be a solid line drawn between being naked and being outright sexually expressive and erotic in front of the kids. They may have an inkling of how they were “manufactured” but they don’t want a show of it from you. Save that for the bedroom.

When it might be time to cover up

There isn’t a magic age when you should stop being naked in front of your child. But there are signs for when covering up may be required from all parties involved. For instance, when you start getting uncomfortable with it or question whether it’s still OK, then it’s probably time to phase it out.

A good rule of thumb here is to follow your children’s lead. If they start telling you to cover up, respect their needs and draw a line. Their demands for privacy signal independence and that’s a good thing.

Conclusion 

Put simply, parental or casual nudity isn’t for everyone so there’s no right or wrong here. If you want to be naked, be naked, if you want to be clothed, be clothed. The focus of this topic is to teach our children that there’s no shame in the naked human body and to see that bodies are functional and normal, regardless of shape or size.

With a professional background in social and development work, I am first and foremost a mom. When I’m not busy being a mom of two – and singing the Hokey Pokey song ten times a day – I copyedit and proofread documents for people who dontt beleife in spelle cheks. I enjoy writing, reading, traveling, yoga, gossiping with family and friends around the world and pretending to be Nigella Lawson in the kitchen. Visit my website at www.pearlkasujja.com, Twitter @PearlKasujja, LinkedIn:Pearl Kasujja-Van de Velde