When you say ‘ice skating’, the words joy, playful, and friendship come to mind for most people. But I want to tell a different story – because skating can be much more than that.

For me, figure skating is neither leisure nor entertainment. I take it seriously. I began skating when I was four, and becoming a professional figure skating ‘Ice Princess’ has always been my biggest dream.

When I was in kindergarten and elementary school, parents believed skating was a good way for me to stay fit and healthy and they drove me to weekly figure skating classes at the mall. The more I learned, the more time I needed to spend on the ice, but the ice rink was far away from my home and my parents had little time to drive me back and forth. When I went to secondary school, my parents believed that I shouldn’t be spending so much time on skating. Instead, they thought I should only focus on my studies.

I explained to them that skating was not a hobby, but also helped me to forget my troubles. But they thought this was ridiculous, and I was just making excuses. My mom thought figure skating was my biggest distraction and forced me to stop. But I persisted in secret, spending four hours a day commuting between school, the ice rink, and home. Sometimes I got hurt and felt tired, but I’d think of the little girl who wanted to be an Ice Princess and remember what it is like to go all out to pursue my dream. I did not let my mother know that I was skating until I had taught myself several jumps on my own, without a coach. After I mastered the sit spin, camel spin, axel, and double jumps, I made a short movie of myself and showed it to my mom. I’ll never forget how impressed she was. She then started to realize that we have different mindsets and that I had not been making excuses – skating really is part of my life.

After that, my parents agreed to let me join one of the best figure skating clubs in China to pursue my dreams, where I still train today. But after taking my first class there, I realized a problem: I was much older than other skaters but my level was much lower than theirs. I began to train with professional figure skaters, but sometimes it hurt my self-confidence as those who were a few years younger than me simply ignored or laughed at me.

In the beginning, I frequently hear them talking in the dressing room, saying things like “Look at her! She is so much older than us, but she cannot even do those such simple moves!”; “She is not cut out for this!”; “She is way too bad at skating!”. When I skated in group training, I was much slower than others, and even the teacher ignored me. The gap between us felt insurmountable. Worst of all, figure skating went from being something I was proud of, to something I didn’t even want to tell others I could do.

Then one day, I saw a video on YouTube about an old lady in her 90s who still loves skating and even won an award. It changed my life. I was so impressed by her story and realized that it’s never too late to skate and it is never wrong to pursue one’s dream.

I began to train harder and I found out that there are many kids like me, who want to learn figure skating but are not recognized by others, or are afraid of starting too late. For these reasons, they have lost sight of the beauty and essence of skating.

After going through this experience, I have gained a deeper understanding of myself. Of course, I know that I am far from reaching my goal of being a professional Ice Princess, but skating is a true passion of mine, and I will never stop loving it. Just like I strive to become a better skater, I hope more girls will strive to fulfill their dreams, and face the world more confidently, stronger, and more optimistically.

Hit the Ice in Beijing at These Indoor Rinks

Le Cool Ice Rink 国贸滑冰场

All Star Ice Rink 全明星滑冰俱乐部

Champion Skating Rink 冠军滑冰场

Century Star Club (Capital Indoor Stadium Ice Rink) 世纪星滑冰俱乐部

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue

As a teen, how many times have you wished for your parents to be cool? Parents, do your kids think the slang you use is “old-fashioned”? Have you given up on being “cool” entirely?

Well parents, it’s not too late to learn something from the 21st-century. And teens, your parents might be cooler than you think. You can trust me as a teen myself (who happens to be one of the coolest out there).

Personally, I have two very doting and fiercely overprotecting parents. They’ve done some very embarrassing stuff in the past, but with no serious harm done. I love hanging with my mom because we’re both foodies. Who cares if we’re a few years (ok, decades) apart in age. When it comes to food, we speak the same language. We also both love touring around, or just lounging at home with chill with a good movie (or five). My dad, on the other hand, is a different kind of cool (that is, when he’s not busy being cringy). He’s our family’s travel-guru, and to a travelholic like myself, that is mega cool.

Still don’t get the gist? Don’t fret, I got a list of things you parents can do to obtain maximum “coolness”. And for you teens, keep scrolling and you’ll find your tips right after a few paragraphs.

#1: Lay Low on the “Teen-Talk”

Some parents think that learning so-called “language-of-teens” can make them a cool parent. But for us teens, that’s the first step to embarrassment-land. Not saying that you have to cut out all the “bro’s”, “yo’s”, and “ayyy’s”. Just that whatever comes out of your mouth stays natural. And if you don’t understand what the heck teen- talk is, no need to Google it. Just having the basics down is enough, so you don’t think about dental hygiene when your kid starts talking about flossing at a party.

#2: Tone Down the Dress-Code

If you like wearing biker-jackets and ripped jeans, awesome. If you like something else, great! But wear what you like when you, let’s say, pick up your kid at school. Don’t wear something because you think it’s cool in the teen world. But if you think your kid’s going to crawl into a hole and die when she sees you wearing a piece of garment, check with her first. Who knows, maybe your child’s going to be the person with the clothing advice next time at the store.

#3: Let Them Have Some Fun

You’re constantly texting your child, signing her up for billions of classes, and refusing all hangouts possible. Gosh, if I was your kid, I would’ve probably moved to Antarctica. Give your teen a little breathing room. She’s only got these years as a teen, so let her be a lil cray-cray when she can. The party on Friday? Let her go (just be sure you know the chaperones, location, time, and appropriateness). You’ll make the child’s life and your life way easier. But, that doesn’t mean letting them slack off nor neglecting their chores. Let’s say your kid gets a 95% on the math exam, didn’t they just earn a little partying time? But if grades start slipping dramatically, you can throw that cool parent out-the-window and welcome back the strictness (just for a little while, until the grades are back up).

Alright, and for the teens out there who’s too busy envying other moms and dads, I get you. I used to think my parents came from lame-town. I mean, I love my fam but who can forget the cringy moments at graduation, or when my mom sends a search party 24/7. Nevertheless, overprotectiveness and being cool are two separate things. Don’t get what I’m saying? Read on and you’ll be amazed how a boring parent can change into a cool parent in just a few minutes.

XueFei and her mom

#1: Don’t Compare

Just like how you hate it when your parents compare you to other kids, don’t compare them to other moms and dads. Your parents shine in their own way, and by comparing, you’ll only see their flaws more and more. The same goes with equating them to your friends. They’re not even in the same age group, so quit thinking that your parents aren’t cool because they don’t do what your friends do. Try blocking out their imperfections, after all, they’re your parents, so they should be just as cool (or even cooler than) you!

#2: Find the Silver Lining

So your dad just embarrassed you by saying the worst dad joke ever at your birthday bash. Are you going to ignore him for life? Probably not. Instead of sulking over it, focus your attention on something else. Did he make the birthday dinner that your friends liked so much they went for seconds and thirds? Now that is cool if you ask me.

#3: Maybe the Prob Is You

It’s so annoying when you get 100+ messages from your parents. You’re just hanging out with your besties, why can’t they let you live? Hang on, let’s back-track. Did you “forget” to tell you ‘rents where you were going after school? This isn’t called uncool, it’s called worrying. All parents worry, so give them a heads up of the Who, What, When, Where, and all the other details they’ll need to know. By doing that, you won’t be the kid with a billion notifications per hour anymore. Just know that they’ll expect you to do what you said you will or else it’s back to blowing up your phone.

Having said all those tips for both parents and kids, it all goes down to understanding. Bond with each other some more and you’ll soon find out that having/being a cool parent wasn’t that hard after all.

KEEP READING: Navigating Friendships Between Parents and Non-Parents 

Photos: XueFei Liu, Pexels

Maybe it’s the rom-com films we’ve binged, or maybe it’s the aura of coolness surrounding having a boyfriend or girlfriend but either way, a huge part of the ideal high school experience is teenage dating. Yet like many aspects of the teenage years, our relationships are often misunderstood, even for those of us in them. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to date as an adolescent, and some youths have long lists of exes while others haven’t gotten started. It’s all a matter of feeling comfortable and being patient.

Making the first move

There are a number of stereotypes around teenage relationships; particularly gender stereotypes. In China, it’s considered romantic and masculine for boys to make the first move, and sadly some people even think it’s shameful for girls to do the asking out. Like it or not, all the successful relationships I’ve witnessed among my peers were initiated by the guy. But come on, it’s 2020, and that old school notion of masculinity is so outdated, and puts unnecessary pressure both on guys to take the lead and on girls to offer a satisfactory response. 

When it comes to asking someone out, technology also comes in handy because more and more teens are choosing to ask their crushes out over text. Texting allows us to take our time and write grand-gesture paragraphs. If things don’t go to plan, deleting the message and facing rejection is significantly easier than if it was face-to-face. I was once asked out by a boy who was sitting right next to me on a bus, but still chose to type it on Whatsapp and I have to say, it does ease the atmosphere but at the same time makes the process less memorable.

Ready, set, date!

Once past the asking-out hurdle, a whole new series of obstacles await dates. Different teenagers have different preferences for date spots with some heading to fancy restaurants, while others grab street food and go. Some plan the night out weeks in advance, and others spontaneously make decisions the day of.

My first actual date was at an old train station transformed into a tourist attraction. We grabbed burgers and watched the city view from atop a small hill, and were still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase so awkward silences were abundant. Our conversations ranged from family to school to our interests. Yet despite the awkwardness, I went home and feeling overwhelmed with butterflies. For the next week, I replayed moments from that date in my head nonstop.

It’s well known that some teenagers do silly things when in a relationship, and in my friend group some girls have been pressured into drinking on dates. They would also occasionally stay out past curfew or show up at school hungover the next day.

First kiss

As relationships get serious, physical contact is expected, and the concept of a ‘perfect first kiss’ lurks in the mind of almost every teenager. I had my first kiss in Grade 7 at an amusement park and it was nothing like the movies. The boy actually missed the first try and we were both beyond nervous. Amongst my peers, a vast majority haven’t had their first kiss yet, and of the ones that have, many seek kisses with zero emotional attachment. A friend once mentioned she lost track of how many guys she’s made out with. Contrary to popular belief, physical contact doesn’t determine the depth of a teenage romance at all, which is why out of the relationships I’ve had, the one I treasure most was with a guy I never kissed.

When it all ends…

One way or another, we eventually come to the inevitable stage: the breakup. Ending a relationship can feel like the end of the world to many heartbroken teens while to others, it can feel like a relief. A friend of mine once skipped school to cry over the demise of a two-day relationship. Unfortunately, there’s bound to be messy breakups sometimes, and I should know: two of my exes currently have me blocked on social media. But on the bright side, plenty of teenage relationships end maturely and on good terms. One friend still has sticker wars with her ex and he even offered to tutor her math. Staying friends with teenage exes is easier said than done, but definitely not impossible.

For international students in Beijing, the number one cause of breakups is distance. Too many couples split over one or both of them moving away. And with the COVID-19 pandemic going on, countless teenagers split with their partners or entered long-distance without having a proper goodbye. At the beginning of the outbreak, I was involved with a boy in my class in Beijing even though I was stranded abroad with no flights home. Eventually, factors like time difference and overthinking separated us. On the other hand, long-distance relationships are becoming increasingly popular amongst the young generation and two of my closest friends are long-distance dating right now. One is with a guy she met at a MUN conference in Austria and another is with a mutual friend in America. Despite the fact that neither of them will see their boyfriends in the near future, they remain committed.

Teenage relationships can be confusing, but it’s important not to cave into peer pressure and remember that there is no ‘normal’ way to date. Don’t set unrealistic expectations, don’t be afraid to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend if doubts emerge, and above all, live in the moment and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.

Qinglan Du is a 16-year-old student from Beijing City International School. She’s originally from Beijing but is currently living in Jerusalem with her mother due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Aside from her passion for writing, she enjoys singing, spending time with friends and family, and experiencing new cultures.

KEEP READING: From Beijing to Jerusalem, ‘Home’ from Home Brings People Together

Photos: Qinglan Du, Unsplash

Are you struggling with inspiring your child to learn? Perhaps school is stressful or boring, so your child has trouble motivating himself/herself to study, or perhaps he or she worries about failing and doesn’t have much confidence.

You’ve tried all you can but nothing seems to work and as you watch your child struggle, you start to feel helpless and lost. You might even be blaming yourself, thinking you could have done things differently.

First things first: you’re not alone. Being a parent is a very hard job, and the responsibility of bringing up a child weighs heavily on all of our shoulders. Many parents feel anxiety and guilt when it comes to how they are parenting, and I see a lot of provocative articles out there with headlines that stir up even more fear like “Avoid these 8 parenting mistakes that make your child stupider and more depressed” so know that I’m writing this article with caution, and it is not my intention to make you feel guilty or worry more.

Every child and family is different. I cannot tell you what you should do, and there are no straightforward answers to complex human challenges, but I hope that by sharing my perspective on how I inspire my child to learn, which is based on my own reflection, experience, and knowledge I might help you too. 

Here are my guiding principles when it comes to instilling a love of learning in my child:

Let Go of Expectations

Sometimes we’re tempted to measure how successful we are as parents based on which school our kids attend.  I graduated from Stanford, and my husband graduated from MIT. A few years ago, I asked myself, “Would I be ok if my kid doesn’t go to college?” I spent a couple of days pondering about this question and arrived at the conclusion that yes, I would feel ok.

But letting go of my expectations doesn’t mean that I will not help my child develop his potential, and it doesn’t mean he will be lazy and not work hard (on the contrary, kids work incredibly hard on things they’re passionate about.) Instead, letting go of expectations is about opening up my child to limitless opportunities and allowing him to go beyond my imagination.

Support My Child in Finding His Genuine Passion

My husband has interviewed dozens of students from China interested in applying to MIT. These candidates all have a long list of very impressive achievements, but when they talk about their interests, many lacked a genuine spark in their eyes. Yet admission officers are looking for students who show a genuine, deep passion and strong leadership skills.

Some people may think kids are too young to know what they want, but there are many practical ways to support our kids in developing their passion:

• Carefully observe what your child is interested in, and try to avoid making suggestions or critical judgments about what he is, or should be focusing on. (e.g. “That’s not interesting, do this part instead”)
• Creating blocks of free time so that your child has time to explore and delve into his or her interest. You may say, “My kid has so many extracurricular activities to do!”  but sometimes less is more, and having a focus is more important. If your child doesn’t have enough time, it’s important to review why (e.g. could it be a study strategy issue?).
• Ask your child to reflect on their learning experiences by asking questions like, “What did you do (differently) this time?” “If you could time travel, what advice would you go back and give yourself?”

Model Instead of Teach

I know a whole lot of study, time management, and self-management skills but my child probably won’t listen to me much, especially when he hits his teenage years. Kids may or may not listen but they’re great at imitating us. My strategy is to model these skills for my child by doing it myself.

• If I want to teach him learning skills, I voice my thinking processes out loud when I’m learning or solving a problem.
• If I want to encourage him to read more, I’ve got to be reading regularly myself. I share how a book has changed my perspective.
• If I hope that he develops good habits, I start new habits myself and share my progress and challenges.
• If I want him to manage his own time, I post my weekly schedule up on a wall or invite him to join me in my weekly planning session.

Manage My Own Anxiety

Stress is contagious: when we feel stressed, our kids get stressed too.

I definitely experience moments when frantic thoughts come out of nowhere (“He should be learning more Chinese,” or “He’s missing out on opportunities”), but practicing mindfulness has helped me a lot. When I’m feeling agitated, I take a pause and avoid communicating with my kid until I’m in a calmer state.

And finally, when I just can’t help myself and yell at him, which is quite often, I forgive myself afterward. At the end of the day, taking care of ourselves is the best thing we could do for our children.

Charlene Ng is an academic coach, dedicated to helping young people get better grades with less stress and have more fun so that they feel confident achieving anything they want. For families whose child is in middle school and up, and who are planning to or already studying abroad, she offers limited spots for a free 45 min online consultation. To get in touch with Charlene, scan the QR code below:

KEEP READING: Best Upcoming Summer Camps and Programs in Beijing

Of all the classes we take throughout adolescence, none demands as much vulnerability as gym. At a time in which we feel as comfortable in our skin as a cat does in water, and our bodies mercilessly rebel against our brains, we are compelled to don shorts which leave little to the imagination and contort ourselves into less than flattering positions.

To be sure, Physical Education (PE) is a vital class, and that for all its, shall we say, humbling moments, we learn tenfold about teamwork and character building. Nevertheless, there are certain biological imperatives at work which preclude the average student from viewing the objective good of sweating it out with their peers.

Ruige K.

For 16-year-old Ruige K. however, the link between fitness and confidence couldn’t be more clear. As one of two Health & Wellbeing Prefects at Dulwich College Beijing (DCB), it’s his job to organize events that promote exercise and work closely with other departments in the school to ensure that wellbeing initiatives are included in everyday school life.

“Physical fitness is a state of health and wellbeing,” explains Ruige K. “Through proper nutrition, moderate to vigorous physical exercise, and sufficient rest, students can benefit immensely from an appropriate daily routine, reduce their stress level, and better engage with their daily academic and work activities.”

Using this platform as a point of departure, Ruige K. decided to launch his own Fitness ECA, hoping to give students a space in which to not only improve their physicality, but also “build better self-confidence.”

“I came up with the ECA because I realized that there has yet to be an ECA that focuses solely on exercise itself,” Ruige K. tells beijingkids. “Various sports teams do have fitness trainings, but physical trainings are often done to improve sports performance, not body image or awareness for exercise.”

When asked where his passion for fitness comes from, Ruige K. notes that unfortunately, his family has a history of chronic disease, and in particular, his grandmother who suffers from type II diabetes and mild dementia. “I think her conditions are both worrying to the family and were alarming to me when I was a child,” the Year 12 student says. As a result, he closely monitored what he ate from a very young age, describing it as “almost clinical.” Yet what began as a desire to stave off disease soon transformed into a journey towards positive body image.

“It became a positive cycle. The more I took care of exercise and nutrition, the more often I achieved balance and improved my physical abilities. And I, in turn, became more willing to take care of exercise and nutrition.”

This evolution from being consumed with illness to finding solace and self-actualization through exercise is precisely what set him up to become a successful athlete and fitness guru later in life, and specifically, at DCB.

“Through joining the varsity football team and badminton team, as well as my personal bodybuilding plans, I realized that health is not only void of disease, but a state of bodily confidence, outstanding physical abilities, and the will to promote fitness and exercise to those around you,” says Ruige K. “And I think this is an essential component of the Dulwich Values, which entail Resilience, Confidence, and Responsibility. I think that through exercise, students are more physically able and more willing to participate in sports they were previously unfamiliar with.”

While the gym is uniquely tailored to test comfortability with our bodies and physical wellbeing, it’s the rest of the school, and the greater sum of our lives that test our mental and emotional acuity. That is to say that no matter how strong a support network we have, and despite a school’s best intentions to provide its students with everything they need to flourish, it’s simply no small feat to cruise through life without ever needing a little help or reassurance.

To that end, Year 12 student, Jadelle C. makes up the second half of DCB’s Health and Wellbeing Prefects, helping her school community come to grips with the difficulties of growing up. Whereas Ruige K. promotes the fitness and exercise side of DCB’s robust wellness program, Jadelle C. works tirelessly to ensure that her peers never feel alone in the world.

Jadelle C.

“To be a Health and Wellbeing Prefect is to be responsible for the mental wellbeing and physical wellbeing of members in the Dulwich study community,” Jadelle C. tells beijingkids. “Some aspects of what my role entails are monitoring the wellbeing of students, organizing wellbeing awareness days, creating and delivering lessons, and providing a platform for student voices.”

At 17 years old, Jadelle C. has been interested in mental health since she was 12. At the time, she was not only working through her own internal struggles, but watching her peers go through similar issues.

“I have always displayed a high level of passion and empathy and wanted to make a real difference by helping others. I sincerely care about my peers and possess an enthusiasm and dedication for doing so.”

However it wasn’t until last year that she decided to pursue her passion for helping others in a more academic way.

“To support my journey, I completed an online course called The Science of Wellbeing delivered by Yale University last summer. The course was very eye-opening and equipped me to better serve others.”

Using what she learned in the Yale course, Jadelle C. was able to scaffold her wellbeing initiatives, the goal of which is to “forge stronger links between key stages as well as provide more structure to the student feedback we receive,” through various activities such as a ‘Stop the Stigma’ mental health survey, a personal sharing video challenge, and an anonymous Q&A session.

Needless to say, the activities have been a resounding success, and have not only shone a light on the importance of mental health, but enabled the students to build a holistic foundation upon which to learn and grow.

“To me, mental health is just as important as physical health and should be treated with the same regard,” explains Jadelle C. “Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social wellbeing and ultimately influences a student’s happiness and academic success.” Adding, “It absolutely affects our daily lives and shouldn’t be brushed under the rug like many people do because of misconceptions and stigma surrounding mental health.”

In terms of her future endeavors, and how being a Health and Wellbeing Prefect bolsters those plans, Jadelle C. says that career aptitude tests have consistently placed her in roles that help others, and that at this point, she’s confidently chosen a path forward.

“I have decided that another way to serve others is by studying the field of law. This will enable me to help people from a legal standpoint and be an advocate for their rights.”

No matter what the future holds for Jadelle C. and Ruige K., one thing is certain; in their roles as DCB’s Health and Wellbeing Prefects, they’ve provided their peers with the necessary tools to thrive and survive as they continue on their own journeys, deeper into the murky labyrinth of life.

KEEP READING: Yes, You Can Get Seasonal Affective Disorder in Summer

Photos: courtesy of Dulwich College Beijing, Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 May issue

Hey teenagers of Beijing, are you looking for a transformative learning experience this summer? Become the editors of our fourth annual Teen Takeover edition!

For the last three years, we have brought a bunch of talented Beijing teenagers into our editorial room and guided them through the process of making a magazine. Now, we want you to be a part of it too: from the ground-level brainstorming right through to publication, working alongside our staff of professional editors, writers, photographers, and designers the whole time.

Our 2017, 2018, and 2019 editions covered a wide range of issues such as sports, nutrition, WeChat hacks, cooking, cultural identity, technology in the classroom, and much much more. They have provided invaluable experience to other Beijing middle and high schoolers and gave our readership a great insight into what makes Beijing teens tick.

As one of our 2020 Teen Takeover Talents (try to say that fast three times) you’ll do everything from pitching and writing stories, to designing layouts and conducting photo shoots. You’ll strategize, conceptualize, interview, write, and edit – and at the end you’ll see your efforts come to life in a very tangible way with our annual Teen Takeover issue, the perfect addition to your college application.

The project can be designed to suit your needs and schedule, from full-time in-office internships to stay-at-home part-time contributors.

No particular experience is necessary, but this project requires a certain degree of maturity and independence, along with a genuine interest in writing and journalism.

The ideal beijingkids Teen Takeover Talents are:

• Currently in middle or high school (from age 12 up)
• In possession of excellent English speaking and writing skills
• Well-informed about news and issues affecting expat and local communities
• Social and outgoing

 

Interested? Send a quick letter expressing your interest to Managing Editor Mina Yan at editor@beijing-kids.com. Tell us a little about yourself and your interests, and what you are passionate about in your free time!

Schools that are interested in having their students take part in this opportunity can contact us directly as well.

The deadline for expressing interest in this project is Friday, Jun 5 at 5pm.

Read the full 2019 Teen Takeover issue right here

Images: beijingkids