A new Dads’ group on WeChat has proved to be a much needed resource.
While there are many groups and networks for Moms, Beijing babas have had nowhere to get together and talk about the issues that matter to them — until now.

A WeChat group chat set up by beijingkids attracted over 100 members in less than 48 hours, and continues to grow. Already there have been lively discussions about school choices, crying babies, passport issues for dual nationality kids, and how to manage your offspring’s screen time. There may also have been a certain amount of conversation about whisky, sport, and fast cars…

Plans have been laid for the group to meet in real life. A barbeque has already been organized, and there is talk of drinks nights and discount cards.

The group reflects the diversity of the international community, in terms of nationality, careers, and family composition. Many commented on the fact that their partners were members of similar groups, which they found really useful, and they were pleased to find a space of their own. One dad said: “Man this is the busiest wechat group I’ve been part of in a while… Guess us guys never get a word in edgewise at home”!

Dads who want to join the group are urged to hurry. WeChat’s rules limit the size of group chats to 500 people. The rules also stipulate that to join groups with over 100 members, you need to have a mobile number and bank card linked to your WeChat account. If you’re a father living in Beijing, and want to join the group, you can contact us at beijingkids, or use this QR code:

Photo: Petras Gagilas

Do you think there’s been more cyberbullying in the last few years?

Matthew: Yes, because of the development of the Internet. People are less shy online, so they will say anything. The sad thing about cyberbullying is that no one can stop it. Even if it’s deleted, it’ll stay in that person’s memory.
Anna: There are websites for teens and kids that warn you before you open a message with bad words. As technology advances, we could develop something similar for bullying; it could detect if a message is insulting and just delete it automatically.
John: But people have the right to express what they want to say and it’s not right to control them. In a way, that’s kind of bullying too; it’s abusing others’ rights.
Rebecca: Without specific rules and consequences outlined on social media sites, people think it’s OK to post someone’s picture with insulting words online. There should be more information sessions in school so students know what the negative consequences are.

Do schools have the right to get involved with incidents of cyberbullying?
Matthew: No, because if the school isn’t aware when it starts, there isn’t much they can do. The later the school gets involved, the worse the situation can become.
Rebecca: It’s a school’s responsibility to get involved and their duty to educate students. We have guest speakers who come each year, but we don’t get education on how to treat and communicate with others. If a student behaves badly outside of school, the school should reflect on that and think about what it can do differently.

How should schools deal with children who bully?
Anna: One thing our student council does during Bully Awareness Week is send out pink papers to every homeroom so people can write to someone they once bullied and apologize.
Rebecca: We also have a school counselor who can offer ways to solve the problem and talk to the people involved.

How can bullying be stopped?
Rebecca: Schools need to protect their students. They can put up more posters, and give us weekly speeches and lessons. Everyone should take [bullying]very seriously.
Anna: We can’t really put it on the teachers; we have to make sure the students actually feel for themselves that bullying is wrong.
Matthew: More rules won’t help if teachers don’t see [bullying]happen. Education should start young, because younger kids can learn more effectively than middle and high school-aged kids.
John: Posters and presentations only work if people actually connect with them. It’s important to educate everyone about how bullying starts so we can prevent it, including the bully.

Is it OK to “fight back” if you are bullied?
Anna: If the person being bullied wants to be the better person, they shouldn’t fight back. If you do, you’re basically bullying too.
Matthew: People should get help from someone else to fight against bullying.
John: Kids who are bullied should first let the other person know what’s happening. You shouldn’t literally fight back, but stand up for yourself and let that person know that what is happening is cruel.
Rebecca: It’s OK to ask for help, but the problem is that some kids are scared to ask for help.

Are bullies bad people?
Matthew: If they do it on purpose, they’re bad people. People who bully others don’t usually feel guilty because they think they have the power to rule over someone, and that’s kind of evil.
Rebecca: Bullies don’t always know that what they are doing is bad. Their intention is to make fun of someone because they think it’s funny, but maybe they’re hurting others in a way they aren’t aware of.
John: It’s based on the intention. If it starts off as a joke, then they just made the wrong choice. In the end, bullies are humans too.

What would you do if someone you know is being bullied?
Matthew: If someone is being bullied, they should go to a teacher or to a parent for support.
Rebecca: I would tell him or her that it isn’t their fault and they don’t need to be scared.

What causes children to bully?
Anna: Kids are very easily influenced by media like movies and TV shows; they tell us what is cool and what isn’t, so things and people that fall outside of the box are not really considered “cool.”
Matthew: If the punishment isn’t harsh enough, the bully won’t care and will keep doing it. Other kids are scared to get involved because they’re afraid the bully will turn on them next.
John: Perhaps bullies don’t always know they’re wrong; you can’t really judge the difference between right and wrong if you weren’t taught.

Who is responsible for preventing bullying?
Anna: Parents. They should teach their children starting from a really young age that people are different. If kids should know they’re loved, they won’t have thoughts of hurting others in any way.
John: Everyone. We’re just talking about bullying in school but as we inevitably grow up, it’s important that everyone try to help out each other in moments of crisis.

How can children learn to resolve differences peacefully?
John: Talking to the bully directly and telling them how you feel. Educating people so they understand that everyone is different and those differences don’t make a person some kind of outlier.
Rebecca: If someone sees someone else being bullied, they should stand up for that person, because then the bully will know that they’re not doing the right thing.

This article originally appeared on p39 of the September 2014 issue of beijingkids. To view it online for free, click here. To find out how you can obtain your own copy, email distribution@truerun.com.

Photo: Ken

It is difficult to know an Australian mother and not know of Kaz Cooke’s literary works. I’ve heard her seminal guide to pregnancy, Up The Duff: The Real Guide to Pregnancy, discussed more than any other title by an Australian author. The good news is Kaz didn’t stop there. She went on to write Kidwrangling: Looking After Babies, Toddlers and Preschoolers, the multi-award winning Girl Stuff: Your Full-on Guide to the Teen Years, and her latest offering is Women’s Stuff, in which she sifted through over 7,000 exhaustive surveys from women of all ages, shapes, and sizes to share with readers the truth about being a woman. Many authors have written guides to pregnancy, raising children, and the hazards of aging, but precious few have actually taken the time to not only make their writing informative, but to also make it funny.

Fortunately for Beijing residents with kids of all ages, at 3pm on 2 March, Kaz Cooke will speak at the Capital M Literary Festival on her book Girl’s Stuff: Your Full-On Guide to the Teen Years. Billed as a confidential heart-to-heart on the dangers and joys of teen life with the hilarious, honest, heartwarming Kaz, the event is certain to put a smile on your face and undoubtedly provide some parenting food for thought.

Tickets for this and all Captial M Literary Festival events are on sale now online at www.mypiao.com (you can also call mypiao at 400-620-6006), or in person at Captial M from 11am-7pm daily. All sessions are RMB 75 and include a drink (children and students are RMB 20). For more details about the Literary Festival and other events, check out the Captial M website here.

For more information about Kaz Cooke, visit kazcooke.com.au. Copies of her books will be on sale in Beijing at BabyGro stores.

Photo by flickr user:skreativ

Planning on having a baby in Beijing? Find out what you need to know about maternity and baby care on The BeijingKids forums. Here are some highlights:

How to donate breast milk in Beijing?
“Hi, my friend runs China Little Flower orphanages, and they have one especially for medically fragile orphans (typically orphaned at birth because of their “imperfections” so almost all are infants). CLF houses and feeds these babies and arranges for life saving medical help and surgeries if needed.” More.

Are Baby Wipes Suitable for use with New Born Babies?
“Research studies from the UK have led to 75% of maternity hospitals changing their practice in relation to products used for newborns. The common practice of cleansing the diaper area with baby wipes is now discouraged for babies under the age of 4 weeks. Many manufacturers of baby wipes advertise their product as being suitable for newborns. Dermatologists in the UK say that the skin of newborns is not able to cope with the strength of the cleansing product in these baby wipes.” More.

Aside from BJU, anyone deliver baby at Mary or Amcare? Comments good/bad?
“… my wife gave birth to a little girl a month ago at Amcare… price is much less steep than BJU, but i believe the service and the level of the clinic and the doctors is as good as BJU. All the professors are heads of different obstetric services in Chinese hospital and as such are respected and experienced doctors. Overall we were very satisfied with the pre-natal care, even though it can be a bit confusing to go from one doctor to another as they’re not always the same who follow your case.” More.

Good advice on choosing pregnatal package and hospitals
“Beijing Family hospital in Lido area will give you a good prenatal package and also let you budget for the birth by letting you know what the cost of various options are. I had my 4th baby there and the birh was fantastic and worth every penny as English was widely spoken. Having said this, the prenatal care was average but was not consistent as you do not have a regular obstetrician which I believe is an American healh care system …” More.

Share Your Birthing Experience
“You may want to viist Baby Cafe, a breast feeding support group for pregnant and New Mums. You will have an opportunity to meet Mums who have given birth in a selection of the hospitals available in Beijing.” More.

Join in the discussion on the BeijingKids forum.

Olivia Lee is our nutrition columnist here at beijingkids and while she’s not working on her next article, baking healthy treats, or having fun with her lovely family, she’s holding interesting seminars (mini-group sessions) from home.

Lee’s next mini-group session deals with prenatal health – specifically the role a healthy diet plays in a child’s long-term health future.

The details below are taken from Lee’s website:

Building Baby

Programming your child’s health future

Flexi-mini group sessions

What makes us the way we are?

Why are some people predisposed to be anxious, overweight or asthmatic?

Conventional answers for those questions point to the DNA we inherited, childhood experiences, daily environment,  lifestyle choices etc.

However, you may not have considered another powerful reason.  New studies are now showing that our life as a fetus can influence our future health too.

Even before egg meets sperm, nutritional status can have significant and surprising effects on your potential baby’s health future.  Once conception happens, the baby’s organs are developing at an incredible rate, your personal nutrition will play a significant role in the outcome of the pregnancy and may even influence how you experience the pregnancy too.

Topics include

• Why nutrition matters before getting pregnant
• What you really need to help ‘build’ a happy and healthy baby
• Reducing the chances of baby’s future risk of heart disease, obesity and diabetes with the right nutrition during pregnancy
• Avoiding unnecessary weight gain
• Coping with unique challenges of living in Beijing such as stress, pollution etc
• Q&A

Price 150RMB per person, payment at the door (Men may join but only with the permission of the other women in the group)

• Session price includes workbooks for taking notes
• Held in my house, the sofa is comfy and the bathroom is nearby and clean
• Location is China Central Place Apartments north of DaWang Bridge [near Shin Kong Shopping Center]
• Some healthy snacks will be provided

About the Speaker

Olivia Lee is the regular nutrition columnist for beijingkids Magazine.

• MSc in Nutrition (USA) and Certified Counselor (Singapore)
• Professional member of the National Association of  Nutrition Professionals (NANP)

Dates, Times & Coordination

8th April, Fri 10am

9th April, Sat 2pm

• Registration is via email
• Above talk dates are penciled in and can be adjusted to fit the group’s needs.
• The current spread of times should suit most stay at home or working women
• To make efficient use of my time, I need a min of 4 attendees, so email me your preferences (Name, Mobile/Cell number, Date)
• Additional workshops can be arranged for any group of 4 or more attendees
• FYI I have cats which will be locked away for the duration. If you are allergic, we can arrange for a private session elsewhere.
• If you cannot attend, please make sure you contact me so others are not kept waiting for me to start.
• I reserve the right to cancel any session that does not meet the minimal number of attendees.
• Registration closes 24 hrs before it starts (I need to print and bind those workbooks! Make snacks etc)