Parenthood is filled with joy, discovery, and plenty of challenges and situations that you may or may not be prepared for. I’m not talking about the sleepless nights and diaper explosions. Those are nothing compared to the maternal rage that you didn’t know you had in you when you see your kid get bullied.
If it hasn’t happened yet, don’t worry, it will. You’ll be out playing with your kid one day, and out of nowhere, someone else’s child runs over and takes your child’s toy or, even more annoying, says mean things about your child right in front of them. Things like “He’s a foreigner; don’t play with him,” “Give me your toy. You’re so stingy,” or the actually dangerous “Why don’t you *insert dangerous act*; are you scared?”
I’d like to think that I’m an emotionally mature adult who would never stoop low enough to break out in a full-on argument with a kid in public, but catch me on a bad day, and all bets are off. When stuff like this happens, I walk away and give myself a pat on the back for not undoing years of mental and emotional growth and showing a kid what real ’90s-style bullying sounds like.
But whether it’s a snatched toy, harsh words, or outright exclusion, watching your little one face unkindness can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. Mix in some language barriers and cultural differences, and we find ourselves in unfamiliar terrain.
As parents, we want to protect our children while also teaching them resilience and empathy. Navigating these early social hurdles requires patience, insight, and a thoughtful approach to help your child (and yourself!) handle these difficult moments with confidence and grace.
To be fair, it hasn’t happened too many times, but when you’ve got a little girl whom you love more than anything in the world, even once is too many. The final wake-up moment for me was when a little boy, just a few years older than my daughter, tried to herd her out of the second story of a playhouse. He didn’t push her; he blocked the exit with his body and egged her on with mean taunts. She was scared, and I finally decided that I needed to see how other moms handle similar situations.
The playhouse incident was a no-brainer. You step in and put an end to it ASAP before somebody gets injured. But what about the times that don’t escalate to possible physical harm? I’ve finally reached out to fellow expat parents in Beijing as well as teachers to get their take. It’s going to happen sooner or later, so better decide now how you’re going to handle it.
One expat mom shared her experience. She’s the mom of a 2-year-old little boy who’s the epitome of a foreign kid: blond hair, blue eyes, and the cutest little chubby cheeks you’ve ever seen. “One time, a kid [around 4 or 5]was under this play area equipment. My son went under, and she ran out screaming and crying. I initially thought my son had hit her (he has a habit), but as I got closer, I heard her tell her grandma, “我不要白头发的孩子，我不想跟他玩” [“I don’t want blonde kids; I don’t want to play with him”]. And she kept screaming and crying. I left it that time, despite my rage, and we moved on to a different play area in the same park. This girl came, saw my son, and began the screaming thing. And this time I said something.”
This mom said that if the aggressor’s guardian steps in, then she lets it go. But if they feed into it, she calls attention to it loudly enough for others to hear. Her point? If you need to, resort to public shaming.
Chinese lesson for the day: 没家教吗? (méi jiājiào ma) or 没家教吧 (méi jiājiào ba)? No manners?
She then admits something that I resonate with: She’s embarrassed she was rude back to the kid. We’re raised to be polite to others, and when you become a mom, you’re a role model to kids. But man, that’s a high pedestal to stand on. We’re human, with a range of emotions of our own, and we’re moms with maternal instincts to protect our young. If that means snapping back at an unruly brat so they’d back off your kid, then by all means, Queen, snap away!
Jingkids writer and soon-to-be mom of two Janita Shahsavari has, unfortunately, also experienced something similar with her daughter, Leili. “With the encounters we had, our go to action plan (which came about accidentally and without prior planning ) has been to first firmly and politely tell the kid to stop whatever behavior was mean, and if that does not work, we track down the parents and insist they step in, as there would be much bigger consequences if our child suffers any injury or discomfort at the hands of their kid. So far, it has worked, though we have only had two or three incidents.
“Once there was a kid (about 6 years old) in a sandpit, deliberately throwing sand at Leili. My husband told him to stop, but he ignored him, so we called over his mom to step in. Via translator and our limited Chinese, we told her that if the sand goes in her eyes, especially since it isn’t clean sand, it could very well cause infection, above and beyond the rudeness of her kid bullying a little baby. After he still didn’t listen to his mom, she forcibly took him out and said he could only play if he behaved, which, when he came back, he did.
“Another time was at our community playground, where a much bigger boy (probably 8 or so) was being rough on the toddler jungle gym and deliberately coming to scare Leili with his jumping and shoving. At first, I told him not to come near my daughter and that the jungle gym wasn’t for big kids. He’d back off but then return a minute later doing the same thing. His mom saw I was getting cross, so she also stepped in and made him go away.”
It’s important to remember that (legally speaking) you need to keep your hands to yourself. Don’t give anyone an excuse to escalate the situation. Got advice on how you handled something similar? We’d love to hear it! Leave a comment below or send a message to Mina at Wilhelmina87 on WeChat if you’d like to remain anonymous.
Images: Freepik
