Good manners can go a long way in influencing how people view you, not to mention significantly strengthen your own opinion of yourself. Today, most teens seem to have forgotten about the importance of proper etiquette and often struggle to act accordingly in certain situations. Whether it’s a symptom of social media use and increased isolation or something else, the bottom line is that younger generations are finding it harder to fit in with new groups of people, which in turn can lead to decreased levels of self-respect.

Ever since my early childhood, five key etiquette rules have been impressed upon me by the older members of my family. Rules which, looking back now, have helped me in many aspects of my everyday life.

Five Key Etiquette Rules:

1. Don’t interrupt other peoples’ conversations

One way to demonstrate respect for others is to not involve yourself in their conversations unless explicitly asked to do so. Interrupting someone else’s conversation is regarded as pretty annoying, and will definitely cause others to think less of you. By not getting involved, you’re also exercising patience, which is a key skill everyone should have.

2. Think of others as much as you do yourself

When interacting with a large group of people, it’s easy to lose sight of how each individual is feeling, or coping with the situation. An important part of maturing is acting selflessly, and the first step to doing so is thinking of others rather than just yourself.

3. Keep quiet if you have nothing notable to add

Group discussions can go on for a while, and run the risk of digressing, however, generally speaking, they should stick to a certain theme. Grinding these discussions to a halt by adding unnecessary and irrelevant bits of information paints you as irritating, despite your best intentions. Furthermore, learning to stay on track with the topic at hand can help you become a more focused individual in other aspects of your life.

4. Don’t be the only one having a good time

In large groups, there are always bound to be some people who find fitting in a bit more challenging. This is mainly down to some folks being introverts, and spending some time with them in private or helping them find comfort in the current environment can help ease them into an overwhelming social situation. Actions speak louder than words, so by actually helping those around you, you demonstrate sincere selflessness that others will, either consciously or unconsciously, respond to.

5. Act appropriately in any given situation

This may seem like a given, but to be honest, we aren’t always as mindful of it as we should be. Basically, there are different ways we should act when in certain places or in the company of certain people. Naturally, when with friends at a restaurant or at someone’s home the mood will be lighter and more carefree. Needless to say, however, on more serious occasions the atmosphere should be more professional and sober. Learning to act accordingly in any given situation will not only help you practice more self-control but will also make you seem more experienced in the process.

All of these etiquette rules have contributed to both my high self-esteem and respectability, and by following these guidelines I believe teens around the world will become better people in the long run.

KEEP READING: A Comedy of Manners: Making Sense of China’s Subtle Social Cues

Images: Unsplash

I’m a new mom and while I’ve read books and watched a ton of YouTube tutorials on infants, there are things that are just not covered until you actually have the baby. More specifically, there are Beijing specific things that just aren’t covered in any reading materials to help those of us raising little ones here.

I came face to face with my latest challenge in the from of a full, stinky diaper in the middle of a restaurant.

I took my new daughter to meet my best friend for lunch with the help of our ayi. Halfway through the meal, she starts crying and needs a diaper change. Without a moment’s hesitation, my ayi took out a fresh one and changed her right there at the table in the middle of the restaurant for all to see. Before I could say “wait”, ayi had already finished and handed me a warm bundled up dirty diaper to dispose of.

I wasn’t going to hand it off to some poor waiter so while I walked outside to find a public trash bin, I couldn’t help but wonder if this is how it’s done here. Is it normal to change diapers at the table? Honestly, before I had my own baby, I’ve never paid attention to these things and definitely never notice just how rare a big bathroom with a changing station in Beijing actually is.

I shared the experience of my great poop debacle with my fellow expat new moms and asked whether it’s how they do it too. The answer was a resounding no.

Some suggested going to the bathroom to change the baby. That’s great if we’re out somewhere with nice big bathrooms. Malls like Indigo and Solana are thoughtful enough to build in changing stalls but as one dad pointed out, after spending his baby’s first year strolling around the same stores in Solana, he’s had enough. But even Beijing’s mega family-friendly malls and their changing stations aren’t always an option. This doesn’t quite work if we’re out in the hutongs and toilets are those public squatters with no doors in front of the stalls.

I asked some Beijing restaurant owners their views on the subject. While some are more understanding of the matter, the majority are definitely against doing it at the table. Restaurant owners, especially those whose establishments have no changing table, are fully aware that babies need to poop. But instead of ripping open a dirty diaper at the table, they’d prefer parents throw down a towel on a couch and give themselves a bit of privacy. One local restaurant owner has suggested that if a restaurant doesn’t have the necessary facilities (or even a bathroom), then maybe it’s not a place to go with a baby because it’s not fair to punish other patrons with a nostril full of fresh poop while they’re eating.

Others suggested changing the babies over the stroller while your partner shields them from view (or covering the stroller with a blanket if you’re out alone with the baby). Currently, I’m still working on figuring out how to actually pull this off since it’s our first baby, and my husband and I are still in the “holy crap, be careful not to break the baby” phase. We’re not ready for the art of stroller changing just yet…

So when strollers and bathroom changes are not possible, others have suggested pulling two chairs together in a corner, out of view from other diners, and doing it there.

While every parent has their own method for changing diapers while out dining, there’s one thing they can all agree on. It’s not cool to do it at the table, no matter how cute your kid is. It’s unsanitary and disrespectful to the restaurant as well as other diners. Because while in your eyes your child might poop glitter and rainbows, to others, it’s a smelly diaper and an instant appetite killer.

And while we’re on the topic, it should go without saying that handing a bundled up dirty diaper for your waiter to dispose of is an absolute no no! As a friend puts it, “if you don’t poop at the table yourself, your kid shouldn’t either.” Looks like it’s time to have a serious talk with my ayi about the etiquette of changing dirty diapers in public…

Share your thoughts and tips on the subject of diaper changing in public in Beijing. Us newbie parents will really appreciate all the tips and life hacks!

KEEP READING: Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner! Tips on Family Dining in Beijing

Images: Unsplash

Beyond its success at connecting people and disseminating much needed information, one of social media’s greatest successes is turning otherwise logical individuals into raving loons. Its main draw of instant connection and communication also means that for many a user, social media use is an activity characterized by split second decision-making. The proliferation of social media use across the world has given rise to the ‘Noosphere’, which is described as ‘a global brain formed by the sum of all the human brains connected through the internet’. According to experts who have been studying its proliferation over the years, the general consensus is that these social media platforms designed for the purpose of celebrating the ‘Noosphere’ have also given rise to bad elements in humanity and the human conscience. Trolling has become an inevitable consequence of social media use. And it has been suggested that many platforms compel the ‘bad actors’ within us.

Name any social media app and you are likely to recall off the top of your head an incident or two involving some major or minor personality posting something horribly disrespectful or just downright offensive. Social media seems to work like truth and dumb serum all wrapped in one, not only exposing what we truly think but just how ignorant most thoughts we choose to spew on social media are. Experts say that the built-in feature of anonymity has given rise to paper tigers. Rebels without a cause, who are more likely to attack others on social media forums based on personal prejudices or unfounded accusations. All forms of discrimination have also found a happy home on many a social media platforms.

In this day and age, most forms of discrimination and hate speech are not only discouraged, but carry a hefty fine or stiffer penalties in most countries. This however has not deterred those who feel the need to spew hate against others. Rather than hate being alive and well, sitting next to you on a bus or yelling at you down the street, it has now found a happy home where it thrives mostly unchecked on social media. That is, until attention is called to it by ‘woke’ people determined to root it out.

One of the most recent high profile instances of to come out of the United States for instance even involved the police. Several members of the Philadelphia police force were discovered to have been members in a private Facebook in which they used derogatory language such as characterizing members of the African American community as ‘thugs’. They were subsequently put on suspension with an aim of dismissal. Perceived anonymity has undoubtedly emboldened certain bad faith actors on social media platforms to spew and promote messages of hate and allow forms of discrimination to continue to thrive.

Second only to anonymity is the perceived awareness of an ever-present audience ready to ravenously devour any and all content presented to them without any need for fact-checking. Social media users take a decidedly piranha-like approach to the consumption and synthesis of information, taking fragments and quotes without any regard for their provenance, without any fear of consequence should the information they are reacting to or sharing turns out to be false or offensive. Nowhere is this truer than with foreigners in various parts of the world.

In China for instance, censorship means that most of Chinese netizens are effectively cut off from other more mainstream western social media platforms, which emboldens those who feel the need to share less-than-savory opinions of Chinese society. The supposed firewall emboldens these ne’er-do-wellers to go a step further with how they spew ignorant comments online.

There have been several such instances of foreign nationals spewing their ignorance or hate towards the Chinese being widely shared, with often strong reactions from the Chinese public. Mark Kolars, who works for the Chinese Academy of Sciences (CAS) found himself suspended just this past Tuesday after wildly racist posts made on his LinkedIn account came to public limelight. His tirade included sentiments of alleged Chinese genetic inferiority, calling Chinese men ‘dirty yellow guys’ and encouraging the Chinese nationals to ‘diversify their gene pool’ by having offspring with non-Chinese individuals. He also claimed European men’s superiority in matters d’amour as he claimed that European men are the preferred choice for most Chinese women. Even though he later issued an apology, he had already sparked the ire of Chinese netizens who are yet to be appeased by his suspension and continued to demand for his dismissal and subsequent deportation from the country. And it would appear that the netizens have won out in this current fight, as it has since been reported that Kolars has been fired.

This is far from the only case of foreign workers getting their proverbial foot in their mouth. A little more than a year ago, screenshots surfaced of an Instagram post of a urinal with a pool of what one would assume to be urine underneath, with part of the caption reading “…someone please teach Chinese men to aim”. The Instagram account in question was linked to the then manager of the Rosewood Beijing Hotel, who was accused of racism and unfairly characterizing Chinese men in his post. Even though the individual, later identified as Robert Sexton, offered a handwritten apology with the Hotel also issuing a statement to the effect of action will be taken pursuant to the incident, it is safe to say that was not enough to appease the ire of the netizens.

Chinese netizens’ anger isn’t something to be trifled with. It has been enough to bring even large brands such as Dolce and Gabbana to its virtual knees within the Mainland China. Following an ad perceived as racist by the general Chinese public, Stefano Gabbana himself took to social media to placate the outcry. But soon his tact of appeasement went out the window as he took a decidedly racial and deeply offensive tone, declaring that China was ‘ the land of Sh**’, something that he promised to proclaim for the foreseeable future. The response from Chinese netizens was swift and effective. Thanks to the public outcry, a Dolce and Gabbana fashion show slotted to happen in Shanghai was cancelled. Later, Stefano claimed that his Instagram account had been hacked but the damage had already been done.

The offense goes both ways however, that should go without saying. Many a foreigner in China have themselves fallen victim to racist, insensitive or ignorant comments online at the hands of Chinese netizens. The problem of not fully weighing one’s actions and their possible reactions online is certainly a universal problem not specially tied to one group or social media platform. One thing that is however evident, is that these momentary lapses have far-reaching consequences.

This is far from a trend reserved for the older generations. Younger and younger social media users are falling prey to vicious nature of social media interactions. Social media has not only become a place perfect for spewing hate, it has also become the setting for cruel bullying against otherwise innocent children. Hardly a day goes by in most countries without an incident or other of a child committing suicide as a result of persisted and concentrated cyberbullying. Concerned parents the world over worry about the future of their children and just how much they might be exposed to when left to their own devices when using social media. But the older generation can hardly be used as role models given our own shortcomings in this particular area. It therefore behooves all of us who choose to use social media, to follow a simple set of commonsense rules guaranteed to check our bar social media habits at the proverbial ‘post’ door.

1. Don’t put anything on the Internet that you don’t want your future boss, current client or potential clients to read. – this is a commonsense rule that is as easy as it is important. The past has a way of ruining the present. The last thing you need is a bad decision in your youth coming back to haunt you.
2. Never post when you’re overly-tired, jetlagged, intoxicated, angry or upset. Let’s pretend to be surprised by the fact that alcohol and social media don’t mix. One too many might lead to one too far.
3. Use a different profile or account for your personal connections. Business and pleasure do not mix in this medium – though this is allows one to separate personal and professional sentiments, it is still advisable, in the case of those who have unsavory opinions to keep them to themselves even in the event of two separate accounts.
4. Don’t turn your social media profile into your own personal pulpit – no one is interested in being proselytized to. It is good that you have great conviction in whatever it is you consider that important, but be prepared to understand that others might not feel the same way.
5. Don’t turn social media into your own personal complaint forum – Despite how cathartic it might feel, the momentary high might not be worth the repercussions of your words or actions on social media when you feel a much deserved venting is deserved.

photos: buffer.com GreatSchools  nicknotas.com  , The Beijinger  WCBI vox.com 

A few days ago, I opened up a WeChat message to see one of the most heartwarming of all things to see; a photo of a newborn. A friend of the family had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy. I too not long ago became a first-time parent, and so the usual questions ensued: What’s his name? How was the birth? How are you feeling? Do you need anything?

Naturally, one of the first things that may cross your mind when a friend or family member has welcomed a new addition to their clan is when you can arrange a time to meet the little one. You are naturally excited to meet the long-awaited newborn but slow your roll! There are a few things we should all bear in mind, so you will be welcome to visit once again.

These eight crucial rules for visiting a newborn were all very important to me when my boy first arrived, and thankfully, I didn’t have to repeat or remind anyone about the expected etiquette. Read these to make sure no one has to remind you!

Do not come unannounced

Ok. This needs to be stressed. For the first few days and even weeks after my baby was born, I was walking around bare-chested with Lux hanging from one boob while a pump hung from the other. You’ve lost all notion of what it is to get dressed in the morning, house chores are last on the agenda, bags have begun to take permanent residence under your eyes as you’ve not slept a wink, and the only person you can just about face is the little human that’s waiting to be lavishly doted on.

Please for the love of God don’t turn up unannounced to the home of parents who are taking time to adjust to baby finally being home. Don’t stress the new parents by visiting without first calling ahead to make arrangements, or better still, wait to be invited.

Be mindful of germs

Disinfectant was placed in every room in our apartment when our baby boy arrived. I had hand sanitizers in every bag, and a bottle of Dettol hand cleanser was placed by every sink and faucet.  New moms are always extra careful when it comes to their newborns, and we are very sensitive about protecting our little ones from unnecessary exposure to disease or infection. Avoid visiting if you are sick or have been around someone who is. Unless given permission to do so, do not bring the kids, even if healthy as they may expose a newborn to germs. As soon as you arrive please take off your shoes and ask where the washroom is. Wash your hands and then by all means ask if you can have a cuddle with the baby.

Bring snacks, food, drinks, or a simple token

New parents are way too busy to cook, so it’s highly recommended that you bring along something that’s ready for consumption or something that can be heated up for later. If you are feeling adventurous and have the skill, bring a bag of ingredients so that you can cook the extremely tired family a simple meal. Snacks were always welcome in my home (the salty and sweet kind). Bring goodies for the parents to rummage through. Trust me, it will feel like Christmas. I was breastfeeding, so if you’re aware that this is the situation, in solidarity, try not to bring over alcohol to share with daddy, and instead opt for a fancy soft drink that momma can pour into a wine glass. Chin, Chin!

Offer to help if you can

If you’re not already aware, a visit to the home of a new mom is an awesome opportunity to ask if she needs any help. If confident enough, why not let mom catch up on some sleep and you take over baby duties while she has a quick catnap. It’s likely that she hasn’t slept through the night since bringing baby home. Alternatively, small gestures, like washing the dishes, looking after the little one while mom gets on with something of her choice, or tidying up the house, will be much appreciated. Always ask permission first, and depending on the mom, she may just want you to stick the kettle on and pass her the TV remote!

 Visit only if it’s convenient for the parents

Showing up announced is different to trying to arrange a visit during your free time. Be flexible and willing to adjust your visiting schedule if the parents request so. Be extra sensitive to the whirlwind schedule that has become life for new parents. If they tell you that you can’t visit on a specific day that doesn’t mean they don’t want you to visit at all. Respect their wishes and put their schedule first. This is a good rule for moving forward in general. When kids come along, schedules get manic. Work with the changing tides. Work with mom and dad!

Do not overstay

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been good with awkward over stayer’s at the best of times, never mind when your body has just gone through the most strenuous of experiences you will ever encounter, and you’re physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. A new parent can just about handle the company of a visitor for no more than an hour. Unless asked to stay longer, avoid wearing out your welcome. Your visit is a lovely gesture and is appreciated, however, the parents are getting themselves and baby into a new routine. They may want to put baby down or have some extra quiet time alone.

Do not comment on the mom’s physical appearance

A new mom may have gained weight after giving birth. We women are already under microscopic societal scrutiny and an immense amount of pressure when it comes to our weight and other prescribed beauty standards. This can be compounded during and after pregnancy. Keep your opinions to yourself, and if you don’t have anything nice and reassuring to say, don’t say anything at all.

Do not comment on the chosen name for baby

Many parents wrestle for months when trying to come up with the perfect name for their unborn child. In some cases, the naming of a child has been a source of great concern even before conception! Parents may have toyed with an idea for a name for an extended period of time, argued over, and vetoed suggestions, so the last thing they need is for anyone to offer their unwelcome negative two-cents about their baby’s name. Quite frankly it’s not your business and could be anything from a beloved name from a member of the family, living or deceased, to a name that represents a significant place or time. Again, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

Here’s to all the little newborns out there and better visiting etiquette!

Photos: Nicole Bonnah

One Chinese tradition that you have to grasp quickly as a foreigner, is the concept of the Chinese red envelope. Whether you’re in China for business or pleasure, you’ll encounter situations in which you’re expected to give a hóngbāo (红包). Hongbao, as the name would suggest, are red packets that are filled with an amount of money and given as a gift. The red color of the envelope symbolizes good luck and is supposed to ward off evil spirits.

During Spring Festival, people of a higher rank are expected to give hongbao to their inferiors; bosses and managers will give an envelope to their employees, and parents will give one to their children.

Hóngbāo, or yāsuìqián?

When the gift is for children, it’s called yāsuìqián (压岁钱), which literally means “pressure age money.” During the Ming and Qing dynasties, the yasuiqian was given to children in the form of coins tied with a red string. It too was believed to protect the children from evil spirits as well as encompassing the sentiment of passing on good fortune. Today, parents tend to give a single RMB 100 note to their children, and to nieces and nephews, in a sealed envelope. It is polite to avoid opening the envelopes in front of relatives. If you’re an unmarried adult, you are still regarded as a child, when it comes to receiving hongbao.

Keep your employees happy

If you have an āyí (阿姨) and/or a driver, you’re also expected to give a hongbao. This bonus is given right before the Chinese New Year holiday, and is meant to help people return to their hometowns to see their families. The amount in the hongbao isn’t fixed, but an ayi will expect an amount equal to her monthly salary. If your ayi and driver have been with you for less than a year, you can pro-rata accordingly. You’re not forced to give the double salary amount in the red envelope, but it might avoid having a disgruntled employee or worse still, no employee after Spring Festival. In many companies, the hongbao is often given as the 13th month of salary and paid in January. Sadly, if it’s above the minimum salary income, this bonus will be taxed.

Presentation matters

The amount of money given should usually be a round number. Even numbers, except four, are better than odd, and eight is a particularly auspicious number. There is a widespread tradition that money should not be given in fours, or the number four should not appear in the amount, as the pronunciation of the word “four” (四 sì) is similar to that of the word for “death”(死 sǐ) and thus signifies bad luck. The money inside a red envelope should always be new and crisp. Folding the money or giving dirty or wrinkled bills is bad form. You can buy red envelopes at any supermarket and stationery shop, just be sure to check that it isn’t adorned with last year’s dead stock zodiac or that it says “Congratulations on your marriage” or some such.

Be a good guest

If you’re invited to someone’s home for Chinese New Year, it is tradition to present hongbao to the children and gifts to the adults. If your hosts drink alcohol, they’ll appreciate a nice bottle of whatever it is they like most. Boxed loose leaf tea is always a nice gesture and the fruit basket is a ubiquitous symbol of Chinese New Year. Giving a box of oranges or a box of apples is also welcomed, as respectively they symbolize safety and fortune. Sweets, nuts, and the ever-popular Ferrero Rocher, also make good gifts. Cut flowers aren’t normally a traditional gift for hosts in China, but small orange or kumquat trees are very traditional. If you’re wrapping a gift, there are some colors that are preferred: red is lucky, pink and yellow symbolize happiness, and gold represents fortune and wealth. Avoid white and black, which are used in funerals and symbolize death.

READ: 688 Million People Used WeChat Hongbao on Chinese New Year’s Eve 2018

This article first appeared on our sister site beijingkids.

Photo: mmbiz.qpic.cn

I had the great pleasure of visiting V-etiquette on a night when a clothes auction was organized at V-ettiqette in Shunyi. I was captivated by the amazing space Vida Zhang, the owner of V-etiquette, has created around her. I was in awe of all the bouquets of dried flowers, cute home decor, cozy fabrics, woven baskets, vibrant posters, and fragrant herbs.

I am a mother obsessed with homemaking, I love anything that will make our family home a more cozy place to be in, kids arts and crafts, paintings, fresh flowers and cute pillows all those things my husband deems unnecessary. So finding Zhang in her magical world of homemaking was a like a dream come true. I thought the art of etiquette and homemaking was lost. But Vida has proved that it is nothing but lost, etiquette and homemaking are so much alive.

Zhang explained to me that she started her bilingual home management school about a year and half ago; Zhang has a  passion for etiquette and home making. She provides classes for girls and their mothers from six years old. Zhang teaches mothers and daughters to cook, make flower arrangements, decorate napkins, mix drinks, make candles, and the lost art of being a great hostess.

Zhang has lived for 20 years in America and has attended etiquette school and flower arranging classes. She has a flair for making you feel warm and welcome in her loft style home management school. The space is more like a cozy home with nick knacks to find in every corner. I leave Zhang’s magical space feeling renewed and filled with new ideas to add to my own home.

Zhang has Chinese tutorial videos online explaining simple western etiquette rules, like why and how to push in your chair, and how and why you should use a coaster for your drink. She is elegant explaining in her videos how to mix drinks and how to enjoy them. My parents will be surprised that I almost completely understood what Zhang was explaining in her tutorial video “how to push in a chair.” I have secretly listened and learned from my parents etiquette lessons. But I will send my daughter to Vida Zhang when she is old enough, so she can learn some manners from the Chinese Martha Stewart in Shunyi.

V-Etiquette Home DIY                                                                                                                    Vetiquette@163.com
北京市顺义区裕丰路16号院会展誉景临街2-104
#104, Building 2, Central Park, No.16 Road Yufeng, Shunyi District, Beijing

Semesters range from RMB 3000 to RMB 10000

Pauline van Hasselt has been working for beijingkids since October 2016. Born in Wassenaar, The Netherlands, she moved with her husband and her 3 year-old daughter to Beijing in June of last year. Prior she lived in the Netherlands, Belgium, Paraguay, Texas, and London, studying and working as a chef. Pauline enjoys biking around Beijing, finding markets and new restaurants, reading crime and fantasy books in bed, and most importantly, turning her house into a home for her family.

Halloween is probably the only time children are allowed to get candy from strangers and horde a year’s worth of candy within a matter of hours. Kids may get overexcited and forget that they are others who would like to part take in the candy hoarding. In the case of the beijingkids and JingKids’ 10th Annual Halloween Costume Party, we have waves upon waves of kids joining in trick-or-treat activities. Whether at our event, another event, or in your compound, be sure to remind your kids of the following etiquette:

Be Polite: Add the word ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to the gleeful ‘Trick-or-treat’, adding to the magic of the request.

Stay close to an adult: For those taking part in their compound’s, or that of a friend’s, trick or treating, be sure to let the kids know to stay close. For those at events, the trick-or-treat sessions will be manned by volunteers, so ask the kids to follow them.

Be Patient: It’s China; there are going to be lines, but there’s bound to be enough candy for three to four trips, so remind the little ones to wait just a little longer to get their fair share.

No Grabby Fingers: The candies are different, which presents the problem of two kids wanting the same one, so have your kids agree with the other who takes which candy and shake hands on it. Remind your kids that snatching isn’t allowed, but if its one of their favorite candies they can ask for a swap.

No Mean Tricks: Tricks can get out of hand, especially mean ones where throwing things is involved. Be sure to tell kids the trick in trick-or-treat is just a figure of speech, and it’s the treat part that they need to follow closely.

Save the Planet: There are trash bins available, so be kind to the planet and dispose of the wrappers in the bins and not the floor. If you can’t find the trash bin, then take the wrappers with you and dispose of them at home, especially when trick-or-treating in your compound.

You can get more information about our Halloween event here.

Photo: worldnow.com

• Don’t show up empty handed. It’s courteous to bring a small gift, such as a box of chocolates, some flowers or other condiments such as fancy nuts, jams or candies. The gift doesn’t have to be expensive, but bring one to show your appreciation for your hosts’ hospitality. Don’t bring food unless you have been asked to.
• Arrive on time to the party. You don’t want to be too early, and if you will be, ask if your hosts if it would be permissible. Don’t arrive late either; if you will be notify the hosts.
• Don’t take off your shoes. Unless your hosts ask you to, by Western standards, it’s not customary to take off shoes before you enter their home. It’s also impolite to take off your shoes when you’re seated. Incase you are requested to remove your shoes, make sure your socks don’t have holes in them.
• Don’t enter rooms with the doors closed. When you’re looking for the bathroom, ask where the bathroom is and don’t wander into areas that don’t appear to be public. Respect the privacy of the homeowners. Don’t open cabinets, closets or desks.

Find out more on Prep Beijing. This post first appeared on November 20, 2014 on Prep Beijing and was written by Alicia Lui.

This post was updated from the original titled "Prep Beijing: Holiday Party Etiquette – Simple Tips to Ensure You Stay on the Guest List’

Alicia Lui is a co-founder at Prep Beijing!, a coaching company focusing on core soft skills such as effective communication, social and emotional skills, etiquette, critical thinking and leadership skills. Prior to founding Prep Beijing! She has worked in management consulting and in banking. She holds and MBA from INSEAD and Bachelor’s from University of Chicago

Photo courtesy of Prep Beijing.

Halloween is either very loved or very hated, the number of people in-between can be considered almost extinct. The parties lined up in the town can be found here, if the beijingkids 8th Halloween Costume Party conflicts with your schedule (there is still space for the Sunday morning session). Halloween might be very new to some as this might be the first time celebrating it, so here are some tips to help you and your family have fun and looking forward to others.

Take something with you
If you are invited for a party, just like another time, try to take something without sugar as they pretty much with have those covered. Making some is very thoughtful but just having to get something goes a long way to breaking the ice and scoring an invite to the next party.

If you are attending one of the events around town, then it’s a good idea to carry your child’s favorite snack in case the snacks provided are not to their liking. This will have them enjoy the event for a bit and then try again to see if there’s something to like.

Costumes
So this year’s girl’s favorite costume is from the animation Frozen, well most will not be going as Anna   but Elsa so there’s a chance very many girls will be wearing the same costumes. Add a little flair to make what’s pretty much the same outfit stand out. This is because there might be a little tension where there are same outfits involved but it does not say you cannot have fun. The little difference will help with the awkward situations. Some costumes are just a no-no search for Prince Harry’s apology to the World War II veterans after he wore a political incorrect costume. There diverse cultures present in Beijing will make this one area that you don’t wish to step on anyones toes. So before buying that costume find out if there’s any cultural insensitivity that might be perceived from it.

Pranks
Some pranks can be very scary and might lead the younger children not enjoying the event or the party at all. So find out what kind of pranks are to be expected and decide if your child can handle them or not. As fun as it is to scary kids there is a limit to their threshold also that just becomes plain mean, therefore save the best pranks for an audience who will appreciate it. Here is an article that asks that Halloween be not too scary. There should be a limit to the number of pranks that are allowed this does not become overwhelmingly in bad taste.

Respect
In a house party or at a big event, its always good to remember that there are others waiting to serve food, have a chance at trick-or-treat, get in on the activities, and so mud more. So wait till you see that all the guests (children) have one round before asking for a second round when some people haven’t had the chance to get any. Have a talk about what is and isn’t allowed this way saving the awkward situation from not happening. Being courteous to both adults and children go a long way in making your family feel welcome and have a nice time. But if there’s an injustice then speak up.

Safety
Beijing has a low crime rate, this does not mean that there’s no crime. Safety should be a concern as they walk around in search of the never ending candy. Your child should be within your eye range as they play, and run around. When going on a trick-or-treat session then make sure they have a buddy, you and another parent get to have your kids hold each others hand and make it and take care of each other all through the evening. This will help.

So enjoy the horror without being horrified.

Photos: Mitchel Musilun