Back to school used to mean photos in brand new outfits, pristine backpacks, big smiles, and a rush of triumph as parents shuttled their offspring through yet one more milestone. A new school year means a fresh start in a new classroom, full of possibilities. Who’d ever imagined we’d need a healthy stash of surgical masks as well?

Schools around the world struggle with re-opening in some form or another. Beijing, on the other hand, has clear instructions and perimeters for a successful school year: most can begin classes in person again on Sep 1, only two weeks later than usual. Some schools spaced their start days between grade levels, which means online learning for one to three weeks and a later September start in person.

Every school has a slightly different “new normal,” but the basic factors remain the same, as outlined by the Beijing Municipal Education Commission. Some students experienced this when they returned last spring, but for any child who looks forward to hugging their friends on the first day of school, it may come as a shock. Telling kids the truth is always the best idea, however, and here are a few tips to help mentally prepare students for the new school rules.

Tell Them the “Why” Behind the “How”

It’s been long enough now that we’ve all talked to our kids about the situation. Remind them that returning to school is a real privilege, and only possible because of months of hard work in our communities and by our teachers. Our part to play in keeping Beijing schools healthy is just as important as the work our teachers and healthcare professionals continue to do every day.

It’s important to adjust how much you tell them based on your relationships. Kelly O. from Sanlitun takes a casual approach with her children (Kath, aged 6, and Al, aged 3). “I’m trying to be as cool as possible about it so as not to make my daughter apprehensive. Her school has already introduced awareness about “staying safe” from COVID into her online learning.”

Some kids like to watch videos about germs; others simply need to know that masks and washing hands keep our loved ones safe. Choose the approach that’s best for your family.

Show Visuals of Changes

When schools send visuals of the classroom or entrance procedures, share it with your children. Explain the partitions and one-way stairwells and hallways, and how their job is to follow these instructions to the best of their ability. Temperature checks are always part of our school procedures, so that won’t be a shock. The path they take to the restroom may be different this year, but that’s okay. Let them know they’ll get clear instructions from school personnel and they can ask teachers if they don’t know where to go.

Make a Supplies Checklist

Keep your supplies in a basket at the door or with your keys, backpacks, etc. Make it part of your family ritual and they’ll soon remember on their own.

Angela Kalberg’s 3-year-old son attends daycare and so has already integrated his new supplies into their daily routine. “Before we walk out the door, we check the following: Are there extra masks, hand sanitizer, wet wipes, and tissues? How do we cough and sneeze? He’s pretty good about it and reminds me to do the check,” she told us.

Let your child take charge of their supplies in their backpack so they always know where the extras are. Keep everything in a consistent spot for less confusion. It will require another few minutes before you leave the door, but what an achievement when they know exactly how to find their own spare mask!

Back to school shopping looks a little different this year.

Remind Them to Stay Flexible

The concept of entering your own homeroom, with your own teacher or teachers, and meeting your new classmates who will learn with you the rest of the year: this is how we picture school, especially in primary grades. With the carefully controlled borders, however, not all returning teachers are out of quarantine yet. Some classes will combine hybrid learning and in-person teaching, so teachers are covering for the colleagues who have not yet returned.

For students brand new to a school, it may not seem like a big deal. They don’t know any different. If your child enjoys the knowledge of and routine of homeroom, the transition may be more difficult. Let them know it’s okay to ask questions if they are confused about their teacher or classroom. Schools are trying to make it as seamless as possible for everyone, but there will be hiccups. If kids can stay flexible and ask questions, they’ll know how to cope better and go with the flow.

Practice Ways to Socialize One Meter Apart

One of the biggest challenges this year will likely be the socially distanced schoolyard and lunchtimes. Part of the fun of school is to play with your friends. So how can they have fun if they can’t huddle or play contact games?

There are a number of games you can play from one meter apart: I Spy, Whoosh Ball, Making Shapes, even Hopscotch can be altered a bit to ensure proper distancing. The hardest part will be remembering those distance perimeters while keeping the fun aspect of playtime and socialization.

Mom Roxana Hyskell instructs her three children to “Talk to friends if you see they don’t cooperate with the situation. If you feel the mask all day is getting to be too much, go to the bathroom for a moment, and in a private space take a deep breath and just think: everyone is in this situation. You are not alone.”

She makes a great point, which is to acknowledge that it may be hard sometimes, and that is okay.

Also, this idea that students aren’t there just to follow the rules but also to encourage friends to do so is an excellent way to turn this situation into promoting independence and critical thinking. Sometimes kids just need reminders, and it’s up to all of us to work as a community to help each other stay safe in our learning environments.

Many games require some distance or can be altered to play one meter apart.

KEEP READING: Stay Updated on What’s Been Taking Place at Beijing’s International Schools

Photos: Canva

During the school year, eight-year-old Yohan Geevarghese was assigned the task of creating picture books. What initially appeared to be merely more homework blossomed into a full-on new interest. Over the summer, young Geevarghese was able to create many books out of pencils, paper, and bursting creativity. With a young writer this adorable, we had to find out more!

Can you tell us what your stories are about?

My first book is about a high school boy named Tim and his dog named Nile. They travel around the world, and they always have trouble wherever they travel, and they always have a solution. In one of my books, they went to India, and they tried to go to one of the history museums, but it was closed. So the driver had the idea of going to the Taj Mahal. Now, I’m starting a new book that is called Ben, Ace, and Jen. Ben is a boy who works for the CIA, Jen is a girl who works for the CIA, and Ace is their dog. And they’re called the Silver Three! They work for the CIA as agents.

Where do you get the ideas from?

In my new series, for the Silver Three, I watched a lot of spy movies, probably a million times! So I thought maybe I should draw it, a spy book. For Tim and Nile,  there’s this nice guy that I met, and he came here for a debate competition at Tsinghua International School (THIS) where my mom works. My family went to dinner with him and we had a good time, so I thought maybe I should name the character after Tim!

What do you like about the entire process?

I like mostly the imagination, and also the hard part of it. It’s quite amazing, and it takes very long to write my book. I’m serious-super, very long, maybe a week or two?

What else have you been doing this summer?

I have been awesome! I watch TV of course, I play with my toys, I’m taking ukulele lessons, and I started to learn taekwondo.

Behind every young creative is a supportive parent. We interviewed mom Benita Sumita on her thoughts about her son’s newly discovered hobby.

Do you think these stories benefit your child’s creativity?

Creativity is a natural part of getting your kid to write their own stories. But, this summer project is much more because it gets them to practice and build their language skills, practice spelling, and keep them focused on a single task for increasingly longer stretches of time. I believe it gives kids a unique sense of satisfaction to have completed their own project. The only role we play as parents is to ask questions when Yohan gets stuck, or has writer’s block.

Were you surprised by anything he created? What was your favorite part/story he came up with?

The way he thinks of problems and solutions are quite interesting, especially in his first series – Tim and Nile. The series is realistic fiction, and sometimes the problems are simple and relatable. My favorite is his first book, which he wrote in the second semester of the last school year – A Trip to the Zoo. It was such a simple problem of Tim’s phone running out of battery as he was following directions to the zoo, and finding a solution as easy as rushing to the nearest bus stop to find a map to get to the zoo.

Any words of wisdom for other parents about this activity? Would you recommend it?

Like Yohan mentioned, writing a book takes a while and coming up with the idea, the characters and the plot takes even longer. Be patient. Parents don’t have to watch over the kid’s shoulder but check in on them especially if they are younger kids. There were times when I have checked up on Yohan after 30 minutes and he was just staring out the window. What started off as contemplation, derailed into daydreaming. These things happen, we just need to put them back on track.

What are some activities for kids you recommend when they can’t travel?

I would recommend activities that involve the whole family – at the moment we have started a 2000-piece jigsaw puzzle. We spend an hour on it every day, some days lesser when the pieces start getting blurry and look all the same.

Click here to download Yohan’s book.

KEEP READING: West Meets East: Parents From Different Cultural Backgrounds Share Their Thoughts on Summer Activities

Photos：Courtesy of Benita Sumita, Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

Nowadays, phones play a huge role in our lives. Just how many times have you told your kids to “Put down your phone!”? It’s true, teens basically live on them, using them to order food, study new vocabulary, chat with a friend, and even just scroll through Instagram when we’re bored. “I’m probably on it 60% of the time I’m awake.” 16-year-old Kyiesha M. says.

But although phones can be distracting, I believe that they can actually help teens socially, academically, and also raise their awareness of the world.

First of all, phones are essential for staying in touch with our friends and loved ones. We all know that notification sound, where your phone lights up and it shows that someone has replied to your last text. And you’ll probably drop everything to pick up your phone to type a reply. But didn’t you just see that person at school today? In this situation, maybe phones are over-used. However, they are essential for keeping up long-distance friendships that you wouldn’t want to fade. As 15-year-old Stella S. says “since I’m from Korea, it’s hard for me to communicate with my Korean friends, but social media allows me to keep in touch with them.”

When it comes to academics, many parents believe that phones are actually distracting you from achieving better grades. But this isn’t completely true, as some students use their phones to memorize and take down vocabulary for their next test. As Kenji K. says, “I can look things up and use WeChat to ask my classmates questions regarding a task.” These smart actions with social media can actually help teens in their studies.

What about current affairs? Some people believe that students are too involved in their phones to know what’s going on in the outside world. On the contrary, Michelle Z. says that “looking at the People’s Daily official account on WeChat can raise my awareness of things happening around me since I don’t have time to watch the news on TV”. Since we are living in a busy city, why not use time on the metro to scroll through your phone to look at the news?

Even though I believe we’re living in a time where phones are generally good for teens, there are still problems associated with constantly staying on your phone. Linda H. admits that “even though I use it to study, social media apps do distract me and cause me to procrastinate a lot.” And Alex C. points out that “there is also some fake news out there which can confuse us.”

So what should you do? Set stricter phone limits or let your teens stay on it regardless? Actually, this is where parents come into the mix. With the help of an adult who knows more about the world than you, they can provide you with the reliable news accounts and also help you structure your screen-time, with a password you don’t know, so you can stay on track while actually studying with the help of your phone. You don’t have to quit all of your social media, but instead, use it in a smart way to benefit you.

KEEP READING: Should We Be Posting Pictures Of Our Children On Social Media?

Photos: Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue

As a teen, how many times have you wished for your parents to be cool? Parents, do your kids think the slang you use is “old-fashioned”? Have you given up on being “cool” entirely?

Well parents, it’s not too late to learn something from the 21st-century. And teens, your parents might be cooler than you think. You can trust me as a teen myself (who happens to be one of the coolest out there).

Personally, I have two very doting and fiercely overprotecting parents. They’ve done some very embarrassing stuff in the past, but with no serious harm done. I love hanging with my mom because we’re both foodies. Who cares if we’re a few years (ok, decades) apart in age. When it comes to food, we speak the same language. We also both love touring around, or just lounging at home with chill with a good movie (or five). My dad, on the other hand, is a different kind of cool (that is, when he’s not busy being cringy). He’s our family’s travel-guru, and to a travelholic like myself, that is mega cool.

Still don’t get the gist? Don’t fret, I got a list of things you parents can do to obtain maximum “coolness”. And for you teens, keep scrolling and you’ll find your tips right after a few paragraphs.

#1: Lay Low on the “Teen-Talk”

Some parents think that learning so-called “language-of-teens” can make them a cool parent. But for us teens, that’s the first step to embarrassment-land. Not saying that you have to cut out all the “bro’s”, “yo’s”, and “ayyy’s”. Just that whatever comes out of your mouth stays natural. And if you don’t understand what the heck teen- talk is, no need to Google it. Just having the basics down is enough, so you don’t think about dental hygiene when your kid starts talking about flossing at a party.

#2: Tone Down the Dress-Code

If you like wearing biker-jackets and ripped jeans, awesome. If you like something else, great! But wear what you like when you, let’s say, pick up your kid at school. Don’t wear something because you think it’s cool in the teen world. But if you think your kid’s going to crawl into a hole and die when she sees you wearing a piece of garment, check with her first. Who knows, maybe your child’s going to be the person with the clothing advice next time at the store.

#3: Let Them Have Some Fun

You’re constantly texting your child, signing her up for billions of classes, and refusing all hangouts possible. Gosh, if I was your kid, I would’ve probably moved to Antarctica. Give your teen a little breathing room. She’s only got these years as a teen, so let her be a lil cray-cray when she can. The party on Friday? Let her go (just be sure you know the chaperones, location, time, and appropriateness). You’ll make the child’s life and your life way easier. But, that doesn’t mean letting them slack off nor neglecting their chores. Let’s say your kid gets a 95% on the math exam, didn’t they just earn a little partying time? But if grades start slipping dramatically, you can throw that cool parent out-the-window and welcome back the strictness (just for a little while, until the grades are back up).

Alright, and for the teens out there who’s too busy envying other moms and dads, I get you. I used to think my parents came from lame-town. I mean, I love my fam but who can forget the cringy moments at graduation, or when my mom sends a search party 24/7. Nevertheless, overprotectiveness and being cool are two separate things. Don’t get what I’m saying? Read on and you’ll be amazed how a boring parent can change into a cool parent in just a few minutes.

XueFei and her mom

#1: Don’t Compare

Just like how you hate it when your parents compare you to other kids, don’t compare them to other moms and dads. Your parents shine in their own way, and by comparing, you’ll only see their flaws more and more. The same goes with equating them to your friends. They’re not even in the same age group, so quit thinking that your parents aren’t cool because they don’t do what your friends do. Try blocking out their imperfections, after all, they’re your parents, so they should be just as cool (or even cooler than) you!

#2: Find the Silver Lining

So your dad just embarrassed you by saying the worst dad joke ever at your birthday bash. Are you going to ignore him for life? Probably not. Instead of sulking over it, focus your attention on something else. Did he make the birthday dinner that your friends liked so much they went for seconds and thirds? Now that is cool if you ask me.

#3: Maybe the Prob Is You

It’s so annoying when you get 100+ messages from your parents. You’re just hanging out with your besties, why can’t they let you live? Hang on, let’s back-track. Did you “forget” to tell you ‘rents where you were going after school? This isn’t called uncool, it’s called worrying. All parents worry, so give them a heads up of the Who, What, When, Where, and all the other details they’ll need to know. By doing that, you won’t be the kid with a billion notifications per hour anymore. Just know that they’ll expect you to do what you said you will or else it’s back to blowing up your phone.

Having said all those tips for both parents and kids, it all goes down to understanding. Bond with each other some more and you’ll soon find out that having/being a cool parent wasn’t that hard after all.

KEEP READING: Navigating Friendships Between Parents and Non-Parents 

Photos: XueFei Liu, Pexels

Newsflash: parenting is a real challenge. Whether you are raising five-year-olds who don’t yet understand anything or teenagers who are going through a rough adolescence, parenting is a full-time job, and a hard one at that. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but in my opinion, there are some principles that every parent should follow.

Trust

A child, no matter the age, wants their parents to be somebody they can confide in, somebody they can express their true feelings and sort out their problems with.

Knowing that your child can trust you is a huge accomplishment. If a parent doesn’t succeed at becoming their child’s best friend, things can get pretty difficult, and I’m speaking from personal experience. The child will probably begin to sneak and lie about certain things in hopes that the parent won’t care about what’s really going on. If you, as a parent, continually make promises and fail to keep them, your child will start hiding things from you. And when your kid tells you that something is a secret, they mean it. You should also celebrate the moment because that means they trust you enough to keep the secret. If they send you a video of them singing for example, and specifically tell you not to send it to anybody else, it’s pretty clear they won’t want you posting it on your WeChat Moments.

It’s the same the other way around. If you keep distrusting your child, regardless of whether they’ve given you a reason to or not, they’ll start feeling annoyed and depressed because their own parents don’t even believe them when they say something. Sooner or later, the child will begin to get into more and more trouble which is stressful for everyone. Nobody wants this for their child or family, so being there for your kid and becoming their accountable friend is one of the best things a parent can do.

Room to Grow

Parents have to let their children have space for themselves, and respect their thoughts and privacy, even if they disagree with them. Of course, this rule doesn’t apply if whatever your child is doing or thinking is actually dangerous or harmful, but if parents keep poking their noses into their children’s personal thoughts, then they have a very good reason to tell them that it’s “none of your business.” When it comes to social media, you will probably be able to see everything they post unless they block you. Sometimes they don’t care because they’re just sending pictures of them and their friends having a good time. But on other occasions, they are sending things that they only want their friends to see: personal things. Being an 11-year-old myself, I know that parents tend to ask their children about what they’re posting, why they’re posting it, and lecture about the consequences of the posts. They do that without realizing they’re not respecting their child’s privacy, and that they really are poking their noses into things that don’t concern them. So if you want to have a good relationship with your child, you will need to learn to respect them for their choices and actions.

Right and Wrong

Many parents think that everything they do is for their child’s own good, and most parents support their kids if they think it’s the right thing to do. But then again, different people have different perspectives regarding the meaning of the word ‘right’. The child’s idea of the right thing to do might not be the same as their parents’. Because of this, some parents think they’re supporting the kids and influencing them to do what’s right, but actually they might be stopping their dreams. On the other hand, parents will also often guide their kids in their choices, because they have more experience than us children, and that’s fine because it’s true.

Celebrate the Wins

Whenever your child achieves something, no matter how big or small, don’t hesitate to congratulate them and perhaps even give them presents and rewards. This will make them more determined to achieve even greater things. When your child fails, don’t scold them and make them cry. Instead, comfort them and try to see why they failed, then help them improve so they won’t fail again.

Show Don’t Tell

Most importantly of all, be a good role model for your kids. Lead by example. You should not show kids any bad things they shouldn’t do. For instance, it’s common sense that children are not supposed to fight, but if their parents are fighting in front of them, they will be influenced into thinking that it’s okay, when it’s not. Your kids always look up to you and try to do the things that you do, so setting a good example for your kids is a very important part of being a good parent.

Parenting in the best way possible is very difficult, and it will require a lot of different qualities. This short article is only a stepping stone on being a better parent to your kids, which is just my advice, but I hope that all parents and kids will try to improve themselves so that the entire family can be happy!

KEEP READING: Good News! It’s Finally Acceptable to Curse in Front of your Children

Photos: Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue

You’ve got that one friend with whom you’ve been through thick and thin: The holidays, boy troubles, weddings … nothing can break you. But suddenly …

“I’m pregnant!”, announces your friend one day, gently stroking a barely-there bump.

All those girl-trip plans suddenly go out of the window, and in comes the flurry that follows such announcements: The baby showers (showers? Isn’t that supposed to be a hygiene thing?), the gender reveal parties (it’s either a boy or a girl, so why bother finding out earlier?), the birth announcement with baby’s weight, length, head circumference, and what he/she looks like from every camera angle.

You are happy for her. Of course you are! But you can’t shake the feeling that this once straight road of friendship could be heading for a huge divergence with this news that, to you, is unfamiliar territory. But does this have to signal the death of your friendship?

We all know how fitful friendships can be in general. Most people go through several ‘friendship culling’ periods in their lives. The first culling season normally happens when friendships from elementary school through to university fizzle out because you both embark on different career paths or move to different cities or countries.

Next, usually in your early twenties, around the time you receive your first paycheck, you meet those mates you click with, the ones that drop you back home from a bar at 5am, or hold your head down the toilet bowl while you throw up all the drinks and dinner from last night. But alas, around your late twenties, culling season hits again when many of these friends settle down, get married, or have careers and promotions at stake and can no longer take the constant hangovers.

This is inevitably part of life. However, the culling period that’s most difficult to deal with, is the one where friendships fizzle out simply because one friend has children and the other doesn’t.

Friendships Tested By Childbirth

Oftentimes, we look for friendships that are a reflection of us. We consciously seek out like-minded people with experiences similar to ours. So, as your dear friend with children retreats into domestic bliss, you may wonder how you are ever going to fit into unfamiliar discussions with her about nausea (you mean you can throw up without having had a drink?), cerclage issues, (what? They sew it shut?), epidurals (bliss), childbirth (did you say 10 centimeters dilation?), sore nipples and breastfeeding (yes, you are now someone’s cow), eating placentas (and you thought eating chicken skin was gross) … your mind boggles with this new strange procreation language that your friend is speaking.

You may also question how you are ever going to have a decent adult catch-up while she’s knee-deep in diapers, poo, and her clothes reek of a combination of breast milk and baby’s leftover dinner.

If you want children of your own and for one reason or another, it hasn’t happened, you may just find it painful being in your parent friend’s home surrounded by babies.

All these factors will test any friendship.

But A Little Effort Goes A Long Way

Many friendships survive these childbearing seasons and blossom further. Two of my closest friends are childless. They want children of their own someday and despite the fact that they’ve been trying for babies for a while, they’ve never shown a tinge of jealousy whenever I announced I was pregnant nor have they been enraged if I had to cancel an appointment with them or don’t return their calls immediately.

To sustain a relationship like this, both sides need to make some adjustments:

• Non-parent friends will have to accept that parent friends will be MIA for some time and that should be ok. When kids reach school-going age or grow up and become more self-sufficient, things generally do ease up a little and long nights or away weekends can be a possibility again.
• Often, trips by parent friends require a ‘mini military drill’ operation of loading the car with baby bags, pampers, strollers, pacifiers, milk, bottles, food, beds, toys, car seats, and the baby… all for a few hours’ visit. It’s easier for the non-parent friend to jump into her car to go visit the parent friend.
• The non-parent friend shouldn’t take offense if the parent friend gets tired ridiculously early and wants to go to bed. Taking care of kids really does drain one of energy.
• Non-parents should be prepared that meetups may most likely be arranged around baby’s nap time or most likely in a playground or paddling pool.
• If a parent friend spends half an hour discussing the last stroller she bought for her baby, it’s ok for the non-parent friend to tell her to change the subject, pronto!
• The parent friend should avoid remarks like “ahhhh, don’t even talk to me about being busy and tired cos you don’t have kids”. It’d be like a husband asking a stay-at-home mum what the heck she does all day (“sure, I’ve been sitting on the couch eating bonbons all day while the clothes magically washed and ironed themselves, the fairy godmother washed the baby, that elf next door must have done our grocery shopping and that “Fairy Maids” game APP helped clean the house!) … Tiredness shouldn’t be defined along guidelines of having kids or a 9-5 office job.
• The parent friend should make time to listen to the non-parent friend about her non-baby issues like career promotion, her holiday or the new cat and dog she just adopted from the animal rescue center (yes, those are her babies too and they deserve a place in the conversation just like any other topic).
• If the parent friend is no longer breastfeeding and the kids can easily stay with a sitter, it’s ok for the non-parent friend to ask her not to bring them along to a meet-up. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like your kids but because she wants a conversation that’s not entirely hijacked by children.

Of course, every friendship is different and despite your best efforts, some of them will not survive this life transition. However much it hurts, you just have to let those friendships go.

Just don’t give up before you’ve tried!

Pearl Kasujja-Van de Velde is a dual Ugandan/Belgian national, a mother to two amazing girls, a wife, and a storyteller. To get in touch, visit her website at www.pearlkasujja.com.

KEEP READING: Stepping Into Step-Parenthood: On The Challenges of Being a “Spare Mom”

Photos: Pexels

The disruption that COVID-19 has caused in the traditional school system has left many parents wondering whether there is a way to take more control over their children’s education. An increasing number in Beijing are now turning to homeschooling, yet questions abound: how does it work? Where do you start? Is it legal? In this series, we dive in, talking to Beijing parents who have already started the journey about the big questions, and busting some myths along the way. Let’s get stuck in!

We spoke to Eric Li, father of two kids aged 8 and 11 respectively, and his half-year adventure of homeschooling.

“I wanted them to have greater flexibility”

The main reason why we decided to start homeschooling was the COVID-19 pandemic. I wanted to see my children improve in sports and to have greater flexibility which in turn would create more possibilities for them.

“We also use local PE and music resources.”

We use a combination of homeschooling resources to achieve success. We use UK online school Curriculum called Interhigh, which is a great resource as it allows for children who were in mainstream education to seamlessly transition into homeschooling. Also, it allows parents who might not be as competent in teaching certain subjects to receive online support in those areas. It is also a great resource for kids preparing for GCSE, O-levels, and A-levels.

We are also fans of the Khan Academy. This is particularly important as it not only allows for tailor-made lessons for each child according to their academic level, but it also allows my kids to interact with other children in a virtual classroom, not unlike a real mainstream classroom.

In addition to that, we also use local PE and music resources.

I don’t have a set timeframe in mind when I might stop homeschooling my children. However, we shall continue to use a more flexible approach in terms of travel and sports to encourage learning in our kids.

“I don’t have a set timeframe in mind when I might stop homeschooling my children.”

Homeschooling has many advantages. One of the main ones is being able to try something new and exploring the educational experience with the help of technology. It is also a great way to dramatically reduce the cost of international education. Whereas a mainstream international school might require a massive investment in terms of money, time, and other resources, homeschooling proves similar benefits and experiences for your kids without leaving you in the red financially. As far as my family goes, the money saved on international education costs we put towards traveling to different countries, which in my opinion, is a far more tangible experience to an international school.

“It is also a great way to dramatically reduce the cost of international education.”

Despite these advantages, homeschooling still has some major drawbacks. For starters, parents might need to spend far more time on being ‘teachers’ than parents. Parents must invest a lot of time in researching course material and learning the best way to teach these subjects to their children than just being regular parents. Parents also need to take certain risks in terms of the choices they make for their kids’ education. There is no real way of knowing which system is the best. There is a wide range of options and each has its advantages and disadvantages. You just have to take a leap of faith, wait, and see which one works best for your children. There is also the important matter of work. At least one parent will have to stay at home full time to be available to teach and monitor the children. It is virtually impossible to be a full-time working parent when you venture into homeschooling.

“PE is important to us.”

In general, most of the resources you find online will have some benefit to be had in your homeschooling experience. If you are an absolute novice, then Khan Academy is a good place to start. We also use KidsA-Z and Moby Max. As for more artistic pursuits, we use Molly Bear, which provides local online art courses. If you are looking for a more offline approach, then Houshayu is a wonderful resource to have. Since PE is important to us, we take the initiative to have our lessons at the local biking and Pilates clubs.

If I had any advice for parents looking to start on this homeschooling journey, it would be not to be afraid to make mistakes. Kids have a remarkable ability to adapt to new possibilities. Also, the world is changing rapidly. Things like education are not the same as they were even five years ago. Do not let the newness scare you. These changes might create even greater possibilities for your kids.

KEEP READING: Homeschooling Diaries: “I’m Constantly Amazed by My Child’s Insights”

Photos: Courtesy of Eric Li

If you’re pregnant and working in China, don’t ever just assume that you’re subject to the same rights as back in your own country, regardless of whether you work for a local Chinese company or an international one. For most of us when we start a new job and HR hands over a copy of the company policy handbook, we just sign it without giving it a second thought. But recently, my HR Director gave me the whole run-down on pre- and postnatal rights in China, and to my surprise, there were quite a few terms and rules that I’ve never even heard of, but am definitely glad she brought them to my attention.

China has pretty strict regulations for employers when it comes to the health and benefits of pregnant employees. Women – both foreign and local – are protected under Order No. 619 of the State Council of the People’s Republic of China, known as the “Special Provision on Labor Protection for Female Employee”. These are a set of regulations adopted at the 200th executive meeting of the State Council back in 2012.

This set of regulations help ensure that expecting mothers receive adequate care and support from their companies, both before and after the birth of their new baby. But first things first, before you start planning your maternity leave and mentally designing your nursery, you need to provide your HR department with a medical report from your initial checkup that proves you’re indeed pregnant.

Maternity Leave:

One of the first things that my HR and I discussed when I informed the company of my pregnancy was my maternity leave. In China, female employees are entitled to 98 days of paid maternity leave for the moms with one bun in the oven. For those pregnant with twins or more, each baby gets mom an additional 15 days of maternity leave. And for the moms working in Beijing, you get an additional 30 days of maternity leave. Just to be clear, these maternity days include weekends and public holidays but they’re completely different from your annual leave days and it’s absoutely illegal for HR to try to tell you that you can’t take annual leave because you’ve already taken your maternity leave.

In the case of a miscarriage, the company is also obligated to provide paid leave. If the miscarriage took place within the first four months of the pregnancy, you’re entitled to 15 days of paid leave. If it took place after four months you’ll be entitled 42 days of paid leave.

Working Hours and Breastfeeding Leave:

To protect the physical and mental health of mom and baby, scheduling night shifts and extending working hours for women seven months pregnant and above is strictly prohibited in China. It is also illegal for a company to deny requests by expectant mothers needing to schedule prenatal visits during working hours.  If your work includes tasks that are deemed unsuitable for pregnant women, your company will be responsible for reducing the amount of labor or arranging other suitable tasks for you. Don’t ever assume that you don’t have a choice because China takes the health and safety of babies very seriously.

Even after your new bundle of joy is born, your employer will not be allowed to request overtime or arrange night shifts for you before your baby turns one year old.

I’d never heard of breastfeeding leave until very recently. After your baby is born (and you’ve returned to work) your employer needs to allocate one hour of your workday for breastfeeding time before your baby turns a year old. For moms with multiple babies, your employer will need to arrange an additional hour for each baby. Despite the name, this doesn’t mean you need to have someone bring your baby to the workplace or run home to breastfeed. It simply means that you get an hour out of your workday to pump. And if you’re working in an environment where there’s a large number of female employees, it’s the employer’s duty to arrange for a safe, clean environment for moms to pump in peace.

This is also where a second look at your employee handbook might come in handy. Although the official government regulation is to require that the employer gives new moms an hour out of their workday to pump, many companies offer new moms the option to either arrive an hour later or leave an hour early to breastfeed at home.

Salary:

Let’s cut to the chase. It’s illegal for an employer to fire you due to pregnancy. It’s illegal for them to lower your wage, lay off, or terminate employment contracts due to pregnancy, childbirth, or breastfeeding. It’s also illegal for your employer to deny you pay or suggest that you work while you’re on your maternity leave.

Reimbursements:

Having a baby isn’t cheap and if you’re planning on doing your prenatal check-ups and delivery at a public hospital, your medical expenses will be reimbursed if your company has purchased social insurance for you. The medical fees covered include costs you will have spent for mandatory prenatal checkups, delivery, and abortions. If you’re choosing to do your check-ups and delivery at a private hospital, then you’re on your own for medical expenses.

KEEP READING: What You Should Know About Your Legal Rights Before Your Maternity Leave

Photos: Unsplash

Foggy-headed, I reached to grab my phone on the nightstand to check my WeChat messages when I woke up last Thursday morning. I immediately felt a rush of adrenaline when I saw a barrage of messages popping up the parents‘ WeChat group of my son’s school.

As we spent the next hour piecing the puzzle together, it seemed like the school’s decision was final, and that the primary section of the school would be closed. We changed the group’s name to “the Unschooled” as we started to accept reality.

I spent the entire day talking to friends and doing research, and I came to the conclusion that given all the unknowns, doing homeschooling next year seemed like the best decision.

But I started to feel the pressure. While researching, I noticed that some parents were homeschooling because they wanted their children to advance more quickly. A friend said, “My 3rd grader is 4-6 years ahead of the public school kids, but he’s a little ‘behind’ in comparison with kids homeschooled from the beginning.”

I caught myself putting on my running shoes and getting ready for the race, thinking, “How can I accelerate my son’s learning so that he can be on top?”

As human beings, we have an innate drive to compare ourselves to others as a way to evaluate ourselves. Sometimes social comparison is great; it motivates us to improve. But more often than not, it evokes feelings of dissatisfaction, guilt, inferiority, shame, etc. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is a thief of joy.”

Growing up, I was no stranger to painful moments of feeling inferior as the youngest with two older sisters in the family. My eldest sister was 6 years older than me. She was beautiful, smart, eloquent, and knew how to capture the adoration of everyone, especially the grandparents. My grandmother was very fond of my sister who was a mirror image of herself, both having the typical Shanghainese fair skin, and she reminded her of her youthful days.

In contrast, I was a very awkward tomboy with thick glasses and tanned skin. I often felt I was not pretty enough, not sharp enough, not talented enough, not anything enough compared to my sister. And that feeling of not being good enough stuck with me.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this feeling; you may have some similar experiences. Throughout life, we measure ourselves using limited, overly-simplified standards. Siblings or cousins are compared with each other. On our report cards, test scores are shown next to the class average. We think Ivy Leagues are the best universities for anyone. And as adults, we never stop comparing with each other: salary, career, kids’ academic performances, etc.

But life is complex. We can’t just use a limited set of standards to evaluate and capture the complexities of who we are as human beings.

Also, social comparison can take the focus away from the things that really matter. When we keep comparing ourselves to others, we never really stop and think about who we want to be or what we really want to do. And when you stop to really think about it, all these comparisons might be meaningless. I’m not my sister! Why would I want to measure myself against her?

Moms, in particular, tend to have the biggest struggle. We’re expected to lean in, raise kids, manage our household, stay thin, etc. One morning last year, I had coffee with a fellow mom who was a successful entrepreneur with three kids. She asked me if and how I found fulfillment as a full-time mom.

I used to be quite uncomfortable with such topics. My own mother secretly thought all the money she paid for my expensive education had gone to waste. From time to time she’d let her thoughts out, “Don’t you think being a full-time mom is a waste of your talent?”

But as I gained self-understanding over the years, I’m at a place where I don’t feel the need to compare myself with others because I know what I really want. What really sparks joy in me is continuous learning and discovery. I can achieve this goal as a mother or at work. Some people may not see my growth. But I see it and that gives me a sense of fulfillment.

Every one of us is as unique as our fingerprints. Our purpose and convictions are different and personal. Instead of comparing yourself to someone else’s purpose and feel you’re not good enough, stay curious to find your own. What do you really care about? What sparks joy in you? And how do you fulfill your own destiny?

If you like this article, follow my WeChat subscription account or send me your comments and thoughts. I’d love to hear from you. Till next time.

Charlene Ng is an academic coach, dedicated to helping young people get better grades with less stress and have more fun so that they feel confident achieving anything they want. For families whose child is in middle school and up, and who are planning to or already studying abroad, she offers limited spots for a free 45 min online consultation. To get in touch with Charlene, scan the QR code below:

KEEP READING: 4 Guiding Principles to Inspire a Love of Learning in Kids

Photos: Courtesy of Charlene Ng, Unsplash