Nowadays, phones play a huge role in our lives. Just how many times have you told your kids to “Put down your phone!”? It’s true, teens basically live on them, using them to order food, study new vocabulary, chat with a friend, and even just scroll through Instagram when we’re bored. “I’m probably on it 60% of the time I’m awake.” 16-year-old Kyiesha M. says.

But although phones can be distracting, I believe that they can actually help teens socially, academically, and also raise their awareness of the world.

First of all, phones are essential for staying in touch with our friends and loved ones. We all know that notification sound, where your phone lights up and it shows that someone has replied to your last text. And you’ll probably drop everything to pick up your phone to type a reply. But didn’t you just see that person at school today? In this situation, maybe phones are over-used. However, they are essential for keeping up long-distance friendships that you wouldn’t want to fade. As 15-year-old Stella S. says “since I’m from Korea, it’s hard for me to communicate with my Korean friends, but social media allows me to keep in touch with them.”

When it comes to academics, many parents believe that phones are actually distracting you from achieving better grades. But this isn’t completely true, as some students use their phones to memorize and take down vocabulary for their next test. As Kenji K. says, “I can look things up and use WeChat to ask my classmates questions regarding a task.” These smart actions with social media can actually help teens in their studies.

What about current affairs? Some people believe that students are too involved in their phones to know what’s going on in the outside world. On the contrary, Michelle Z. says that “looking at the People’s Daily official account on WeChat can raise my awareness of things happening around me since I don’t have time to watch the news on TV”. Since we are living in a busy city, why not use time on the metro to scroll through your phone to look at the news?

Even though I believe we’re living in a time where phones are generally good for teens, there are still problems associated with constantly staying on your phone. Linda H. admits that “even though I use it to study, social media apps do distract me and cause me to procrastinate a lot.” And Alex C. points out that “there is also some fake news out there which can confuse us.”

So what should you do? Set stricter phone limits or let your teens stay on it regardless? Actually, this is where parents come into the mix. With the help of an adult who knows more about the world than you, they can provide you with the reliable news accounts and also help you structure your screen-time, with a password you don’t know, so you can stay on track while actually studying with the help of your phone. You don’t have to quit all of your social media, but instead, use it in a smart way to benefit you.

KEEP READING: Should We Be Posting Pictures Of Our Children On Social Media?

Photos: Unsplash

This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue

As a teen, how many times have you wished for your parents to be cool? Parents, do your kids think the slang you use is “old-fashioned”? Have you given up on being “cool” entirely?

Well parents, it’s not too late to learn something from the 21st-century. And teens, your parents might be cooler than you think. You can trust me as a teen myself (who happens to be one of the coolest out there).

Personally, I have two very doting and fiercely overprotecting parents. They’ve done some very embarrassing stuff in the past, but with no serious harm done. I love hanging with my mom because we’re both foodies. Who cares if we’re a few years (ok, decades) apart in age. When it comes to food, we speak the same language. We also both love touring around, or just lounging at home with chill with a good movie (or five). My dad, on the other hand, is a different kind of cool (that is, when he’s not busy being cringy). He’s our family’s travel-guru, and to a travelholic like myself, that is mega cool.

Still don’t get the gist? Don’t fret, I got a list of things you parents can do to obtain maximum “coolness”. And for you teens, keep scrolling and you’ll find your tips right after a few paragraphs.

#1: Lay Low on the “Teen-Talk”

Some parents think that learning so-called “language-of-teens” can make them a cool parent. But for us teens, that’s the first step to embarrassment-land. Not saying that you have to cut out all the “bro’s”, “yo’s”, and “ayyy’s”. Just that whatever comes out of your mouth stays natural. And if you don’t understand what the heck teen- talk is, no need to Google it. Just having the basics down is enough, so you don’t think about dental hygiene when your kid starts talking about flossing at a party.

#2: Tone Down the Dress-Code

If you like wearing biker-jackets and ripped jeans, awesome. If you like something else, great! But wear what you like when you, let’s say, pick up your kid at school. Don’t wear something because you think it’s cool in the teen world. But if you think your kid’s going to crawl into a hole and die when she sees you wearing a piece of garment, check with her first. Who knows, maybe your child’s going to be the person with the clothing advice next time at the store.

#3: Let Them Have Some Fun

You’re constantly texting your child, signing her up for billions of classes, and refusing all hangouts possible. Gosh, if I was your kid, I would’ve probably moved to Antarctica. Give your teen a little breathing room. She’s only got these years as a teen, so let her be a lil cray-cray when she can. The party on Friday? Let her go (just be sure you know the chaperones, location, time, and appropriateness). You’ll make the child’s life and your life way easier. But, that doesn’t mean letting them slack off nor neglecting their chores. Let’s say your kid gets a 95% on the math exam, didn’t they just earn a little partying time? But if grades start slipping dramatically, you can throw that cool parent out-the-window and welcome back the strictness (just for a little while, until the grades are back up).

Alright, and for the teens out there who’s too busy envying other moms and dads, I get you. I used to think my parents came from lame-town. I mean, I love my fam but who can forget the cringy moments at graduation, or when my mom sends a search party 24/7. Nevertheless, overprotectiveness and being cool are two separate things. Don’t get what I’m saying? Read on and you’ll be amazed how a boring parent can change into a cool parent in just a few minutes.

XueFei and her mom

#1: Don’t Compare

Just like how you hate it when your parents compare you to other kids, don’t compare them to other moms and dads. Your parents shine in their own way, and by comparing, you’ll only see their flaws more and more. The same goes with equating them to your friends. They’re not even in the same age group, so quit thinking that your parents aren’t cool because they don’t do what your friends do. Try blocking out their imperfections, after all, they’re your parents, so they should be just as cool (or even cooler than) you!

#2: Find the Silver Lining

So your dad just embarrassed you by saying the worst dad joke ever at your birthday bash. Are you going to ignore him for life? Probably not. Instead of sulking over it, focus your attention on something else. Did he make the birthday dinner that your friends liked so much they went for seconds and thirds? Now that is cool if you ask me.

#3: Maybe the Prob Is You

It’s so annoying when you get 100+ messages from your parents. You’re just hanging out with your besties, why can’t they let you live? Hang on, let’s back-track. Did you “forget” to tell you ‘rents where you were going after school? This isn’t called uncool, it’s called worrying. All parents worry, so give them a heads up of the Who, What, When, Where, and all the other details they’ll need to know. By doing that, you won’t be the kid with a billion notifications per hour anymore. Just know that they’ll expect you to do what you said you will or else it’s back to blowing up your phone.

Having said all those tips for both parents and kids, it all goes down to understanding. Bond with each other some more and you’ll soon find out that having/being a cool parent wasn’t that hard after all.

KEEP READING: Navigating Friendships Between Parents and Non-Parents 

Photos: XueFei Liu, Pexels

Maybe it’s the rom-com films we’ve binged, or maybe it’s the aura of coolness surrounding having a boyfriend or girlfriend but either way, a huge part of the ideal high school experience is teenage dating. Yet like many aspects of the teenage years, our relationships are often misunderstood, even for those of us in them. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to date as an adolescent, and some youths have long lists of exes while others haven’t gotten started. It’s all a matter of feeling comfortable and being patient.

Making the first move

There are a number of stereotypes around teenage relationships; particularly gender stereotypes. In China, it’s considered romantic and masculine for boys to make the first move, and sadly some people even think it’s shameful for girls to do the asking out. Like it or not, all the successful relationships I’ve witnessed among my peers were initiated by the guy. But come on, it’s 2020, and that old school notion of masculinity is so outdated, and puts unnecessary pressure both on guys to take the lead and on girls to offer a satisfactory response. 

When it comes to asking someone out, technology also comes in handy because more and more teens are choosing to ask their crushes out over text. Texting allows us to take our time and write grand-gesture paragraphs. If things don’t go to plan, deleting the message and facing rejection is significantly easier than if it was face-to-face. I was once asked out by a boy who was sitting right next to me on a bus, but still chose to type it on Whatsapp and I have to say, it does ease the atmosphere but at the same time makes the process less memorable.

Ready, set, date!

Once past the asking-out hurdle, a whole new series of obstacles await dates. Different teenagers have different preferences for date spots with some heading to fancy restaurants, while others grab street food and go. Some plan the night out weeks in advance, and others spontaneously make decisions the day of.

My first actual date was at an old train station transformed into a tourist attraction. We grabbed burgers and watched the city view from atop a small hill, and were still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase so awkward silences were abundant. Our conversations ranged from family to school to our interests. Yet despite the awkwardness, I went home and feeling overwhelmed with butterflies. For the next week, I replayed moments from that date in my head nonstop.

It’s well known that some teenagers do silly things when in a relationship, and in my friend group some girls have been pressured into drinking on dates. They would also occasionally stay out past curfew or show up at school hungover the next day.

First kiss

As relationships get serious, physical contact is expected, and the concept of a ‘perfect first kiss’ lurks in the mind of almost every teenager. I had my first kiss in Grade 7 at an amusement park and it was nothing like the movies. The boy actually missed the first try and we were both beyond nervous. Amongst my peers, a vast majority haven’t had their first kiss yet, and of the ones that have, many seek kisses with zero emotional attachment. A friend once mentioned she lost track of how many guys she’s made out with. Contrary to popular belief, physical contact doesn’t determine the depth of a teenage romance at all, which is why out of the relationships I’ve had, the one I treasure most was with a guy I never kissed.

When it all ends…

One way or another, we eventually come to the inevitable stage: the breakup. Ending a relationship can feel like the end of the world to many heartbroken teens while to others, it can feel like a relief. A friend of mine once skipped school to cry over the demise of a two-day relationship. Unfortunately, there’s bound to be messy breakups sometimes, and I should know: two of my exes currently have me blocked on social media. But on the bright side, plenty of teenage relationships end maturely and on good terms. One friend still has sticker wars with her ex and he even offered to tutor her math. Staying friends with teenage exes is easier said than done, but definitely not impossible.

For international students in Beijing, the number one cause of breakups is distance. Too many couples split over one or both of them moving away. And with the COVID-19 pandemic going on, countless teenagers split with their partners or entered long-distance without having a proper goodbye. At the beginning of the outbreak, I was involved with a boy in my class in Beijing even though I was stranded abroad with no flights home. Eventually, factors like time difference and overthinking separated us. On the other hand, long-distance relationships are becoming increasingly popular amongst the young generation and two of my closest friends are long-distance dating right now. One is with a guy she met at a MUN conference in Austria and another is with a mutual friend in America. Despite the fact that neither of them will see their boyfriends in the near future, they remain committed.

Teenage relationships can be confusing, but it’s important not to cave into peer pressure and remember that there is no ‘normal’ way to date. Don’t set unrealistic expectations, don’t be afraid to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend if doubts emerge, and above all, live in the moment and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.

Qinglan Du is a 16-year-old student from Beijing City International School. She’s originally from Beijing but is currently living in Jerusalem with her mother due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Aside from her passion for writing, she enjoys singing, spending time with friends and family, and experiencing new cultures.

KEEP READING: From Beijing to Jerusalem, ‘Home’ from Home Brings People Together

Photos: Qinglan Du, Unsplash