For teenagers, the sheer power of the line, “Because I fed you and raised you, so I get to…” is indisputable. It often seems like no matter how much we’ve grown and learned, our maturity gained through years of experience can be all but destroyed by our parents with that one simple line.

As a teenager turning 18 in a few months, a major reason I have always been so keen to grow up is to gain a degree of freedom, and specifically, the freedom to come home whenever I please at night. Simply put, I look forward to making my own choices, and not having to adhere to my parents’ decisions about what time I should return.

Curfew, of all the existing conflicts between parents and teens, is arguably one of the most mainstream and non-negotiable, and certainly one that we have no right or wrong answers to. As long as there are people, there are problems. The lack of freedom concerning returning home seems like a common struggle shared by many of similar backgrounds in Beijing, too.

“My mom has strict curfews regarding hanging out,” says Rachelle H, an incoming junior. “Usually I come home between 9 and 10pm because [my mother]makes it very clear that if I don’t get home by these times, I will not be able to hang out with my friends again for a while.”

Sometimes, parents tend to seek a quick and convenient curfew based on their child’s age, however, this may not be suited to every child’s development as maturity does not necessarily correlate with age.

“I don’t think my curfew is reasonable because I’m 16 so I should have the freedom to go out with my friends… I feel like [my mother]giving me a curfew like this means that she doesn’t exactly trust me, and that makes me kind of sad,” adds Rachelle.

Trust – undoubtedly one of the most essential qualities formed in all parent-child relationships – also happens to be one of the biggest struggles. Establishing trust is like crafting an intricate vase out of fine crystal: Considerable time is required to nurture it, but the thing can shatter into a million pieces with one slip of the hand.

However, the so-called “overprotectiveness” and “possessiveness” that many parents tend to exhibit may not come from direct mistrust towards the child.

“I don’t trust the kids that I don’t know, [my children]may be in contact with people who can make them do things that they would not do otherwise,” says Solange Avom, an expat mother of two 16-year-olds in Beijing.

From this perspective, the argument seems equally sensible, as parents actually tend to place more trust in their children to teach them the concept of trust and accountability.

Student Qinglan Du, who does not have a curfew, expresses that her father trusts that she is responsible for getting home safely at night. “I think it’s important to give [teenagers]this degree of freedom because when they are off to college, no parent will be there to implement a curfew”, says Qinglan, adding, “for kids who feel restricted or unhappy with their curfews, the sudden freedom of college could cause them to defy all their old restrictions and go all out, which could be risky. So I think it’s good to practice during high school.”

Lee Cassidy, a mother of two daughters currently living in Beijing with her younger daughter, shares a similar parenting philosophy. “Neither of my daughters have or had a specific curfew. They have open discussions with us regardless of if their decision has positive or negative consequences.”

In fact, Cassidy’s family began building this parent-child trust when the children were quite young. “Since my daughters were young, their father and I gave choices about what to wear, how to play, and who were their friends. We gave them choices because we knew there would come a time when they would have to make their own choices. Everything we have done was to prepare them to make safe and healthy decisions.”

Likewise, safety, another common concern that parents face, is a crucial aspect to consider in responsible parenting. For those living in Beijing, a general consensus seems to be that Beijing is a relatively safe city. People have expressed that “there’s always security, bright lights, and crowds of people” and that “Didi drivers are conscientious and public transport is reliable and secure.” So what might be the other reasons why parents still believe their teens need to come home by a specific time?

“I consider Beijing a safe city because you cannot get robbed or harassed,” says Avom. “However, my children must be home by 8pm latest as I believe it teaches them discipline.”

Although different families establish different rules, most parents tend to share one commonality: They all want their child to learn valuable lessons and essential life skills – choosing the right friends, establishing independence, making safe and responsible decisions, and understanding the concept of discipline – from life’s simple daily undertakings such as coming home at night after hanging out.

There is no rule as to what responsible and safe parenting is, but through active communication and mutual understanding, parents can establish ways to help their teens minimize risks when being out, while still providing a suitable extent of freedom that is in accordance with their teen’s emotional maturity.

Freedom can be earned through trust, but trust can also be built through letting go of fears and allowing a greater sense of freedom. There is no fixed formula.

This article appeared in the jingkids 2021 July-August issue

Let me guess, you clicked this article because you’re constantly resisting the urge to tear down your self-avowed “woke” peer? No? Then you must be a liberal who gets irritated every time you engage with someone of an older generation about controversial issues, and eventually just ends up avoiding the topic altogether. Either way, I completely understand your struggle.

The first time my mother and I reached an agreement at the dinner table about the socio-political climate of China in the 1940s without virtually burning the house down, I almost couldn’t believe it was real. No, really. I’m not exaggerating.

Let’s face it: When our daily chattering comes to issues of race, sexuality, human rights, justice, and religion – basically anything deemed sensitive and controversial – the conversation invariably turns to complete disaster or a no-go zone.

We often say that we’re open to different opinions and new perspectives, but when push comes to shove, it’s really easier said than done.

So how can we honor insightful and civil conversations about these important issues with someone whose opinion differs from our own, and namely, our elders? The first step is to internalize the goal of the conversation and do away with any mindset we tend to inherently exhibit.

We often think that the goal of any discussion on serious issues is to reach some sort of ultimate solution, however, this is rarely the case. The significance of having civil conversations on these difficult topics lies within the process itself, not in the final conclusion. The whole point is to constantly raise more questions and exchange ideas, thus helping us understand the multiple perspectives of a complicated issue. Therefore, it is crucial that we abandon the mindset of coming to a conclusion because the truth is, if there was already a public consensus, these issues wouldn’t be universally debated in the first place.

Another common mistake we make when talking about controversial topics is that we are naturally inclined to try and convince others of our opinion. Whether or not our belief and view is “correct” or “wrong,” we’re desperate for others to feel the same and get all but irate when they rebel. This, however, should not underpin our conversations. A crucial step to building bridges and connecting the gap between one generation and another is to walk into the discussion with the mindset that your goal isn’t to convince others of your view or belief. Although this is easier said than done, it’s important to remember that just because your view differs from your mother, your child, or a close friend, they will still love you despite your difference in opinion.

Be prepared and open-minded enough to hear and accept insightful points made by the person whose opinions traditionally differ from yours. Let’s admit it: We all hate when someone with an opposing view makes a point that we secretly agree with. But that’s okay.

For better or worse, it’s entirely normal for humans to defend their pride and remain vigilant about not being proven “wrong,” because sometimes it can feel like you’re betraying your own opinion, which can be a humiliating feeling to sit with.

It’s not though. In fact, you’re one step closer to being a more understanding and empathetic person. Think of it this way, the more you tolerate a different opinion, the more you will be able to evaluate an event or issue through a more holistic and unbiased lens, so technically, you’re doing yourself a favor by being more accepting of others.

All that said, it’s still important to remember that differences in opinion are built on some degree of agreement on fundamental concepts. Like US novelist James Baldwin once said, “We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.”

Conflicts are inevitable, so don’t expect your first civil conversation to be utterly “civil” and serene. Keep practicing! If these social issues genuinely matter to you, you will eventually find a way to speak diplomatically about your views without wanting to burn a house down, much like my mother and I managed to achieve.

KEEP READING: Talking to Children About Discrimination

Images: Unsplash

Curtis and Stephanie Dracz, two Canadian expats who met in Beijing in 2013 during a hockey event, wrote their first children’s book last year, Tarps Off! Dominated by hockey lingo and silly illustrations of warm father-son bonding moments, the book is perfect for a fun family read.

As two exceptional sports enthusiasts, Stephanie took her swimming career to the highest level and swam for Team USA in the 2004 Olympics, while Curt built his own career around hockey, Can Life Sports, through self-devised marketing and promotion.

We had the opportunity to chat with Curt and hear about his intent to create the book and his unfathomable love for ice hockey.

Who or what did you and your wife draw your biggest inspiration from when writing this storybook?
Our daughter Avery for sure. The thought was always to give her a story – literally and figuratively. Although the book is about a father and son, it does relate to young children in general. In the early years, shirtless children become quite a natural occurrence. We hope the term “Tarps Off” can live on within the household. 

What personal experience sparked the massive use of hockey language in your book Tarps Off?
I found myself reading books to my daughter, pretending to enjoy the books, but never really had a connection to them, so we wrote our own. Stephanie is an educator, so she brought in the academic side, making sure the book made sense and [is]applicable to children’s education. I used inspiration from my life as a hockey player, drawing back on experiences where tarps came off, and together, we softened the term to make it suitable for young children.

Many of us here in China are not entirely familiar with ice hockey. Could you briefly tell us about your experience with it and what it means to you?
Obviously, it would be a personal bias to say that hockey is the best sport in the world, but that’s how I feel about it. It’s a sport that allows me to continue to play in my adult life, gives me the ability to travel around the world, and most importantly, belong to a community. 

We learned that you are one of the founders of Can Life Sports Beijing. Could you tell us a bit more about the kind of work you do there and what drove you to your mission?
Can Life Sports has always been about building a culture and lifestyle around the game of hockey. The sport gives us a lot more than just competition, so that’s the part we’re dedicated to. We continue to educate our domestic partners about worldwide sports culture while bridging relationships with our foreign partners on the Chinese way with sport and business. 

From writing and editing to illustrating, manufacturing, and eventually publishing, the book took nine months to produce, all of which was done during the pandemic. “It’s easy to let an idea fade away,” says Curt, “but at the end of the day, you’ll learn a ton about the process of telling your own story.”

It’s definitely a fun bedtime read with your kids, especially for those with an immense passion for sports and who enjoy silly goofy family bonding moments!

Support Curt and Stephanie’s storybook Tarps Off!, now available for purchase on Amazon or with the QR code below.

KEEP READING: Meet the Author of Brandon Goes to Beijing, a Children’s Book That’s Breaking Cultural Barriers

Images: courtesy of Curtis and Stephanie Dracz

My guilty pleasure is an odd one: scrolling through the leading Chinese food review app 大众点评 DaZhongDianPing – otherwise known as Dianping for short – and finding dining venues, only to end up admiring their luxury interior designs and gasping at all the seemingly appetizing food while screaming, “I need to go there now!”

One time, I was drawn to a Korean BBQ restaurant through the app’s recommendation. The dazzling neon lights and marinated meat looked tender and juicy, accompanied by scarlet red seasoning, all of which was perfectly suited to my love for spice and beautiful spaces. So naturally, my friend and I just had to go. Unfortunately when we arrived, the actual restaurant radiated bleak emptiness and poor infrastructure. What’s more, the pork belly, drenched in oil with black spots on the edges indicative of overcooking, was not in my best interest either and definitely didn’t align with the neatly cut, cheery-white pork belly I had seen in the pictures.

Alas, I had been catfished.

Catfish – a common internet term that describes the action of using fake online identities to deceive others – is precisely the word I would use to describe what the restaurant did.

Nowadays, intense market competition has led many restaurants to adopt fake reviews, filtered pictures, forced ratings, and bots commenting on food review apps to boost numbers. 

As a self-proclaimed food expert around Beijing, I have a few tips to help you avoid getting catfished by snazzy internet photos and reviews while saving your wallet from undeserving food.

Tip #1 – Look for unfiltered pictures

If any restaurant was to promote their food through digital media, relentlessly applying filters to beautify their pictures is the go-to method of attracting customers. But don’t be deceived by these official photos posted by the restaurant itself. Be sure to also check out pictures posted by customers, and more specifically, the unfiltered ones. Do the food and overall atmosphere of the restaurant still seem enjoyable without the adornment of filters?

Original image vs. Filtered image

Tip #2 – Origin of the reviews

There’s always a possibility that food app reviews are flat-out paid for by the restaurant. If the positive reviews are predominately generic remarks that lack personal engagement or are written by users without profile pictures and random letter sequences for a username, then warning lights should be flashing. Checking multiple reviews will also help you get a more balanced, not to mention realistic expectation of the restaurant in question. 

Tip #3 – Restaurant history and reputation

Have people around you ever talked about this venue? Is the restaurant well known amongst the general public? Of course, it’s entirely possible that a restaurant hasn’t gained a lot of recognition because it’s new. On Dianping, you can check the date when the restaurant was listed by clicking the arrow shown in the picture below. If the restaurant has been around for a while but no one knows about it, maybe there’s a reason.

Tip #4 – Timing, timing, timing!

It is important to examine the timing of the reviews when determining whether or not they are genuine. If there is a huge influx or spike of comments during a very short period of time, it could indicate a promotion agenda implemented by the restaurant, resulting in a deluge of fake comments all at once. 

Unfiltered image vs. Filtered image

I took both of these photos myself, but the one on the left looks far less appetizing, while that on the right may prompt more comments like “Wow, where is this place?” If I am able to achieve this effect with just a few clicks of a free-to-use photo editing app and a slightly better camera angle, you can be sure that corporate restaurants out to make a buck will go to much greater lengths to lure you in. So, be savvy when relying on reviews!

Happy dining, readers!

KEEP READING: Bite-Size Beijing: Eating Your Way Through the City’s Street Foods

Images: Linda Huang

On April 17-18, Beijing City International School (BCIS) hosted its fourth annual Avenir Business Competition. A total of eight teams from various international schools in Beijing participated in the event, which provided a number of rewarding opportunities for the contestants, mentors, and judges.

Established in 2017 by two seniors at BCIS, Avenir is a business competition designed to encourage high school students to develop business plans for sustainable development. The competition aims to enhance the students’ skills in entrepreneurship, social enterprise thinking, positive networking, and in receiving critical feedback from business professionals.

This year’s event followed a simple, two-day schedule. On the first day, contestants attended a workshop led by an entrepreneur who founded her own innovative sustainability and education venture, and engaged in enriching mentoring sessions with business professionals who offered vital feedback for the students’ business plans.

“The mentors were quite helpful. We got lots of new ideas from them,” explains Perry Kan, a participant of the competition. “The first mentor, even through Zoom, listened carefully and talked about things we never thought of. With her help, our vision was broadened, and we were able to come up with a more mature plan for our business.”

For a business competition like Avenir, it is crucial to provide participants with opportunities to seek help from professional mentors. The guidance from these mentors is invaluable, as it exposes students to new perspectives, and elevates their knowledge on how to form businesses.

The mentors at this year’s competition were amazed by the participants’ business plans, and pleased with their experiences with the students. “I was very impressed by what I saw at Avenir 2021. The business plans were very well designed, and all had a lot of potential. As we looked at how the teams were designed, the members all complimented each other. Working with the teams, you could see the raw ambitions, and the clear leadership,” says Peter Parker, one of the mentors, who is also a data and AI specialist for Microsoft. Another mentor, Angela Zhang, a business development manager at Keru, also shared her experience working with the teams. “The students were very bright and easy to talk with during our conversations,” noted Zhang. “The students all demonstrated strong passion in their business sector, and in-depth knowledge about the targeted industries. The business plans were very organized and clear. Power point slides were well made and had appropriate amount of information which made them very reader friendly.”

On the second day of the Avenir competition, each team pitched their business plan to a panel of judges, who then determined the winning teams.

The first place winner, Mask Up, is a team of four girls from Beijing City International School. Their business idea is to provide customers with original and customizable mask designs that will be illustrated onto fabric masks made from donated secondhand clothing. Mask Up’s vision is to raise awareness about the importance of wearing masks, and to help clients express themselves during the isolation and hardships of COVID-19, while at the same time working towards the goal of sustainability and reduction of textile waste, which perfectly aligns with Avenir’s mission.

First Place Winner: Mask Up (Left to right: Qinglan Du, Laure Boquet, Lisa Hu, Gretchen Zeng)

The prize for first place in the competition was a summer internship at The Bulk House, the first social enterprise in China that promotes zero-waste lifestyles, along with a reward of RMB 3,000 that is to be used for further development of the winning team’s business.

“We’re hoping with this money we can purchase the equipment necessary for making our own fabric masks out of donated clothing,” explains Qinglan Du, the team leader of Mask Up. “This mainly includes sewing materials and sanitary products to make sure the cloth is clean. We’re not sure if this type of mask has a larger market than the ones we’re currently selling, but that’s the general direction because we want to be a step closer to sustainability.”

Bolstered by the success of this year’s competition, Avenir will continue to serve as an opportunity for students to build skills in entrepreneurship, networking, and social business. Students are encouraged to participate in the competition in 2022, and to come together with the goal of envisioning future businesses dedicated to the common good, that work towards sustainable development of our world.

Images: Courtesy of BCIS

About a month ago, I posted that I’ll be giving away some of my unwanted clothes for free on my Instagram story since they’ve been sitting untouched in my closet for way too long. Shortly after the story was posted, people started replying to my story asking if they could have them. I felt an unexplainable joy after realizing that people wanted to wear clothes that I would never wear again and it made me realize how convenient it was to recycle clothes.

Linda’s Instagram story

In an age of consumerism, our urge to purchase is evoked both by our natural desire to own what appeals to us visually and the inclination to use shopping as a coping mechanism for what bothers us. Stressed out? Shop. Failed a test? Shop. In a bad mood? Shop. We come up with all kinds of excuses to justify our compulsive purchasing habit; Vanessa Zhang, a 16-year-old student, agrees, “my desire for shopping mostly ensues when I feel stressed out or anxious, it [shopping]helps relieve some stress.”

The result of our expressive buying results in similar items repeatedly entering our households; the fashion industry is no exception. We buy far more clothes than what we realistically need, as Sofia Strelnikova (age 15), says, “Actually thinking about this, my closet is filled with clothes that I don’t know I have. Maybe not to that point, but it’s like I know I have them, but I also know I’m never going to wear them.”

The truth is that while we often get a thrilling and enraptured feeling after a shopping spree, the same feeling ceases when one is reminded of their untidy closet filled with unneeded clothes or exposed to the negative environmental impact of shopping (which happens to be often trivialized and shunned.) According to the United Nations Environment Programme, approximately 10% of the annual global carbon emission and 20% of the total wastewater in a year come from the fashion industry.

Whether you hope to help our ecosystem by reducing textile wastes or to simply save the plight of your wardrobe, I have suggested four easily attainable ways, here in Beijing, that could get you started on your journey to fashion sustainability.

1. Clothing Swaps!

“Who can say no to free clothes?” One of my followers texted me that after the clothing giveaway story I posted on Instagram. Just like what I did, you could exchange clothes with your friends through popular media platforms or simply through personal contacts. A pair of skinny jeans that you would never want to wear again could be something someone else has long-sought for but couldn’t find. What’s better than a mutually beneficial exchange, especially when it’s between you and your friends?

2. Roundabout

Since its opening in 2008, Roundabout has been a charity organization that directly passes on your donated items and sells them in their retail store to acquire funds for those in need. You are encouraged to donate second-handed items to their retail store; in fact, clothing is currently one of their biggest needs! Just make sure that your clothes are clean, stainless, and in good condition. Check out this page or follow the official Roundabout WeChat account for more information on donation details, drop-off points, and alternative ways to donate items!

3. Clothing Transformation

Transforming old clothes into new fashion could be done with simple cuts and sewing, and minimal skills are required. A large, oversized t-shirt could quickly turn into a mini top with a few meticulous changes. There are a ton of videos on YouTube and tutorials on Pinterest that could inspire you to transform your own unwanted clothes into another shape or form.

4. Textile Recycling Programs

Plenty of other recycling alternatives are also available; search up “旧衣回收” (jiù yī huí shoū) on WeChat and you’ll find a variety of clothes recycling programs that offer home pick-up services. This way, you could merely wait by the door for the courier to show up.

Indeed, the above methods can achieve some level of fashion sustainability, however, it is not to forget that none of them fully gets to the heart of the problem. The truth is that we need to simply stop buying. This by no means is to say that shopping for clothes is a sin or that we can’t purchase garments at all, but rather that we need to stop vindicating our excessive consumerism. It’s almost undeniable that buying new clothes gives us ecstasy, but perhaps this is also an indication that the natural foundation of our happiness should be reassessed. It’s time to abolish the mindset that one should buy fewer pieces of expensive clothing so that they could buy more clothes at lower prices with the same amount of money. It’s not a matter of money (though it could be argued that economizing is equally important); the ultimate goal is to buy less so that the production of clothes and textile wastes from unwanted garments could be lowered and thus reduce the demand for textile and apparel.

As a culprit of modern consumerism and overbuying, my expertise certainly does not lie in the field of sustainability. There is still so much more for all of us to learn about being environmentally friendly, but the four ways to recycle clothes provided above could be the starting points of your path to fashion sustainability, right here in Beijing.

KEEP READING: Who Pays The Price For Our Clothing? The True Cost

Images: Linda Huang, pexels

At some point in our lives, we have probably all been criticized for the way we dress, or told that there is only one way that beauty should be expressed.

When I was in Grade 7, I felt very uncomfortable wearing crop tops and booty shorts in public because I felt like those weren’t clothes that people in Beijing would typically wear. I could feel people eyeing my body while walking down the street in these clothes, the kinds of clothes that people would call “too revealing”, or imply such messages through their judgmental glares.

Having lived in Beijing for 16 years now, I understand exactly why some young girls and women feel uncomfortable and judged whenever they go out wearing clothes that don’t seem to fit in with what everyone else is wearing. In China, women’s fashion has always been more conservative than that of western countries. You often find young Chinese girls and women wearing oversized t-shirts, baggy pants, and non-body-con shorts. Meanwhile, tank tops, tube tops, mini skirts, or anything that shows too much skin or accentuates one’s figure too much are historically frowned upon in this country.

While I do acknowledge that modest and conservative dressing is deeply rooted in China’s culture and tradition, I believe that being able to express ourselves through what we wear, and to portray an image we wish for the world to see is a choice we should be able to make. And I’m not the only one, many other teenage girls in Beijing feel the exact same way.

Delphine Q., a Singapore-born girl who’s lived in Beijing for quite a long time has experienced this first hand. “When I’m in Singapore, I tend to feel very safe, so I’m comfortable with whatever I wear. Beijing is a huge city, but I don’t think everyone in Beijing knows how to view fashion because they tend to have a very traditional mindset on what fashion is. Sometimes I can feel that there are people on the street looking at me like I’m a freak because of how I dress, but I don’t really care since it’s my own style and I like it.”

Emily S., a 16-year-old teenage girl who used to live in Beijing, but now attends a boarding school in North Carolina, US expresses how she views fashion in Beijing. “In many places in Beijing, especially where I live [Haidian], where traditional Chinese cultural heritage is more well preserved, it’s even harder to walk around wearing skimpy clothes because people really do stare a lot. For example, if I wanted to wear spaghetti straps, it’s just not possible around my area.”

But not all are examined under the same judgmental microscope; there seems to be a rigid fashion stigma targeted mainly towards women of Asian heritage. The older generation in Beijing tends to think it is completely fine for westerners to wear skimpy and body-hugging clothes in public, while Asian women are often criticized when doing the same thing.

This is perhaps why Chichi S., who is Zambian, and Mayank S, who is half Swiss and half Indian, both believe that Beijing is an inclusive city for fashion. “I feel like people in Beijing are pretty expressive with what they wear,” explains Chichi, “and that encourages me to be expressive with what I wear and my style because I don’t feel alone, and I don’t feel like an outcast.”

When describing her fashion experience in Beijing, Mayank says, “I feel comfortable presenting myself through my fashion in Beijing. Large cities, in general, are great for wearing what you like, not only can you really express yourself, you can also find inspirations in the personal style of everyone you cross in the street.

But it’s not just about the amount of skin you show. Another common fashion stereotype that is deeply embedded within the Asian fashion industry is the disparagement of plus-size models. Many Asian media still portrays skinny as the only form of beauty, but the truth is, beauty has no limits.

“Some people simply are just plus size because that’s how they are built. Some can’t change that no matter how hard they try because that it just how they are,” explains Chichi, “however, the fashion industry completely excludes them by hiring skinny models and not everyone can obtain that kind of body.

As I become older, my insecurities towards my fashion aesthetic have gradually ceased, because I believe that fashion is a very subjective matter and that each individual feels different about it. Although people still stare at me when I walk around in Beijing wearing skimpy clothes, I’m confident enough to realize that I am only presenting myself, and that when I am happy with what I’m wearing, other people’s opinions don’t matter.

Fashion should be something one uses to express themselves, not feel oppressed by. And cultures and traditions shouldn’t take away our rights to express ourselves as the people we want to appear to be. Perpetuating historical values is important, but preserving and understanding history while having an open mindset that tolerates different fashion aesthetics is what we should all aspire for the people living in Beijing, and every other part of the world.

KEEP READING: How Young is Too Young for Plastic Surgery?

Photos: Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue