Andrea Medina Bicelis

Venezuelan. Born Dec 15 to Evelyn Bicelis and Diego Medina at Oasis International Hospital

Felipe Granja Benassi

Brazilian. Born Feb 20 to Natália Ferraz Granja and Eduardo Benassi Rodrigues at Beijing United Family Hospital

Evan Soh

Singaporean. Born Apr 9 to Sara Lin and Jimmy Soh at Mount Elizabeth Hospital

Kristina Mercedes Hysen

American. Born Apr 17 to Cai Min and David Shaban Hysen at Oasis International Hospital

Shaka Du Toit

South African. Born Oct 6 to Hilette du Toit and Joubert Geyer at Oasis International Hospital

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Photos: courtesy of families

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 November issue

Milanya Zhang

Chinese/South African.
Born May 3 to Melissa Van Der Merwe and Jiaguang Zhang at Oasis International Hospital

Nicole Dudnyk

Ukrainian.
Born May 22 to Anastasiia Dudnyk and Ihor Dudnyk at Peking University First Hospital of Mother and Child

Victoria Smidt

German and Russian.
Born June 6 to Elena Smidt and Maximilian Smidt at Beijing United Family Hospital

Remy Thomas James Kasibante-Page

British/Ugandan.
Born Jun 9 to Victoria Peace Kasibante and Daniel John Page at Beijing United Family Hospital

Pechatnov Alexander

Russian.
Born on Dec 1 to Alexandra Pechatnova and Alexey Pechatnov at Global Care Hospital

Bella Eisler Hoffman

Brazilian/Swedish.
Born July 15 to Livia Eisler Hoffman and Per Hoffman at Beijing United Family Hospital

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Images: Courtesy of parents

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 September issue

Yes! I have two girls and I could not be prouder. And no, I will not be trying again until I have a boy. Get over it!

Gender Expectations:

When it comes to people’s expectations, there’s no limit to what they will want, expect, or outright demand from you. Rating highly on that demand list – high up there with expecting you to be married by a certain age – is the topic of procreation.

Before you have a child, people will enquire when you are having a baby – any gender baby – as long as it’s a baby.

Once you score on that, they expect a second baby pronto (preferably – for them – a gender different from the one you have already).

When you do have a second or third child and they are all the same gender, the endless questions and pitying remarks begin.

I have six sisters, most of whom have at least two daughters. My husband has one sister, who has two daughters herself. Needless to say, we have a very good relationship with estrogen and my husband has always wanted two daughters.

Crack the shell of gender and it’s all a delicate construct anyway.

Daughter number one arrived nine years ago and we were delighted. For our second pregnancy, I remember going to Beijing United Family Hospital for our scan. We’d been told that finding out the sex of a baby before birth in China was not allowed. During a casual conversation, the good doctor asked us (looking more to my husband) what we hoped for this time. Knowing we already had a girl, she expected my husband to say, “We’d like a boy this time,” so was shocked when he said, “I hope it’s another girl”.

A few weeks later back in Europe, we found out we were having another girl, much to the delight of hubby, our big girl, and naturally me.

Then came the comments…

Here are the “best” ones I have been asked so far:

• Poor husband, he’s outnumbered. He must be disappointed (Yes, he is outnumbered and no, he’s not disappointed, he loves it).
• Surely you are going to try again and hopefully, it will be a boy (Ehm, no thanks).
• Were you trying for a boy this time ’round? (Not that it’s your business but no, we were just trying for a child).
• Are you sad that you don’t have a son? (No, I am not)
• You know girls get married and have kids with different last names (A name can be hyphenated. It’s just a name. Doesn’t change her DNA).
• Your poor husband won’t get to play football or do “boy” things with a son. (My husband hates football with a passion. He enjoys playing tennis and cycling with our daughters and they are talking about going fishing. Pretty cool things both boys and girls can enjoy).

I know why some of these questions are asked. Many cultures view having sons as the be-all and end-all. Sons “carry” the family name further. But to me, it’s all staggeringly misogynistic.

I know that for many parents, it is an unquenchable longing they can’t help but feel. I have a friend who has five wonderful sons but is so desperate for a daughter. She loves her boys unconditionally of course, but there’s that gap she wants to be filled with pink booties and hair bows.

Other women go so far as gender selecting the babies through IVF (Yes, I am judging you! That is a bit vain). You would think that the priority would be a healthy baby first. After all, there are millions of couples who are sadly struggling to have even one child.

I, for sure, am not sitting around crying that I can’t buy boy stuff. Granted, I once had a quick dash of imagination about raising a boy: his voice breaking, his beard growing, him bringing a girl (or boy) home… but I have many nephews that I love with all my heart. To me, they are my boys.

My womb is done and dusted with “nine-month tenants” and I am not reincarnating myself so that I can experience a gender combo family. I am so thankful for my girls. They are evidence of a higher power that decides natural gender selection, so they are perfect for me!

What’s between their legs is irrelevant!

** This also happens to boys-only mothers.

Pearl Kasujja-Van de Velde is a dual Ugandan/Belgian national, a mother to two amazing girls, a wife, and a storyteller. To get in touch, visit her website at www.pearlkasujja.com.

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Photos: pexels

Alexander Pechatnov
Russian.
Born on Dec 1 to Alexandra Pechatnova and Alexey Pechatnovat at Beijing Global Care Women & Children’s Hospital.

Michael Richter
Austrian/German.
Born on May 25 to Brigitte Bonn and Andreas Richter at Beijing United Family Hospital.

Kayden James Zhao
Chinese/American.
Born on Mar 24 to Megan Crosby and Zhao Jian at Aiyuhua Capital Healthcare Hospital.

Charlotte Edith Gordon
British/Chinese.
Born on Dec 7 to Ian Gordon and Sinead Zhao at Global Care Women & Children Hospital.

Sara Apolline Amal Feche
French/Russian. Born on Jan 29 to Florian Feche and Jeanne Nurpeisova at Oasis International Hospital.

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Photos: courtesy of parents

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue

Owen Douglas Lilian Wade

French/British. Born on Apr 13 to Segolene Ekoto and Ian Wade at Oasis International Hospital

Enyu Wang

Chinese. Born on May 15 to Shang Yanyu and Wang Zan at Beijing Ditan Hospital

Frankie Adeline Cochran-Tucker

American. Born on Mar 23 to Elizabeth Tucker and Kelli Cochran at Spectrum Butterworth Hospital

Muhammad Zaviyar Ali

Pakistani. Born on Mar 29 to Tanzeel Huma and Muhammad Ashraf Ali at Hongxing Hospital

Eva Lee Heidemann

South African. Born May 17 to Jamie Bassett and Roland Heidemann at Oasis International Hospital

KEEP READING: Want to Share Your Baby Announcement?

Photos: courtesy of parents

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue

Carla Valentina Will
German/Korean
Born on Mar 10 to Alexander Will and Yang Younglim at Beijing United Family Hospital

Mimi June Fok
Dutch
Born on Mar 17 to Patrick Fok and Rowena Haverkamp at Queen Elizabeth Hospital

Valentina Chibudo Gbede
Nigerian
Born on Feb 22 to Anthony and Benedicta Gbede at Beijing Shangdi Hospital

Zareen Kamenskykh
Ukrainian
Born on Mar 14 to Anastasiia & Anton Kamenskykh at Beijing Anzhen Hospital

Emma Bettina Jane Kieslich
German/Chinese
Born on Sept 28 to Shirley and Benjamin Kieslich at Queen Mary Hospital

Sofia Luisa Crocetti
Canadian/Italia
Born on Feb 27 to Erin and Giuseppe Crocetti at Beijing United Family Hospital

KEEP READING: Want to Share Your Baby Announcement?

Photos: courtesy of parents

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 June issue

From the moment that you hold a child in your arms, you are sold, and just like that, a tiny human captures your heart and takes your breath (and sleep, and money, and sanity) away. Yet almost immediately following childbirth, the questions begin. “So, when is the next one? When are you giving her/him a sibling?” Whether these questions come from your parents, your village or clan, or are even debated amongst relatives you’ve never even met, there is no denying that it’s a hot topic of conversation.

But when is the ideal time to add to your brood? While The World Health Organization recommends spacing pregnancies at least two years apart, there is a huge variety of research and opinions on the subject around the world and only really one thing is clear: there’s no consensus on, nor sufficient data to prove what is best when it comes to birth spacing. Basically, it all comes down to personal preferences and circumstances, as a gap of one year may be ideal for one family and gap of five years for another.

When it came to my own desire of spacing my children, nature, fate, or the Lord laughed at my plans. After a seamless complication-free first pregnancy, and serene natural birth, with no pain relief, I was pumped up, psyched, ready to push out some more kids. When our oldest was almost three years old, we started trying for a second baby. And tried we did, yet we didn’t have our second baby until eight years after the first one.

While I’m aware that an eight-year gap isn’t the norm, this has been a blessing in more ways than one. Our oldest is a very happy big sister, but she is also fully independent and can wash, dress, entertain herself all on her own. I was worried that, because of the big age gap, my children would be less likely to be friends and while they are always going to be at different development stages, They adore each other already and I have no doubt that they will get on just perfectly fine.

Now, the eldest keeps an eye on the baby when I have to quickly go make dinner or do laundry, so now I have a mini baby sitter who can’t wait to become a fully-fledged one when she’s older, and I don’t feel too tired or worn out. Even if the big spacing gap was not done intentionally, I realize now that I also had the time and luxury to get back to being myself between pregnancies, escaping those sleepless nights and diapers for a while.

Here, we look further at the general pros and cons of spacing and the pros and cons of not spacing ( which can be defined as a gap of 18 months or less between siblings).

The Pros and Cons of Spacing Pregnancies

Pros of Spacing 

• You have more one-on-one time with each child.
• With three or more years between siblings, your older child is more likely to help out with the baby (or at least try to).
• Hand-me-downs are aplenty! If like me, you kept most of your baby stuff, you will save a ton of money, especially if the kids are the same sex.

Cons of Spacing

• With a bigger spacing gap, it may feel like you are starting again from scratch. You might have forgotten the sound of a screaming baby at 4am, and you may be a bit rusty at changing diapers.
• The kids may not relate well to each other. While one likes watching Teletubbies on TV, the other might be interested in Minecraft. One may want to go to Disneyland while the other wants those mega rollercoaster rides in Shenzhen.

Pros of Not Spacing

• According to popular wisdom, kids born 18 months or less apart are more likely to grow up and become good friends.
• Your children will start becoming semi-independent around the same time, giving you a break from the diapers, pacifiers, and waking up twice in the middle of the night, and giving you all more time to yourself when they are both in school or can play together at home with your minimal supervision.

Cons of Not Spacing

• You won’t have much time for yourself. Babies are a lot of work and the demands that just one child places on you can leave you fried. Add another, so close after the first one, and your tiredness may end up being tired too.
• It can leave your bank account in the lurch. With no possibility to pass down clothes from an older sibling to the new one, you may have to invest in a double stroller, a second crib, new clothes, and other extra baby gear, which can be costly.
• When children are close in age, the older one may feel “de-throned”, potentially receiving a blow to their self-esteem. They may start feeling jealous and acting out. Toddlers often already have issues with sharing, which can be amplified when they have to share toys with a new, close-in-age sibling.
• Some children have been reported to regress when a new sibling, close in age, arrives experiencing things like sudden potty “accidents” and speech regression. While not a cause for concern, these can be destabilizing for parents.
• Doctors usually recommend spacing pregnancies 18 months or more apart because getting pregnant again too soon after the birth of a baby carries some health risks, not only for mothers but to the child too. Putting your body through it again so soon may put you at a higher risk of giving birth prematurely or you may be more likely to develop baby blues.

Did you choose to space your pregnancies out? Why or why not? Share your experiences in the comments! 

Pearl Kasujja-Van de Velde  is a dual Ugandan/Belgian national, a mother to two amazing girls, a wife, and a storyteller.

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